Look at how we caught your eye with that headline!

Remember that sub-plot in V116 about Dean “Double D” Denburg’s Big Bear/Little Bear initiative? The one where DD matched Barnard first-years and upperclassmen in a binding friendship contract and Jenny couldn’t sneak out and meet Yonatan at 1020? That sucked for both of them, but then (SPOILER ALERT) everything worked out OK in the end.

The 2011 Class Council, is doing something eerily similar in real life, but they didn’t plagiarize anything and we were just making a little nod to current events. The council is launching an initiative: “Senior Pals.” Here’s how it will work: CC 11ers will be paired up with incoming CC 14ers so that our new fresh-friends will have someone to ask questions like “should I buy the grapes at Cafe 212?” (no!) or “EC, Heights, or Campo?” (rap about it!) or “where is the 9 train?” (it doesn’t exist anymore!) What’s in it for you, wizened, tough guy CC senior? Free lunch! There will be a welcome luncheon in the fall for Big Pals and Little Pals.

Pals will be matched according to residence hall (if you lived in John Jay, you’ll be paired with a current JJ resident) and hometown, althouh Udell acknowledged that it will be difficult to get both those matches for all Pals. Udell, who started the initiative, explained its existence to Bwog: “during the campaign I had a lot of people lament the ‘cold’ nature of Columbia, and this seems one way to warm things up a bit.”

Udell and Learned Foote, CCSC President, will send out an email in July to the incoming 14ers saying hi and explaining the project, and they expect that about 500 eager-beaver first-years will sign up to be Little Pals, so that means they need about 500 Big Pals by July. Sign up here, and cross your fingers for those chocolate-chip brownies (and not those grilled veggie wraps) at the Pal Luncheon.

Update, 2 pm: Although it’s a CC initiaitve, SEAS and BC seniors are also eligible/encouraged to become Senior Pals.

Peña-Mora having fun in Havemeyer 309, photo via columbia.edu

PrezBo and four other University Presidents ask Congress to repeal “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,” arguing that the policy is “detrimental to both our students and the nation.”

Bill O’Reilly told TC Professor Marc Lamont Hill, who is black, that Hill “kind of looked like” a cocaine dealer “a little bit.” Hill responded that O’Reilly looked like a cocaine user.

Columbia alum and film location scout gives the lowdown on fabled lecture hall Havemeyer 309.

Hans Blix, former WMD inspector, will speak at 6 PM tonight in 1501 IAB, trying to answer a tricky query: “Can We Move to a Nuclear Weapon Free World?” The lecture is part of the Hertog Global Strategy Initiative, which is also offering summer courses.

Update: Sunil Gulati hangs with Obama, Clinton and Biden before the World Cup.

Everyone had a good time at GS Class Day. There was a brass band, there was a Korean pop star, and there was a Valedictorian named Brian Corman who made a speech. This was not an unusual thing for a Valedictorian to do, but Mr. Corman did something out of the ordinary: he stole a joke, just about word for word, from comedian Patton Oswalt. Corman inserted it into his speech as if that very anecdote had happened to him. Whoops!

Bwog really wishes we could relay the joke to you, but as soon as we signed on YouTube to find the video of GS Commencement, we found that the video had become private. We hear from the lucky few who got a look at the video before it was taken down that the joke centered around a scene in a Physics for Poets class, in which a GS student challenged a question on the exam, showing that GS students always think they’re right because they are always right. Watch Oswalt’s original version of the joke here.

A scan of Oswalt’s Facebook page reveals he is none-too-pleased. “Jesus fucking CHRIST,” he writes in response to a link showing Corman’s bit, “Again?” Oswalt is now figuring out how to get the snippet of video with Corman’s joke back so he can send it to the “several big media outlets” that are asking him for it. You read it here first, folks!

A final piece of advice for our readers: if you’re going to steal comedy bits, don’t steal from living comedians who use the Internet a lot. Steal from Milton Berle, he never tweets! A few pieces of evidence below, we’ll update you as events unfold.

Update, 1:30: And Columbia has put the video back up on YouTube! Scroll to 33:56 for Corman’s speech, and indulge in the barrage of comments. Columbia has added a meaty disclaimer to the video:
It has come to our attention that a portion of our Valedictorians address at this years Columbia University School of General Studies Class Day was taken from a comedy routine by Patton Oswalt. Until today we were unaware of this conflict, and as an institution of higher learning that upholds the highest standards of respect for the works of others, we are deeply distressed that this has occurred. Columbia University and the School of General Studies do not condone the use of someone elses work without proper attribution. Mr. Corman has issued an apology to Patton Oswalt. — School of General Studies, May 25, 2010

Update, 4 PM: Dean of GS and Bwog Hero Peter Awn has issued the following statement about the debacle:

It has come to our attention that a portion of our Valedictorian’s remarks at this year’s School of General Studies Class Day was taken from a comedy routine by Patton Oswalt. As an institution of higher learning that places a core value on respect for the works of others, we were surprised and disappointed to have learned of this matter today. Columbia University and the School of General Studies do not condone or permit the use of someone else’s work without proper citation. The student speaker has appropriately issued an apology to his classmates and to Mr. Oswalt for failing to provide such attribution.

If you’re in GS, send along that apology right quick using our tip form.

Corman has also apologized directly to Oswalt, which the comedian related in a blog post on his website that he titled “Sloppy and Desperate.” Still, Oswalt writes that Corman “owned it all.”

Update, 5/26 2PM: Corman’s email to his GS ’10 classmates:

Dear Seniors,

I would like to apologize to the Senior Class for my actions on Class Day. As many of you know, I used one of Patton Oswalt’s jokes in my speech (the one about the Physics for Poets class). I sent an apology to Mr. Oswalt yesterday, and he has responded on his website. My intention was to have a funny story amidst the more serious parts of the speech to get a few laughs, and I was completely in the wrong for thinking that it was OK for me to take his story and make it my own. I am extremely sorry to the GS Senior Class for betraying their trust and embarrassing the school, and please know that I never meant to harm anyone by this.

My sincerest apologies,

Brian Corman

Amir’s has adjusted to the times; it got a makeover over the weekend and became Maoz. There’s a new green sign, the mirrors are green, the walls and ceilings are green, and there are also some yellow-and-white striped booths, but nevermind those. The falafel also got a little cheaper (from $4.75 for a sandwich to a mere $3.50, now we’re talking Hooda prices) and the store was bustling around 7 PM tonight. Amir’s has survived a Health Department shuttering (eegad, roaches!) in 2008 and many years in Morningside. And the battle rages on! Thanks to John “Shawarma King” Nordin for the photos.

Let’s do this. OK, there were controversies: The Study Days Debacle, the Meal Plan Shitshow, the McBain Conflagration ’10, Gender Neutral (Open) Housing, another possible SSN breach, the gross things living in Pinnacle; there were new friends: the Vag, coyotes, Sarkozy, falafel (everywhere!), a new beau for Hawkma; there was an insane snowball fight, a huge pillow fight, a big old speed bump for Manhattanville, a bonafide Snow Day, a former Wu Tang member hanging out on Low Plaza…we could go on, and we do in our breakdown of August 2009-May 2010 below. Bwog hopes you had a wonderful year, and we hope you have fun taking a trip down memory lane (in links and pictures) with us below.

Allow us a meta-moment before we do: Bwog wants to say thank you. Thank you for reading, thank you for commenting (please be nice to each other on the web, dudes!) and thanks for hanging out with us this year. We’ll still be here over the summer, posting when there’s something good to post. As always, that depends mostly on you: use our tip form to let us know what’s going on both in Morningside and wherever your summer takes you.

August: Fresh-faced 2013ers (now known colloquially as “sophomores”) showed up; we provided some Orientation Schadenfreude and told them how to make friends.

September: After an exhausting round of Lit Hum Bingo, we spotted Ted Kennedy outside Am-Ap and switched GChat for texting in Music Hum. The semester officially began, and your professors said funny things about it. We started a strange friendship with the Hot Dog Machine, got free hot water (!!!!!) from Butler Cafe, and Columbia discovered YouTube. Things broke, people lost keys, and the Ref room became the new 209. Westboro protested, people got married on the Steps, we answered questions about the close-door button and talked to Mrs. HamDel. Phew!

October: Stuff happened in October! First, two masked undergrads set $400 QuAM balloons free, Book Culture was sort of cloned, and the Lions destroyed the Tigers in football. We caught up with our campus contortionist, resident Rubik’s Cube Master, the Footbag Queen, and the infamous Sir Mike of Carman. And hark! One of the year’s true controversies began: The Great Study Days Debacle! Scandalous, in a different way: Ghostbusters doesn’t pay to keep the lawns green. We tell the NYPost to STFU, we’ll take our classes on Columbus Day thankyouverymuch. Spec’s online mishaps peaked with a Spectacle for the books, and we all sang about Balloon Boy. Columbia grad and potential prof Kian Tajbakhsh was sentenced to 12 years in Iranian prison. Foodie news abounded: we gleefully spent $25 on pancakes when Community re-opened, learned that in John Jay Dining Hall, turkey burgers magically become vegan and Roti Roll employees love you but get a little sick of mopping up green sauce at 2 AM. We wrapped up with non sequiturs: we explained why SEAS doesnt take the swim test, we found this weird thing in Milbank, and Clippy won the Halloween Costume Contest.

November: Election day wasn’t really as fun as last year, but we stuffed ourselves with $1 food and saw Ice-T outside 1020 so everything was OK. Lerner turned 10, Hawkma returned, we chatted with Pascale from JJ, Hewitt Grillmaster Benny, American hero Raj from Butler Cafe, and laughed both with and at Bob Saget. Then November got serious: Gender Neutral Housing entered our vocabulary (that’s Open Housing now, kids) and Postcrypt was shuttered. We forgot about everything for four blissful days known as Thanksgiving weekend: we ate lots of Morningside turkey sandwiches and made a Turducken in a McBain kitchen, and were thankful.

December: MiMoo made her big debut at the Tree Lighting Ceremony. Verdict: adorable! Then the Dallas Mavericks practiced in Dodge, and that was really weird. Then a real thing happened: Manhattanville faced a major obstacle when the New York Supreme Court ruled that the state could not use eminent domain to secure swaths of West Harlem for Manhattanville. Stay tuned for the appeal decision on June 1, and read up on some MVille background here. Chomsky visited IAB, and everybody went fucking nuts. It snowed, because it was December. Adults found the notion of Gender Neutral Housing deeply scary. We heard the first whispers of the Meal Plan Shitshow. M2M made its fries bad for a hot sec, and then changed them back to the tempura-deliciousness we like. Whispers about the Meal Plan became vague official shouts, Barnard students shouted back, and the Barnard admin tried to explain. La Negrita got a new name, John Jay flooded, and we caught up with campus hero Wilma. Then, suddenly, the semester was over, and your professors noted it. We reflected on the end of a decade, explored the Grant Houses uptown, and went to Orgo Night. Finals week ascended from Hades and it was time for requisite above-average anxiety. Then that wonderful snowball fight happened, and we forgot about everything for a night. Then we woke up and remembered the Study Days Debacle, and you vented. We made a holiday wish list, and went home for a four-week nap.

January: Somehow, Pinnacle’s ten thousand health violations were surprising, but we guess we all need something to talk about over Winter Break. The semester began with genuine tragedy: Michael Sinnott, GS ’10, and John David Fernandez, CC ’12 passed away in the same week. The Vag (which sounds like vagina) opened and it was awesome. Bwog introduced Boringside Heights; Brooklyn Lager became a buck more expensive at 1020. Your professors smoked doobies and ushered in the new semester. Lounge chairs went missing in Wien; admin opened your doors to seek truth and justice, which are synonymous with “lounge chair,” apparently. Uris and Butler got bougie, scary new vending machines, respectively. Shedding alcohol and free popcorn, Postcrypt soldiered on. The SSNs of 1,400 Columbia affiliates were possibly breached. Um!

Jump for four more months and a ton of pictures.

Read more…

Purposeless after finals, Bwog stumbled across video of Joey Goldberg singing the national anthem at this year’s Commencement. It brought a tear to even our most cynical of eyes. Here’s the official University footage of Commencement 2010. Joey starts singing at about 45 seconds in.

The university’s official Youtube channel is full of videos from graduation ceremonies this year. Happy summer and congratulations again to the Class of 2010!

For those of you curious/already preparing to relive your graduation, here’s the full transcript of Meryl Streep’s speech at Barnard Commencement.

Thank you, all. Thank you, President Spar, Ms. Golden, President Tilghman, Members of the Board of Trustees, distinguished faculty, proud swelling parents and family, and gorgeous class of 2010. If you are all really, really lucky, and if you continue to work super hard, and you remember your thank you notes and everybody’s name; and you follow through on every task that’s asked of you and also somehow anticipate problems before they even arise and you somehow sidestep disaster and score big. If you get great scores on your LSATS, or MSATS, or ERSATS or whatever. And you get into your dream grad school or internship which leads to a super job with a paycheck commensurate with responsibilities of leadership or if you somehow get that documentary on a shoe-string budget and it gets accepted at Sundance and maybe it wins Sundance and then you go on to be nominated for an Oscar and then you win the Oscar. Or if that money-making website that you designed with your friends somehow suddenly attracts investors and advertisers and becomes the go-to site for whatever it is you’re selling, blogging, sharing, or net-casting and success shinning, hoped-for but never really anticipated success comes your way I guarantee you someone you know or love will come to you and say, “Will you address the graduates at my college?” And you’ll say “Yeah sure, when is it? May 2010? 2010? Yeah sure, that’s months away,” and then the nightmare begins. The nightmare we’ve all had and I assure you, you’ll continue to have even after graduation, 40 years after graduation. About a week before the due date, you wake up in the middle of the night, “Huh, I have a paper due and I haven’t done the reading, Oh my god!”

Video via Columbia’s Youtube Channel

Read more…

Photos by Hans Hyttinen

The second most popular Columbia band to graduate between 2006 and 2010, The Kitchen Cabinet, has made a music video. The lovely and preemptively nostalgia-inducing video for “Dogwood” was filmed by Victor Suarez, CC’11 during a set at an EC townhouse party. The video was based on the excellent “Take-Away Concerts” from Blogotheque, each worth at least a few moments of summer vacation time-wasting. Thanks for the good times, Kitchen Cabinet!

the kitchen cabinet, “dogwood” from Victor Suarez on Vimeo.

Every single member of the Columbia Class of 2010- that’s CC, SEAS, GS, BC, JSchool, BSchool, Law School is officially graduating right now. They are joined by approximately ten million family members and friends braving the truly nasty weather. At last, a justification for the tents. Photos to come, but in the meantime, in case you haven’t heard this enough recently:

And don’t forget to look for the Empire State Building lit up in Columbia blue tonight at dusk!

Hannah Goldstein watched 2010 graduate and saw Meryl Streep. Delights!

How do you make students forget about a change in Class Day location and the threat of cooties? Distract them! The Barnard class of 2010′s new claim to bragging rights seems to have done the trick, and all senior faces were happy faces on this sunny day at Ancel Plaza.

The ceremony began with the procession of the senior class. The ceremony began with the first Meryl Streep sighting (through a window). Within seconds, audience and press alike were in a frenzy. “Meryl just wants to hang out with the students!” said Media Relations Director Sun Min as she guided the press towards the corner where students and Meryl were to intersect according to the planned graduation route. Intersect they did, and lots of schmoozing ensued. Then, after ten minutes of processing and seat-locating, all students were finally seated. First to speak was Anna Quindlen, Barnard’s celebrity-in-residence. “Like you, I am a member of the graduating class of 2010,” she said. OK, Anna. The next few of speeches were delivered by senior class president Chelsea Zimmerman, Provost Elizabeth Boylan, and student body president Katie Palillo, who went so far as to coin the term “foremothers” and made admirable use of alliteration, most notably in referring to the choice reading of Barnard women: “manuscripts, manifestos, and the Mystique.” Valedictorian Elected speaker Alicia Mountain also spoke on behalf of the graduating class.

The Senior Fund co-chairs took the stage to present the senior class gift: the Class of 2010 Contingency Fund, which will help ease the financial burden of living in “one of the most expensive cities in the world” by buying bedding and other college necessities for first-years on financial aid. Then the presentation of Medals of Distinction began: Thelma Golden (curator), Olympia Snowe (senator), and Shirley Tilghman (president of Princeton) all received awkward second-person citations. (“You were born in Queens…” began one.) So that no one forgot that Meryl Streep was in attendance, DSpar had been making a point to periodically express her starstruck-ness: while fumbling to open the envelope that held the name of the senior prize winner, DSpar said, “Meryl Streep should be doing this!” When Streep got up before her citation and stood in what was apparently the wrong place, DSpar murmured something to her and then quipped, “I’m directing Meryl Streep!” before going on to list every single award Meryl Streep has ever received.

And then the big moment arrived and Meryl Streep began her own speech, which was artful, surprisingly self-effacing and platitude-free. She told stories about being the Virgin Mary in her mother’s Nativity scene, trying to be one of the populars in high school, finding herself in college, and running into success and unwanted celebrity later in life; though all initially seemed unconnected, it soon became clear that she was choosing to leave the connecting job to the audience. Though much of her speech focused on female empowerment, her larger message seemed to be that success is an intrinsic experience, separate from Oscars, fame, SAG Awards, and invitations to speak at college commencements (!) “You don’t have to be famous; you just have to make your mother and father proud. And you already have,” concluded Streep warmly, and the crowd broke into wild applause. It was a perfect transition back to the students—the real stars of the day. And to the voice of Dean Denburg, the degree-awarding began and ended, DSpar gave her speech, and the Barnard College Class of 2010 were awarded their diplomas. A hearty congratulations!

Photo via Barnard College/David Wentworth

Meryl and friends wrap up the last undergrad graduation this afternoon. More pictures and words from Barnard Commencement to follow.

Eliza Shapiro woke up so early for CC Class Day. Liz Naiden was late but she is forgiven, just this once. Their report follows. If you have pictures, video or overheards from this Class Day or any other, send em in using our tips form.

Bwog guesstimates that it took 3.66 rounds of “Pomp and Circumstance” to seat the entire CC Class of 2010 and faculty in their cushier chairs. At last, our fearless leader took the stage greeted by an exceedingly shrill cry of “PREZBOOOO” from one young woman and then a larger chant of “PrezBo”, which made Mr. Bo look intensely uncomfortable, and we were off.

Salutatorian and generally high-achieving person Jeff Spear delivered the first speech, complete with a Nietzsche reference: slave morality will hunt you down on your graduation day. Dean Kevin “Kev” Shollenberger, looking especially spiffy in baby blue (it’s those eyes) took the podium to introduce Class Day Speaker Ben Jealous, President of the NAACP. Jealous got a preemptive round of applause when Shollenberger noted that he’d been suspended from Columbia College.

Jealous delivered a rousing speech, prompting CC 2010 President Cliff Massey to tell his classmates, “I told you he’d be good,” probably because of this. Jealous, who eventually graduated in 1994 (read more about his CC days here), described the current state of the universe as one of “Dickensian contradiction.” He noted that Sarah Palin and her acolytes want to “party like it’s 1776,” (i.e take the country back several large steps) which was met with boos and cheers from the crowd, presumably unclear on what the boo or cheer supported or condemned. Jealous went on to relate fascinating anecdotes from his post-CC-suspension time in Mississippi, including a dramatic encounter with a man Jealous thought was going to kill him (but ended up offering help) in a Waffle House and an actual death threat from the KKK’s press office. The speech was well-received, and, yeah, more biased than most of your run-of-the-mill graduation speeches, but Bwog thinks that was kind of the point of having someone like Jealous speak in the first place. Jealous finished with the following pieces of advice: go with your gut, and “let’s party like it’s 2010!” EC, Heights or Campo? Or is everyone in Bushwick already?

After many, many awards were given- notably to the Valedictorian Arianne Richard and another to Mr. Spear, the President of the Alumni Association to the podium ask everyone to donate money (the Senior Fund raised $18,626, a CC record!) and made fun of the seniors for “giving the Deans a new definition of the term ‘pregame.’” During his speech, muffled chants and shouts from Beyond the Gates made everyone turn to each other to ask “hey, what’s that shouting?” Bwog ran as fast as our little feet could carry us across College Walk, and found a scene not unlike the storming of the Bastille. As we reported a few hours ago, over 30 construction workers, hard hats and all, holding signs and protesting the Community Benefits Agreement (“hey, ho, CBA has got to go!”). According to the entire CBA (read it all here) agreed upon by Columbia and the West Harlem Local Development Corporation (WHLDC), CU will pay $76 million to the Benefits Fund controlled by the WHLDC. It has been argued, and was certainly argued loudly outside the Gates today, that this amount is insufficient (or worse, according to the semi-reliable NYPost) for Columbia/West Harlem residents and workers. Public Safety shut the Gates, then opened them to let in tourists, the protesters moved across the street, and everyone simmered down. Update: The NYT caught on!

PrezBo took the stage next (after having crushed the protesters with his bare hands; just another Monday morning) and made a joke about Glee that was justified by his claim that “someone told me that one would work as a joke.” He congratulated the graduates and reminded them that, “Facilities has asked me to remind you that the red flag [on South Lawn] is up today.” His PSA was greeted with a round of boos, to which PrezBo, responded, “life is tough, I know.” Oh Lee C, just tell us you love us back!

At last, it was time to graduate. The Advising Deans took turns calling everyone’s name, a difficult task that they looked tremendously relieved to have survived by the time that “Kev” yelled “The Class of 2010!” and, just like magic, the Clefhangers showed up! We all sang “Roar, Lion, Roar” with them and went to Hamilton Lawn for snacks.

CC 2010, we are very proud of you, and we’ll miss you. Congratulations!

2010, if you’re reading this in the middle of PrezBo’s speech, you kids look great out there. Want to know what that chanting was during MiMoo’s speech? About 30 construction workers were protesting CBA (Community Benefits Agreement) which will be, according to its Blogspot, “a private contract between a developer and a community coalition that sets forth the benefits that the community will receive from the development. Common benefits include living wages, local hiring and training programs, affordable housing, environmental remediation and funds for community programs.” Protesters were shouting “Hey, ho, CBA has got to go!”

Pictures of protest and Class Day to follow shortly. PrezBo is talking about Montaigne, gotta go!

Hans Hyttinen gives you the highlights of the SEAS ’10 Class Day.

This year’s SEAS Class Day was marked, as is the norm, by a number of speeches, both funny and inspiring.

Seth Davidovits and Rodney Chang delivered the valedictory and salutatory addresses, respectively. Met with general approval, their speeches were interesting and humorous—especially Seth’s, as he mentioned feeling sorry for the Class of 2013 since the world would end before their Commencement, or at least according to the Discovery and History channels.

Paul Brandt-Rauf, Columbia professor and holder of six (!) Columbia degrees, gave the Class Day Address. Surely aided by his extensive Columbia graduation experience, Brandt-Rauf’s speech, though a tad long, appeared well received. Evidently aware of his audience’s decreased attention span, he admitted, “I can drone on endlessly and say things that nobody will ever recall.”

ESC 2010 President Heather Lee, recipient of her first Columbia degree, also made a fine speech. Most notably, she gave her heartfelt thanks to the parents and professors who had helped SEAS 2010 achieve their goals, especially honoring the professors: “…and thank you for the problem sets, helping keep the ‘C’ in ‘SEAS.’”

The Clefhangers, a student a cappella group, closed the ceremonies with “Stand, Columbia” and “Roar, Lion, Roar.” SEAS 2010, Columbia salutes you!