The life of a second-semester senior is usually pretty relaxed—we’re nearing the time of year when you realize that you’ve wrapped up your major requirements and now are pursuing a concentration in 1020. But alas, these hazy, lazy days will soon come to an end, and there’s no better wake up call than an alarming email from the straight-outta-the-nineties-named Student Affairs Graduation Zone with the all-caps title “ARE YOU PLANNING TO GRADUATE THIS MAY? If so read this!” Yep, they realize that after seven semesters here you only read about 4% of your emails anymore. But there is useful information to be had here, and in order to prevent you from having that awkward conversation with your folks about how you forgot to actually “Apply for the Degree” and can’t leave, we’ve pasted the email below. Hey, it may be useful, and then you can get back to your daydrinking.
Louis XIV may have sported some pretty high stilettos (thanks for the cocktail party fodder, Core Curriculum), but at least he had the courtesy not to stomp around the Ref Room. Heel Hater Meriam Raouf profiles that Butler Archetype whose sharp clicks down the marble hallway are turning your hair gray.
It’s Sunday night. You’ve managed to squeeze yourself into a prime spot (read: comfy armchair) in your favorite Butler room. The desk is warm, you’ve got extra highlighters, and you’ve run out of things to read in your newsfeed. You’ve hit the pinnacle of study conditions—and just in time, you think to yourself, as you open a Word document to start that 5-page paper due tomorrow afternoon.
Maybe you’ll even take it to the writing center in the morning and have someone proofread it. Ah, the very thought.
As you relish in your own academic planning and maturity, you can’t help but scoff at your disorganized peers who are very clearly watching Parks and Rec on their own laptops. But just as you’re really getting lost in your academic wet dreams…
…you… [Left foot]
…hear… [Right foot]
She comes to a halt, right beside your spot. She is wearing pumps, or wedges—whatever they are, they sound like tap shoes. And she will shuffle around your Butler room for the rest of the night.
Having found no empty seats directly next to you, she will proceed to pace up and down the stretch of walkway closest to you, pausing between the tables like a confused high school teacher proctoring an SAT exam. She’ll scan the tables for an empty spot, and upon finding one, will eventually settle down.
But not for long.
During this second lap, The Girl With Noisy Heels will give you a polite nod; she seeks your understanding and compassion. She’ll now leave her stuff to go down to buy coffee (“Be right back,” she’ll mouth, with a wink). She will click and clack out of the room, and you’ll let yourself relax, just a little bit.
With a sigh, you’ll put your janky Apple Store headphones on, hoping her heels break on the way to Blue Java.
But, no—rest assured, she will return, hot cup of coffee in hand. It won’t be until she sits down for about a millisecond that she’ll realize just how badly she has to use the bathroom. And then another millisecond before she’ll realize she forgot her phone in the bathroom, and before you know it, she’ll be looking for a new spot (“Creaky chair,” she’ll mouth, once again with a wink).
You don’t know why she wore her Louboutins to Butler, but you be sure that she’ll wear the heels down by the time you can even think of a thesis.
A New York resident was arrested yesterday and charged with planning to build and detonate bombs across the city. (NYTimes)
They squabbled and squawked, but the congressional supercommittee charged with resolving the debt crisis just couldn’t do it. Even after they asked for an extension from their
UWriting Professor President. (Bloomberg)
Occypy Wall Street, after being forced out of Zucotti Park last week, began a 24 hour “occupation” of Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s house yesterday, which amounted to a lot of drum banging on the Upper East Side. (NY Daily News)
NASCAR fans booed Michelle Obama when she stood alongside a military veteran to announce the beginning of a Florida race. (Slate)
Ever feel like your dessert just isn’t as fun as it could be? Inject a little rowdiness with the help of these two women, who discovered the secret to making alcoholic ice cream. (Gizmodo)
There’s no better holiday tradition than causing mild family chaos/physical harm with the annual Thanksgiving touch football game, and the WSJ has a helpful list of the 32(!) rules you should memorize as you start practicing this week.
Update, 3:36 pm: Protesters claimed “The NYPD was going to arrest them,” so they’re now at the base of the steps. According to one tipster, they’re “making a lot of random noise.” One male is yelling noises—not words—into a microphone. A female has a cello.
Remember those anti-ROTC protesters? They’re back! About 20 people are currently gathered outside the Law School to protest what they call the “farcical display of democracy by the Senate Task Force on Military Engagement.” Upset that Columbia has decided to invite Naval ROTC back to campus, they’re expressing their frustration and rage by banging drums, making noise, and chanting catchy slogans like “They say ROT-C. We say democracy!” (more…)
Are everywhere on campus tonight: Butler (including 209), 114th St., and Low Plaza. A bunch of guys clad in suits drawing attention to themselves? Must be that time of year again… Frat recruitment! Bwog hopes you have invested in a good pair of sound-isolating headphones.