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An Arbitrary Ranking Of A Cappella Groups

Sing, bitch!

Do you care about a cappella on campus? Neither do we, but it’s final concert season, and we thought we’d take a look at the different groups on campus who are funded by our student life fees and air out some of our gripes.

Disclaimer (added 6:45 pm): This post is entirely satirical, entirely based on experiences of Bwog staff members, and does not intend to make serious allegations against any Columbia a cappella groups. We encourage you, dear reader, to attend as many (or as few) a cappella concerts as you wish, and make your own judgments accordingly.

  1. Uptown Vocal – Probably the best musically (especially because you don’t have to suffer through any shitty Adele covers).
  2. Nonsequitur – Next best musically. Generally not annoying. Whatever.
  3. Bacchantae – All-women (nice), and apparently they’re really good this year?
  4. Metrotones – They keep a low profile (thank god), and various Bwoggers are fans.
  5. Sur – Not super well-known, but do a cool job of mixing South Asian music with pop songs.
  6. SHARP – Our initial thought was “they could get it,” but upon further reflection, we feel like the SHARP guys are the type to say they’re “feminists” but actually treat women like shit in real life.
  7. Notes and Keys – Basically a show choir because they let in too many people last year. Were invited to perform at Lin-Manual Miranda’s house. Probably fine singers, but we don’t care enough to know. Annoying on social media.
  8. Jubilation! and Pizmon – Tied because we’ve never heard of them and they’re both religious groups, we guess? We prefer hymns to Demi Lovato covers anyway.
  9. Clefhangers – Never heard of them before looking up “a cappella groups” on WikiCU.
  10. Kingsmen – Ugh. They once went into the fridge at a party and drank all of our craft beer. Who the fuck does that? Fuck them.

EDIT, 5:06 pm: We forgot two a cappella groups! Oops! Sorry, Metrotones and Sur. Let us know if we missed any others in the comments.

Microphone via Public Domain

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  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous S’madar should be number one ! The Columbia Jewish Women’s a cappella group

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous I LOVE S’MADAR!!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous everyone knows the Kingsmen would go right past the craft beer and straight for the eggs and 30-rack of PBR. cmon guys.

    1. Chairman Pao says:

      @Chairman Pao EGGS

  • Clipart says:

    @Clipart Great, thank you Bwog!

  • Fkkkkbwog says:

    @Fkkkkbwog Hahahhaa hahahahahha pizmon is the best group on campus. Nobody draws a bigger crowd than their concerts. (Honestly I also go because they dress up in costume. Unlike every other group that takes themselves so seriously)

  • Dilbert says:

    @Dilbert It’s funny because it’s a ranking of acapella groups, but they don’t care to know or listen to any of the acapella groups

  • concerned citizen says:

    @concerned citizen you’re missing Vivace Columbia’s premier chamber a cappella group

  • Denny says:

    @Denny Great article! Big fan!

  • Tommy Wiseau says:

    @Tommy Wiseau Check out all of these SHARP members pretending to be women in the comments!

    1. ya nice try says:

      @ya nice try that’s funny because I know for a fact that both of the comments you’re referring to came from women who are 100% not in SHARP

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous Got drugged at a sharp party tho so there’s that

        1. WHAT says:

          @WHAT really???????

  • noooope! says:

    @noooope! nonsequitur should not be anywhere near the top of this list lmao one of their male soloists at night market this year was trying so hard to be an r&b star it was really sad to watch

    1. DoGok says:

      @DoGok That’s interesting because I was at the same concert and was BLOWN away by all the non-seq performances. To each his own, I guess…

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Notes and Keyes are best looking why was that not mentioned

  • leave the fake news to fox says:

    @leave the fake news to fox This is one of the most pathetic and disrespectful things I’ve ever read. Not only are your “rankings” wrong and inappropriate, but completely disrespectful of the commitment and dedication that it takes to be a member of the a cappella groups on campus. Not only do these students take full course loads, but they practice for hours in order to be good at what they do and are proud to perform for the rest of the student body. Furthermore, as another woman who is very close with the SHARP group, your characterization of them could not be more off. The SHARP members are most definitely proud feminists who constantly engage in dialogues to improve their understanding of what it means to support all people and the thought of them treating women, or anyone, like shit is absolutely absurd. Not only do these people (not all members are masc identifying, as a previous comment already pointed out but bears repeating because it highlights the INCREDIBLY disgusting nature of this article) dedicate more time to rehearsing than the writers of this article did before publish such garbage, but they are some of the nicest, most considerate people on campus. Maybe the writers of this article could learn a thing or two from them about human decency before their next article.

    1. lol says:

      @lol cool that you get along with some of them but others are known to treat women poorly

    2. A little shook by your response says:

      @A little shook by your response “The SHARP members are most definitely proud feminists who constantly engage in dialogues to improve their understanding of what it means to support all people and the thought of them treating women, or anyone, like shit is absolutely absurd.”
      I find “absolutely absurd” that you think that every member of a whole group is incapable of treating people like shit. It’s great that you had good experiences with them, but if people are sharing that as an experience, you invalidating that is part of the problem of the way women are treated. Try taking a step back and thinking about why people may have said these things about Sharp instead of defending them until the end. The article never called them all men, so I think the femme thing is just kinda misplaced. Anyway, SHARP literally calls themselves a male a cappella group. I feel like you’re like one of those moms who get offended at women daring to speak up as victims of sexual assault because their sons are “good and respectful boys”. I am in no way accusing the members of SHARP of sexual assault, but the same perspective should go for making girls feel like shit. I am saying that it seems pretty closed minded to invalidate other people’s reasoning for viewing SHARP this way just based off of your own. If you had a guy friend who is a great respectful “feminist” and a girl told you he treated her like shit would your response be calling her absurd, or would you listen and contemplate?

  • ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ says:

    @¯\_(ツ)_/¯ LOL fuck this rating hardcore. As a woman who is very close with SHARP I can tell you that your superficial assessment is absolutely incorrect. The members (yup, members bc not everyone is masc-identifying) are very aware of, committed to, and implicated in gender conversations and they are among the most respectful people I have met at Columbia! Sorry that they’re confident and that that has been typed as a anti-feminist trait! This is so ignorant that I’m amused.

    1. lol says:

      @lol that’s funny because everyone i know says the SHARP guys are rude as fuck

  • This is BS says:

    @This is BS FUck this rating!!! If ur gonna do this then listen to all the groups!! FUCK BWOG

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