Trash can on fire. Who do you call? CAVA.

This excerpt was culled from a document left on a Columbia lab computer. We encourage our readers to submit their own digitalia finds to us, via e-mail, at bwgossip@columbia.edu. Jamaal stood there naked, grinning. His hands were on his hips and his dick hung heavy between his legs like the bell of a church.

Overheard on the Carman elevator: Guy A: Well, what are you going to do with a waffle maker? Guy B: Make waffles. Dear Feminism, Thank you for teaching men how to cook. Sincerely, The Bwog

Bwog was idling around, and then it received this email from the Columbia Musical Theater Society: CMTS Presents Andrew Lippa’s THE WILD PARTY Roone Arledge Auditorium March 23 – 11 pm March 24 – 8 pm March 25 – 7 & 11pm $5 CUID / $8 GA For ticket reservations, please email cu.wildparty@gmail.com Please be […]

Headline spotted: Engineering Students Perform Plumbing Feats in Ghana Thankfully the phrase “Feats of Rectal Strength” was rejected by the Columbia homepage. They know better. Bwog doesn’t.

Too late for your CCSC candidacy. Leon Levy takes up Jerome L. Greene’s philanthropy challenge. Columbia tours led by liars. Jake Olson’s columns are like the Kid Rock/Scott Stapp sex tape; you can’t look away no matter how awful it gets.

Carly Hoogendyk, Carman RA, reports: Everyone’s favorite security guard and vocalist is now soliciting his newest musical offering to Columbia freshmen just looking to swipe into Carman. Michael Lane has come out with a second album of him doing what he does best: singing over karaoke tracks. Lane opens with Santana’s “Smooth” and ends, creepily […]

Lydia DePillis speaks for all of us in Sunil Gulati’s Global Economy class when she reports an inability to concentrate on Nobel Prize winner Robert Mundell’s guest lecture today because of his eerie resemblance to Donald Trump. Mundell’s photo doesn’t quite do the parallel full justice; it’s pre-awful auburn hair dye job.

Simeon Kimmel reports: At an anti-war event sponsored by the Working Families Party yesteday, folks discussed different strategies for pulling out of Iraq. A particularly innovative approach was suggested by an older woman, complete with tied bonnet and cane: “We won’t end this war until we’re all vegetarians,” she hooted. “The corpses are piling up […]

Cindy Horowitz, didn’t anyone ever tell you you can’t keep pets in dorms? Still, the Bwog is a big fan of baby animals so we’ll direct our readers to your Craigslist ad. Someone needs to adopt the hamlettes. Full text of ad after the jump.

Last night, in honor–or perhaps dishonor–of the third anniversary of the United States’ invasion of Iraq, five respected pundits, representing a (mildly) broad swath of the political spectrum, came to Miller Theater to discuss what we did, where we are now, and what we ought to do. Our correspondent David Plotz Lecture Hops it. Three […]

Two maybe 8-year-old kids near Washington Square: “I have more cell phones than you!” “I have more cell phones than your mom!”

Free food and free harp music on the Lerner Ramps.

Dan Okin elected ESC president. This whole story would be more interesting if it were the Jerome L. Greene Scientology Center Jake Olson tells you about his trip to Vegas so breathlessly he doesn’t even need paragraphs. Now everyone say together, “We won’t pie John McCain for being nice enough to speak at our graduation.”

After an internal election, Dan Okin has been selected as the new ESC president. Accordingly, at this very moment, he’s getting sloshed with outgoing president Tom Fazzio at The Heights. Salud!