As we settle into the new year, some of us have upgraded our housing from last year in different ways—including dropping our roommates. However, some people, like myself, have struggled with remembering a key fact: just because you don’t have a roommate doesn’t mean that no one is watching. My new single is so shafted that I could airdrop my selfies to the occupants facing my window. Despite my neighbors’ proximity, I continually forget the incredible view that they have into my living space. After some reflection, here is a list I have put together of things not to do when you think you’re alone, because in sophomore housing, you never really are.
- Your post-shower lotion routine. It can get intimate! Like when you get to the ankles! Just stay in the bathroom for this.
- Practice a twerk routine. Save this until you get it right.
- Clean out your nostrils. Though I have not done this, I have watched others do so.
- Hook up with your s/o. The shaft does not want a subscription to your sex life.
- Host your illegal dorm cat. There’s always snitches in the house!
- Pop your acne. The reality is that they are that close.
- Complain about your TA. The shaft is also quiet. And your TA could also could have witnessed 1-6. Yikes!
Twerk it out via David Bennet/Getty
@hairy taint wow this is depressing