Monthly Archive: December 2017



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img December 15, 20179:07 pmimg 1 Comments

I guess these turtles are getting all the way down.

Ah, 2017. It’s been an amazing twelve years since the start of 2016, so to celebrate this impossibly long year, we at Bwog decided to give out awards every Friday until the new year. Our first installment, which you should totally check out, was the Top Ten Best Worst Comments. This time, we’re taking a look back at the best titles for the best daily post everyone loves to ignore, Bwoglines!

Is Bobsled Short For Robertsled Edition

There Is No Essence, Just A Bunch Of Turtles Edition

Trump Fiddled While New York Burned Edition

Hey Man, Rush Beta Edition

Our Brains Are Fried But We’re Happy To Be Here Edition

Taxes, Easter, And Homosexual Tendencies Edition

Everything Is Shit, But We Know That Already Edition

Comme Des Hell Down Edition

Power, Pantsuits And Puerto Rico Edition

Let’s Just Make It To The End Edition




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img December 15, 20178:04 pmimg 0 Comments

We really appreciated the toasty warmth of Butler Library.

Ah, Orgo Night. As revealed by CUMB at 11:30 pm, this year’s Orgo Night was back in Butler 209, despite administration previously barring them from performing in the library. If you missed the memo, don’t fret: as per Bwog tradition, we sent Bwog froshies Jenny Zhu and Zack Abrams to review this year’s Orgo Night. 

This year’s Orgo Night advertised that it would be “Back in the But,” and it delivered. Just as the clock struck midnight, CUMB members rose from the ashes, put on their iconic Columbia blue long sleeves, and began playing “Roar, Lion, Roar!” in (yep) Butler 209. Spirits were high, as chants of “Orgo Night! Orgo Night!” filled the air.

We saw this in the script, and it made us physically uncomfortable. Who the heck writes “Netflix” as “NetFlix”? And why do they hate themselves?

As demonstrated by the multiple Public Safety officers stationed inside Butler lobby, Columbia administration had expected Orgo Night to take place outside this year, yet CUMB somehow was able to surreptitiously smuggle all their instruments (including a toilet seat) and members inside 209. While at first administration closed off 209 and refused to allow any students to enter past midnight, they relented by 12:10 pm, with cheers heard as new students started filtering in.

CUMB began their 209 comeback tour by likening the recent new chain openings in Morningside Heights to some student stereotypes that you might see at Columbia itself. Their first target was the oh-so-beloved, yet oh-so-overpriced Shake Shack, which they compared to a Columbia fuckboy: “You know they’re no good for you, and they’re not even that good; but sometimes, you just need a nice… hunk…of underwhelming meat.”

CUCR, Barnard, Photos, and more after the jump



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img December 15, 20175:14 pmimg 2 Comments

Let us know which album defined your semester in the comments!

The Bwog Staff discusses the albums that defined their semester. For some of us, it was our first semester on campus adjusting to the frantic pace of city life. For others, they were celebrating some of their last time on campus. We hope you enjoy our selections.

Jenny Zhu
Lorde’s Melodrama. Do I even need to explain??? Pure pop perfection. Lorde has this magical quality that makes the album colorful, witty, and youthful at the same time.

Victoria Arancio
Broods, Conscious. I saw them at the meadows this year and I really liked their set. I listened to them more as semester continued. They’re really good for a chill night in your dorm, or if you’re wanting to feel a lot of emotions.

More albums after the jump!



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img December 15, 20172:46 pmimg 0 Comments

Earlier this afternoon, Barnard students received an email from President Sian Beilock describing the progress made by the Task Force on Diversity and Inclusion and announcing the creation of a senior position devoted to diversity and inclusion, as well as an effort to make more diverse hires in general.

Other substantial steps taken include the creation of a permanent email address ( and an anonymous form on the Diversity Inclusion website to facilitate communication between the task force and the student body. There will be more conversations in the spring.

In her email, Beilock stressed the council’s emphasis on communicating with the student body and ensuring that the task force could serve the community’s needs. To this end, she said, the council has been having conversations with faculty and students to ensure that the council can take the most appropriate steps towards creating “a diverse, inclusive, and equitable community.”

She also discussed the need for more inclusive pedagogy, including describing a recent faculty workshop, the results of which will be assessed soon.

Beilock closed the email by writing, “We are committed to ensuring that everyone at Barnard is able to work, think and develop to their fullest potential in a community that respects and supports difference.”

Read the email after the jump.



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img December 15, 201712:49 pmimg 2 Comments

After we found a fly in the fruit salad, we don’t know why you’d even want to swipe in.

Ferris has tried taking measures in the past to prevent people from sneaking in, but now they’re cracking down. Ferris recently instilled a new process in which students must sign out with the desk attendant in order to leave and sign back in to re-enter instead of just leaving their IDs at the front desk.

After typing up a rant, which you can read below, I decided to reach out to Columbia Dining about the new, what I called, policy, and this was the statement I was given on behalf of Columbia Dining:

There is no change to the policy. Students can still leave and return to Ferris during the same meal period. The process has been adjusted to reduce the risk of losing IDs and make the process more efficient for the staff at the register. Rather than leave their ID if they intend to return, a student simply signs a log at the register.

As this new process logistically makes sense, when I was at Ferris today, it was not executed so simply. The commotion of the desk attendant tracking students down who were unaware of the process-change held up the growing line of people trying to swipe in.

Read the rant below



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img December 15, 201710:10 amimg 0 Comments

Wheee large corporate mergers can be fun!

Bwogline: With all the drama of the vote to repeal net neutrality protections yesterday, you may have missed the news that Disney bought most of 21st Century Fox for a cool $52.4 billion in stock. Hopefully, antitrust regulators aren’t distracted by the fact that Anastasia is now a Disney Princess and stop the deal that many see as Hollywood becoming too much under the control of a few giants.

Study Tip: If you’re having trouble concentrating for long periods at a time, I’m a fan of this chrome extension which uses the Pomodoro technique of scheduling short breaks and long breaks to maximize your productivity.


Procrastination Tip: If you’re a fan of flash games and absurdist humor, try out Frog Fractions. If you need a hint on how to progress, swim down. Enjoy!


Just like wet concrete, only colder and more ephemeral.



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img December 15, 201712:49 amimg 0 Comments

When you can’t count on your physic’s professor’s final curve, at least you can count on CUMB. Tonight, they delivered humor and more in, that’s right, Butler 209! Find this semester’s Orgo Night script below.

UPDATE, 12/15/17, 6 pm: This post has been updated to include the final version of the script that was actually read last night.

Orgo Fall 2017 Final by Bwog on Scribd



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img December 14, 201711:30 pmimg 0 Comments

Orgo Night will be held in 209!

Earlier today, Bwog received this message from the Columbia University Marching Band, with strict instructions not to release the information contained within until 11:30 pm. In the future, if you wish to address us, please address us with ‘Greetings, Your Undying Majesty’ instead of ‘Hi.’ 

Hi Bwog,

Tonight, Orgo Night will be held in Butler 209. One year ago, we were told that, after 63 straight semesters of holding Orgo Night in Butler 209, we were no longer allowed to continue this tradition in the library. This semester, we decided that we would no longer accept the University’s decrees meant to silence us and destroy one of the few traditions Columbia has left. So, join us tonight at 11:59 pm in Butler 209 (though you’ll want to get there early so you can find space!) for our 66th consecutive 69th semi-annual Orgo Night. We can’t force you to CUMB but you will if you do!

And if you prefer a tantalizing preview, here is our latest promo video.




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img December 14, 20179:07 pmimg 0 Comments

Beta (Pride)

Don’t bother reading this review – they never have enough jungle juice anyway. I truly appreciate Beta’s dedication to replicating the taste of cough syrup and their improvisational skills (I’ve been served a beer & Kool-Aid mix before). Tightly focused drink with a core of vodka and infused with the rich fruity flavor of Kool-Aid racing through.

Literal jungle juice.

Bartender charisma: ★★★★☆
Experience: ★★★★★
Jungle juice: ★★☆☆☆

Casa Latina (Waiting 30 minutes for an EC swipe in)
My most memorable sexual experiences have happened under the influence of their jungle juice though I keep awkwardly running into my hot TA there. A bubbly experience with a sophisticated, lingering citric taste. Lightly steeped with Sprite and a velvety finish.

Music: ★★★★★
Jungle juice: ★★★★★
How badly I want to fuck my TA: ★★★★★

Fiji (A brownstone)
An elegant polygamous marriage of vodka, sprite, and Kool-Aid. The gentle, yet persistent assertion of fruit punch in this mix arouses a refined metallic aroma usually attending the canned experience of Kool-Aid.

Freshmen appeal: ★★★★★
Cleanliness: ★☆☆☆☆
Jungle juice: ★★★★★

More mysterious concoctions…



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img December 14, 20173:46 pmimg 1 Comments

Well, the title practically says it all. If you’ve ever been a student, you know how nervous you were when it was time to get these decisions. The ED applicants might be scared in particular, since this school was their first choice.

The logo that haunts our nightmares.

Applicants to the Class of 2022 will be able to view their decision after tonight at 7 pm ET. Barnard’s were released Tuesday with an increased number of applications; Columbia itself said that it “received 4085 Early Decision applications to Columbia College and The Fu Foundation School of Engineering and Applied Science”, exactly one application fewer than last year. The Admissions Department is not releasing any information on acceptance rate or class composition at this time.

Good luck to all early applicants – hope to see you next year!

Common Application Logo via Columbia Undergraduate Admissions



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img December 14, 201711:06 amimg 0 Comments

Orgo Night in Butler 209 from Fall 2015.

Ah, the great dichotomy of the night before finals. In between your suffering and complaining pre- and post-midnight, youhave two options: The wholesome and reliable Midnight Breakfast, or the controversial and possibly banned Orgo Night. Whichever kind of fun you prefer, they both take place tonight at 12 am. (Barnard first-years can go to Midnight Breakfast at 11:00, the rest of BC at 11:30, and all of CU at 12.)

Meet the new Barnard president or boo the old Columbia one. Subsist on Butler Café for hours or fill up on waffles in Diana. Whichever you choose, enjoy your study break before it gets too weird.




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img December 14, 20179:52 amimg 0 Comments

Bwogline: Official plans have been announced for the L train closure, and just like with our finals, it will indeed involve taking an L. The plan is likely insufficient in battling the delays it will cause and will give New Yorkers another reason to be salty. (NY Times)

This isn’t a stop on the L, but it’s better than Williamsburg, right?

Study Tip: Order Insomnia. Be impressed that they knew where to find you in the International Affairs Building. Open Insomnia. Be dismayed by the incorrect order. Call Insomnia. Get put on hold for 10 minutes and then not even be able to speak to them because the Lehman Library is in the basement and AT&T sucks. Get a likely ban from Insomnia for calling so much. Eat your extra pint of ice cream anyway.


Procrastination Tip: The best type of procrastination is when you can pretend you’re actually doing work. Fall into a Wikipedia hole. Your new wealth of knowledge will make up for your less than satisfactory final exam grade.

Overheard: “Broccoli are nature’s trees.”



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img December 13, 20175:35 pmimg 0 Comments

Rare photo of Carman residents on their way to Butler, 2017 (colorized).

It’s finals week, which means four things: Eat, Sleep, Study, Repeat. However, there are a few key ways to free up time during your few moments of leisure and/or personal hygiene. Here are our top ideas.

1. Use bathroom hand dryers to dry your hair.

Hey, no shame. While the precise angle can be tough to nail (trust me, I know from personal experience,) those precious few seconds that the high-intensity blasts of air buy you can make the difference between remembering that crucial formula or flunking completely.

2. Why watch Khan Academy or listen to a podcast instead of studying… when you can do all three?

Knowledge is power. Therefore, three times as much knowledge at once equals three times as much power! Maximize your studying potential by utilizing different modes of studying, such as watching videos on Orgo while listening to an audiobook of The Aeneid and reading about high-order differential equations! For a fun challenge, do all three while on the treadmill at Butler. That’ll get those brain cells sweating!

3. Rappel down the side of your dorm.

I live in John Jay. The elevators are fine… unless it’s the one time you need them. Save time instead of waiting for the elevators or rushing down the staircase: just whip out the Columbia Housing carabiners and high-tensile rope that they handed out during Welcome Week and shimmy down the side of your dorm. That Latin vocabulary isn’t going to study itself!

4. Smuggle your textbook into a different final.

Look, I know you want to maximize your time during your calc final checking your sequences for convergence, but that doesn’t mean that you should take time off of studying the effects of quantitative easing for Intermediate Macro! A good tip is to wear enough coats so that the added bulk of your Econ textbook is hidden beneath the folds and study while taking the math final! You have no time to waste!

5. Disrupt the fabric of time and space itself.

You can do it, as long as you went to every single FroSci lecture.




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img December 13, 20173:35 pmimg 1 Comments

Get us out of this place for a few minutes

While the study breaks during reading week are incredibly helpful and supportive, at times they can look similar – many of them featuring some classic variation of cookies and hot chocolate. We here at Bwog want to see some study breaks get weird. Here are our suggestions:

1) Columbia time-management-chart-themed study break. This study break would be very strictly organized, with 30% of the break allocated for group studying, 0.0119% for personal hygiene, and 0.0536% for actual free time. The free time would constitute of structured job searching. You would leave this study break asking yourself, “Why do I want free time, anyway?

2) A CUCR study break, which would feature Steve Bannon and the NYPD. Make sure you don’t accidentally bring any pieces of paper above 8.5×11″. Though this study break would only occupy one room in Lerner, it would block everyone else from accessing the building for the rest of the day.

3) A Bwog study break. You would make friendship bracelets, bitch about Spec, and eat grapes.

3.5) An anti-Bwog study break. Similar concept as #3, except you would bitch about Bwog instead, and revisit some of our favorite hate comments. Bonus: the male a cappella groups on campus would probably make an appearance.

4) 1020 study break. Bad but free cranberry vodkas would be provided. This study break would also have a pool table and fun crafts, such as make-your-own-fake.

5) Ferris toast study break. You would literally go and make toast. While this study break would be fun, expect it to be really crowded. Avocado spread would be provided, but only before 10 am.

6) A Columbia BDSM study break. Hosted by the Columbia BDSM club, this study break would include wholesome activities such as learning how to tie someone up.

7) Fausta study break. This would consist of chilling with Fausta (the wonderful woman who swipes us into Ferris) for like half an hour. What more can you ask for from a study break?

8) A Stressbusters study break, except that instead of them giving you back rubs, they teach you how to give backrubs, so that you and your friends can stressbust each other.

Photo via 2015 Bwog



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img December 13, 20171:46 pmimg 2 Comments

Barnard Admissions congratulating our future classmates

Yesterday evening, Early Decisions results for the Barnard College class of 2022 were released. According to Jennifer Fondiller, Dean of Enrollment Management, this year Barnard received 993 ED applications, which is a 6% increase over last year.

The future Barnard students selected hail from over 35 states and 20 countries, and include athletes, writers, scientists, and activists. The Admissions staff were very impressed with their aspirations and achievements so far. Welcome to Barnard, class of 2022!

Photo via the Barnard Admissions Facebook page

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