bwog in bed Archive

May

13

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gates

celebrate graduation by stealing balloons

Congratulations, everyone, we made it through! If you’re still working through a project with an extension, we’re wishing you luck. If not, good job surviving another year of the Columbia grind. Today’s our last day of the year, and we hope you party with all the energy of a kid just released on summer vacation. You’ve earned it.

Bwogline: Facebook published internal editor guidelines yesterday to prove that they’re not biased in their “Trending” section. Of course, you probably only heard that they’re not biased because you read it in the “Trending” section.

Study Tip: If you got an extension on work but still have to leave your housing, use the library where you live! If you’re only using Butler as a way to avoid working where you sleep, then go out to your local branch and crack down on work there.

Music: Celebrate senior graduation by playing the Billboard number one album from when they first stepped foot on Columbia’s campus – Based on a T.R.U. Story by 2 Chainz.

Procrastinate: Take a trip down memory lane by delving into some of the most helpful, imaginative, and sexually liberated comments left on our website by Columbians by reading our Comment Awards.

Overheard: “Yesterday I was just sitting in Butler drinking cough syrup with a straw, and it was the lowest I’ve ever been as a person.”

May

12

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Night at the Library.

Night at the Library.

Look. It’s almost over. You can see the light at the other side of the tunnel. A lot of people have been leaving, making a racket all day, but they’ll be gone shortly. We won’t keep you long, we assume you’re either ready to hit up the bars or recovering from them. So go out. do your thing, take it day by day.

Bwogline: Dilma Rousseff is perpetually having a worse week than you are. The Brazilian Senate is currently engaged in a marathon of 15 minute speeches, given by each of the 71 Senators registered to speak. If a majority vote against her—which is looking very likely—the Brazilian President will face immediate suspension from office. (BBC)

Study Tip: Go on a 24 hour full cleanse b@b cleanse tomorrow. It’ll be worth it.

Procrastinate: Vibe out.

Overseen: See above picture. Butler desks flood the hall in demand of shorter library hours.

Overheard: “1020 is where memories go to die”

Living desks via Bwog Staff

May

11

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Straight outta Costco

Straight outta Costco

It’s almost over! Breathe in deep, pant between pushes, and you’ll be done before you know it. For those of you who are already done with finals: we hate you. Don’t talk to us. Please get into your big blue bin and roll down Broadway. To the rest of you: stay strong. 

Bwogline: It could be worse! You could have written an article about Melania Trump for GQ, only to receive death threats and internal vitriol. (Does your linear algebra final seem less bleak now? Maybe not.) (CBS)

Study Tip: Deactivate Facebook. Delete the app from your phone. Do the same for other social media (including b@b). It’s the nuclear option, but when you’ve got to write your term paper, you’ve got to write your term paper.

Procrastinate: Read this chilling tale of Amazon ebook fame. Alternatively, browse through /r/nosleep. Show up to your exam in a daze because you no longer believe in the constraints of this world.

Overseen: A boy practicing #selfcare by bringing his vitamins into Butler. See above picture.

Overheard: “Do you think I could get out of this final if I show up bleeding?”

The Sieg via Bwog Staff

May

10

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Butler or your exam room?

Butler or your exam room?

We’re at the height of finals, friends. The beginning is far behind us, and the end is not yet in sight. Our rooms are swamped with notes and trash, and we dread the day we must pack up and leave. Butler is swamped with notes and trash, and we anticipate the day we must pack up and leave. But we must not relent. Tense your muscles and find a good source of caffeine, because we have all-nighters to pull!

Bwogline: The Republican tensions are increasing. Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, who is the expected GOP convention chair and refuses to support Trump, has said he will step down from that position if Donald Trump asks him to. So far, the two have not had an out-right clash, but who knows where this will go in the age of Trump?

Study Tip: Use a Pomodoro timer if you’re hyper-productive and/or like tomatoes.

Music: Youtube reccomends for me Shostakovich’s string quartets and a glitch remix of The White Stripes’s “Seven Nation Army.”

Procrastinate: Bookslut and SF Signal are closing down! Browse the book sites depending on which way your literary tastes lean.

Overseen: “Guys playing spikeball in the section of Butler 2 where the east emergency doors are.” How long until Butler beer pong?

Futurist art via Wikimedia Commons

May

9

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Punch your finals. In the face.

Punch your finals. In the face.

It’s Monday – technically day two of finals, even though it feels like we’ve been doing this for years. No matter how much you studied this past weekend, you probably didn’t do as much as you wanted to. But you know what? That’s fine. You’ll kill it anyway. (And if you don’t, you’ll still be off this campus by next week. Fight!)

Bwogline: A small plane crash-landed on the roof of a building in Southern California yesterday, and while both passengers were injured, they survived. (We can’t say the same about our grades.) (CBS)

Study Tip: Take a moment to lie down on the floor and feel like garbage. Maybe even nap for a little bit. It will be a brief respite from the abyss into which you’re currently spiraling. And it’s good for your back.

Music: If you find music with lyrics too distracting and are tired of the same classical pieces and movie soundtracks over and over, try out some Gaelic music. Even if you’ve never been quite sure what a kilt is, fiddles, fifes, and bagpipes will keep you motivated.

Procrastinate: Check out all of those weird websites you really liked to visit in middle school. You know, the embarrassing ones. The really terrible ones. Maybe even watch a few videos you used to find hilarious. Think about how far you’ve come that now, instead, you waste time on Twitter, Instagram, and B@B.

Overseen: Right before yesterday’s FroSci exam, a guy opened a can of beer and tried to drink it right before the test, but was (unfortunately) shouted down by the instructors.

Fight! via Fedor Solntsev

May

8

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This could be you if you're cool (hot?) enough

This could be you if you’re cool (hot?) enough

Finals season–fun, or focus? What is it really about? We’d lean towards the former. You can study, and still have a lot of fun, too. Even if you aren’t winning the Kentucky Derby like this horse, you can *win* at finals season with our gnarly study tips below.

Bwogline: A horse named Nyquist (Nyquil? no) just won the 142nd Kentucky Derby, prolonging his 8-0 winning streak, and creating hope for a Triple Crown.

Study Tip: Bwog has spent the past three days in a row buckled down at Max Caffé, on 123rd and Amsterdam, and we highly recommend the Euro-Bohemian atmosphere, lack of speedy WiFi, and chill waitstaff (we bought one drink and spent six hours here) as conducive to studying.

Music: We are really into PWR BTTM (short for Power Bottom) as of late. It’s sad but also edgy (they started at Bard). Good to wander around to, masturbate to, or study to if you’re into that!

Procrastinate: Look at off-campus apartments on Craigslist…in MoHi, or anywhere, really. Imagine your future! (Make sure to filter out results without pictures). Go deeper and look for furniture, cars, cats…a job…Craigslist has it all.

Overseen In Butler 209: A table with a centerpiece of lit candles, and a desktop with a flickering Yule Log screensaver. Way to stay classy and aromatic.

Yule Log via Wikimedia Commons

May

7

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We all remember our high school prom

We all remember our high school prom

Today is Saturday, your break from a long week of sneaking fragrant Spaghetti Meatball HamDel sandwiches in Ref Room. Go outside and enjoy the weather! It’s not supposed to rain today; instead, the humidity will be at 93% without a chance of any sunshine all day. 

Bwogline: KFC has officially launched its campaign for edible fingernail polish in Hong Kong. While products are not yet on sale, they have created posters, a social media campaign, and an extra special music video to promote the KFC presence in Hong Kong, and to ask consumers an important question: Which flavor would you prefer? Bwog votes for “Original,” which wears as a glittery Thousand Island peach, but the “Hot n’ Spicy” is a fair, orange-ier alternative. (Newsweek)

Study Tip: How about don’t study today? Its probably your last Saturday in New York (unless you live here); go to The Cooper Hewitt Museum, not the pooper Hewitt Dining Hall. There is a whole city below 110th street. Don’t let the dirty Morningside Heights bubble claim your last Saturday in the city.

Music: This is the perfect track to get some good cleaning/packing done to. Its a long mix of songs inspired by 80s funk artists with gentle electronic tones added in. If this is your style, enjoy. If it’s not, investigate anyway. You will fall in love.

Procrastinate: Here is a short playlist of killer rap verses you should be able to recite no matter where you are… kind of like the Shakespeare poetry dudes with circle framed glasses always seem to be reciting. Just like knowing whether you should be (or not be), you should know more than “I got broads in Atlanta” in Desiigner’s “Panda,” and you should know more than the part when Busta Rhymes takes a deep breath in his verse on “Look At Me Now.” Here is the link to Rap Genius if you really can’t bring your fingers to type it into the web address field literally at the top of this page.

Overheard: In Ferris: “Why is this place always so fucking full? Fuck this university.”

Chicken Corsage or nah, via KFC

May

6

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We've cracked the code, this is how you ace your finals

We’ve cracked the code, this is how you ace your finals

At Columbia University, it can often seem as though everyone around you is killing it… and you’re… well… not. But most of the time, that’s all in your head! You just have to stay motivated. After all, in a week, this will all be over. Yikes, that sounded ominous, we just meant finals. Or did we.

Bwogline: The jury on the “Grim Sleeper” case took less than two full days to convict Lonnie David Franklin, Jr. of killing ten victims, which makes him one the most prolific serial killers in California history… second only to Ted Cruz. (CNN)

Study Tip: Find a new place. It’s the end of the year, and you’ve probably spent too much time in *insert name of depressing but conveniently-located library you frequent way too often*. But you still have time to change that. Try Bwog’s list of ten study spots to check out, or Spoon’s list of the 10 best coffee shops for studying, or just start walking. Something’s bound to turn up.

Procrastinate: Get lost in the Wikipedia maze of people’s biographies and histories. Who to begin with? Why, the Zodiac Killer, of course.

Music: You know who else is killing it right now? The Killers. They’re currently working on their fifth studio album, which they’ve announced they are making because their last album “wasn’t good enough” and “we all know it.” Okay, so maybe they don’t think they’re killing it. But we figure the next album oughta be good, so in anticipation, you should listen to their old stuff. Here’s a few classics to start with, and by a few, we mean 86.

Overheard: SPOILER ALERT… “Jon Snow isn’t dead, but I am.”

Crack that code via Wikimedia Commons

May

5

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Beyonce

Jay… don’t do it….

Day three of Reading Week, and the livin’ is easy. Just joking, we’re all dying. Just remember: your week isn’t going as badly as Ted Cruz’s is! And you don’t even have to kill all those people–being the Zodiac Killer must be hard work…

Bwogline: If you haven’t been listening to Beyonce’s Lemonade on repeat this entire week, we don’t know what to say to you. If you have, just know that Jay Z is reportedly working on a “response” to the album, which some critics have been calling a “diss track” directed at him. How is he going to respond? Some potential lyrics he could rap: “Hey Beyonce I am sorry/So so sorry/Please love me/Make your fans stop tweeting me with death threats/Thanks honey.” (Missopen)

Study Tip: Fill your body with food that’s actually good-tasting/moderately healthy/affordable: try a falafel sandwich from Amir’s. Under $6 gets you the best falafel this side of 96th street. Make sure to drink lots of water to wash that down! No one likes that kid who passes out in Butler and creates a traffic jam as they’re taken out on a gurney…

Procrastinate: If you’ve never heard of Mirek’s Cellebration, read this and watch until your eyes stream with the kind of patterns you were seeing an hour into your last Chem exam, but prettier. (This requires a non-OS X computer–time to haul your sorry butt into the “study lounge!” Or, you could just watch this video. Either one).

Music: A classic to get you subtly shaking in the ref room. This may look disturbing to nearby students, shake it with caution.

Overheard: A desk attendant defending Bernie’s advanced age saying “We all voted for Obama cause he looked young you know we could relate to him, then two years into the presidency he starts looking like Obi-Wan Kenobi and shit, people AGE MAN.” Real.

Queen Bey via Wikimedia Commons 

 

May

4

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wow u really don't know physics

wow u really don’t know physics

It’s Day 2 of Reading Week! We know you probably don’t believe in yourself but that’s okay, because we have enough faith in you to power Butler for an entire week. Get out of bed, go to that study group, write 6 pages of your paper, and smash that mf final! Alternatively, listen to mopey songs right before you go to bed and never get back the Lit Hum books you loaned out to friends.

Bwogline: R.I.P. to the presidential candidacy of Ted Cruz, murdered by Donald Trump’s electoral prowess—it was a blast, full of great memes, awkward handshakes, and flashbacks to our former roommates. Don’t go! Is something we would have cried out if we liked you. (CNN)

Study Tip: Make a detailed list of all the things you’re going to get done today, and in what order you’ll do them. Actually write it out. Be overambitious so when you inevitably fall short, you’re not that far behind. Physical list-making is one way to keep on top of all your responsibilities and stay motivated, and nothing feels better than crossing off an item from a list! Don’t forget to castigate yourself if you catch yourself watching another episode of Silicon Valley. 

Procrastinate: Make sure you’ve uploaded all of your financial aid documents for next year! The deadline is May 5. On a less practical note, name yourself “Obamacare” or “The Donald” and get to swallowing up others of your kind in an attempt to be the biggest and best there ever was—it’s a microcosm of Columbia.

Music: Feeling alone and unlovable, young and defiant, or pining for that NoCo cutie? If it’s not that late yet, listen to this Bollywood crowd-pleaser to get pumped up for your 15 page Anthropology term paper (put on autoplay to end up in places you would never expect).

Overseen: A couple furiously making out in front of us at Butler, and a disgusted international student walking out in response. Butler is not for love!!

May

3

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Ah yes we love art just like V Show does.

Ah yes we love art just like V Show does.

It’s finally finals season, a time of reckoning, a time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance, a time to—well, you get the idea. It’s not great, by any means, and if you’re anything like us, each of your six professors expects 30% of your total time and effort. Now, we’re not mathematics majors, but that just doesn’t seem to numerically work out. Regardless, Bwog in Bed is back to provide you with some form of (temporary) relief. 

Bwogline: Protestors, mostly peaceful, gave two choices to the Iraqi parliament: reform or face annihilation. The protestors, who support the reform agenda of Prime Minister Haider al-Abadi, left the Green Zone Baghdadi citadel on Sunday, threatening to return if their demands were not met. Who knows if the sectarian divisions incorporated into Iraqi government will be able to reconcile with this turn in events. (NYT)

Study Tip: Finals is really a tough time. Now, we don’t encourage an excess of physically negative behaviors, but spend theses one or two weeks focusing on what makes you comfortable and prepares you best emotionally, mentally, and intellectually for these upcoming exams. Taking a coffee or cigarette break should be just that, a break from stress and worry. And that’s okay! In moderation, nobody will think the less of you.

Procrastinate: Was it even a question of what we were going to suggest first? Two words. Invisible. Cows.

Overheard: “The biggest problem at this school is that nobody knows how to walk.”

Overseen: V Show crew did something (seen above) last night. And we even wrote about it, too!

Leaning statue of V Show via Bwog Staff

Dec

23

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It’s (technically) the last day of finals, but we’re hoping your professors moved your finals that were supposed to be today to some time last week. Most of Bwog is home by now, and we’re using this winter vacation to relax, recharge, and return to school feeling like we’re “on a new level” (or something).

Bwogline: If you haven’t already heard, a study reports that high levels of lead have been found in children’s blood in Flint, Michigan due to lead-tainted drinking water. (CBS News)

Study Tip: Have you seen all those snap stories of the sunrise from the Butler roof and been jealous? (Don’t be–we really believe all-nighters to be unnecessary). Take a much-needed study break, though, by visiting one of the roofs on campus, such as that of Butler, Havemeyer, or Mudd (but don’t get caught!).

Procrastinate: Still have to finish that final paper? At least pretend that you’re doing work with this game that is supposed to look like a Word document.

Dec

22

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An accurate rendering of the inside of our brains during finals

An accurate rendering of the inside of our brains during finals

Finals are almost over. Your ability to sit in a library for hours on end is running low. You’re starting to wonder if this is really your life, or some kind of hellish vision that your brain concocted during your freshman year of high school and has been punishing you with ever since. But don’t despair – as much as life right now might seem terrible, the end is in sight. Don’t resort to skipping town just yet.

Bwogline: New York City has recently passed new guidelines against gender-identity discrimination, including general bans on discrimination in housing and hiring as well as more specific rules about dress codes, bathrooms, and pronoun use. For NYC’s 25,000 trans and gender-nonconforming residents, this news might seem almost too good to be true – our city is really making a big step forward. (Miami Herald)

Study tip: Study in intervals – plan out not just when you’ll take breaks, but how much you’ll achieve in between those breaks. That way, your breaks will feel more deserved. And when you do break, consider doing something creative, like doodling, making origami out of your notes, or writing a haiku about what you’ll do once you get out of your final. Taking a creative break will help you return to your work with renewed focus.

Procrastinate: Remember those fun “educational” online games you used to play as a kid before you discovered social media? Well, they’re still around, and they’re still a great way to distract yourself from your responsibilities. Bwog recommends the Funbrain Arcade – in one of the games, you can shoot penguins out of the sky with snowballs. What could be more satisfying than that?

Music: Nothing gets us fired up like Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody. It’s the classic inspirational song, complete with raging guitar melodies and lyrics about murder. Just be careful that you don’t start singing along passionately in the middle of Butler. (And then, maybe listen to We Will Rock You or Another One Bites the Dust.)

Overheard: “I’m wearing a low cut shirt, so if the final doesn’t work out, maybe I can fuck my professor instead.”

Quickly advancing doom via Shutterstock; Overheard via Overheard @ Barnard

Dec

21

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The picture of perseverance

Bwog wants YOU to believe in yourself!

Yes, we know, it’s Monday. And not just any Monday – the Monday of finals week. To get through this trying time, you’re going to need courage, perseverance, and the kind of ridiculously positive attitude that will make all the cartoon villains resent you. Unfortunately, Bwog can’t give you an epic training montage, but we can at least provide a few tips.

Bwogline: The cast for “Harry Potter and the Cursed Child,” the sequel stage production opening in London next summer, now has three important members: Jamie Parker as Harry Potter, Paul Thornley as Ron Weasley, and Noma Dumezweni as Hermione Granger. Dumezweni, an actress of South African heritage, bears little resemblance to Emma Watson, but we’re certain she’ll kick ass as the brightest witch of her age anyway. (The Guardian)

Study tip: Every so often, get up! Stretch! Get your blood pumping! Shout a warcry! (Either out loud or in your head, depending on where you’re studying.) Pretend you’re about to go into battle, or that you just drank a triple espresso. Whatever works.

Procrastinate: If you like humor, art, or neither, you’ll probably enjoy officialunitedstates. Advertised as “the most official bad text posts from the USA,” this blog features opinions on everything, from trains to Hilary Clinton to the insects Mars does not have. Its moderator is truly a hero of our time.

Music: Your favorite movie’s soundtrack. Whether it’s Star Wars, Mulan, or Pride & Prejudice, listening to the music from your favorite movie while you work will cause you to visualize the scenes from that movie, which in turn will motivate you more than some arbitrary study playlist. (If your favorite movie’s soundtrack is not quite up to par, Bwog recommends the tracks of Pacific Rim, How to Train Your Dragonand Mad Max: Fury Road.)

Overheard: “I thought I heard the primal scream happening earlier, but turns out that was just in my head.”

The next savior of planet Earth via Shutterstock

Dec

20

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Fueling up for finals

Fueling up for finals

Oh, the beauties of Sunday morning. Whether you prefer Maroon 5 or Velvet Underground, there’s No Doubt about it: Sunday mornings are the best. Although, if you’re in the majority and still have more finals looming overhead, it probably doesn’t feel like the best morning. But you can do it! Only three more days (at most) before Winter Break officially commences. In order to make it through, you’re gonna have to get pumped. But don’t worry. Bwog is here to help.

Bwogline: Get pumped about pets! Really, really old pets! Archaeologists found the remains of captive carnivores – a puma, eagle, and wolf – in Teotihuacan, Mexico this week.This means the practice in antiquity of keeping captive carnivores for ritualistic purposes began almost 1000 years before we thought it did. Spanish conquistadors described Moctezuma’s zoo at the Aztec capital, but it turns out Moctezuma wasn’t the first to have a pet puma. (The Epoch Times)

Study tip: Stay away from the energy drinks, and stay hydrated with water instead. Try not to double your normal daily coffee intake, and avoid Monster/Red Bull if you can. Remember, taking 3 capsules of 5-hour Energy does not result in 15 hours of energy. Most likely, it means crashing into a wall – either figurative or literal. One Bwogger bought military gum off Amazon last week, and they can attest: not a good idea.

Procrastinate: Get some exercise! Mental activity is great and all, but physical activity is equally important in times of stress. Take your pick: Dodge fitness center? Rooftop yoga session? A run in Riv? Or even in Central Park? Lucky for you, climate change has ensured that you can still actually exercise outside. It’s barely started to feel like December recently, but maybe your Florida/Cali/etc. heart just can’t take this wind chill. So if worse comes to worst, and you can’t brave the cold, settle for Dodge. If you can manage to go outside, put those running shoes on, start jogging down Broadway, and don’t look back. True, you might miss your final, but it’ll be worth it.

Music: From the title, to the cover photo, to the description, to the track listing, this playlist is bound to help you succeed (or at least survive).

Overheard: (On Low Steps) “DJ Kahled is the only thing that has inspired me to keep going this week.” …Hope things get better for you soon, dude.

Bonus: Whether you’ve seen it already or not (and we hope you have by now) this video is sure to get you amped. Get ready for girl power at its finest.

Straight pumpin’ via Shutterstock

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