This totally true story blew into our window this morning on scraps of papyrus. We transcribed it for your enjoyment.

Staff Writer Owen Fitzgerald-Diaz is filled with morbid curiosity about the world and decided to sit down and do the math on how many people are in the Hudson on an average day, dead or alive.

We’re just weeks away from the biggest party this side of Morningside, and there’s still no official word on who the Bacchanal headliner’s going to be. In the event that no one’s yet been picked, we’d like to offer some (very implausible) suggestions. If you’ve got any info on Bacchanal, the phone lines are open at tips@bwog.com.

Sent from a cinderblock wall.

Managing Editor Zack Abrams, while not interested in getting a tattoo himself, collected these reviews of tattoo parlors in NYC from Bwog staffers who did get inked. 

If you have a Hydro Flask you have to read this.

Newsletter Editor Eva Sher has been in bed for two hours now refreshing her email, Facebook, and Slack feeds hoping for a snow day tomorrow.

The 6th floor of Kent, 8th floor of Butler, and of course those Milstein single use bathrooms. Bwog is no stranger to advising you all on the best places on campus to deliver the browns to the pool, but one Bwogger has recently visited a bathroom unlike any other.

Betsy Ladyzhets is a quality sandwich.

Not like that.

Daily Editor Henry “Improper Fraction” Golub spits math like a Mayan.

We have an announcement.

This tired Bwogger has a bone to pick with the people who decide when classes are scheduled. 

Betsy Ladyzhets has read more about yeast in the past week than she ever wanted to in her entire life.

Deputy editor and unofficial food editor Vivian Zhou is here to tell you about (and I cannot emphasize this more) food carts taking Venmo!!