Connect with us


Senior Wisdom: Eva Suarez

Eva Suarez

Eva Suarez

Tonight’s second Senior Wisdom: Eva Suarez, who will marry every single one of you.

Name, Hometown, School: Eva Suárez, Washington DC, CC

Claim to fame? I was the best RA you ever had. Or, the worst. I don’t do anything halfway.

Where are you going? Most immediately, I’m moving to Brooklyn and working at a community center. Starting this fall, I’ll be doing the dual degree program between Union Theological and CUNY Hunter, for my M.Div and M.S.W. I recently became a Postulant for Holy Orders in the Episcopal Church, which means that if I play my cards right I should be a priest by 26 (except without the cards, because, you know, gambling). I look forward to marrying you all.

3 things you learned at Columbia:

  • Go to the stacks. People regularly tell me that they have managed to go their entire college careers without needing to take out a book and my heart breaks a little. I don’t care if you’re an engineer or what, every human being has something to gain from spending a few moments there when they can, enjoying the quiet and that old book smell and just exploring the mind-boggling depth and breadth of what this school has to offer you. At the very least, you can learn something while you look for a location to have sex discreetly. And on that note, please stop having sex in the South Asia section, it’s distressing.
  • You never know what the people around you are going through, so be gentle in your judgment of others. Likewise, most people you interact with are not going to know what’s up with you, so give people the benefit of the doubt and don’t be scared to ask for what you need. And it might not seem like it, but sympathy is an intellectual endeavor. It isn’t, “Gee, it’s too bad that you’re sad.” It’s “Begin at the beginning, what happened when you got to the dentist? Really, tell me, I want to know!” Listening is a skill that needs to be actively practiced if you’re going to be any good at it.
  • Everything always gets done. Sometimes it will be easier than you think, sometimes it will follow you like an albatross, but just know that no matter what, things need to get done and you will do them. Make that your mantra, whether on the steps at 4pm or when you’re the last person in the ref room.

Back in my day … 40 oz. seemed like an insurmountable challenge, Ferris Booth was practically tea at the Plaza, and 4 years sounded like a really long time.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I may not know you or like you but I love you with my whole heart and I will laugh at all your jokes because I can’t help myself.

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: Oh Samad’s, I can’t get enough of your silky smooth hummus, your tight little grape leaves. I have something pretty significant with Milano, but I can never resist the pull of your 25¢ fruit by the foot for long. You’ll always be my spicy little deli on the side.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? It’s probably a cop-out to simply acknowledge that I am lactose intolerant, so I’ll just come out and say it: I hate cheese, and I think it’s gross. People talk about it all the time and I don’t get it. Then again, people talk about oral sex all the time too and I don’t get that, either.

One thing to do before graduating: I know you worked hard to get here and you’re going to work hard to stay, but learn to value caring for yourself the same way you value your other responsibilities. Don’t let everything that happens to you become a referendum on your self-worth. Don’t live like a depressing Satan with your shades always down and papers everywhere. Don’t talk yourself out of stupid, generous impulses. DO buy those big cookies at Café 212 and put them in the microwave. You are your own best teammate, and that means sometimes you just have to just let yourself go to bed, or have that extra glass of champagne, or go for it with that person you want to kiss. What I’m trying to say is—love yourself, and then do what you need to do. It’s really, really going to be ok.

Any regrets? It’s hard to say. There are so many people I could have met, classes I could have taken, clubs I could have joined and listservs I should have bothered unsubscribing to, so it’s hard not to feel that twinge looking around this place and trying to think about my experience as a whole. That being said, I made the decisions that made sense to me at the time with the information that I had available to me. I think once it feels like you’ve finally figured this place out, it’s probably time for you to go.

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.



  • Tastemaker says:

    @Tastemaker yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah buddy

    1. Beyonce Pad Thai says:

      @Beyonce Pad Thai yeahhhhh buddy!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Priests can drink? and be women? awesome.

    1. yes! says:

      @yes! The Episcopal Church!

  • RS says:

    @RS Thank you Eva. This is simply lovely.

  • The Cutest says:

    @The Cutest She’s adorable, I wish I had gotten to know her better

  • cc 13 says:

    @cc 13 Barely know her but love her! And this was a fine S.W.

  • Someone says:

    @Someone Just wanted to say I find Eva to be simply lovely!

  • Alibaba says:

    @Alibaba GS demands The Dark Hand’s Senior Wisdom! Come on Bwog, you CAN and SHOULD do it!

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous i mean, they already know where he lives. all they have to do is pop over, knock on his door, and ask him a few questions.

  • Alibaba says:

    @Alibaba Btw, Eva you are hot!

  • CC14 says:

    @CC14 I wish i could do some dirty things to her before she goes off to the dark side…

    Uh, uh, uh
    I don’t believe you wanna leave like this
    I don’t believe I just had my last real kiss
    I do believe we’ll laugh and reminisce
    Wait a minute, don’t bounce, baby, let’s talk about this, man.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous favorite J-Lo song

      1. cuz im good says:

        @cuz im good walking down my block

  • C'mon bwog says:

    @C'mon bwog Publish more wisdoms! There’s so many more seniors that should be having these, and I’m fairly positive it takes little effort on your end to code them for the web. There should at least be four a day.

  • Source says:

    @Source “I heard from this lunatic teacher—one who, to illustrate some finer point of ancient Greek grammar used an example sentence about Said and politics and post-modernism—that the best answer to any question is always the most rudimentary. I think that’s a nice idea, but I had to include the source.”
    (This Vice writer, Amie Barrodale, went to Barnard.)

    1. Alexandra says:

      @Alexandra Our fault! Draft mix-up… Real 3rd lesson is posted now

  • Beyonce Pad Thai says:


    I love her with all my heart. And if you’ve ever wanted to kiss her, I highly recommend you do it this week (under the bleachers.)

  • Julia says:

    @Julia Eva you cute little buggle

    i love thee

  • Morgan Fletcher says:

    @Morgan Fletcher Eva, you are so grand that I took a break from the “real world” to get on bwog and read your ish. Can’t wait to see ya in Brooklyn, lady! <3

  • cc '14 says:

    @cc '14 Eva is one of the sweetest people at this school. She’s absolutely heartwarming. Columbians, please, please take note and try to meet her before grad!

  • Never met, but... says:

    @Never met, but... …you sound wonderful.

  • That glass says:

    @That glass courtesy of the dead poet. Let’s go back for my free Guinness!

  • CC '13 says:

    @CC '13 “I think once it feels like you’ve finally figured this place out, it’s probably time for you to go.”


  • Senior girl says:

    @Senior girl Never met her, but she does sound like a lovely person. Refreshingly different

  • took hallaq's class with you says:

    @took hallaq's class with you and thought you were really hip. I really appreciate how you say hi all the time, even though we barely knew each other.

  • cruvs says:

    @cruvs Eva, thank you for being such a hilarious storyteller, insightful thinker, and supportive listener. You were one of the first real friends I made at Columbia, and I’m so so lucky to know you.

  • Ish says:

    @Ish EVITAAAA love you. you win (not because I love you, just generally)

  • eva says:

    @eva ily

  • wags says:

    @wags I love you so much you wise priestess

  • Stevie Nicks says:

    @Stevie Nicks approves this message.

  • CC'15 says:

    @CC'15 you sound wonderful, and thanks for the good words.

  • jones says:

    @jones EVA!

  • wow says:

    @wow She seems awesome. Great SW.

  • Have Your Say

    Most exhausting walk on campus?

    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

    Favorite Comments

    SGA is too emotional (read more)
    SGA Gets Destroyed By Facts And Logic From DAD
    March 26, 2019
    can you smoke weed in watt (read more)
    Housing Reviews 2018: Watt
    March 26, 2019

    Recent Comments

    SGA is too emotional (read more)
    SGA Gets Destroyed By Facts And Logic From DAD
    March 26, 2019
    can you smoke weed in watt (read more)
    Housing Reviews 2018: Watt
    March 26, 2019 (read more)
    Barnard Housing Mystique: The Lottery, Explained
    March 26, 2019