On Friday, April 8th, Public Safety Officer Martin Nelles collapsed and passed away while on duty. Officer Nelles’s family remembers him as conscientious and responsible. His co-workers greatly respected him as he recently received his thirty-year badge for a job well done. In a message from The Facilities Department, Communications VP Dan Held writes: “Officer […]

The Cage enters temporary retirement today, so today we honor housing, in all its senselessness. Brazen Brooklyn bank robbers drilled a hole into the ceiling of an HSBC bank, stealing more than $280,000 and content from safety deposit boxes—much like your lottery number stole all your chances of happiness for next year. (Pix 11) Scientists have […]

A few days ago Hillary Clinton rode the NYC subway. Like “any” “normal” “person”, she encountered a few setbacks on her journey–like needing to swipe her MetroCard 5 times at the turnstile. Sure, she looked a little like Jack Donaghy when he had bed bugs, but who are we to judge? We’re all just “average” people […]

We know more than half of y’all are probably sitting back, drinking cocktails, laughing at the first years who have to suffer the tortures and stresses of housing. Okay, maybe you’re more likely to be sitting hunched over, drinking multiple cups of coffee, scribbling away at some problem set. But even if you never set […]

ESC is dead, long live ESC—or something like that. Yes, this year’s council has now passed on, and whether they were lucky enough to extend their stay on council or were forced to give up the ghost, all council members had a grave disposition. ESC Bureau Chief Finn Klauber reports on their final vote and […]

In a possible attempt to prevent the inevitable devolving morass of first year housing selection today, Columbia Housing along with CCSC, ESC, and GS announced in an email that all students will be granted free access to the New York Times Online. The unlimited access, available if you sign up an account here, to students of […]

This week, SGA listened to both sides of the argument for and against partnership with Columbia Elections Board. Their constitutional review committee has been working all year to make helpful changes to the SGA constitution, but these presentations required them to take quick action on their (nonexistent) affiliation with the Columbia Elections Board. “When shit comes […]

With course selection upon us, we bring you one of our favorite features—a list of classes you should take before you graduate (or die, which ever comes first.) Let us take the work out of figuring out your schedule next semester and just sign up for all of these classes for an academically lit semester. Also, […]

Brazil’s Congressional Committee voted in favor of a motion which proceed with a vote for or against impeaching President Dilma Rousseff. President Rousseff effectively leads a minority government and was placed in the midst of a corruption scandal and investigations over the past year or so. (The Guardian) CNN streamed a town hall event with […]

There are only a couple of weeks left in the semester, and that can mean only one thing: we’re starting to give up. CC reading? Haven’t done it yet. Physics problem set? Barely started. Polisci paper? Thought about it. A little. These days, we’re prioritizing the truly important parts of college life: getting lit and […]

In the two weeks since we first learned that Henry Moore’s sculpture Reclining Figure was going to be placed in front of Butler in the coming months, the stone figure has garnered quite an uproar. Petitions were circulated, Facebook events were created, op-eds were written, and the New York Times even published a story about student […]

Okay, freshmen … You’ve agonized for a whole week. You’ve watched EC suites disappear faster than enthusiasm in an early-morning section of LitHum. You’ve sat up at night wondering what kind of hell hole you’ll have to endure next year. You’ve spent class periods writing out complex lists of the worst possible outcomes. And now, […]

Since today’s the first day of sophomore housing selection, we’re helping all of you rising sophomores with low lottery numbers accept your fate: you’ll probably have to live in Wien. Start convincing yourself it’s not so bad now, while you still can. Location: 411 West 116th Street, between Amsterdam and Morningside Nearby dorms: East Campus, sort of […]

Ben Makansi may have live-streamed the CCSC meeting last night, but Bureau Chief Joe Milholland was right up near the action, dutifully reporting on the council’s decisions and deliberations. This week, those decisions and deliberations include a CASV petition, constitution edits, and, yes, more of that goddamn statue. At Sunday night’s Columbia College Student Council […]

With only a few weeks left of the semester, many seniors (and some sad Barnard polisci majors taking a colloquium) are working on finishing up their thesis papers. We bring you about an hour’s worth of tunes to listen to and reflect on the long journey you’ve had as well as the final moments of […]