Keep the shade down until you get it right

As we settle into the new year, some of us have upgraded our housing from last year in different ways—including dropping our roommates. However, some people, like myself, have struggled with remembering a key fact: just because you don’t have a roommate doesn’t mean that no one is watching. My new single is so shafted that I could airdrop my selfies to the occupants facing my window. Despite my neighbors’ proximity, I continually forget the incredible view that they have into my living space. After some reflection, here is a list I have put together of things not to do when you think you’re alone, because in sophomore housing, you never really are.

1. Your post-shower lotion routine. It can get intimate! Like when you get to the ankles! Just stay in the bathroom for this.
2. Practice a twerk routine. Save this until you get it right.
3. Clean out your nostrils. Though I have not done this, I have watched others do so.
4. Hook up with your s/o. The shaft does not want a subscription to your sex life.
5. Host your illegal dorm cat. There’s always snitches in the house!
6. Pop your acne. The reality is that they are that close.
7. Complain about your TA. The shaft is also quiet. And your TA could also could have witnessed 1-6. Yikes!

Twerk it out via David Bennet/Getty