#foreign gossip
Alumni Who Make Bwog Proud, Alumni Who Let Bwog Down

Continuing Bwog’s rare tradition of saluting the sons and daughters of Alma Mater, we would like to take the time to recognize the achievements (and stupefying failures) of some of Columbia’s most recent headline-making alumni.

We begin with Lee Phil-sang, a Korean journalist who earned his M.A. and Ph.D. here. Lee was just selected to become President of Korea University. All hail PrezPhil- an alumnus who makes Bwog proud. We also note that Korea University seems to have presidential term limits…and wonder what PrezBo would be up to as a lame duck.

We turn now to Democratic Party luminary Barack Obama C’83. After learning that he had inadvertently killed one journalist’s chances at landing a hot date by presuming he worked for a college newspaper and calling him “baby-faced” during a press conference (and apparently exiling him to the Henry Daily Herald, “serving Stockbridge, Hampton, McDonough, and Locust Grove,” Georgia), Obama had the class to call him up (listen to the mp3!) “I’m calling to publicly apologize for messing up your game,” the Senator said. Barack, as always, you’re an alumnus who makes Bwog proud.

Finally, the pièce de résistance. Gawker has the story (via the NY Post‘s interview entitled “The Socialist”…which Gawker doesn’t get, though we at the University of Havana North would) of socialite Tinsley Mortimer, a Columbia alum whose cringeworthy quotes could fill pages. One example: “Everyone I’ve met in Japan has been absolutely adorable. They have big smiles on their faces, and they just are so cute and seem so happy to meet you or work with you or something.”

(more…)

Afternoon Gossip- Boondock Sinks Edition

Vigilantism strikes yet again at Columbia, this time on Schapiro 7. From a note pushpinned to the kitchen wall of that fateful floor, penned in forest green marker:

“If you leave your dirty dishes in the sink for two (2) days, they will disappear for two (2) weeks.  Thank you for your (non) cooperation, you dirty sons-of-bitches.  Signed, The Management (Big Brother)” 

Our correspondent notes definitively that “The Management” does not refer to the floor’s R.A., but remarks that “the WB should start designing a costume for this masked vigilante,” and would not be “surprised if the next note is written in blood”.

Meanwhile, from the unlikely-to-be-a-vigilante department, a student wielding an ironically sophisticated cellphone, overheard in Lerner Hall:

“Hi, mom? What time is it? Ah, thanks, bye.”

Finally, news from the frightening world beyond 110th Street: Columbia’s star rises in Britain, vaulting from #20 to #12 on The Times‘ world universities rankings list, while Disney’s falls ignominiously (two words: “mouse orgy”) in France. We have but one comment on that last bit- shame on you, Reuters, how could anyone confuse Chip and Dale?

Dispatch from the Other Coast

This weekend Bwog found itself in that other great northern city, Seattle, to attend its father’s second wedding. Here, lilacs bloom and herons dip fish out of the salty clear water, and Gore-Tex covers the pallid, unshaven skin of guilty white liberals. After two days knee deep in West Coast relatives, Bwog is ripe with new wisdom:

People don’t give alcohol to kids here. Even at their own father’s weddings. Bastards.

You don’t have to be Asian to have only Asian furniture and art in your home.

Vegan wedding cake is better than regular wedding cake.

Don’t forget to fill your oxygen tank before you go to the wedding!

It’s going to rain.

Marry someone rich!

A soy vanilla latte is just compounded bean water: soy beans, vanilla beans, coffee beans. Just think about it.

Foreign Gossip – Columbia, Columbia Everywhere

The Bwog’s foreign correspondent Nick Frisch reports:

This past Christmas in Siem Reap, Cambodia, your loyal correspondent was disgusted to learn that the sinister and destructive web of Columbia money has extended its jungle undergrowth-like tendrils far beyond dismal dorms into the very apex of Khmer civilization. The culprits? Miriam and Ira D. Wallach, whose “charitable” foundation now has to answer not only for the decrepitude of the LLC but also the vegetation-strewn remains of Preah Khan, a complex of fountains and pools near the famous Angkor Wat. This alleged “priceless cultural heritage” has also been supported by a whole roster of pampered potentates who have clearly never suffered through the innards of Columbia housing: the Duchess of Westminster, the UK’s ambassador to Phnom Penh, a few of the usual diamond-business crowd (Polsky, Miller, Lindemann, Koerfer), and – apparently – the Stanford class of 1998. The Blue and White recommends that the Wallachs take next year’s vacation in Wien.

Credit to our correspondent’s colleague Michael Pareles for, er, kindly pointing out the general vicinity of the outrage.

Kymyz: Fermented Horse Milk–FREE FOOD!




We can’t make this stuff up. A number of SIPA groups are collaborating to present “the very first public tasting in the US of Kyrgyzstan’s favorite drink.”

Today. 6-9 p.m. 6th floor Student Lounge, IAB. Be there.

“Kyrgyz favorite drink kymyz is made from horse milk which is poured into a special leather bag – and is then stirred with a special wooden stick which is called ‘bishkek.’ The name of this stick is given to the current capital of the Republic.”

Beyond the fermented horse milk, the evening’s menu includes borsok (fried pastries), chak-chak (sweet dessert), batyr-nan (traditional flat bread), and ikra (caviar).

The schedule of events is a brief presentation on the health benefits of drinking horse’s milk, a picturesque slide show, presentation of traditional Kyrgyz music, carpets, and handicrafts, a costume show, and finally, the eating.

Outsourcing Expansion?

An empty puff piece on South Asian studies at Columbia (“Of Columbia’s many ties with South Asia, India is probably the strongest”) ends with a dazzling flourish of geopolitical hubris:

“the buzz about Columbia’s newly revitalized South Asia program will soon be spreading all over the Subcontinent.”

Just like militant Islam!

Um, the world is flat?

Foreign Gossip – Scotch v. Water

Bwog is proud to bring you gossip from abroad – because everything is funnier when it’s not American.

Overheard in a Edinburgh University library cafe:

Girl 1: So yeah, I’m impervious to water.

Girl 2: You’re what?

Girl 1: Impervious. To. Water.

Girl 2: So you can’t get wet..?

Girl 1: Oh no, I can get wet, it just doesn’t destroy me.

Girl 2: …You’re a fucking idiot.

(Bwog thanks reader Nina Bell for the sharp ears)

Foreign Gossip – Vietnam, Bitch

Bwog is proud to bring you gossip from abroad – because everything is funnier when it’s not American.

While doing his time in the ‘Nam, your loyal correspondent noticed the following exchange gracing the guestbook in the museum at the former US marine base of Khe Sanh:

Intruders are doomed to be kicked out, no matter in North Korea, Vietnam, or Iraq. -Wang Y, China

What about Tibet? -[Illegible], UK

- Nick Frisch