I’m tired. I don’t know what’s wrong with you all. Bottom line is, I heard there were people (“people,” more like robots on autopilot) in Butler during Winter Break. There is…no explanation for this. But I must grapple with it, find ways to explain why the fuck you all decided to spend your break holed up in Butler of all places. I wish I didn’t have to do this. 

  1. Internship applications 

If you were lucky enough to have self-discipline and a pinch of forethought, you probably spent your break working on internship applications. Yeah, Butler is quiet and academic but have you considered working on applications in…your bed? Bet you never thought of that. 

  1. Stressing over class registration 

If you’re like me, you spent way too much of break staring at your class registration screen for thirty minute intervals, thinking about nothing. Maybe you looked through the course catalog or calculated your probability of getting off the 3485323780574205 waitlists you’re on. I just stared. 

  1. Hiding from the cold 

Again, may I offer: why not your bed? 

  1. You’re a Model UN kid 

I learned recently that people in Model UN had to get to campus like, a week before everyone else. What I don’t understand is why you’re in Model UN—didn’t you know Model UN doesn’t exist outside of high school? You are in a fake club <3 

  1. You have one or more diagnosed anxiety disorders and currently seek therapy 

Ever heard of exposure therapy? It’s a really sucky but also really useful way to treat anxiety. There’s gotta be at least a few people who are terrified of Butler, and are thus facing their fears to catch up on therapy homework. Good for you! 

  1. Reading The Secret History by Donna Tartt

This is like. the. only. dark. academia. book. I read it during the summer but have been thinking about it every day since October or November. Have you ever been cold on campus? Well duh, that’s because of Donna Tartt. 

  1. Scheming to take over xyz club 

Good luck on your evil, extremely well-thought-out plans. I’m sure you’ll succeed. Just don’t stage a coup on Bwog, please…

  1. They didn’t even walk into Butler by their own accord. Butler is a liminal hovering point for lost souls. The zoned-out or the maladaptive daydreamers become mere wisps of air and flock to Butler, filling the void with empty shells of human beings. 

Butler’s not a place. It’s a state of being. 

  1. Online shopping 

Probably for Hot Topic (if anybody still shops there). Since out of all clothing stores, the Hot Topic demographic would probably be the most fascinated by dreary aesthetics. 

  1. Trying to sit in the same chair for so long that it’s permanently indented into the shape of your butt 

Maximum comfort for next semester! 

  1. You’re a masochist

Because why else would you go to Butler during break. 

Butler via Bwarchives.