Everyone loves a good sequel!
My Tremendous Loves,
Last year, I told the tale of your tragedy. Big Turkeys abandoned in the aisles, the perpetual purgatory of the poultry section. Big, fat turkeys told that their luscious legs were beyond the capacity of the COVID-19 restrictions, barred entry to the homes of Americans across the nation. You soldiered on in your solitude, only a few of you chosen for Big Karen Thanksgivings, stolen from the aisle past the assumptive eyes of COVID-19-safe patrons.
I saw you sit in Morton Williams, awaiting redemption. You yearned for the sweet smell of yams and green beans, pumpkin pie and promise.
I am here to tell you your day has arrived. Kind of. Much like you are stuffed by an overfilled syringe, people across the nation have been stuffed with vaccines in preparation for the day they can share your delicacies with their loved ones. We are stuffed with antibodies, we are ready to consume, and while we may not be at the capacity levels we once reached, we will buy the big turkeys again.
And so, my beautiful cavernous lover, I am here to tell you that your patience has paid off. We are ready, once again, to gently fill you with stuffing, to rub oil across your body, to check your temperature until it is just right, to keep you hot and moist, to devour you. We are once again prepared to love you in your fullness, to embrace you in our arms and walk you down the grocery aisle, check you out, and bring you home for good.
Your friendly neighborhood vegetarian