#haters
Timeless Doctrines: Bad Hair Edition

A tipster spotted this remarkably eloquent note in McBain, addressed, “To the wookie on floor 8.” Jeez.

I am posting this note as a gentle warning that your shower etiquette is sub-par. Few people actually enjoy communal living, and I think, given your behavior it’s not hard to imagin [sic] why I’m sure by now it has been made clear to you that no one is happy with going into the shower to discover your hair all over the walls, floor, and drain. Here, I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt because you are a Columbia student and could not possibly be that lazy or inconsiderate of others, and assume that you, too, have an aversion to your hair. While I can empathize, I maintain that it is your hair and, thus, your responsibility to clean. If you are unable to get yourself to clean it, here are some helpful suggestions that might fix the problem:

1) Get a brush, brush your hair before you shower.
2) Look into Locks of Love, shaved heads on women aren’t so bad and they’d appreciate your hair more than you seem to.
3) Stop using the showers.

If you don’t amend your behavior by next semester, I will let you know now that notes will not be the end of my efforts to get you to stop. Remember, I am a Columbia student as well, which should suggest to you how clever and creative I might be when pushed. If you’ve taken anything from CC, it cannot possibly be that one should treat others as they would like to be treated. I am prepared to teach you a value of that timeless doctrine.

Bwoglines: Diminishing Seriousness Edition

Foiled New York terror plot was scheduled for September 11 of this year, says prosecutor in the case of alleged terrorist. (AP)

A Columbia Econ professor claims that good signs from the stock market don’t necessarily mean improvement in the economy. All the suited would-be analysts swarming yesterday’s career fair beg to differ. (Reuters)

Because skinny jeans and ironic T’s clothed the whore of Babylon: “equal opportunity haters” from Westboro Baptist take the love to Brooklyn, meet with similar level of success. (Gothamist, NYT)

 U2 plays at Giant’s Stadium, backs up the subway, draws larger crowds than the Pope did. Bwog advises Benedict to take up the “perpetual sunglasses” look if he wants remain a serious contender. (NYT)

Want your own little piece of presidential residue? Psh, is that even a question? Theater seats warmed by America’s first couple (for around 2.5 hours) to be auctioned off, starting at $500. Well, in terms of presidential merchandise, it could be much, much worse. (NYT)

 Image via Oprah.com

 

Disowned, Scorned, Still Proudly Self-Deprecating

Loyalty is not something ingrained in students at this spirit-deprived school.  Even with all the excitement, we knew deep inside that Barack Obama (CC ’83, now some kind of important person) would never speak at Class Day.

After all, what with saving the world, how could he possibly have time to visit his Alma Mater?

As it turned out, our intuition was correct – Obama won’t be our Class Day speaker.  He’ll be the commencement speaker for other schools.

That’s right, schools, pluralized.  Two days ago, the White House issued a little-noticed press release announcing that Barack Obama would serve as commencement speaker at three colleges: Arizona State, Notre Dame, and the US Naval Academy.

Bwog’s analysis would suggest that he’ll touch on themes such as “the economy,” “the future,” and “you unemployable history majors.”

The press release promises “more details” at a later date, but we’re not holding our breath.  We’re too bitter.

Water Gun Wars Get Heated


Those of you following CU Assassins may have noticed that in place of the mocking, playful, and egotistical tones of early kill reports, many killins of the past week have been described with malice and aggression. Water-gun-in-your-face aggression.

There are now only two teams remaining in the game – one with two players, and one with three, and the road to the last round has not been an easy one.

Kill reports bear witness to some heated disagreements on the legality of the kill. Bwog also has reports of a vicious email from the realm of the dead accusing murderers of cheating. But let’s be real, history is DEF written by the winners.

Deceased: Diamond Dreamsizzle

Time of Death: Tuesday, March 10 at 03:34 PM

Summary of Death: The Dancing Beauties thought they could outsmart us, but having lasted so long, they didn’t really put up much of a fight. Tiger Steelrail was the first to go, and he pleaded for mercy. You were shot in the neck? I think not friend. Firmdriver was the next victim, and he tried to deny that he was playing. Try having your back fully against the wall, and not partially. Dreamsizzle thought she could outsmart us by standing side by side with her identical twin, but she was no match for us. I’m so sure the water “ricocheted” onto your back. Nice try. R.I.P. THEN END.

Deceased: Buttscratcha

Time of Death: Sunday, March 08 at 12:39 AM

Summary of Death: I’m not funneling kills, I’m just a master of disguise. You gonna dispute this one?

Of course, there were also some traditional kill reports quoting gangsta rap

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Halloween Costume Survival Guide



Bwog kicks off Halloween early this year with a special guide to two of the neighborhood’s best costume purveyors, Ricky’s and  Possibilities @ Columbia.

You can divide the world in two camps: Those who love Halloween and those who hate it.  Bwog falls into the former camp and we hope you do too. But we understand, fun is not for everyone.  If you’re a Halloween hater, a self-conscious self-customer or just not in the spirit yet, Bwog’s here to help.  Today, we’re guiding you through two of Morningside Heights’ most unabashed Halloween haunts, the already infamous Ricky’s and Possibilities@Columbia.

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Columbia news that’s fit to print

Today’s Sunday Times is chock-full of Columbia nuts. First, the lead story in the Magazine, by Mark Lilla, is regurgitated CC, and any good humanities student worth his or her weight in Enlightenment and secular/liberal theory should be able to follow his argument and add a dash of insight to boot. Then, the Lives essay is by a J-school prof who meets up with a former story subject and has a ball. Over in Arts, there’s a long article about “mumblecore,” a micro-genre of indie film in which Barnard grad Greta Gerwig (and the WBAR station) are key elements. And, finally, there’s a pretty long piece about the guys behind Indoctrinate U, which we know you all love.

Of kooks and cabdrivers

jklJust thought we’d bring to your attention two of the latest places Columbia has made the news: 

A new film waxing indignant about censorship and anti-semitism, conveniently collapsing all of Columbia into the MEALAC department…

And former Sen. Mike Gravel’s excellent adventure, via cab, to his former stomping grounts.

Thank you, Google alerts.