Close enough!

Housing is confusing. We are Bwog, and we know what’s really good (we learned from Young Joc). We told you how the lottery works, and today we’ll tell you what the Housing website doesn’t about most of the dorms on campus. We didn’t get all of them–mostly ones that people don’t complain about much, like EC and Broadway–but help out your Internet friends and fill us in on what we should know about your dorm in the comments. Stay tuned for more housing wisdom.

Claremont: Claremont Avenue, 116th, and 120th are all wind tunnels.  Ask Barnard Public Safety for swipe access to the Barnard tunnels. The lower level shaft rooms have zero natural light (and also hear 5 floors worth of parties at night), the smaller suites (3 or 4-person, mostly juniors and seniors) have almost no space to hang out. Bad Verizon service. Still, the late-night security guard is awesome (whadduuuup Maria!), and the cleaning service is pretty clutch.

Hogan: Ridiculously roomy, surprisingly-verging-on-way-too warm, kitchen actually smaller than you’d think for a top-of-the-line senior housing situation–at least, it’s not only smaller than Watt and EC, it’s also smaller than good junior year residences like Ruggles and Claremont–more than one person and it gets pretty cramped. Still, what you lose in kitchen space, you make up in tons of common space–unlike EC. There’s also lots of closet space for all your coats and bikes…yes, that’s bikes plural. Some Hoganites turn the closet into a smoking room. Cons: mouse problem, rooms on lower floors may face backyards of frat houses=lots of noise. If you walk home from bars singing drunkenly, Hogan residents can hear you, even up on the 6th floor.

McBain: Despite the terrible views and darkness, the shaft is about 15-20 degrees warmer than most rooms on campus. This is bad in September, and good most of the rest of the year. The treadmills in the main lounge are very convenient.

Nussbaum: Laundry is $1.70 a load! Most residents just walk over to McBain to get it done. Lovely lobby, slow elevators, small kitchens. Some singles have private bathrooms. Security guards are pretty lax about swiping in if you’re missing your ID, and about signing in guests, because real life adults live in Nussbaum upper floors.

River: Made up mostly seniors with some juniors. Singles range widely in size from low 100s to 130+ square feet. There are well-equipped, large kitchens (two on each floor means rarely do you have to wait!); no pests (except whoever is stealing food from the editor of The Blue and White). Views are pretty terrible from all parts of the building no matter what the Housing Web page says. There are nice bathrooms that accommodate only one person at a time (unless you’re feeling frisky or the other person forgot to lock the door). Well-kept interiors; big screen TV in basement; thin walls mean you hear all (ALL).

Schapiro: Doubles are tolerable, and sometimes better! Just be careful when choosing a walk-through– try to avoid the kind that has two desks in the front and two beds in the rear (typically much more cramped). You’ll probably be better off in a good, well laid-out double than a walk-through– even the nicer walk-throughs. Renovated lounges are among the best on campus. Big kitchens and flat-screen TVs. The sky lounge is a gem (hey Jer-zee!), but watch out for mice, roaches, and bedbugs (although Schapiro residents have been safe from the latter all year).

Watt/McBain/548 W. 113th Street:  You share 113th with a fire station.  All of Manhattan is on fire.  All night.

Wien: Wien + “Sophomore slump” = doubly depressing. Rumors of its original function as an insane asylum, bars on windows (at least on the first 3 floors) and particularly dingy showers stalls. Still, Wien has its pros, we promise! The sink in the room is odd at first, but ultimately so convenient. Good water pressure, too! The only kitchen is on the second floor, but that means there’s not a big pest problem. The upper floors have nice renovated bathrooms. Floors 11 and 12 have both guys and girls’ bathrooms. A frustrating Wien condition: every other floor has either a guy’s OR a girl’s bathroom. Most of the singles are decent sized– about 110-120 sq feet. If you have an east-facing room, especially on an upper floor, you’ll have a great view of Manhattan and a nice sunrise every morning. Half of the rooms have wooden floors. Some of the best walk-through doubles on campus: there are doors in between, unlike those in Schapiro. Oh, and it’s Wien, so it’s always quiet.

Woodbridge: Convenient basement gym with little TV, privacy and some killer views. Beware: Verizon cell service can be so bad on the first floor that a pal of Bwog’s had to move out.