Sick ‘em

It’s Thursday. We’re on the homestretch, we’re almost there! Take a minute to join Bwog in bed for a quick mind-cuddle. For more Bwog-love, send your overheards, questions and poetry to tips@bwog.com

Bwogline: Ivy League? More like the Crime-y League. White-only scholarships, under-reported sex crimes, freshman arrested for aggravated sexual assault? Summer can’t come quickly enough.

Procrastinate: Try to figure out where on earth you are! Or take a look at what it’s like in space, courtesy of InterStellar Sex God Chris Hadfield.

Finals Tip: Instead of studying, work on perfecting your dog whistle. Whip it out in the middle of your exam. Dogs through the windows, dogs through the floors, dogs swirling around the desks and dogs chewing on your T.A.’s leg. Your  exam will be completely forgotten.

Overheard:

Two disillusioned students by Wallach: Lit Hum is so pointless. When was the last time you opened the classified section and it said, ‘Sing, customer, of the shoes that the baby bought and the happiness that they brought unto the entire family.’ or ‘It is a truth universally acknowledged that baby shoes are cheaper at Target.’

Pooches via Shutterstock

Can you imagine what Bwog had to go through to find this

Bwoglines: Although there probably is serious news, Bwog still cares about Jennifer Aniston. In totally unrelated news, the new Daft Punk album, Random Access Memories, leaked yesterday, but if you really love Daft Punk you already have it.

Finals Tip: Have sex instead of studying for finals. According to the ever-reliable WebMD, it cures everything but cancer, as if you need a reason. Also this is the last time you will get to have sex without your parents your dog getting in the way.

Procrastinate: On the subject of things that crush your nuts, here is a machine that liquidizes everything. On a separate but related note, here is a stable link to a page of horse puns.

Overheard At JJs, obviously:

“Man, girls just do that sometimes. They point things out like it’s nothing. Guys are more insecure than they think.”

Oof.

Wtf is all this astroturf via Shutterstock

RIP

Bwoglines: ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT FROZEN BANANA STAND IN REAL LIFE. Today, from 11 am- 6 pm, across from radio city music hall. Some of the cast may make an appearance. Drop everything you are doing and go. And don’t forget to leave a note. (Gothamist)

Finals tip: tip about finals.

Procrastinate: so meta. (Wikipedia)

Last night’s primal scream. (Youtube)

Souls allowed in spill-proof beverage containers only via a lovely tipster

Bwoglines: Ever wonder what it would be like to live in a giant dollhouse? Neither have we but too bad. (Yahoo)

Finals Tip: Practice self control.

Procrastinate: Relive childhood memories (with the added benefit of zombies) and watch as Ryan Gosling won’t eat cereal. (Organ Trail, Buzzfeed)

Overseen: Look on the bright side!

we get out of bed once and this is what we get

Everything is awful except for the Slow Loris.

Holy fucking shit the Slow Loris. 

Bwoglines: Randy Jackson leaves American idol. (E!) Carbon dioxide has not been this high in at least three million years. (NYT) You decide which is the greater tragedy.

Finals Tip: Don’t be a shitty person. Instead, drop out and become a cheese wit. (NYT)

Procrastinate: Make music with an NYC subway map while pretending you’ve been on the subway once this semester. Do not dwell on current events.

Overheard: 

General displeasure

Here’s a video of Bwog trying to post harmless, inane news this week.

Every time we open our inbox via Shutterstock

Rise and shine

Bwogline: The spire of One World Trade Center was bolted in this morning, officially bringing the building to stand at 1,776 feet tall. (CNN)

Finals Tip: Caffeine keeps you up, sugar makes you crash. So only drink RedBull or other sugary energy drinks if you plan on sleeping later. Otherwise, use coffee or tea.

Procrastinate: You’ll watch this more than you’ll admit.

Overheard:

“No, I like your prose – I just don’t like your ideas”

Ah, constructive criticism.

What we wish someone would make us via Shutterstock

Our eyes are still closed

It’s 11:30 a.m., you say? But we could have sworn it was only 8:15 when we pressed the snooze button…

Bwogline: New York may allow non-citizens to vote in certain local elections; it would make New York the first major city in the country to do so.

Finals tip: Carrying around your books for weeks in your bag basically means you’ve learned their contents after a certain point — no actual handling them necessary! So be sure to have every single CC text in your backpack at all times; occasionally shuffle them into a different order to really get a nuanced grasp of the arguments inside them.

Procrastinate: Read about people cooler than you who are eating better food than you.

Overheard: By EC: “I came so hard I got tinnitus!”

People who woke up later than us via Wikimedia

she turns around and finds a man

Reading “week” continues. Bwog’s got studying to do, too, but we’re still in bed.

Bwogline: Three women missing for ten years escaped and have been reunited with their families.

Finals Tip: Set your desktop background to a picture of Lil Bub—let her watch over you as you study, and you’ll be happy in no time.

Procrastinate: The classic ThisIsWhyImBroke.

Overheard: Hope for all of us from outside Lerner:

“Yeah I dunno she said she was going to Butler to find a boyfriend.”

Securing a man, because that happens in Butler, via Shutterstock

These adorabs sheep are you right now

Bwog is done with classes and super done with bwoglines. Instead, we’re going to stay in bed and just take a peek at what’s going on in the real world. Help Bwog keep up by sending your crazy overheards/gossip/love letters to tips@bwog.com!

Bwogline: Meanwhile, at Wesleyan, administrators are going crazy trying to foil this year’s Tour de Franzia. (Jezebel)

Finals tip: Shred your notes. Brew them as a loose leaf tea into a knowledge potion. Consume as needed for instant enlightenment.

Procrastinate: Make everyone around you in the library jealous. Guide these sheep home.

Overheard:

Surprisingly deep child to his brother: No, I felt it! I felt it and I am I and you are not me.

Watched-over flock via Wikimedia

“This just in from NASA: there’s a giant asteroid shaped like the number ’2012′ on a collision course with earth!”

The hour is nigh. Gird your loins, get out the bong waterpipe and come hide under our covers: it’s (supposed to be) the end of the world, motherfuckers.

Bwogline: In case you’ve been living under a rock for the last five years, according to the Mayan calendar (and a really bad action movie) the world is supposed to end today. Except not even the Mayans are convinced—not even the Mayans in Brooklyn. Neither is NASA.

Finals tip: When in doubt, quote the original language version of the text.

Procrastinate: Since the world is going to be obliterated soon anyways, look at pretty pictures of outer space.

Overheard: “I’m going to do all of the things that I don’t do here. Like play video games, and relax.”

Likely end  of the world scenario via Shutterstock

Bwog getting ready for the apocalypse tonight

It’s now only a matter of hours until you can jump for joy and revel in the total freedom of winter break. Draw from us the strength to last one more day, and we’ll see you tonight at the party end of the world.

Bwogline: Although the Canadian video of a child being flown away by an eagle was proven false, records do show that a similar incident happened in 1901. Lesson: continue to watch out for menacing birds around toddlers. (NY Mag)

Finals tip: Spending a whole day thinking about what you’re going to write about instead of actually writing it totally equals progress.

Procrastinate: Get ready for your upcoming month of home-cooked meals by stocking up on your food porn, a.k.a the NYMag food diaries. Also the sex diaries.

Overheard: Two girls with priorities:

Girl 1: “I told her we just left the concert, do you wanna hang out with her in like 20 minutes?
Girl 2: “Yeah, let me just go change my underwear.”

Brit via Wikimedia Commons

Just because there’s a filter doesn’t mean it’s special

Two more days of finals! That means that either you’re either getting annoyed at your friend that’s already done or that annoying friend who has already finished a season on Netflix. In 36 hours you should be done too, so hang in there, Columbia. Don’t forget to email tips@bwog.com with any last-minute campus craziness.

Bwogline: Instagram can now use your photos in an ad without telling you, and some of the company’s users are furious. That plate of sushi with the Valencia filter was, like, my masterpiece!

Finals Tip: Stop worrying about what to buy your family for Christmas by spending all your money on Adderall.

Procrastinate: Play the game from middle school that never gets old: Mash.

Overseen: Some of us are past the point of no return:

My roommate spent all day in the Lerner computer lab yesterday, sitting next to the same man for several hours. For the first two, he was very studious. Then something happened and he sat there staring at an essay he’d printed out for an hour while he ripped up pieces of paper and crumpled them up.

My last picture taken via Shutterstock 

It can only go downhill from here.

Been sustaining your scream since last night? Well grab some whisky tea to soothe your throat, then climb back into bed and let Bwog soothe your soul. But caution: contents may be hot. And your tea might be hot as well.  Good luck on your exams and if you’re feeling crappy, just think about how bad that last joke was. Email tips@bwog.com with weird finals-related stuff that you  other people do.

Bwogline: You’re not the only one attempting to unearth things long forgotten! Archeologists discovered some pretty cool things in 2012. (Huffington Post)

Finals Tip: Make really small flash cards, crumple them up and put them in your nose/ears so that you can learn by osmosis

What your social interactions probably look like at this point: Coherent sentence not an things anymore Butler too much. (Youtube)

Technically downelevator but you get the point via Butler 6th floor

The good ole’ days.

For many, today is another day within the eye of the storm. For those with random makeup exams and the half of the freshman class in FroSci, console yourself as you lie in bed with the fact that you’ll be one exam closer to freedom. As always, email tips@bwog.com about your strange neighbor in Butler or that out-of-context sentence overheard in John Jay.

Bwogline: Columbia’s a cappella groups are hotter than hot right now, as Uptown Vocal performed at the White House last week. For everyone who doesn’t get gigs like this on random Tuesdays: look at your life, look at your choices.

Finals Tip: Listening to “On My Own” does in fact count as studying French, and it is in fact about you/your upcoming exam.

Procrastinate: While you’re looking forward to going home and seeing your pets family, beware of any group pictures ending up like these.

Overheard: From Oren’s, and we wish you this feeling in the coming days:

“Even unconsciously, I’m smart. And that’s really great.”

Sweet, innocent you via Shutterstock

Best we could do right now.

We’ve had one day of exams, and now we already get a day off again before some of us have to go back to writing for 3 hours in a row (looking at you, FroSci). So why would you even get out of bed? Stay right here and cuddle with Bwog. If we could bring you breakfast via the Internet we would, but that hasn’t been invented yet. However, you can bring us your finals wisdom/humor through tips@bwog.com! So enjoy your break, send us anything you think we might like, and we’ll ask our tech guys to work on those eggs.

Bwogline: On a very serious note, the tragic shooting in Connecticut yesterday has completely filled the news as well as our conversations, hearts, and thoughts. We extend our deepest condolences to all those affected. (CNN)

Finals tip: Falling asleep while studying or at an exam? Take a shoe and a sock off, leaving one of your feet bare. It forces your body to regulate two different temperatures, thus keeping you awake.

This is for real; they teach it at driver’s ed in Brazil.

Overheard: A microaggression at a Starbucks near campus:

“I still can’t believe my friend Ryan was at that party! You know my friend Ryan, the one who’s gay? Well I had no idea he knew Alex!! I guess they know each other because they’re both gay? Is that a thing?”

Food glorious food via Shutterstock