Freshpeople hankerin' for a little fraternité

In an apparent effort to jade our incoming 2015 prefrosh before, rather than after, NSOP, Housing has already let down our youngsters. Last year, 14ers got their assignments on July 2nd. This year, Housing only finally released a few today—and then stopped. Predictably, a shitstorm ensued on the 2015 Facebook page.

One student posted, “Housing is up already?!? I’m serious!” Some students disbelieved her, others demanded screenshots, still more condemned her as a troll. But it was true: some freshlings have received their housing assignments and others have not. Freshpeople, after your heart rate falls, check out our first-year housing reviews so you can agonize more. We’re sorry: Wallach doubles are just the worst.

Here are some flavorful highlights from the thread. At the time of posting it was at 291 comments and still growing. This manic activity would suggest that there are bitches going crazy way before they even arrive at Columbia, which could shed new light on the debate over whether Columbia destroys our souls. Just kidding ’15ers! Correlation does not imply causation.

Chill, Bro

  • “how hard can it be?”
  • “if ur trolling i will b very mad”
  • “well, if other people actually get it, start a doc” [As in, have a Google Facebook document into which every freshling would enter their Housing data, presumably so they can then rate every first year floor by attractiveness and depth of literary pursuits.]

So Much To Learn (They Will Never Email You)

  • “I haven’t heard too much about Wallach aside for it being the LLC. Do you know if it’s fairly social and what not? I never really looked into it a wallach double wasn’t in my first eight choices…”
  • “i don’t think these are real. columbia wouldn’t give you something that’s not in your top 8 choices and they would have e-mailed us.”
  • “I keep refreshing cubmail because we’re supposed to get emails with all this stuff.”
  • “NOT OKAY. I’m supposed to be at work.. But I just keep refreshing my Housing App…….”
  • “sooo I got a Wallach double… anyone know what this meansss?”

Getting It Already

  • “I think this is an exercise to help us develop the proper cynicism in our fellow Columbians.”
  • “i’m not sure what’s more alarming–the pace and mania of this thread or the fact that one of my future suitemates’ username is “Tangasinthejuice””
  • “I feel like we’re going through a crisis together, one of those moments…where were you?”
  • Kids, we’re reaching out to our friends at Housing for an explanation assure us that all freshmen assignments will be completed by the end of the week. No word on why there was such a holdup. You should check back with the StarRez on Friday for your assignments.

    UPDATE: Housing assignments have been released. Any estimations on the cumulative volume of tears of joy/relief/anguish being shed right now?

    Historic moment via Wikimedia