#bwog in bed
Bwog In Bed: Final Stretch Edition
You in 1020 after your last final.

You in 1020 after your last final.

Bwogline: PhD researchers at Columbia have created a way to run iPhone apps on Android phones.

Finals Tip: Every time you don’t know the answer to a question, pick your nose. If the test is really hard, you will give yourself a bloody nose and have an excuse to re-take it later.

Procrastinate: Does victory always evade you when you play 2048? Try a game of 2048 Numberwang instead.

Music: After today, almost everybody will be done with finals. But if you, like Bwog, still have one or two exams left, you are most likely caught in a dreadful limbo somewhere between 209 and 1020. Today’s playlist maps this gruelling journey to the finish line with tracks by Sleigh Bells, Deer Tick and many more. You can do it!

Overheard: Tips sent at 1:30 AM last night:

“Group of graduating seniors just walked into 209 and sang a song about pooping in Butler, met with loud objections by one girl who ‘has a final tomorrow.’ It was beautiful.”

“A group of guys and gals came to the Butler lounge and sang a song about pooping in Butler. ‘Pooping in Butler’ was the chorus, so I figure that’s a fitting title for the song. Guitar was involved.”

Astonishingly accurate prediction of the future via ShutterStock

Bwog In Bed: Don’t Mention The Cliche Edition
Bwog responding to a cliche (but not our cliche!!)

Bwog responding to a cliche (but not our cliche!!)

You’re almost there: the light at the end of the tunnel.  Yeah it’s a cliche, but we’ve already turned in all our papers so we don’t care.  Anyway, keep your head held high and keep pushing through till the end.  You’ve made it this far already, and Bwog believes in you!

Bwogline: Literally everyone and their mother is involved in politics now.  Here’s a name you never thought you’d hear again. (LA Times)

Finals Tip: There’s nothing wrong with staying the entire 3 hours for your final, even if you finish the exam in 1.5.  You never know when you’ll have an epiphany that can bring your grade up, and besides, if you’re embarrassed to stay until the end, know that it’s the end of the year so you’ll probably never see any of these people again.

Procrastinate: Hopefully your thesis isn’t as bad as these.  Come here when you’re feeling especially bad about your b.s. essay and feel a little better about yourself.  There’s also plenty of Columbia and Barnard ones.

Overheard: By the Furnald lawns:

“I have to suffer before I can understand.”

How grimly Nietzschean.

Literally and figuratively tired via Shutterstock

Bwog in Bed: Out of Fuel Edition
Actually running on negative fumes

Actually running on negative fumes

Look, the endpoint is in sight. Dorm rooms are emptying of the hipster junk you thought would look cool but ended up just taking up space. Stress and sleep deprivation have blanketed a calm over the campus. Focus, and you’ll be able to endure. Try studying in one of those lesser known libraries that probably have a mysterious staircase leading to the perfect study spot.

Bwogline: A transfer student to Columbia has spoken out against her former college, Williams, mishandling a sexual assault case. (WBUR)

Finals Tip: Music Hum Flashcards.

Procrastinate: Feeling hungry? Spending your study hours eating Funyuns® and Milano cookies? Trying looking at these and pretending you actually have eaten a cooked meal in the past week. Or relish that you’re not eating one of these.

Music: Bwog was inspired by the Eurovision Song Contest to dig up some of your favourite 80s and 90s Europop. Extra points if you still remember the dance to The Ketchup Song. Énjöy!

Overseen: Not that you can tell from this picture, but these signs in a John Jay window wish Butler studiers good luck and have smiley faces on them.

image (6)

Bwog in Bed: Self-Affirmation Edition

Professor Bwog says: This too shall pass, even if you don’t.

The weekend is gone and you probably didn’t get anything done. That’s okay. Now it’s time to buckle down and get this over with. Just remember: it’s the last Monday of the semester! You can do it! Bwog believes in you!

Bwogline: Austria’s Conchita Wurst won the Eurovision Song Contest yesterday. And now you’re going to spend an hour watching Eurovision videos. (BBC News).

Finals Tip: The combination of summer heat and extreme academic effort might make your brain overheat if you don’t take precautions such as staying inside, avoiding all sunlight, and drinking nothing but iced coffee. Remember: you need your brain for thinking so don’t let it melt!

Procrastinate: Ogle at some ugly Renaissance Art, or maybe just make yourself into a work of art.

Music: Did you ever have so much work that you wished you had four hands? So did Rachmaninoff and Schumann, apparently.

Overseen: The essence of higher mathematics, the poop cube (overseen in Math).

Not all chemists are like this (but most are) via ShutterStock.

Bwog In Bed: Panic Edition
"Find me some sand to bury my head in RIGHT NOW!"

“Find me some sand to bury my head in RIGHT NOW!”

Sunday? It’s Sunday? That means tomorrow is… Monday! AHHHHHHH!!! The best thing you can do right now is stay in bed and pretend this isn’t happening. That’s Bwog’s strategy, anyway.

Bwogline: Michael Sam became the first openly gay player to be drafted in the NFL yesterday. If he can play, he can play! (NY Daily News)

Finals Tip: Bring a small vial of perfume to rub all over your exam, to show your professor you really care.

Procrastinate: It’s Mother’s Day, so procrastinate by calling your maternal figure. Or thinking about her.

Music: Bwog is studying hard for its Calc and Stats finals, so today’s playlist is all about math. Remember: u > finals.

Overheard:

This girl on my floor lives right across from the bathroom. just as I came out of my room yesterday, she was walking into the bathroom to go shower, except she was holding her towel instead of wearing it. We made eye contact. I saw her boobs. It was fucking awkward. Needless to say, we haven’t spoken since.

Ah, the hazards of dorm life.

Mr Ostrich via Shutterstock

Bwog In Bed: It’s Happening It’s Actually Happening Edition

It’s the first day of finals and if you needed us to tell you that, you’re probably in some pretty deep shit already. Peel your nose our of your pile of books, stop hyperventilating, and get ready to go completely fail and cry all over ace that first final.

shutterstock_131282603

Bwog just wants cuddles

Bwogline: By the end of the year, a 3D printer for makeup will be on the market. If you’ve never been able to find the color that suits you just right — “finals zombie violet” or “haven’t slept sickly pink” — you’d better look into pre-ordering. (TechCrunch)

Finals Tip: Practice passing out on command for a way out of tricky testing situations. Struggling with your econ final? There’s no way you’ll have to finish it if you’re unconscious on the ground!

Procrastinate: If you’ve ever wondered how good you are at pooping (and don’t pretend like you haven’t), look no further. (Buzzfeed)

Music: Today, our playlist is Lit Hum and CC themed and features Slow Club, the Mountain Goats, and some more of the Mountain Goats. Guys, it’s hard finding songs with Euripides references, okay.

Overheard: Girl on Broadway: “yeah it was so much fun and then we just vomited everywhere.” Worrisome.

Spirit animal via Shutterstock

Bwog In Bed: I Won The Game Edition

It’s reading week day three, and that means the week is over! Yes that’s right in case you didn’t realize Columbia calls it a week to give you hope only to pull the rug out from under your stupid hopeful feet. PrezBo laughs as you fall on your ass, but Bwog knows your confusion and offers you some Internets to sooth that broken coccyx.

Bwogline: In Aleppo today, Islamist rebels blew up a hotel known to be used as a military base by President Bashar al-Assad’s forces. The number of casualties is unclear, but could be as high as 50 military persona. (Reuters)

Finals Tip: Do your studying and take your tests on a full stomach. Why not try the breakfast of champions? Oh, that’s why.

Procrastinate: Build your trophy collection in the video game version of Future’s new single “I Won” with Kanye West. It wins Bwog’s award for most misogynistic game of all time.

Have some sweet tunes:

Overheard:

“Dude what would you do if Beyonce dropped another album before finals?”

“I would die.”

“What Japanese emoji would you be?”

Probably something like this.

 

Bwog In Bed: Everything Is Cats Edition

Welcome to day two of reading week, hopefully you haven’t already burned through the Starbucks gift card your mom gave you. As things start to get a little #dark now that you realize that research paper you thought you had forever to do is, in fact, due tomorrow. Or maybe that’s just Bwog. To take the pain away, have some cats.

Bwogline: Your grandmother (or you, Bwog doesn’t judge) will be pleased: there is now a 24-hour channel dedicated only to cats. YouTube be damned? (E! Online)

Finals Tip: It’s better to fail a class than get a C because you’re able to retake the course and have the original failure disappear from your transcript. Then again, you will always know.

Procrastinate: Do some actual reading during reading “week” (three days is not a week, damn it). Alternatively, just look at these hot guys with cats (and yes, we posted these last finals but it’s JUST TOO PERFECT).

Overheard: Trust me bro, you’re not as funny as you think you are.

“I hate it when guys are sarcastic they’re like ‘you don’t get my sense of humor’ and I’m like that’s cause you don’t have one”

Bwog In Bed: Pound the Alarm

Today marks the first day of reading week, and so Bwog transitions to Bwog In Bed. How will you spend the next few days, turning down in the ref room, or turning up in the stacks?

Bwogline: People that don’t really matter to you talk about having access to wi-fi while flying (probably on JetBlue). (NYT)

Finals Tip: There is no shame in failing some of your finals, as long as you have a great excuse to give your classmates, potential employer, parents.

Procrastinate: Don’t play this in Butler: Find the Invisible Cow.

Overheard: Now take a moment to pray for our souls:

“Dude what would you do if Beyoncé dropped another album before finals?”
“I would die”

Bwog in Bed: Go Home Already
So long, dining hall food!

So long, dining hall food!

A moment of silence for anyone who is still on campus right now. Your struggle is real.

Bwogline: In case you’ve been living under a rock (which you have, because finals) Beyoncé has sold a lot of albums in the past week.

Finals Tip: Wait until you are safely tucked away in your loud, cramped economy class seat on a Spirit Airlines plane to remember that you missed an entire short answer question on your last final. Then shrug and go to sleep because finals are over and you can’t find a single fuck to give.

Procrastinate: Because Bwog isn’t above marathoning a show that got canceled four episodes in.

Overheard: 

Somewhere on campus: 

”I’m contemplating whether next semester I want to have more sex to get more practice or to really find someone meaningful.”

Well, congratulations on having options. Keep it down.

Bwog In Bed: You’re Probably Already Home But We’re Still Here So Shhh
YES

Spotted. A world full of snow heroes in today’s Bwog in Bed.

We don’t give a shit if you’re already home and playing with your cat. At least one Bwogger still has 2 exams and a paper left as of this morning, so put up with us for our penultimate Bwog in Bed of 2013.

Bwogline: Rich Ellerson was fired as West Point’s football coach after going 3-9 for the season—and, notably, losing to Navy consecutively in his time as coach. We don’t think that record is that bad…

Finals tip: Dress great, never sleep, CU does it well.

Procrastinate: Learn something.

Overseen: He did it after all.

a true hero

God bless you, and god bless America

 

Bwog In Bed: Hold On, We’re Going Home Edition

The end is nigh, folks.  In just over 24 hours you’ll either be enjoying one of the most amazing cities in the world (something you’ve probably existed since about mid-November) or you’ll be on a plane/train/car/foot?/vehicle back to wherever it is that you go when you’re not here.  So crawl back in bed with us, we promise it’ll only happen once more, and take a breather.  Hold on, we’re going home.

Bwogline: Ronnie Biggs, some train robber dude, has just passed away.  On the one hand, that’s one less thing you have to worry about, but on the other… what cool dude! (NYT)

Finals tip: It’s winter time. Eat some carbs, fat, and sugar to put on that extra layer of warmth!  Feeling a little less cold will help you wake up for you 9:00 am final tomorrow.

Procrastinate: These are some super dope photos taken from Google Street View.  Prepare to feel stunned.

Overheard:

A first-year (awwwww)  in 209: “Butler is like the 1020 of finals week! I just saw a guy to try to pick up a girl over there…”

And on that note, has anyone been looking at Columbia Admirers lately? Of course you have. “The thirst is real,” guys.

Drake:
Pitchfork called it song of the year!

Bwog in Bed: In Brief

Bwogline: A federal judge ruled that the NSA’s metadata collection violates the Fourth Amendment.

Finals tip: Ask a more devoted student in your class that you sort of know to borrow her notes.

Procrastinate: Engage in serious intellectual discourse, for a change.

Overseen:

Bwog in Bed: The Beginning of the End

Whether today is your ticket to freedom or the beginning of a new wave of finals, Bwog invites you to hop in bed with us for a few minutes before you start your Monday. Oh, you thought we meant that in a sexual way? Get your mind out of the gutter. This is about cuddling and being lazy, dammit.

Update: CUIT informs us that Courseworks is back up, and has been since 10 a.m.

Breaking: Courseworks is down, as are many things CUIT related, because the authentication servers aren’t working. That means no printing, secure Wi-Fi, or anything using your password. Good luck to you all.

Bwogline: Bwog contemplates what it would be like to kiss Jennifer Lawrence with perhaps the most glorious but useless piece of information ever. (Yahoo)

Finals tip: Tattoo important quotations onto your skin. This way, you’ll never be caught off guard on an IDs section.

Procrastinate: If you’re feeling sorry for yourself, just be glad you’re not caught in the middle of a goose tsunami. Yes, your read that right. A GOOSE TSUNAMI.

Overseen:

The church on 114th takes its Christmas pageantry very seriously.

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Bwog In Bed: The Last Lazy Sunday
We're regressing

We’re regressing

After last night’s “snowstorm” revelries, we invite you all to crawl into bed with us for a few more minutes on this last lazy Sunday of the year. You’re so close to the end of finals you can taste it. There’s still studying and essay writing to be done, but that can all wait for just a bit. We’ve got plenty of pillows.

Bwogline: Had a missed connection in the snow this week? (NYT)

Finals tip: Don’t actually sleep—just check your watch and keep taking 5-hour energies until your last final is over.

Procrastinate: Guide these sheep home. Yes, the sheep are a metaphor for you.

Overheard:

Two rather loud girls in the stacks:
Girl 1: You know people here have sex in the stacks? It’s, like, an thing.
Girl 2: Really?? Ew.
Girl 1: Yeah, like that’s ALL people do in here.
Tipster (in head): Actually some of us study, too.

How you feel via Wikimedia