Search Results for: but commandments

Oct

22

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Bwog is a version of Moses that is hip with the kids

Bwog is like a version of Moses that is hip with the kids

BUTLER called out from Floor 9 , and He called Bwog to the top of the mountain. Then But spoke all these words, saying:

I. Thou shalt use thine headphones for any and all media playing, lest thou shouldest disturb other studiers. Thus thou shalt do, unless thou happenest to be listening to The Eye of the Tiger.

II. Thou shalt refrain from wearing shoes featuring loud heels; thou shalt walk on tiptoes or stay seated in all other circumstances.

III. Thou shalt not crinkleth Ye Olde Kinde Barre wrapper excessively.

IV. Thou shalt respect the boundary that doth mark half of a table, lest the God of Butler smite ye.

V. Thou shalt leave thine possessions at thine chosen table for no more than fifteen minutes; or yea, thou shalt be known forever as a “camper,” the most wretched of studiers.

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Nov

11

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“What is that thing you are wearing around your ears? An oversized earmuff? Some kind of avant-garde headphones? Or worse, a jaw warmer? Take it off so you can hear my holy words,” roared the library, the people’s library, from the heavens. “You are in implicit violation of Commandments VI, probably X(a), and perhaps even XI. Put your feet away, or suffer my wrath.”

No word on whether the student has been struck by a great bolt of lightning yet.

People with their fucking feet out in libraries”—anonymous tipster

May

12

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Butler is a prime example of the Hobbesian state of nature, as any CC student is sure to have realized by now. However, Bwog doesn’t think this means we have to be assholes to each other; despite the complete lack of accountability, we are more civilized than that.

Some unwritten rules exist in Butler. We decided to write them down again to destroy the ambiguity, in case you forgot. You’re welcome.

Personal space:

Here's a four-person example. Stick to your quarter of the table; don't piss Billy off.

Here’s a four-person example. Stick to your quarter of the table; don’t piss Billy off.

Every desk is to be divided equally among the people occupying it. The easiest way to respect this is to imagine a line exactly halfway between any other person on that desk; never let any of that stuff cross your line.

Regardless of the room’s official policy, food is usually okay anywhere Butler. Just make sure you’re not extremely loud (there is a mysterious technique called “chewing with your mouth closed” which seems to elude most of the Columbia community but can be extremely useful in this regard), that you’re not making a complete mess, and that it doesn’t have too strong a smell (so that leftover curry you’ve been saving is probably a no-no).

In terms of private rooms, you lose your reservation if you don’t arrive within 15 minutes. If nobody has reserved the room, it becomes a shared study space.

It goes without saying that you should always wear earphones/headphones.

Read on…

Jun

1

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It may be June, but the May issue of The Blue & White lives on. In Bluenotes, the magazine staff explore those smaller oddities of our campus and neighborhood, which catch our eyes from time to time. This month, the gazes of two staff writers were particularly caught by Butler Library (you don’t say?!) First up, Sam Herzog breaks down a towering, but ignored, artistic feature of that place you bitterly remember either being in or bitching about.

Cher sure did get abstract.

Illustration by Louise McCune

Most students who enter Butler are too preoccupied with snagging hot real estate to notice the imposing artwork presiding over them. But for those attentive few, the reward is a massive, clever mural by Eugene Savage. An American artist, Savage painted Athena into each of the college murals he designed, always adorned in the featured school’s colors.

Columbia’s Athena towers over the center of the mural as one enters the library. The goddess of wisdom fends off green demonic figures representing ignorance, while ushering in masses seeking enlightenment—representing the working class, as indicated by their garb and stance. Ironically, by the time most students see the mural as they exit Butler, many resemble the sickly demons of ignorance as opposed to the bright-eyed crowd eager to be guided up the steps to the arch of enlightenment.

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Sep

4

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Though today free food seems to be ubiquitous, such is not always the case. When this situation inevitably arises, one might want to resort to Christopher Morris-Lent’s final three commandments for finding and obtaining free food.


8. THOU SHALT STEAL SILVERWARE FROM JOHN JAY 

Free food usually comes with the utensils required to eat it, but these forks and spoons are but miserably flimsy plastic facsimiles of their steel counterparts.  Plus: invariably you will take, say, a delicious salad back to your room and discover that you failed to pick up a spork with which to eat it.  Running down to 212 to grab a disposable utensil is admitting defeat, and letting the salad sit uneaten is missing the point entirely.  In cases like these, then, I contend that it is convenient to be able to bust open one of your drawers and pull out a fork that you conveniently forgot to place on the conveyor belt as you left John Jay, because said fork was in your pocket.  Grab a spoon and a knife, too.  You will use them.  Washing is optional – whenever my fork got grotesquely encrusted with detritus from who knows what bygone meals, I’d simply flip it over and use the other end to stir my tea (brewed in a mug still redolent of last night’s Monarch vodka). 

9. THOU SHALT FILCH FROM 212 

A different kind of “free food” than what ABC might have in mind, stolen goods from Café 212 form the dietary staple of those poor freshman souls who have blown all their points on overpriced sandwiches by mid-October and have no desire to run the laxative-filled gauntlet of John Jay more than is humanly necessary.  Simply pluck a salad or a Naked Juice from the shelf and walk away.  Works best whenever the underpaid cashiers are inundated with orders from grumpy students (between the hours of 10 AM and 8 PM); comes with complimentary thrill of taking it to The Man and staving off a dinner of Hamburger à la Ex-Lax for just one more goddamn day all at once.  I personally never did this.  Heh heh. [N.B.: BWOG DOES NOT ENDORSE STEALING. – Ed.]

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Sep

2

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The second installment of a multi-part presentation of the laws of finding and receiving free food. Given by God himself to Bwogger Christopher Morris-Lent. Today: 4-7.

4. THOU SHALT PASS THY HOURS IN LERNER 

Some first-years and a surprising amount of upperclassmen commit the inexcusable error of writing papers, completing problem sets, and generally studying in Butler.  These adrift souls fail to realize that the chances of scoring free food in the library is nil.  In fact, there is no food allowed whatsoever, unless you smuggle it in by means of backpack or purchase it at the crowded, unpleasant, and unsanitary Blue Java.  The thinking man’s solution is to work somewhere else, and what better venue than Lerner Hall, the throbbing nerve center of campus life and the Columbian capital of free food.  As your peers emerge from the library only halfway done with a paper and looking as exhausted and gaunt as Adrien Brody’s character in “The Pianist,” you will laugh in their faces as the more vital environment and easy access to brain food has enabled you to complete twice as much work while maintaining a ruddy complexion and voluptuous figure. 

5. THOU SHALT PRESSURE THY FLOORMATES INTO REMEMBERING THEIR STUDY-BREAKS 

Remember all of the fun and exciting floor bonding activities – ranging from excursions to the cultural watershed of San Gennaro to pumpkin-carving in the Carman basement – that your optimistic and enthusiastic RA has planned for your best of all possible floors in the best of all possible universities?  These are not going to happen.  Or, if they do: maybe one person will show up.  The sole thing my floor succeeded in organizing collectively after the initial ardor had worn off was study-breaks.  Every Wednesday evening it was the responsibility of a single four-person suite to provide cheap yet delicious sustenance to our floormates.  This was a dependable source of Diet Coke and chips with salsa until fifteen weeks later, when we ran out of suites and Carman 1101 declined to revive our floor’s flagging nationalism. 

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Aug

28

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A multi-part presentation of the laws of finding and receiving free food. Given by God himself to Bwogger Christopher Morris-Lent.

Today, commandments 1-3.

1. THOU SHALT WANDER CAMPUS AIMLESSLY 

In those first few awkward weeks at college after you’ve severed the umbilicus connecting yourself to your parents but you have yet to carve a niche out for yourself in your new milieu, you might find yourself taking strolls around campus in the early evening, wondering what the point of it all is.  At least this is what I did, because I was socially inept and slow to make new friends.  These Kerouacesque mimi-odysseys of self-discovery ended up being good things, though, because in addition to finding existential solace, I also stumbled upon some free food.  Free food is a prominent fixture of the Columbia experience.  It is as ubiquitous as it is transitory.  And if you find it, it is yours for the taking.  Munching on some cornbread on the way back from the Amsterdam bridge one fair September afternoon, I said to myself: “Things are not so bad here.  They will get better.  Fortuna is spinning my wheel upwards.”  And surely enough, she was. 

2. THOU SHALT STALK YOUR PEERS 

Many of your fellow freshman will be wandering campus in the same lackadaisical and directionless way as you.  Ignore them: they are either lost in their own existential quandaries or completely brain-dead.  Only when you spot one of your “friends” from orientation walking with a sense of purpose should you follow them, as they may have discovered a free food treasure trove.  Bonus points if your stalkee is an orientation hookup; extra bonus points if bases were rounded within the friendly confines of a frat house; still more bonus points if he or she discovers you, slaps you across the face, and runs away, and you still succeed in following them to the promised land and scoring a bagel with cream cheese or two, if not milk and honey. 

3. THOUGH SHALT MASQUERADE AS A MEMBER OF [insert campus group here] 

Invariably some of the free food events will be nominally closed to certain groups.  Such blatant examples of this gastronomical discrimination include but are not limited to “Sophomore BBQ on the Amsterdam Bridge,” “Engineers’ Meet and Greet on the Terrace,” etc.  The keyword here (all the way back in the first sentence) is nominally.  Showing up and asking for food has had in my experience a roughly 90% success rate.  In the rare event that you are hassled and asked to prove your identity by some stingy scalawag, questioning his motives and/or playing the race card (it’s because I’m a GENTILE, isn’t it!!!) will inevitably break down his resistance and leave you waddling back to your dorm a few minutes later and a few Dinosaur BBQ briskets heavier.

Mar

7

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Boredatbutler.com has a nifty new feature that lists the top 100 words used on the site.

As expected, raunchy words dominate the list – Bwog is especially fond of the delicious liaison between the latest top 5 words “sex” (1), “butler” (2), “people” (3), “fuck” (4) and “need” (5) – but there are some notable exceptions. For one, we have no idea what a “heavyweiner” (28) is, and why anyone would be playing with “fire” (87) in the library (it must be all the Lolita references…).

In the end, there’s not much that one can do with such a list, until you realize that this makes for a very nice Columbia-themed Magnetic Poetry kit. We took a few liberties with tenses and prepositions, but here are our creations:
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Oct

30

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The sky's the limit

“Go forth, vote for me, and then I’ll leave for my vacation house.”

Bucket List represents the intellectual privilege we enjoy as Columbia students. We do our very best to bring to your attention important guest lecturers and special events on campus. Our recommendations for this week are below, and the full list is after the jump. If you notice any events that have been left off the list, or a correction, please leave them in the comments.

Recommended

  • “Should the “Bern” Create a Third Party?” Tuesday, 1:00-2:00 PM, IAB. Steven Nemerovski (RSVP).
  • “Drawing the Unspeakable” Tuesday, 7:00-9:00 PM, 523 Butler Library. Kerascoët, Pénélope Bagieu and Catherine Meurisse (RSVP).
  • “Alan Turing: Computing Machinery and Intelligence” Wednesday, 6:30 PM, Davis Auditorium (CEPSR), Schapiro Hall. Dermot Turing.
  • “The Cosmic Origins of the Chemicals of Life” Friday, 7:00-9:00 PM, 301 Pupin Hall. Daniel Wolf Savin.

What else does Columbia want us to think we know? And what are they really hiding?

Sep

25

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"Tell me where it says I can't get lit, Rabbi."

“Tell me where it says I can’t get lit, Rabbi.”d

Somebody famous once said “For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a day of sabbath rest”. We here at Bwog agree wholeheartedly, and not just because we follow all 10 or 613 or whatever number of commandments govern our lives—not that we even consistently follow any religious strictures. Our nights at 1020 give record to that….

But we do think a day away from work and stress is a good thing. And given the stress knot forming in the American Ship of State’s rigging due to tomorrow’s Presidential Debate, we think such a great idea has never been more important. So we’re here, for you, at Lerner 505 starting at 7:00 PM for some good old fashioned, Symposium-esque activities and celebrations. It’s gonna be a mirthful time.

Lighting up via Nacsama / Public Domain

Jan

31

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Body by Tat, advice by Kanye.

Body by JJ’s, advice by Kanye.

Want some really god-awful advice that will probably ruin your life? Never fear, Tat is here! Our trusty features editor is back with another installment on the many trials and tribulations of the average college student. Man, you guys have interesting problems!!

Dear Bwog,

Seeker of advice from “Tats” here. I appreciated the advice on rushing, and thought I would inquire with a dilemma of my own. I’m in an open relationship and need help creating rules or guidelines around the situation. I like that we’re open, but I don’t know how to avoid jealousy when others are invited in by my partner, or how to assuage my partner’s potential concerns when I am with someone else. Got any tips, guidance, or drugs of choice for me?

Thanks a million,

Hottie w/a Cyber Body

Dear Hottie w/a Cyber Body,

Hey, I am so glad my rush advice helped you out!! I’ve gotten really good feedback on all the outfits suggested, particularly prom night, so honestly I’m pretty unsurprised that you appreciated it. Nonetheless, just as Alice appreciated the Nobel, who am I to debase my fans? Columbia, I am here for you.

That said, I feel like you could definitely use some work on your moniker creativity. I’m thinking about running a workshop about this at some point — would you be interested? Like, I like what you’re trying to do, but something about hottie with a cyber body just rubs me the wrong way; are you only hot online? Or are you a smokin’ babe on all platforms? If the second, let’s OK Cupid connect. I feel we’ve got so much in common already.

On to your query: as the resident relationship expert here at Bwog, perhaps even Columbia, I feel uniquely qualified to answer your question. I don’t mean to brag, but as someone in pretty perpetual demand, I’m here to tell you there’s one more member of our highly sought-after posse. And that member is no other than homeboy Kanye. So, without further ado, I present to you, dear Hottie, the ten six commandments of open relationships, closed relationships, fake relationships, and imaginary relationships, as set forth by the belabored, belied, but above all beloved Yeezy.

Check out the six commandments here.

Apr

21

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To honor our heritage/amorous affair with our mother magazine, we will continue posting pieces from the current issue of The Blue and White. Keep an eye our for the mag in Butler, Lerner, and select residence halls. If you are interested in subscribing to the magazine, direct your correspondence to bweditors@columbia.edu. In this feature, magazine contributor and Bwog editor Alexandra Svokos, CC ’14, explores sexism, cyphers, and CUSH’s struggle to find a permanent place in the Columbia community. 

CUSHIRCmic_jpeg

Illustration by Juliette Chen, CC ’16

“We currently don’t exist on paper,” John Lubeen Hamilton, CC ’13 and one of Columbia University Society of Hip-Hop’s most recognizable members on campus, explained. Originally started as an Intercultural Resource Center (IRC) Committee under the administration of the Office of Multicultural Affairs, CUSH was formed as a group that celebrates hip-hop culture, with a dedication to social justice—a seemingly paradoxical mission statement given that hip-hop is historically characterized by gang violence, sexism, and drug use. CUSH cultivates safe spaces, attempting to reconcile a socially controversial genre with the institutional principles of the IRC through critical dialogue. Its acronym-name seems to confuse the two goals: it’s unclear whether CUSH is attempting to grow a brand of hip-hop that adheres to progressive principles or is honoring music it loves while ignoring its unsavory foundation.

As most current members will attest, the founders—Ace Anderson, Mpho Brown, and Jon Tanners, all CC ’11—began the group as a more formal forum to hang out and talk about their favorite music. The group created a tradition of public events: cyphers, slam poetry showcases, discussions, film screenings, and new album listening parties. In previous years the cyphers—open events for freestyle rappers—drew crowds of 30-50 people, with a dozen rappers in the “circle” at its height.

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Feb

21

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Cornel_West

In the flesh!

A couple nights ago, Cornel West paid a visit to our fine campus. In attendance (along with what seemed like half of the entire Columbia population) was Bwog’s Resident Lecture Lover, Eric Wimer.

The fire code was almost certainly being broken by the crowd packed into Northwest corner 501, all there to see Cornel West. The Columbia NAACP introduced him as the kind of guest that was certainly worth breaking a few codes to see. Amid a chorus of snaps and ‘mhmms,’ he sketched out the legacy of Martin Luther King and touched on a Core Curriculum’s worth of writers, artists, and leaders, from The Merchant of Venice to Louis Armstrong, “a sad soul with a cheerful disposition,” to Anton Chekov, all with a poetic flourish.

King, he said, “mustered the courage to think critically in the Socratic tradition.” Columbia too, Cornel asserted, should teach its students to examine themselves in this tradition; to do so is to be human. But students here should “beware of deodorized discourse.” Students should instead follow the path of King, who “said let’s deal with the ambiguity and complexity of life. He was not just a ‘civil rights leader.’” A good education, he expounded “should not teach you how to live, but how to die.”

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May

4

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We continue to respect our heritage/amorous affair with our mother-magazine, The Blue & White by posting each issue of the magazine online. The latest issue, available this week around campus, is a cornucopia of delights: an interview with Dean Peter Awnthe quixotic quest for a Quidditch teamand a reflection on Columbia’s recent media malaise. In Campus Characters, the Blue & White introduces you to a handful of Columbians who are up to interesting and extraordinary things and whose stories beg to be shared. From the current issue, staff writer Matthew Schantz profiles Matt Powell, CC ’12, of Cooking with Bwog fame.

Future face of the Food Channel? Check back at Milano to find out.

Illustration by Chloe Eichler

Ask people how they know Matt Powell, CC ’12, and they will describe a food. Sir Mike, beloved EC security guard, recalls spicy, subtle hints of ground jalapeño in the best burger he’s ever eaten. One of Powell’s closest friends, Hannah Christ, CC’12, will tell you about the fresh baked cupcakes which cemented their friendship. Someone from Powell’s San Diego high school might tell you about homemade peach cobbler.

During his sophomore year of high school, Powell gobbled down a plate of peach cobbler at an African American history event. When the caterers refused to give him their secret recipe, Powell devised his own. “That whole summer was dedicated to making peach cobblers,” Powell remembers, “which was really convenient because we had a peach tree in the backyard. I probably made five different cobblers until I made the perfect one.” When Powell shared his hard work with his classmates, cooking had hooked him. “I really liked the reaction people gave me when I gave them something delicious.” (more…)

Dec

7

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In spite of this busy time of year, Bwog did manage to get away for a few moments and witness Chowdah and Sweeps’ self-proclaimed “Very Special Holiday Special” in Furnald Lounge tonight. Sweeps performed a domino chain of improv skits complete with reference to broken families, broken chia pets, peanut butter blasphemy, and linear references that would have put The Geometer in fits. Hilarity also ensued in Chowdah’s performance, which joyously embraced the arrival of Comikkah season. While the show included an array of candy-addict rabbits, Bad News Bears and partial nudity, in the end the troop proved that no holiday sketch is complete without the arrival of Charlton Heston in his magic sleigh — quite possibly in the likeness of Moses from The Ten Commandments.

And you thought everyone at Columbia was Jewish!

 More photos after the jump.

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