Bwog squeezed in to Havana Central’s backroom for the much anticipated Varsity Show Preview. There was promise, pizazz, and no Operation Ivy League…

Last night’s 117th Varsity Show preview was executed seamlessly, but displayed no awareness of the insanity that went down last semester. Of course, we’re not asking for a laundry list style lampooning of the highlights (or lowlights), but save for one POTUS project reference, you could have copied and pasted last night’s script to fit any other year’s show. Still, we liked it—a lot!—and it seems the rest of the audience agreed.

The show started off strong with a punchy LLC skit, (“the Laughing Loving Center”). Elizabeth Power, CC ’13, perfectly played the over-eager RA. But the script stuck to tried and true jokes pulled from clichéd V-Show scripts of yore: Harlem is scary, international students exist. So do Republicans. But then good ol’ Frontiers of Science Cowboy, played by Sam Mickel, CC ’14, showed up all the way from the “Northwest…Corner Building,” and won us over with his scruffy swag. He served as a clever narrative device linking the otherwise disconnected scenes. Though his Columbia “campfire stories” provided a suitable framework for the short preview, the Frontiersman, even with his spot-on sound effects and corny-cute shtick, probably couldn’t carry a full show.

Then came the real winner: ManDate. The music, featuring a keyboard switched to a tropical vibraphone setting, buoyed the best lyrics of the show. Four guys (Issac Assor, CC ’14, Andrew Wright, CC ’14, Chris Silverberg, CC ’13, and Bob Vulfov, CC ’13) out at a bar fail miserably at picking up girls (“Your hair smells like juice!”), commiserate in four-part harmony, and embrace bromance. We genuinely welcomed the performers’ punny “mandate” to see the V-Show when our favorite tune was reprised in finale.

The next numbers fell short. In “College is Latin for Mistakes,” the Chicago-inspired tango music and animated choreography proved memorable; the content less so. By trying to appeal to universal college experiences, the lyrics lacked the incisive references of last year’s best one-liners (COÖP cult, lawn police). An ADP escapade (“and then we stole a few pineapples from Westside…”), delivered memorably by Alia Munsch, BC ’12, represented more of what we want to see: the specific, unpredictable, yet weirdly relatable.

Read more…

Midterms got you down? Drinking with Bwog has a potent potable that will make it all better. Read on as the Columbia Bartending Agency‘s illustrious Nick Miyares teaches you how to make a Manhattan.

Sort of like this Manhattan skyline, but in a cocktail glass.

As a bartender, while you should strive to know as many drinks as possible, you really only need to know the most popular. Given that we live in the Empire State, the Manhattan is one among the top five essential drinks to know as a bartender. Here’s the recipe:

Ingredients

• 2.5-3.0 oz of bourbon or rye whiskey
• ¾ oz of sweet vermouth
• Dash of Angostura bitters
• 1 cherry
• Orange peel twist (optional)

Directions

Fill shaker with ice and then pour in vermouth, bourbon, and bitters. Stir or shake until cold and then pour into a cocktail glass on the rocks or strain into martini glass (keeping the ice out). Add a cherry and enjoy!

As you can probably tell by the cocktail recipe, the Manhattan is quite a potent drink, and you’ll certainly feel the burn of the bourbon; but the flavor is interesting, and it’s quite a tasty drink when done right.

Have fun this weekend! Drink semi-responsibly!

Food should always be free, like it is for him.

Hungry Columbians, your dinner prayers are answered: the Civic Engagement Networking Night event tonight from 7 to 9 pm in the Diana Center promises free food. No word yet on the specifics but one source claims said food will be “delicious.” The suggested attire for the event is business casual, so plan accordingly. Here’s the specific event info.

And before you head to the Diana, stop by the Satow room at 6 pm for a Dia de la Bandera event which will also (!) have free food.

Nibbling via Wikimedia

Everybody gets bored! Even raccoons!

You know how bored you get trying to read a textbook? So you check Facebook, tweet about checking Facebook, then check Bwog to see if it posted a feature on funny student tweets about Facebook? And then finally, you return to the textbook dejectedly, and stare blankly at its pages wondering, ”How did anybody even write this?”

Some textbooks answer this question for you when, as you trudge through page after page, you stumble on some seriously insane shit—crazy words that you know the author put in to break up the monotony. It’s like when it’s 3 AM and you are writing a CC paper and feel the need…to say something outrageous.

Some of our favorites are below—add yours in the comments!

City Economics by Brendan O’Flaherty

• “No matter how disgusting I may think Barney, cocaine, and haggis are, if they are what some people want, I applaud when they get more of them.”
• “Take, for instance, statements like, ‘Binghamton has seen better days’…To an economist, these statements are as nonsensical as, ‘My kitchen table is sad,’ ‘This subway car is furious,’ and ‘The San Andreas Fault is doing well these days.’”
• “People come in different sizes and have different ideas about what’s boring or interesting. They do different things, too — they fight fires, perform striptease acts, play tennis, slaughter animal, entertain the British ambassador — and different kinds of clothes go best with each of these different activities.”
• “Televisions, sofas, the outdoors, books, sex, kids, sports — all of these reduce productivity even more than drugs and alcohol do, because they take time that people could be using to sell insurance policies or mine coal.”

CHEM 1500, General Chemistry Laboratory

• “You may socialize in the lab, but don’t have a party.”
• “No chewing (gum or tobacco) is permitted in the lab.”
• “Test tubes are a chemist’s companion.”
• “A scientist’s most priceless possession is his integrity. Be a scientist.” (Emphasis theirs.)
• “It is good laboratory protocol to inform other students when they are not practicing good laboratory safety procedures. If they continue not to follow the safety procedures, you should “rat” on them…tell the laboratory instructor” (Ellipsis theirs.)

PHYS 1401-1403

• “Standing beside railroad tracks, we are suddenly startled by a relativistic boxcar traveling past us as shown in the figure. Inside, a will-equipped hobo fires a laser pulse from the front of the boxcar to its rear…”
• “An Earth starship has been sent to check an Earth outpost on the planet P1407, whose moon houses a battle group of the often hostile Reptulians … (physics parameters ) … The Reptulians have obviously attacked the Earth outpost, and so the starship begins to prepare for a confrontation with them.”

Image via Wikimedia

Once again, Columbia Business School’s behavioral research lab is attempting to coerce students into participating in experiments with the gift of free hot chocolate. They’re stationed between Schermerhorn and Uris right now!

Also: Free razors (the shaving kind, not the scooters) outside of Student Activities on the third floor of the Diana. So… if you’re into that.

This cat suffers many more borders than the CU engineers. Photo via Wikimedia.

Columbia’s Engineers Without Borders are one of three winners of the PBS Planet Forward Innovator contest. This means they’ll appear on the Planet Forward show on April 8. CU EWB came in second place overall, and had the highest number of YouTube views. You can check out their winning idea–implementing sustainable sanitation and water management in Ghana—as well as the video here. Congratulations EWB!

Looking for my football jersey.
It is a white, #48 Browns jersey.
Possibly lost in EC laundry room.
Was given as a gift and would really like it back for sentimental value.
Email: mfp2114@gmail.com

The next few weeks will be full of essays (humanities people), textbook cramming/rapid calculator movement (SEAS), and Butler Bingo (procrastinators) as midterms fast approach. But before the 209 camping begins, we’ll try to make you smile by showing you some images of tiny and adorable children we’ve spotted around Morningside Heights.

What's smaller than a freshman, reads more books outside of CU buildings than a philosophy major, and needs a stepladder to get down?

More cuteness after the jump!

As the Task Force wraps up its proceedings, faculty members have taken definitive stances on the issue of ROTC’s return. An advertisement (pdf here) appeared in the print version of the Spectator on Monday, reprinting the faculty statement of support, countered by a new statement of opposition. You can read our post from February 19th which includes the full statement and names of pro-ROTC signatories here, and the opposition statement below. The list is dominated by members English, History and Anthropology departments, and some heavy hitters include:

• MICHAEL TAUSSIG, Class of 1933 Professor of Anthropology
• DAVID HELFAND, Professor, Astronomy
• RASHID KHALIDI, Edward Said Professor of Arab Studies, MESAAS
• GAYATRI CHAKRAVORTY SPIVAK, University Professor
• MARY GORDON, McIntosh Professor of English, Barnard

COLUMBIA AND BARNARD FACULTY OPPOSED TO ROTC’S RETURN

We, the undersigned faculty members of Columbia University and Barnard College, wish to state our unequivocal opposition to the reinstatement of ROTC at Columbia… Read more…

Conor Skelding covers the last of three hearings hosted by USenate’s Task Force on Military Engagement, held yesterday evening in Altschul Auditorium. These hearings present official forums for discussion on ROTC’s return to campus, and will influence the Task Force’s final report to the USenate.

Update: With these hearings now concluded, let us know what impact they’ve had on your opinions in our poll to the right.

Update: The audio recordings are now available for download via the Task Force website.

The final ROTC hearing ran half an hour over the allotted time last night, despite the organizers’ best efforts to stay on schedule. The lines for commenters were closed at 8:54 PM, but even past 9, many people were still waiting outside the auditorium to be admitted. A larger space than last week’s hearing, the Altschul Auditorium was packed, including an entire row of outside media. The intensity was palpable; the crowd was eager.

Provost Claude Steele offered opening remarks on informed engagement and appropriate discussion. “I think of myself as a ‘learner,’” he declared. He had been reading extensively on the issue, and encouraged everybody to be open to a fresh perspective. Steele commended the general proceedings, adding that he’s “proud that Columbia has the capacity to hold open forums on controversial issues … For the most part we do this is a civil way.” Should the discussion not be civil and open, he warned, the results would be considered less valid by the Senate.

Ron Mazor, student co-chair of the Task Force opened the mikes to the audience. He reiterated Steele’s call for civility, and reminded speakers that everything said that evening would be preserved for posterity on public record. “There’s media present, so please be aware.” A few chuckles.

His call for comments induced a mad a rush to the microphones. Around 25 people lined up at both the center and side microphones. No hoisted signs were visible, but several students wore matching red shirts and “No ROTC” signs on their chests.

Attendees raised concerns about the organization of the Task Force itself—a complaint notably absent from prior hearings. Speakers (from both sides, though overall more anti-ROTC than pro) argued that SIPA was the only graduate school voting, and the survey was undemocratic. Many called for greater “transparency” in the process of choosing the Task Force. Commenters pointed out that Professor Jim Applegate, a member of the Task Force, appears biased since he has openly supported the return of ROTC in the past, both as a signatory to several pro-ROTC statements and in the senate’s previous deliberations.

Several attendees spoke of the controversial comments and responses at last Tuesday’s hearing, often expressing solidarity with Anthony Maschek, the teased veteran who made national headlines. One commenter scolded the Post for smearing the entire process because of a few students’ reactions, and others criticized both the media and Columbia students for threatening any hecklers.

A summary of each side’s general arguments below

Bwog wonders if the emu eggs at the Greenmarket will be this large, and if so how we can incorporate them into our pork dresses.

Sad about that false spring we had last week? Looking for something to put in your stomach before you obliterate it with Thirsty Thursday festivities? Planning to simulate Lady Gaga’s meat dress with pork? Then head over to the Greenmarket and fulfill your wildest fantasies. This week, you can expect:

• Ronnybrook Farm with dairy essentials: milk, butter, and flavored yogurts (note: we’ve gotten word that said yogurts sell out by lunch, so plan accordingly)
• Samascott’s Orchard with their usual apples and hot cider
• Roaming Acres peddling Berkshire pork, Ostrich meat, and Emu eggs
• Organic vegetables
• Hand-made focaccia
• Cow’s milk cheeses and goat’s milk cheeses
• Fish fresh from Long Island
• Honey and bee pollen
• Jams and chutneys

As usual, EBT, Debit, and Credit are accepted. Check out their Facebook page for additional updates, if you please.

Spawn via Wikimedia

Will there be WikiLeaks merchandise for dogs, too? Photo via Wikimedia.

Libya: Col. Gadhafi still holds on to power. As traders prepare for further reductions in Libya’s crude oil production, futures hit their highest prices in more than two years. (WSJ)

United States: Obama tells the Justice Department to stop defending the act that prohibits federal recognition of same sex marriages. The policy reversal follows weeks of “high-level” deliberations. This shift would mean that the marriages of same-sex couples in states where gay marriage is legal would become federally recognized. (NYT)

Russia: Beer will be classified as alcohol for the first time, if a bill that passed its first reading in parliament Tuesday succeeds. For now, it is apparently classified as “foodstuff.” Like the contents of John Jay. And speaking of parliament, remember Anna Chapman? The one whose, um, intellect was hot? Well now she plans to run for parliament as a member of Putin’s party. This probably will NOT result in more Maxim photos. (Telegraph)

Something for Every Nation: WikiLeaks releases its official merchandise line. It has a surprisingly large selection of gear, much of which is adorned with the W.T.F. logo. (Gawker)

In Hidden Talents, Bwog seeks out the strange and mysterious abilities of your classmates! Today, Carly Silver enters the murky underworld of New York state magicians through Bwog’s own Arts Editor, Megan McGregor. If you have any friends/acquaintances/elevator-mates who do crazy things, let us know at tips@bwog.com.

This past summer, Megan McGregor, BC ’13, got a splash of hocus-pocus in her life. While working as a pool attendant in her hometown of Highland, New York, she was approached by local magician named John Hoey. “He knew that I was a dancer, so he asked if I would be interested in helping him with his magic shows,” says Megan. Though initially hesitant, she needed the extra cash and agreed to be the magician’s assistant.

A true sport, Megan did it all. She cared for magic rabbits, squirmed in small boxes and danced in a schoolgirl outfit to the Alice Cooper song “School’s Out.” “I had to dance around the illusion before we did it,” she recalls. The “twister” required Megan to crouch in a box, while Hoey worked his magic to make it appear as if her head were spinning around.

Besides spinning, Megan got severed. The infamous cutting a girl in half trick “ended up being quite scary,” she recounts. The box was constructed of two halves, one on top of the other, and Megan stood in a curled-over “C” shape. (Secrets revealed! Alliance compromised!) During one performance, when Hoey slid the boxes apart, her arm got stuck, leaving her a nasty gash.

Over the course of their ten shows together, the pair traveled around all around New York state to perform. Hoey usually dazzled with his fire tricks, but Megan remembers a few sore spots: “One time, we…performed [at] a Knights of Columbus senior citizens’ dance in Brooklyn and they were so unamused and unimpressed.” After the performance, she cha-cha-ed with an elderly man. Another time, Hoey almost lost his pet snake—only to remember it was hanging in the front seat between him and his assistant.

Hoey is quite the harlequin. “After he turned one bunny into two bunnies,” Megan reminisces, “he joked that, when he worked in a barbershop, he really learned how to ‘split hares.’” But, the dynamic duo wasn’t always in sync. Megan’s an interwebs enthusiast and Hoey doesn’t know how to work a computer. He assumed that, because she was a vegetarian, she only ate bagels, fruits, and vegetables.

Though Megan won’t be working with Hoey again this summer, she gained an out-of-the-box view of the occult while crouched inside the magician’s sawing box. And, of course, she retains her signature sparkle—must be the work of magic!

Bwog’s kind-of-new Wednesday feature, Where Art Thou?, is here to keep you posted on what’s going on in the A&E department in Morningside Heights and beyond (basically all the cool events your friends are in/on/at). If you would like your mysterious-due-to-copyright-laws Action Film Screening posted on Bwog, now you can! E-mail us at events@bwog.com.

Today!

• The Varsity Show’s West End Preview, TONIGHT at 9 and 10:30 pm at Havana Central. $3 at door.
• Literary Film Screening, today at 9 pm in Harmony’s first floor lounge. Free.

Tomorrow!

• Film Screening: Growing up Barnard, Thursday at 6pm in the VagBox. Free

Friday!

• Postcrypt Exodus, Friday at 8 pm at 285 East Third Street (Between Ave C & D) #2. $3 at door.

Saturday!

• Violin Recital, Saturday at 4 pm in Lerner C555. Free.
• Naach Nation, Saturday at 7:30 pm in Roone. $12.

Sunday!

• Battle of the Bands: Assassins Kick-off, Sunday at 5 pm in Lerner Party Space. Free. There will be free Mel’s, too.

Adventure via Wikimedia Commons

At our beloved Bookstore, you can buy strange and ostentatious shit. Why? Because Roar Lion!

But apparently their selection isn’t only limited to Columbia apparel. You can also purchase the inconsistently capitalized “Columbia Lions adidas TShirt.” But it’s not ‘Columbia Lions’ at all! It’s actually a Central Connecticut State University tee. Go figure, their colors are also blue and white, although not our blue.

The wrong CU!