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Overseen: Homeless Prefrosh Riot

Freshpeople hankerin' for a little fraternité

In an apparent effort to jade our incoming 2015 prefrosh before, rather than after, NSOP, Housing has already let down our youngsters. Last year, 14ers got their assignments on July 2nd. This year, Housing only finally released a few today—and then stopped. Predictably, a shitstorm ensued on the 2015 Facebook page.

One student posted, “Housing is up already?!? I’m serious!” Some students disbelieved her, others demanded screenshots, still more condemned her as a troll. But it was true: some freshlings have received their housing assignments and others have not. Freshpeople, after your heart rate falls, check out our first-year housing reviews so you can agonize more. We’re sorry: Wallach doubles are just the worst.

Here are some flavorful highlights from the thread. At the time of posting it was at 291 comments and still growing. This manic activity would suggest that there are bitches going crazy way before they even arrive at Columbia, which could shed new light on the debate over whether Columbia destroys our souls. Just kidding ’15ers! Correlation does not imply causation.

Chill, Bro

  • “SUCK MY DICK COLUMBIA”
  • “how hard can it be?”
  • “GOD I’M FUCKING PISSED”
  • “if ur trolling i will b very mad”
  • “well, if other people actually get it, start a doc” [As in, have a Google Facebook document into which every freshling would enter their Housing data, presumably so they can then rate every first year floor by attractiveness and depth of literary pursuits.]

So Much To Learn (They Will Never Email You)

  • “I haven’t heard too much about Wallach aside for it being the LLC. Do you know if it’s fairly social and what not? I never really looked into it a wallach double wasn’t in my first eight choices…”
  • “i don’t think these are real. columbia wouldn’t give you something that’s not in your top 8 choices and they would have e-mailed us.”
  • “I keep refreshing cubmail because we’re supposed to get emails with all this stuff.”
  • “NOT OKAY. I’m supposed to be at work.. But I just keep refreshing my Housing App…….”
  • “sooo I got a Wallach double… anyone know what this meansss?”

Getting It Already

  • “I think this is an exercise to help us develop the proper cynicism in our fellow Columbians.”
  • “i’m not sure what’s more alarming–the pace and mania of this thread or the fact that one of my future suitemates’ username is “Tangasinthejuice””
  • “I feel like we’re going through a crisis together, one of those moments…where were you?”
  • Kids, we’re reaching out to our friends at Housing for an explanation assure us that all freshmen assignments will be completed by the end of the week. No word on why there was such a holdup. You should check back with the StarRez on Friday for your assignments.

    UPDATE: Housing assignments have been released. Any estimations on the cumulative volume of tears of joy/relief/anguish being shed right now?

    Historic moment via Wikimedia

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    73 Comments

  • CC'15 says:

    @CC'15 I got my assignment but it was in some place called Harmony Hall. I hear that is a very popular topic here–can someone tell me where to find it?

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous 110th street between Broadway and Amsterdam…at least it’s close to Westside?

      1. ... says:

        @... Why would you?

    2. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous dear god, are you harmony hunter reborn?

    3. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous how do you get put into harmony as a freshman??

    4. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous ahh, so much to learn. you are asking all of the wrong questions. “what is harmony hall” will be replaced by “where has my soul gone” by next year. now THAT is a question.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous these kids are batshit crazy and they haven’t even started

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous So they’re Columbia students…

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous this just made my day. “we’re supposed to get emails with all this stuff”. HA

  • CC14 URC membz says:

    @CC14 URC membz thanks for the lolzy quotes bwog, but the reason some of us are “getting it already” is cause we’re not pre-frosh…

    regardless, bitches. be. cray. zee.

    1. cc12 says:

      @cc12 Christ, one year of Columbia and some time on the URC and you think you’re “getting it” ? STFU

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous If “getting it” means becoming a prick, then maybe it’s a good thing CC ’14 hasn’t gotten “it.”

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I think by “doc” they were referring to a Facebook Group doc, not Google doc.

    1. CC 15 says:

      @CC 15 Uh, yeah, that is what i meant, silly Bwog people. I’m not THAT stupid. A doc within the group!!

  • CC'11 says:

    @CC'11 The juxtaposition of the first two comments were beautiful. Thank you, Bwog.

  • CC 15 says:

    @CC 15 GAH I’M FAMOUS

  • CC 15 says:

    @CC 15 sadly, more than a third of these comments are mine. I’m embarrassed

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Are you aware that there are people in this world that have a severe medical condition which causes them to be that way? My mother for instance is one of those people. She is a truck driver that has bad knees and a bad back from driving the truck but you probably do not care about that case either. Oh well I am not one of those people I am 6’4″ 245lbs and I exercise every day. I would love to see you say something like to my mother in front of me. Probably never happen though you are probably just an internet tough guy. I doubt very seriously you would say that to someones face. Just my thought.What do you think. Oh I am sorry you probably do not have a brain. I on the other hand will be happy to buy you a plane ticket to come here and see if you have the nerve to say that to someone I know.

      1. can I haz says:

        @can I haz the plane ticket?

        1. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous Dude, i’m gonna type as sober as possible, that honestly looks fcking pathetic and digusting compared to my meal. and I’m being one hundred percent serious. Sorry we dont cook sht that was perviously in cans. you’re a fuking joke dude, and im dead fuking
          serious. gert areal family that cooks good food, drinks beer and wine and winecoolers and has a good fuking time, and has a milliondollar house on the beach, im seriously..

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Freshmen have more than 8 choices on where to live?

    1. let's see says:

      @let's see John Jay
      Carman
      Furnald
      Hartley
      Wallach

      That’s only 6…but I think they let you pick single or double. So that gives you around 10 options.

      1. CC 15 says:

        @CC 15 Yeah, and considering that being placed out of your top 8 could mean, like, requesting a double in Carman with your friend and getting a single in the LLC, it’d really suck if people got that low priority of picks.

        But I think people’s requests for dorms are pretty distributed in our class, even just between singles and doubles, so I don’t think it’ll get that bad unless things get weird.

        1. it happens says:

          @it happens Two years ago, some of my friends ended up in the LLC even though they put it dead last. So it happens. Of course, it turned out they loved it and they stayed there for soph year too, bypassing the lottery.

          Thing is, Columbia doesn’t look at everyone’s preferences and try to distribute the housing so everyone gets their first choice. They go one at a time in a random order, and if you’re first choice is already taken, they give you your second, and so on. The people who end up “choosing” last will always end up in the least popular dorms (i.e. LLC), regardless of their preferences.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous LOVE this. Miss you Bwog.

  • oh my god says:

    @oh my god the incomning freshmen make me want to fucking kill myself

    1. also says:

      @also this was my captcha
      http://i51.tinypic.com/rw70cm.png
      what the fuck even is this

      bwog you’re ruining my day

    2. CC '15 says:

      @CC '15 Me too.

    3. bwog admin (not really) says:

      @bwog admin (not really) Whoops, look like you accidentally got one of the captchas for SEAS kids. They’re better at figuring out equations than words!

  • Normal 15er says:

    @Normal 15er We are not all this bat shit crazy!!! I have not checked housing at all yet.

    1. But says:

      @But you have checked bwog

    2. CC14 says:

      @CC14 Be fair..I was thinking the same thing going into my first semester, but I think the worst of the worst post on the FBook page

  • CC11 says:

    @CC11 ohhhh, how i’ll miss the and your craziness CU

  • CC15er says:

    @CC15er erm….we only had 8 options

    1. CU14 says:

      @CU14 The GRI gives two more options for SEAS kids.

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous what are these 2 more options?

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous heres another gem: ” If I don’t get into dorm I want after this, you may see on the news that I went supernova and left a supermassive black-hole where the despair and anguish in my soul condensed…”

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous STOP.TRYING.SO.HARD

    2. man says:

      @man can’t wait to this person’s reaction to getting their housing lottery number next year…

  • Man Up says:

    @Man Up How are the freshmen this stressed before they even step on campus? C’mon 2015, you gotta be stronger than that. If you’re like this over housing then you got another thing coming once school starts.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Oh. Please.

      Did everyone miss the wailing in the streets and rending of garments when housing fucked up the sophomores’ and juniors’ housing? The prefrosh are not being any more crazy-weird than everybody else was then.

    2. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous it. is. not. that. hard. I know that believing it is gives a lot of kids at Columbia the self-righteous, insecure satisfaction that they need, but with the amount of grade inflation in most (if not all) departments at CU, it’s just not that hard to do well (or–at worst–decently). I transferred to Columbia from an “easier” school, and while the students in class are of a higher caliber and all that blah blah blah, the fact of the matter is that so many classes at our school are big enough that you don’t really have to read or participate thoroughly to get an A. the hardest part of college these days in the U.S. is getting in–it’s pretty much a lawn chair and a margarita after that, and if it’s not? chances are you take yourself too seriously, or you’re one of those kids who thinks that bragging about the amount of time it takes to do your homework makes you look smart…when in actuality it just reveals to the rest of the world that you have shitty study habits and need external validation for doing work that we’re pampered and lucky to be able to be doing in the first place. EVERYONE at columbia needs to calm down, sac up and keep things in perspective.

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous humanities major, obvs.

      2. Meh says:

        @Meh tl;dr

  • CC11 says:

    @CC11 blargh I miss Columbia and all its stupid housing problems.
    I kinda want to be complaining too. that’s how we show Columbia love, right?

    1. v114 says:

      @v114 you gotta love to hate!

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous ain’t that what the pimp said to the prostitute

      2. CC11 says:

        @CC11 My favorite varsity show by far!

  • 12 says:

    @12 This is the top 8%?

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous lolol 6% this year

      1. and next year it will be 4% says:

        @and next year it will be 4% UR NOT SPECIAL SO STFU

  • CC 11 says:

    @CC 11 apt post for bastille day, no?

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous holy shit. chill, youngins.

    if you get your housing assignment in may, june, july, or august, you still move in the same day.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous thumbs up if you’re a recent columbia graduate and unemployed.

  • Jesus says:

    @Jesus who gives a shit? This really isn’t a big deal in the larger scheme of life. You’re not leading a patrol in Afghanistan or being executed in Iran. Chill the fuck out

  • Tony Lee says:

    @Tony Lee soooooo… Guess who got a wallach double? Someone please tell me there is a way out of this. Wallach double was literally my last choice. Top two being a JJ single and a Carman double. With every Columbia student telling me that I would get my top two choices, a lot of kids this year got screwed, getting halls that weren’t even on their list or in their bottom two, like mine.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous might as well transfer to cornell

    2. CC 14 says:

      @CC 14 Last year there was a thread on the FB group looking for room switches. Post your room. Literally anything is better, so take the first trade offered. I’m not sure if you can trade twice, but then maybe trade that again? Just find some poor sap and GET SOMETHING ELSE.

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous Unfortunately, no one wants to switch with the 20 people trying pathetically to get out of their wallach doubles (Thanks, Bwog!)

        Yeah, I’m just going to try to transfer to a JJ single at the beginning of the school year.

        If there are going to be empty JJ singles, though, why couldn’t columbia just give me my first choice? =_=

    3. also says:

      @also theres always empty singles in JJ or another section of the LLC..very easy to switch, say you have allergies or something like that. i know a girl who did it halfway through the year. also people tend to hate their roommates and switch out of carman, so look out for that, too

      1. LMAO says:

        @LMAO THAT GIRL WAS MEEEEEE

    4. Here's what's going to happen says:

      @Here's what's going to happen There will be a frosh couple who end up banging in each others room every night. One of those people will be your friend. Do a room swap since they are never in their nice JJ double. Also, You could talk your room mate into doing a swap with a Sophmore/Junior/Senior couple who want to live with each other.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous YO freshies, check out bored at butler dot com

    1. ooo fracking no says:

      @ooo fracking no I don’t need a bunch o’ trolls on that site. It’s fairly decent now, I would hate for our B@B to turn into Yale’s. If you do go, just don’t ask for sex, it is not a hookup board.

      1. lol says:

        @lol it’s funny cause it is.

  • Yo '15ers says:

    @Yo '15ers Stop worrying about housing and wasting time on Facebook. Register to vote either in this state or absentee in your own state. It’s so how little college students vote, do it, do it now: http://www.elections.state.ny.us/nysboe/download/voting/voteform.pdf

    1. CC 15 says:

      @CC 15 Not all of us are 18 yet.

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous Like baby Ryan Mandelbaum.

    1. A caveat says:

      @A caveat Only vote if you vote my way, though.

  • CC12 says:

    @CC12 Ah this is starting to make me feel nostalgic for my freshman year… and crazy that we have CC15, I had lost count of the new years…
    Beginning of the end…

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Maybe he/she didn’t know.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Batcave: single and double

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