This past weekend, Bwog’s crack team of bracketologists debuted the Bwog Coffee Showdown, with the goal of answering every Columbian’s foremost quandary: where is the best cup of coffee in Morningside? Sure, you can read about Linsanity on any sports page, but only Bwog’s Sports Desk can provide in-depth coverage of Columbia’s very own pursuit of the perfect brew. With all the rigor of a Frontiers of Science lecture slide and the detailed analytic methods employed only in Physics for Poets, we bring you the next round in our coffee showdown.

Methodology: Bwog took a feather out of Joe Lunardi’s cap and constructed our very own bracket, seeded by public opinion. Morningside’s 16 best cups compete with each other in the battlefield of our judgement—a gaggle of freshman staff writers frantically gulping coffee in between classes. In each of four preliminary editions, four brands face off to determine the Final Four. At that point, we’ll appeal to you, our dear readers, to decide the finalists and champion.

Recap: Last weekend in the kick-off match of the first round, Oren’s handily defeated Brad’s, Café 212, and Crumbs thanks to its “rich” and “complex” flavor and its “nutty” aroma. Brad’s put up a fight with its “cottage-like” aroma, but ultimately “left something to be desired.” Meanwhile Café 212 was flagged for “tasting like instant coffee” and Crumbs fell to the bottom of the pile by tasting “like nothing.”

Joe narrowly avoids the upset to make it to the second round

The Result: Yes, in a turnout that will come as hardly surprising to most, Joe eked out a victory in round one, netting itself a spot in the semifinals. What the graphic above won’t tell you is just how fierce the competition was in this matchup. Read on for a detailed account, featuring mismatched sports references all over the place.

Play-by-Play: Brownie’s had first possession and came out with a strong opening drive thanks to its “rich smell” and “dark earthy flavor,” then powered its way into the end zone for a touchdown with the praise “I think I’d bathe in it if I had to bathe in a coffee.” However, it missed the extra point due to a slight “sour” note in the taste.

Next to the plate was Joe, the favorite for the round. After an early whiff due to the declaration “I would not bathe in this coffee,” Joe played small ball and put a few runners on with its “not offensive” odor and “yogurt”-like taste. After a second sipping, however, Joe cleared the bases with a grand slam thanks to its strong taste and relative smoothness.

The ball was then placed in Hungarian’s court, and it managed to put a few early points on the board with a fruity smell, but then fouled out early with a “burnt and acidic” taste that made it feel as if it had been “sadly sitting in its caraffe all day,” and was unable to follow through on its promising scent.

Butler, last up, was sputtering right out of the gate due to a smell reminiscent of “a chain… like Panera.” The lackluster library brew never really picked up its pace, loping with an awkward gait thanks to its “burnt” and “metallic” flavor, before finally tripping over the first hurdle and landing flat on its “this tastes like Joe gone wrong” face.

Final Scores: While Butler and Hungarian battled for 3rd place, Brownie’s gave Joe a run for its money, but ultimately lost out by a mere one point in our scientifically proven rating system. Check back soon for the next match!