As midterms doth approach, freshmen are hitting their stride on how-to-party and RAs are getting crankier. One first-year floor RA emailed his floor, reminding everyone to
shut up and get off his damn lawn buckle down on work for the betterment of the community. The RA starts kindly:
Just a reminder:
- Marijuana and drug paraphernalia are not permitted anywhere on Columbia’s campus, and especially not in your dorm room.
- None of you are 21 years old or older. Thus, none of you are legally able to consume, purchase, or keep alcohol.
- Quiet hours are between 11:00 PM and 8:00 AM on weekdays, and between 1:00 AM and 8:00 AM on weekends.
Bwog was surprised by the drug paraphernalia reference—what about that
bong pipe we got under the sign saying “FOR TOBACCO USE ONLY”?—and checked the housing policy. Indeed, get rid of your gourds and pumpkins:
The possession or use of illicit drugs and related materials is expressly prohibited. Water pipes, bongs, hookahs, and other paraphernalia commonly associated with drug use are also prohibited in the residence halls. Further, the possession or use of a legal substance for any purpose other than the legally intended one is prohibited.
Anyways, after the good cop opening, the RA goes in for the kill:
Frankly speaking, I’m well aware of the fact that you are smoking, drinking, and causing general mayhem on this floor. That stops now.
The War on Fun is real, my friends. Are you going to let the man win, or will you stand and fight?
Bwog’s game face via Shutterstock