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Nov

7

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Green chairs are prioritized for members of marginalized groups. It’s called reparations.

For those who have migrated from Butler to Milstein, Deputy Editor Idris O’Neill is begging you to abandon your old habits and adopt these new, more considerate ones. She’s tired of seeing you in group study rooms alone.

1. If you are a Columbia student, come with a buddy. Chances are you weren’t invited to the Milstein opening and haven’t been receiving the emails on emails of Milstein tours. Similar to Barnard housing rules, you should be escorted by your Barnard buddy at all times. Don’t risk wandering off by yourself and getting into trouble.

2. Use group study rooms for groups of 3 or more only. I work at the library and I will exert my library privilege, do God’s work, and ask you to leave if you’re occupying the space with literally just you, your papers, and your bag. This isn’t Butler. Take your weird isolationist behavior elsewhere–we actually like and utilize collaborative spaces here.

3. Pay attention to the levels and corresponding noise levels. Milstein’s noise levels decrease as the level increases, i.e. the first floor should be loudest, the second floor should be quieter but is still a collaborative space. You should be making noise on Milstein 2! It’s okay! Actually, if someone tells you to be quiet on Milstein 2, you can pull up this article and tell them they are welcome to move to the 4th floor, which is the quietest floor but still not Butler-levels. Similar to how different libraries have different personalities, different floors have different vibes.

CC boys, keep reading

Oct

29

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Original Facebook post please respond

In continuum with Deputy Editor Idris O’Neill’s complicated history with Columbia Crushes, she is broadcasting a Craigslist-guided job search for the new Columbia Crushes admin. Help us, anonymous Bwog reader, you’re our only hope. 

I am an avid subscriber of the Columbia Crushes Facebook page and have recently not seen the Facebook page update as often as I would like. This is putting a serious stint in my lack of access to other people’s hookups. The last post, published EIGHT DAYS AGO, reads: “CARLOS MARTINEZ U A LAMP.” It is unhelpfully received with a moth image, but there is NO new content to distract me from this awful submission.

Perhaps you have read on their Facebook page about this position opening. You should consider it an unpaid internship. If this displeases you, I suggest you stop reading now. I am only looking for people who are dedicated to uplifting the community out of altruism, not CLOUT. It is important that you also be DISCREET so as to maintain the mystification of this admin role. YOU SHOULD NOT FOLLOW THE PAGE. Anything that ties you to Columbia Crushes could be used against you. If this is something that speaks to you and you would like to be a part of one of the only traditions Columbia has, please DM Columbia Crushes 2.0 stating why you are the best fit.

  • Compensation: You will be compensated through the satisfaction of the community.
  • Please do not contact job poster except through Columbia Crushes submissions or tips@bwog.com.
  • Please do not contact job poster about other services, products, or commercial interests.

Please consider this my formal application via Columbia Crushes 2.0

Oct

26

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he’s here to stop you from wearing a lame costume this year

Year after year, you find yourself scrambling through your closet for clothes you can hastily turn into a costume. Despite knowing exactly when Halloween happens every year and the fact that it happens, again, every year, you are never ready for it. While you could settle for some of the real horrors Columbia has faced this year, we suggest sparing us the peace of mind for the relevancy points. 

  1. FIREFIGHTER: Plimpton and EC residents are all too familiar with the horrors of this one and even more terrified by what their presence means: the blaring of your fire alarm at 5 am. You could be a hot firefighter, but you could potentially bring back the unpleasant memories for some residents. Stay safe and respectful of some people’s traumatic 30-degree weather experiences.
  2. UNION WORKER: The only people this would terrify is the respective administrations of Columbia and Barnard College. While generally supported by the student body, chanting “don’t break the line” at a party probably isn’t the greatest move. I would advise skipping this one for your own sanity. Negotiating the bureaucracy of unionization is a headache in and of itself.
  3. DEVIL: Besides the fact that there will be no less than seven other costumed devils in your vicinity (known as the Basic Bitch Laws of Halloween), this job is occupied for most of the year by the person who keeps skipping you in the Ferris line, your roommate who uses 4 alarms in the morning, that person who took your laundry out of the dryer when it was still wet–you wouldn’t want to put them out of the job.
  4. ORIENTATION LEADER: The most horrific part of this is being an actual orientation leader encountering your students in Mel’s. Though I promise, the feeling is mutual for your OL group. Can’t stop, please stop showing up to bars in your NSOP shirts. Find your groove somewhere else.
  5. BACCHANAL PLANNING COMMITTEE: You will be hated for planning the event of the year. And although everyone will have an amazing time that they probably won’t remember, no one will ever be pleased with you. If you wanted to experience this level of disappointment, you would’ve just gone to your professor’s office hours after skipping four consecutive classes.

stoplight via Flickr

 

Oct

16

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As the ancient proverb goes: “It be like that sometimes.”

The glaring red notification on your Mail app seems to glow just a little more intensely this month. You’re haunted by the drafted emails you’ve really only got as far as “Dear Professor” with. It’s been one week since you texted in Slack, five days since you emailed back, three days since you left your room–now Bwog is setting the ground rules for when “taking time for myself” is still appropriate and when it’s just plain ghosting. 

Major adviser: 4-5 business days

You freaked out and emailed the department head at 2 am, asking if you could meet with her outside of her office hours to discuss potentially majoring in her subject. Like the gracious and kindhearted person she is, she responded promptly on a weekend–a Saturday morning, even. You still haven’t responded because you are 1) ashamed at the nature by which you contacted her, and 2) don’t really know what you say at office hours. You consider changing your major to avoid the inevitable awkward encounter at department soireés. Dear reader, do not feel intimidated if you are responding outside of this timeframe. So long as it is not a time-sensitive matter (in this case, the approach of major declaration) this professor will still be kind and receptive even if you are emailing three weeks late.

Your regular hook up: Whenever

I would hope that you have established clear enough boundaries that a non-response is just as good as a “Nah, not feeling it.” You should shoot something off, ideally, but the typical expiration for a “wyd?” text is an hour. Neither of you are entitled to each other’s time, so don’t expect extreme timeliness when you’re the one shooting off that late night text three days later. Common decency says respond as soon as possible about what you’re feeling, but street rules don’t care about house rules: go crazy.

Friends asking you out to lunch: Within 30 minutes

If you don’t stop neglecting your friends right now, I swear to God. The only acceptable excuses are: my phone was dead, I was in class, I have already eaten–all of which need to be communicated! It’s not really about the food; it’s about the people, so even if you’re not feeling John Jay, sit with your friends on the lawns while you still can, meet them at Milstein, cook together. Your friends miss you even if they don’t explicitly say so. In turn, you’re also allowed to double, triple, quadruple-text them when you want to hang out and they want to go ghost.

Find out how long you can ghost a Buy Sell Trade Seller before you officially flake.

Oct

1

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img October 01, 20184:00 pmimg 0 Comments

these stock photo students must be reading Bwog ;)

Bwog likes to think of itself as the friend who has seen you through it all: the end of a long-distance relationship, the messy nights at Amity Hall, food poisoning from Ferris shrimp tacos, the homesickness. Though it is nearing midterms and just that awkward time of year where no one wants to meet new people, we won’t let you stay friendless in FroSci.

  1. Start stealing people’s possessions. This is a great conversation starter. When they ask where their stuff is going, you can pretend to help them look. Also, let things get progressively weirder. Start with pens but make your way toward more auspicious items, like entire backpacks or passion planners.
  2. Pretend you have a crush on your professor. This is a great bonding technique. This forbidden love and its manifestations of in-class fantasies and chronic punctuality unite classmates of all demographics. Hot professors are hot professors.
  3. Alternatively, make quips about how much you hate your professor. They’ve been studying this material for 2 decades, but that doesn’t make them impermeable to an undergrad’s critiques. People love sarcasm and nihilistic humor is in, so don’t be afraid to turn to your neighbor and say, “get a load of this absolute asshole.”
  4. Take advantage of forced partnerships. No, these aren’t fun and no, Bwog doesn’t endorse them, but they will happen so you might as well get something out of it. Talk to your partner after class, follow up, friend them on Facebook. This is probably hard for a majority of Columbia’s population, but be nice, say hi, and most importantly, remember people’s names.
  5. Become the snack plug. If you’ve ever opened a pack of gum in high school, you know what this feels like. We’re going to take this to another level and make it something you should want to do: share. Bring cookies to class and ask if your neighbor wants one. Bring your illegal John Jay chocolate muffins to class and tell people they’re still warm. People may confuse you for another type of plug, but that’s okay–it’ll put you in even higher demand.

 

Sep

24

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The Barnard Community Garden she tells you not to worry about

Colloquially referred to as the “Barnard Gardening Club,” officially recognized as nothing, but personally called the “Barnard Community Garden,” this unofficial club at Barnard has made a lot of change considering its (lack of) status. Bwog sat down with the visionaries behind the Barnard Community Garden and talked about sending an inordinate amount of e-mails and encouraging inclusivity in sustainable initiatives. 

You probably haven’t heard of the Barnard Gardening Club before this. Unless you are one of the original 12 witnesses to Katie Russell’s (BC ’18) vision or the two remaining club runners, Natasha Reich BC ’21 and Ellery Vaughan ’19, you probably also didn’t notice the 4×6 gardening plot currently growing in the Barnard Quad. Compared to the Columbia-equivalent growing in the NoCo Plaza, the Barnard Community Garden could be easily overlooked, but considering its recent inception of last semester and its lack of formal recognition, the BCG has received more benefits and gained more traction than would be expected of an informal initiative toward sustainability.

The club began as a subcommittee of Barnard’s EcoReps by Katie Russell as they petitioned for a space on campus which could be available to and tended by students. While currently growing arugula and dill, the club itself struggles with growing its general body and public support without the Governing Board at Barnard’s recognition, which controls funding for campus organizations. Additionally, Reich and Vaughan are incumbent members balancing the practicalities of Katie Russell’s original vision and taking agency over the club they now independently run.

Learn about the Gardening Club challenges and vermicomposting after the jump!

Sep

17

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Bwog meetings putting an appropriate end to a Bwog weekend

In a shocking twist, this week’s field notes are not entirely centered around binge drinking. Nevertheless, Bwog still found ways to have memorable, regrettable, field notes-able weekends. Send in your field notes to tips@bwog.com for a feature!

Bwog in (and out of) love

  • Skipped stats to meet with my crush to find out he has a girlfriend
  • Interviewed with a Tinder match
  • Traveled to Denver for a wedding, spent lots of time drunk/high/”managing” difficult family members
  • Despite aforementioned wedding shenanigans managed to hook up with the crunchiest, most granola guy ever
  • Sexiled myself because my roommate was too nice to do it
  • Googled “how to flirt” in the middle of a party. Was still unsuccessful at flirting.
  • Went to a concert for one of my favorite bands only to run into my ex
  • thought that a girl was taking me back to her place only to find out that she was actually heading to another guy’s room
  • Awkwardly met part of my ex’s family for the first time
  • Shared frozen margaritas with my friends.

See the majestic Bwog in nature after the jump.

Sep

17

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img September 17, 20187:53 amimg 0 Comments

Who knew strawberries would prove every anti-Halloween mom right?

Happening in the World: What seems worthy of a Snopes check and reminiscent of fear-mongering posts your aunt shares on Facebook is becoming a reality for Australians who are finding sewing needles in their strawberries. Australian officials are offering a $100,000 AUD award for whomever can find the source of these contaminated strawberries, though this may be difficult as the needled strawberries have made their way into three separate brands across Australia. (CNN)

Happening in the US: A Border Patrol agent who was suspected of murdering four women (content warning for violence against women and transmisogyny) was caught after a fifth woman allegedly escaped after he kidnapped her. He is being charged with four counts of murder and one of aggravated kidnapping. (BBC)

Happening in NYC: New York Schools Chancellor Richard Carranza once again took a stand against standardized testing for New York’s specialized high schools, citing the disproportionate 10% admittance rate of Black and brown students despite being 70% of the eligible demographic. Noting that New York is one of the few states to test for admittance to public schools, he asked, “Is that okay? Is that justice for our kids?” (NY Daily News)

Happening on Campus: “From the Faculty Lounge: Biology and the Sexes” is happening in Sulzberger Parlor of Barnard Hall, focusing on the ways sexuality and attraction are shaped by biology and culture.

Bop of the Day:

Strawberries via Public Domain Pictures

Sep

10

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img September 10, 20184:00 pmimg 1 Comments

This is the ice I crave during meetings on Sunday at 9 PM in Lerner 510.

Bwog’s strongest opinions are reserved for the finer, more inane things in life. In continuation of our ranking series, Bwog presents the long-awaited ranking of dining hall ice. Do not feel compelled to defend the integrity of this ice.

  1. John Jay – The ice here is perfect, like more satisfying than those oddly pleasing Instagram compilation videos. It’s airy, crunchy, and fits perfectly into your $40 Hydroflask. You can brag about how the ice is still in there 12 hours later. This is the perfect snack for the iron deficient or any other ice eaters.
  2. JJ’s – This is where the rankings get a little funny. In theory, all Columbia ice should be the same, but the ice at JJ’s just hits differently. It is a shame that they’re always out but the staff tries hard to keep it replenished. There’s nothing more satisfying than crunching JJ’s ice after a night out.
  3. Hewitt – Honestly the ice here is always kind of wet as opposed to the contributing crunchy dry that John Jay offers, but the ice in Hewitt is still worth mentioning. Hewitt ice has a distinct taste, in a similar fashion to how you can tell when someone is a student at Barnard–you just know. This ice is bold and beautiful, putting it at number 3 on our list.
  4. Ferris – Not the ice we deserve, but the one we’ll reluctantly accept on the weekends. Similar to Hewitt, the ice is usually on the wetter side, meaning the satisfaction of cracking the ice is not as prominent. The only issue with Ferris ice is that it also has its own distinct taste, but it is further on the bitter side, if that’s the appropriate word. It is not an experience I have ever missed.
  5. Diana – For the most part, I don’t ever recall getting Diana ice but frankly what’s worse than being bad is being immemorable. I’ve skipped Diana ice every time and just gotten a regular fountain drink, but you should be getting a smoothie at Diana anyway.

The only ice we won’t abolish via ABSFreePic

Sep

6

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A gem hidden in plain sight, the renovated Lerner elevators are the ideal housing in this New York summer heat. Equipped with air conditioning, mobility, and a dedication to minimalist design, these new elevators are worth every time we had to take the stairs due to “modernization.” 

Location: 2920 Broadway, on 115th & accessible from both campus and Broadway making it one of the few buildings where you enter (relatively) on the 1st floor

Nearby dorms: Carman Hall, 114th Brownstones, and Furnald

Stores and restaurants: Morton Williams is right across the street, but you can eat within just a few steps at Cafe East and Ferris Booth Commons. You don’t need stores when you can just use what students accidentally drop on the ground – bandages, cellphones, IDs, grapes from the grape & cheese salad.

Cost: Officially, this space is free! However, you do technically pay $56,608 to access the building. Unfortunately, rent cannot be split with roommate.

Amenities:

  • Bathrooms: Communal and hidden throughout the maze that is Lerner.
  • AC/Heating: While AC and heating are available, they are controlled centrally but this means you don’t have to hear any weird radiator noises.
  • Storage: Elevators contain a control panel that you can keep a few items in, like wrappers. Otherwise, bring your own storage.
  • Kitchen: No need for a kitchen with Ferris nearby!
  • Lounge: The entire space is a studio. The room is the lounge and vice versa, however you are able to access the piano lounge and student centers with the push of a button.
  • Laundry: Carman’s laundry room is accessible with your CUID.
  • Computers/Printers: While not ensuite, Lerner has computer labs on floors 2E and 4E.
  • Gym: The stairs.
  • Transportation: The entire dorm is transportation, though slow moving.
  • Hardwood/Carpet: The marble-esque hard material floors are quite nice and new. Used to be ugly carpet.
  • Wi-Fi: Yes, though reliability is questionable.
  • Miscellaneous: You may sometimes encounter protesters.

Photos and more after the jump!

Sep

3

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This is what we envision EcoReps to be. It isn’t.

If you are someone who was not at 1020 last night (or maybe you are someone who was and are just very into those sweet deals), you are probably someone who woke up early for the EcoReps Green Sale. Senior Staff Writer Idris O’Neill is dedicated to making your voices heard and your grievances noted. This is an ode to you.

You wake up at 5 am for this, neglecting to shower or follow other items in your short hygienic routine. You are careful not to make too much of a disturbance in your McBain double. Your roommate sleeps soundly, recovering from yet another night drunkenly dancing to Ed Sheeran and Journey at Mel’s. You give yourself a final once-over, ensuring you have your ID and most importantly: cash.

You stroll over to Amsterdam and 116th, taking your time to admire dawn breaking over Morningside because anyone else up at this time for EcoReps would have to be crazier than you. As you approach Wein, you notice the line is already out of the gates. So much for early birds. The sale does not officially start until 9 am so you watch the sun rise over Amsterdam as you situate yourself near the Law School entrance. Today, you’ve already decided, is a long day.

Long days get longer after the jump

Aug

15

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Every August, Bwog takes a minute to reflect on the cool (and sometimes not-so-cool) places we’ve lived over the summer before we all return to Morningside Heights for the fall. Houses And Homes asks: where did you spend your time and what does home mean to you this summer? Idris O’Neill is kicking off this year’s series from the U.S. Virgin Island of St. Croix. If you want to showcase your own great views, send a picture and your five senses to tips@bwog.com.

Where: Turtle Beach, Buck Island, off the coast of St. Croix (where I actually live)

Sight:

Sound: Popcaan blasting from one of the boats, waves hitting shore, someone reminding us that we have to be offshore by 6 pm

Smell: A little bit like weed if we’re being honest and ocean, but that’s a given.

Taste: KFC I had half an hour before, Cheez-its a stranger offered to me, my first Corona (no lime), and rum of course

May

11

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img May 11, 20183:29 pmimg 1 Comments

Friday Daily Editor Idris O’Neill was recently awarded Bwog’s “Most Virginal” award, a condition probably attributed to the fact that there are at least a few people out there she missed her shot with. She apologizes for the late notice but let’s try again in four months, okay?

To all the people I didn’t hook up with:

I’m writing this in the back of an Uber, looking at Barnard shrink in the rearview mirror. As I pass all the bars I never went to, the restaurants I didn’t eat at, the missed opportunity of going above 125th because it’s not gentrified yet, there’s one thing I regret not doing that won’t leave my thoughts: you.

I remember every flirt, hands touching hands, every time I did that laugh that was like “you’re not that funny but I’m trying to fuck,” every exchange of smirks, the many, many conversations over drinks you bought and of course, me leaving. That was always the best feeling, having you waste your time trying to get it in with me and the power of me saying, “I think I’m actually just going to go to bed.” It was so gratifying that I wrote my final anthropology paper on it.

I miss you. I thought I should be candid about, just say what I really want to say instead of waste more time playing this game of me pretending this is going somewhere, like your bed. I did want our almost-hook up. The truth is the attraction was there, but there is no single person I’m so attracted to I’d lose sleep over it. Let’s do this all over again at, like, noon or late afternoon. I’m not picky; I just don’t think last call at 1020 at 4 am is going to cut it.

There’s still hope for you. In this new school year, when I’m a completely different person because I ate-prayed-loved myself into an enlightened, casually sexual being in Indonesia, I’d like to see you again. I hope you keep me in your thoughts in our time apart, that you learn and grow from it. Maybe you’ll tell better jokes, buy more drinks, and ultimately become the type of person I would lose sleep over. See you soon.

what is the context for this picture via Pxhere

May

11

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img May 11, 201810:08 amimg 0 Comments

Remember: college is a marathon, not a sprint

Bwogline: A livery cab crashed into a New York deli, reportedly causing a total of six hospitalizations,, three of which with serious but non-threatening injuries. In this yellow cab town, you never know what to expect, but this is why we take Uber, guys. (CBS)

Study Tip: Today is the last day of finals! If you’re still revising an essay, throw a semicolon (it’s this one “;”) in there for good measure. If you’re still studying, let it go.

Music: In celebration of your leaving this place, listen to some Jorja Smith to temper all the anxiety and stress of finals season and focus on going home.

Procrastination Tip: You don’t need to procrastinate on your final day. Power through and you’re good. If you really need a break, finally take the shower you’ve been putting off or eat a full meal – anything that will take you away from work for an hour. Trust me, you need this.

Overheard: “I already threw away my notes and stuff. Don’t even ask me what 2+2 is.”

the finish line via Pixabay

May

4

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img May 04, 20184:43 pmimg 4 Comments

Also suing for the emotional distress of looking at this ugly house

In an effort to raise funding to hire copy editors, Bwog is cashing in on everyone who has ever crossed us. Based on empirical information we have gathered in totally legit practices, Bwog has decided to file suit against Beta because damn, how many people have to fall down your stairs before you fix them?

I’ve never asked for much from Beta. Sure, we had our differences when the pledges made me wait outside in 30 degrees when I was dressed in a crop top and shorts. Then there was that time I called you guys racist for not letting me in and the stoop boys, still refusing to let me in, asked me to stop. I didn’t even complain when you would kick me out from behind the bar despite being the better (and hotter) bartender. We have a complicated relationship and that’s fine. I would even go as far to call myself, despite everything, a friend of the frat.

Avid readers of Bwog will know that we generally have nothing against the frat, but this past weekend became a turning point for us. It came as disturbing news to us when two Bwoggers revealed they had fallen down the stairs at Beta. This, coupled with the recent Columbia Crushes post (pictured below) stating “you fell down the stairs at beta, but I fell you for you,” has prompted Bwog to investigate the 45 comments under the post.

Join Bwog against the tyranny that is the Beta stairs after the jump.

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