no seriously

Bottoming out our list are puns about power

Reviving an old Bwog concept, we’re compiling the best—to the worst—of Columbia this past year. See where your victories and failures rank on our Power Rankings.

The end of the year brings many fortunes for Columbia’s most visible groups. While the promise of a bright future invigorates new student groups and initiatives, the lull of the summer and the graduation of seniors will spell doom for others. See who’s winning and losing in this (second) edition of Power Rankings.

  1. Butler Library. Exhibiting more power than any campus individual at this time of the year is our very own imposing steeple of knowledge. If you’re reading this from in there, you should probably get back to work.
  2. Men’s Basketball. While they’ve been quiet for a month, the team’s CIT victory still keeps these Lions near the top of our rankings. The trophy in Dodge will always serve as a memento of their victory, and judging by Columbia Admirers, Maodo Lo and Luke Petrasek can get it.
  3. Diana Pizza. Slipping into the three spot is this staple of the Diana Café. Always there in Bwoggers’ times of need, this lunch and snack item is moving up in the world thanks to the recent announcement that the Diana Café will be open for dinner hours. Stay crispy, crust.
  4. CDCJ. After making some big splashes with their Low sit-in, CDCJ’s been quiet at the end of the year, latching onto the Earth Institute’s proposal and turning down their volume as finals approaches. Will it continue to thrive, or is it #TimesUp for this group and its seniors?
  5. Suzanne Goldberg. Our favorite rules administrator is in the middle of the pack for these rankings. While she’s had a rough year, making bad decisions, being yelled at by protesters, and gaining the ire of a half-dozen spec op-eds, she’ll have the summer months free of most students. We’re pretty sure she’ll arrive back next year with a shiny new administrative title waiting for her.
  6. Reclining Figure. While a New York Times article poking fun at Columbia protests around the Moore sculpture seemed to put “The Statue” on the rise, Prezbo surprisingly announced that the statue will not go up over the summer. With momentum halted, not all is lost for the anti-statue contingent.
  7. Bernie Sanders. The primaries are still rolling, but Clinton seems primed for the nomination. Bernie’s not feeling too hot right now.
  8. Bernie Sanders Supporters. They’re feeling even worse.
  9. The Class of 2020. Yikes. This continues to be wack. The Lion Order is dead. It’s not lit.
  10. Sleep. Sleep took a real beating this year at Columbia, falling to other student activities like studying, drinking, and complaining. We’re all rooting for you to make a big comeback this summer.

Awful puns via Shutterstock.