Search Results for: power rankings

Sep

28

img September 28, 20174:22 pmimg 1 Comments

When you need a pick-me-up, but also are have a refined and dainty palate, Bwog’s got you covered. Here’s my ranking of the drip coffees at coffee shops on campus.

Disclaimer: Apologies up front for my very pretentious coffee descriptions–I got really into it.

Left to Right: Blue Java, UP, Joe’s

1st place: UP Coffee

Major notes: Sweet smell/pepper/cinnamon/astringent, but pleasant. How coffee should make you feel.

All in all, a very nice coffee experience. It’s served piping hot, and is the heartiest cup of coffee. It’s the only coffee that would be completely fine to drink black. I’m a fan.

The price: $2.72 with tax for 12 ounces, or about $0.23 an ounce. Not the cheapest, but it was the most Worth It for its price. 4/5

2nd place: Joe’s

Major notes: Smells great (best aromas by far, just go around sniffing this one and trying to absorb the caffeine through the air)/chocolate/strong aftertaste

This Joe’s was kind of a let down. Both their Dodge and NoCo cafes boast really lovely locations, but the coffee itself did not live up to the setting. It wasn’t a super strong coffee flavor, and was a little watery and thin. It did, however, have a nice progression, from initial taste to aftertaste, and wasn’t as jarring as some of the other cups (*cough Blue Java cough*).

The price: $2.18 with tax for 8 ounces, or about $0.27 per ounce. The most expensive of the coffees I tried.

Of note: If you go to Joe’s, I would skip the drip coffee entirely, and instead opt for their espresso drinks. They are almost twice as expensive, but if you’re making the trek out to NoCo for the view, I’d invest in a good cup of coffee. I can attest that the latte is fantastic. 2.5/5

3rd place: Blue Java

Major notes: Smoky/woodsy/bitter/burnt

I was not a fan of this cup of coffee. It somehow managed to be both watery and very bitter, two tasting notes that should cancel each other out but don’t. The location can’t be beat though, in terms of convenience. If you’re up late studying in Butler, leaving the library to get a cup of coffee just might not be possible. It does inject the maximum caffeine to the brain possible, but a drip from Java’s is a bumpy ride.

Price: $1.96 with tax for 10 ounces, or $0.19 per ounce. The cheapest of all the coffees. 1/5

Honorary mention: Dining Hall Coffee

If you’re really not feeling dropping any amount of cash on a cup of coffee, use one of your precious swipes to get into a dining hall and enjoy unlimited amount of very mediocre coffee. Ferris coffee was by far the blandest of the coffees I tried, but if you can get someone with a hefty meal plan to smuggle you out a thermos full of liquid energy, go for it.

Apr

18

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The expanding brain meme in two frames, with the first reading "Playing football on the lawns," and the second saying "Playing football on the tarps."

Next step: playing football in Butler?

Time is running out before Columbia’s lawns fall victim to commencement. Before that happens, let us celebrate via power rankings the best and worst sports and activities to play on Columbia’s lawns.

1.Sunbathing – While you can do this on the thin strips of lawn along College Walk, it’s best done on the wide expanses of the South Lawns. You can best enjoy the open lawns by doing literally nothing while outside.

2. Eating – Grass, also known to experts as “nature’s dining room,” is the perfect place to sit and chow down, whether you’re enjoying Surf and Turf or indulging in Sweetgreen. While you might suffer a stain, it’s worth it to feel that plush grass under your fingers.

3. Spikeball/KanJam – Let’s face it – these are basically the same game, played by the same people. While you should inherently distrust anyone playing these games, it’s hard to deny that their unorthodox playstyles and small space requirements make them fun to watch while walking by and ideal for a college lawn.

4. Kicking around a soccer ball, but knowing nothing about soccer – “Hey, let’s pretend that the lawn gate is a goal!” This never works. Seeing people attempt to make it work, but tripping over the ball, is a quintessential lawn experience.

More Columbia sports after the jump

Nov

13

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Honorable mention: the rat

Honorable mention: the rat

An occasional Bwog feature returns–we’ve put together a list of the winners and losers at Columbia from the past couple of weeks.

  1. Registration for the Spring semester – Sure, you may be failing Advanced Programming, but you have a whole semester of possibilities to look forward to! New classes, new you…or something.
  2. John Jay’s annual Thanksgiving dinner – Get dressed up with your friends and enjoy a delicious Thanksgiving dinner served to you in John Jay. Definitely something to experience before you graduate. If you didn’t get a reservation this year…sorry ’bout it!
  3. Liquors on 125th – Cheaper than International, close to Claremont and Barnard, and they never card.
  4. PrezBo – He seems to be smiling a lot more recently!
  5. Henry Moore’s Reclining Figure – It’s now here to stay.
  6. Dig Inn’s new bowls – Though the bowls are more aesthetically pleasing, the portions seem smaller, and we don’t really want our brown rice and mac n’ cheese to touch.
  7. DSpar’s Twitter hashtags – #ILoveNY #ABBA #cosmeticsurgery
  8. Price of tickets home for Thanksgiving – It happens every year–you get caught up in midterms and forget to buy your tickets home until the last minute. Is it really worth spending $400 on train tickets just to argue with your extended family over Thanksgiving dinner?
  9. NeoliberalismFriendship ended with democrats. Now communism is my best friend.
  10. GroupMeYikes! Maybe some of you should consider switching to messaging/sexting app Viber instead–you can delete messages after you’ve sent them.

Oct

17

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Isn’t “Greek Rank” a thing?

From time to time, we like to arrange the various elements of Columbia life into a ranking of sorts, dividing the good from the bad, and the beautiful from the unseemly. In the light of Delta Gamma’s latest successful iteration of their philanthropic Anchor Splash, we felt it necessary to rank the public showcases contained in the Anchor Splash 2016 preview. Here are our objective choices showing which competing teams that submitted a video for the Anchor Splash preview video placed well and which placed badly.

  1. Sigma Chi – Good showing from a traditional heavy hitter in the Columbia Greek scene. Their appearance as first in the Anchor Splash video as well as their relatively long preview in the video cement their place as top dog in the Delta Gamma mindset. Their routine is (mostly) in sync, and they play off as invested in the competition while still showing some fun. Solid performance, Sig Chi. But when are you gonna throw another party?
  2. Sig Ep – Sig Ep obviously put a lot of effort into their routine and, more importantly for Bwog, their performance. Some well-planned charisma went on with their DG counterparts, and we’re glad their section was short enough to disallow any unseemly material from lengthening their video.
  3. Pike – Pike gets a bad rap, but, like every other fraternity or sorority member does in America, all they can really do is blame other Pikes. Good showing for coordination—the differences in group timing between the beginning and end really show a progressing of skill.
  4. AEPi – We’re always glad to say how normal AEPi looks in official representation of their fraternity to the general population. Good moves, well coordinated, and well shot—all positives for us. They had some interesting creative choices at the end, but all in good DG spirit, we suppose.
  5. KDR – Gotta work harder to capture our interest. Somehow they manage to seem both too into it and not into it at all. Weird signals going on.
  6. Delta Sig – This felt very Delta Sig at its core. No real performance at all. No further comment.
  7. Sig Nu – Ugh. No.
  8. Lambda – Old moves are only worse when they’re uncoordinated.
  9. Fiji – We got a One Direction vibe, but not in a good way.
  10. ZBT – Nice try, guys.

May

12

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no seriously

Bottoming out our list are puns about power

Reviving an old Bwog concept, we’re compiling the best—to the worst—of Columbia this past year. See where your victories and failures rank on our Power Rankings.

The end of the year brings many fortunes for Columbia’s most visible groups. While the promise of a bright future invigorates new student groups and initiatives, the lull of the summer and the graduation of seniors will spell doom for others. See who’s winning and losing in this (second) edition of Power Rankings.

  1. Butler Library. Exhibiting more power than any campus individual at this time of the year is our very own imposing steeple of knowledge. If you’re reading this from in there, you should probably get back to work.
  2. Men’s Basketball. While they’ve been quiet for a month, the team’s CIT victory still keeps these Lions near the top of our rankings. The trophy in Dodge will always serve as a memento of their victory, and judging by Columbia Admirers, Maodo Lo and Luke Petrasek can get it.
  3. Diana Pizza. Slipping into the three spot is this staple of the Diana Café. Always there in Bwoggers’ times of need, this lunch and snack item is moving up in the world thanks to the recent announcement that the Diana Café will be open for dinner hours. Stay crispy, crust.
  4. CDCJ. After making some big splashes with their Low sit-in, CDCJ’s been quiet at the end of the year, latching onto the Earth Institute’s proposal and turning down their volume as finals approaches. Will it continue to thrive, or is it #TimesUp for this group and its seniors?
  5. Suzanne Goldberg. Our favorite rules administrator is in the middle of the pack for these rankings. While she’s had a rough year, making bad decisions, being yelled at by protesters, and gaining the ire of a half-dozen spec op-eds, she’ll have the summer months free of most students. We’re pretty sure she’ll arrive back next year with a shiny new administrative title waiting for her.
  6. Reclining Figure. While a New York Times article poking fun at Columbia protests around the Moore sculpture seemed to put “The Statue” on the rise, Prezbo surprisingly announced that the statue will not go up over the summer. With momentum halted, not all is lost for the anti-statue contingent.
  7. Bernie Sanders. The primaries are still rolling, but Clinton seems primed for the nomination. Bernie’s not feeling too hot right now.
  8. Bernie Sanders Supporters. They’re feeling even worse.
  9. The Class of 2020. Yikes. This continues to be wack. The Lion Order is dead. It’s not lit.
  10. Sleep. Sleep took a real beating this year at Columbia, falling to other student activities like studying, drinking, and complaining. We’re all rooting for you to make a big comeback this summer.

Awful puns via Shutterstock.

May

1

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Mighty

Mighty

You wanna be on top? We compile the best — to the worst — of Columbia this past month. We were generously tipped this concept and accept the challenge. 

  1. Hillary Clinton. It’s no secret that she’s getting started. Former Secretary of State under #1 Columbia alum Obama and one-time First Lady began her second presidential run this April, angling for the Democratic nomination (and your vote) come 2016. She also made the keynote speech at the annual Dinkins Forum this week at Columbia; you can see photos of her visit here and tweets from the speech on our Twitter.
  2. International. Finals are a hard time for everyone, but made easier for those of the legal drinking age. There’s a story somewhere in those finals-week(s) sale spikes.
  3. President Bollinger. Has anyone heard from him lately? Let’s take the silence and lack of controversy as optimistic signs. Has anyone seen the Audi on Morningside Drive or College Walk? He must be in a good place right now.
  4. The Class of 2019. Whether you are a current Columbia student (and have joined one of the ’19 Facebook groups to remind yourself of a less jaded time) or yet pre-frosh (and a member of one of those groups to prematurely ingratiate yourself with some chronic stressed-out community), there lie good and bad ahead.
  5. Spirit events. Very neutral. There have been prospective student days on campus, senior fund tablings, and too many Barnard and (imminent) SEAS spirit days/weeks/freebies. Do the free water bottles, temporary tattoos, and T-shirts negate the hordes of high school tour groups? Does the bouncy house presently on Lehman Lawn warrant higher ranking?
  6. Dig Inn. Not looking so hot any more. Is anyone else getting tired of the weird chicken smell when they pass the restaurant? Is anyone else tired of plates over-saturated with olive oil?
  7. Seniors. We’ll miss you, but you’re on the way out. Hopefully on to great things, though maybe hung up on graduate school direction or future employment. Maybe still even hung up on theses. Let’s glean what wisdom we can from this Class of 2015.
  8. Dr. Oz.
  9. President Obama’s future Presidential Library. We’ll be bitter for a while.
  10. The spring 2015 semester. R.I.P. harried and hurried assignments, take-home quizzes, recitation sections, discussion sections, Met visits, labs, professor evaluations, midterms, TAs, taking 22 credits, taking 12 credits. We’re moving on. It’s been fun, but it’s basically over.

Man doing power gesture via Shutterstock.

Aug

31

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Sorry we let you down

Is it still a good morning if you’re up past McDonald’s breakfast hours? Yeah they serve all day now, but the rigid 10:30 standard they set is timeless (it’s 11am and you’re just now waking up? We’ve been eating fries for 30 min. Where have you been?). Keeping up with NSOP can be exhausting, whether you were partying in Carman or just trying to keep up with these mandatory events. We won’t judge you if you’re just now getting up. Hell, we just woke up 10 minutes ago. 

Today’s Highlights:

  • THE DAMN ECOREPS SALE IS TODAY; LITERALLY GET YOUR ASS TO WIEN BEFORE THEY RUN OUT OF REFRIGERATORS! Bring cash and a bag, and make sure you download 2048 (the line is so long you would think you were waiting to meet the President*) This is happening until 4pm in the Wien Lounge.
  • Get SAVI: SVR will inform you about the realities of sexual assault as well as the resources available to you as a student, should you ever need them. This is mandatory, and happening in the Lerner Party space until 11:30am.
  • Yankees vs. Red Sox: Want to get out of Manhattan and test the waters of your NSOP love interest? A free ball game is a great way to do both. Will they buy you some peanuts and Cracker Jacks? Or let the subway door slam on your foot because you didn’t yet know what stand clear meant? Find out tonight. You can get a ticket until 5pm at the Sundial. Here are directions from campus to the Yankee Stadium.

One Thing To Do Before Graduating: You should probably get your iconic Low/Butler Library picture done while the trees are green and the lawns are uncovered, but please only do this once before graduating.

From The Archives: Check out our campus power rankings and decide where you stand.

*Whoever you claim as your President

McTitty via Evan-Amos

May

14

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Farewell

Farewell

You’ve done it. You’ve completed your final year of college, or your first, second, or third. A lot has happened in these months since late August, and Editor in Chief Taylor Grasdalen reviews them for you here. (And wrote her own byline.) Enjoy and remember.

September ushered in controversy and action, from the Students for Justice in Palestine protesting on 9/11 to the advent of the Carry That Weight movement. No Red Tape and other anti-sexual violence groups began to make more noise; “rape shouldn’t be part of the college experience,” though Columbia’s own data illustrated the campus reality. It also turned out that Barnard students were never supposed to be in JJ’s in the first place. And you might have heard some things about Bwog, but don’t mind us.

In October, there was one very sketchy Town Hall. Questions were asked and askers were asked to ask their questions. “BoSchwo” arrived (thanks, Alex Chang), though we too now call it “Bernie’s.” We saw the first Carry That Weight Day of Action, and Columbia released some choice words in response:

We understand that reports about these cases in the media can be deeply distressing, and our hearts go out to any students who feel they have been mistreated. But galvanizing public attention on an important societal problem is very different from a public conversation about individual students and cases, which colleges and universities do not discuss.

A doctor from the Columbia University Medical Center briefly had ebolaWe lost UNI Café. We tried to host an open forum. The University Senate began to review the Rules of Conduct.

November brought us Beta-induced anger, an impostor amongst the Class of 2018, and some contentious fines for the Carry That Weight demonstrators. Students sought to give President Bollinger the raise he deserves. …Speaking of PrezBo, he’s been disappointed with the football team for a while. CCSC and ESC considered raising your activities fee by $4.50. And Bwog might not have an official office, but at least we don’t have to worry about finding feces in our elevator.

December was busy and painfully cold, if nothing else. We lost Joshua Villa. Another student fell from the eighth floor of Wien. We began to talk about mental health. The Michael Brown and Eric Garner cases led to a “die-in” on College Walk, the night of the Tree-Lighting Ceremony. Orgo Night made people upset. Carry That Weight protested their fine. CUSS arrived! (And so did I.) Beta annoyed.

But what happened during the Spring semester?

Dec

14

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One user

Illustrations by Katharine Lin

The Winter 2012 issue of The Blue & White is with the printer. In the meantime, Culture Editor Conor Skelding explores bored@butler, which returned this October.

“b@b provides a unique way of connecting people based purely on their thoughts,” said “Jae Daemon,” who maintains bored@butler and is the pseudonym of the site’s founder, Jonathan Pappas, CC ’06.

In 2006, Pappas created the site, when, late one night in Butler, he was bored. By 2009 it had opened branches across the Ivy League, gained popularity, and received venture capital (losing it once VC-mandated changes caused traffic to plunge). The board, known at many schools as a place for students to solicit hookups in the library stacks, gossip, and loose racial epithets, was infamous—and highly trafficked.

After going offline in 2009 for murky reasons, bored@butler returned in 2011 with a new feature that introduced a pseudonymous element—“personalities”—to a board that had formerly maintained strict anonymity. Personalities allow users to form identities, just like a user profile on any online forum. As Jae put it, “Personalities have injected an extra dimension of humanity that b@b has never really seen before,” thereby “creat[ing] a sense of community in a way that only pseudo-identity can accomplish.”

(more…)

Nov

9

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First, we had Wall Street Journal’s 2018 college rankings. Then, we had Yelp. Now, Bwog has discovered perhaps the most comprehensive, thorough mechanism to truly and fairly evaluate our school – Google reviews.

Need I say much more? Columbia’s Google reviews are poppin’, having amassed around 900 individual weird, head-scratching, sometimes raunchy critiques. Procrastinate with the full list of reviews here, or check out some of the highlights I’ve compiled below!

Mar

23

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hamilton the hamilton the hamilton the (I don't know these lyrics)

Maaaan, these men are non-stop

The NCAA isn’t the only tournament going on right now, although you’re forgiven for not knowing that. The Lions are onto bigger and better things in the postseason, and resident sportster Ross Chapman is here to give you the scoop. 

Yale may have been knocked out of the NCAA’s, but that doesn’t mean that the Ivy League is out of the postseason.

The Lions accepted a bid this March to the CollegeInsider.com Tournament, or the CIT, which extends bid offers to elite “mid-major” teams outside of the power conferences. On the back of a 21-10 regular season, the Lions earned home court advantage in their first game. After they crushed Norfolk State last week, 86-54, they earned a bye to the quarterfinals thanks to their regular season rankings. Tonight, at 7 pm in Levien, the Lions seek to continue their playoff run against the Ball State Cardinals.

What do you need to know about Ball State? In the first round of the CIT, they were down 20-3 against Tennessee state. They came back to win it in double overtime. On Monday, they were down 11 points with less than two minutes to go against UT Martin. They won that game in overtime, too. This very well could be Columbia’s nightmare. The Lions have had no shortage of defense implosions in the final minutes of the game during Coach Kyle Smith’s tenure. Columbia will have to put their memories of Princeton behind them at the end of this game if they want to close it out.

The Lions and the Cardinals profile pretty similarly as basketball teams. Both teams try to take down their opponents from behind the arc. The Lions and the Cardinals both rank in the top 40 nationally for attempted 3’s, and Ball State is closing in on their all-time team record for treys in a season. The Lions should look to press their 3-point accuracy advantage over the Cardinals – Ball State has exceptional interior defense, but is below average at defending the three-ball. Both teams also play at a deliberate pace, ranking 299th and 318th (out of 351) nationally in KenPom’s adjusted tempo. Since Columbia plays offense and defense better in half-court style, as opposed to in transition, we can expect the Lions to play at their comfortable speed.

More game notes after the jump

Feb

21

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no

does this look like the face of mercy

Something’s got to give in the Ivy League. This weekend, Columbia said, “not us.”

Another week of Ivy basketball has passed, and the top three teams have refused to cede any ground. Columbia, Yale, and Princeton all went 2-0. The Lions, unstable after dropping their first home game last week, bounced back in the strongest way possible. Against the bottom tier of the league, Columbia did not make the games close. Unlike earlier nailbiters against Cornell and Brown, these games saw the Lions assert their league dominance. Not only were their victories against Harvard and Dartmouth decisive, they displayed two completely different game types.

Game 1 against Harvard pit the Lions against a team shooting as hot as anyone in the Ivies. The Crimson shot 61%(!!) from downtown and 57% overall. How did the Lions put up with a Harvard team whose ability to make the ball roll just right carried echoes of Harvards past? Not only did Columbia shoot well themselves, but they got turnovers and used them. By abusing their length and quick hands, Columbia notched nine steals and forced 13 turnovers, which they converted into 25 points versus Harvard’s two. Alex Rosenberg and Maodo Lo worked together to dominate the court as a ruling couple, just as they were supposed to do when Rosenberg returned to the court. The two combined for 45 points and 8 assists, including Lo’s three-quarter court buzzer-beater to end the first half. The Lions neutralized the Crimson by nullifying Harvard’s offensive possessions, while scoring an astonishing 1.43 points on each of their own. Offensive efficiency is the Lions’ modus operandi. Game two analysis and a look at the future after the jump

Nov

16

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Cats and dogs might not mix, but some of these Lions are looking particularly wolf-like following their impressive win against Kean (admittedly a Division III school), and they’re ready to enter a new phase in the program. Ross Chapman, of the discerning eye and a taste for silver, observes and speculates about the upcoming game. 

This year’s Lions are already looking ferocious.

In the season opener on Friday, the Men’s Basketball team took on a Division III school at 11 in the morning. Reportedly, this is because Volleyball had the gym in the evening, and the Lions couldn’t find a Division I opponent who could play so early in the season. But after the 107-62 victory for the light blue, we think that head coach Kyle Smith wanted to hide his powerful, possible lycanthropic team from the world. The Lions brutally eviscerated the Kean Cougars, refusing to relent after a 48-point first half. Tonight at 9 pm on ESPN3, Columbia looks to continue its dominance of the panthera genus against the Kansas State Wildcats. If you’re wondering, the game after that is also against Wildcats. Athletics decided to be thematic this year, so we will be too. Please enjoy this undoctored photograph of sophomore guard Kyle Castlin the night after his performance against Kean.

final form true form

When the Lions play at night, Kyle Castlin will reveal his true form

Don’t be fooled by Columbia’s Ivy League reputation. The Lions are floating somewhere around #100 of 351 D-1 programs in most preseason polls, and these upcoming games against mid-tier Big Ten and Big 12 schools aren’t projected to be slaughters. Sports Illustrated has the Lions looking stronger than Kansas State (#107 vs. #118), while CBS Sports puts Columbia at #73 against Northwestern’s #82. Expectations for the Lions are as high as they’ve been in nearly 50 years. In their first game of the season, only a one-sided clobbering would look good for Columbia. And did the Lions ever look out for blood on Friday—60 rebounds, 10 blocks, and 46 attempted three-pointers showed the greed of this Lions offense. They know that this has to be their year.

Season preview and comments from Maodo Lo after the jump!

Oct

12

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img October 12, 201411:54 amimg 5 Comments

Mmm pumpkins

Is there actually such thing as a pumpkin spice?

Seasonal samplers Maia Berlow, Christina Clark, and Robert Sheardown recently set out on a mission to find the best edible pumpkin spice option in the neighborhood. We now present their findings:

An Open Letter to Basic Betch Haters (namely those of you who hate on Pumpkin Spice),

Us Basic Betches get a lot of crap around this time of year. Buzzfeed is no longer a safe space for our kind. We can’t order a pumpkin spice latte without feeling the glares and when we invite people to decompress with a pumpkin spice ale, no one comes. We decided to embrace our basicness and sample all the pumpkin spice choices out there. Here are our rankings. Join us:

13.   Pumpkin Ale (Morton Williams): Ew. Obvs no. No relation to pumpkin spice.

12.   Croutons (Trader Joe’s): Why would you make these?!?! Unnecessary. How am I supposed to enjoy my chopped caesar with this?

11.   Cranberry and Pumpkin Seed Pita Chips (Trader Joe’s): The cranberry overpowers the pumpkin. Not a legitimate product.

10.  Pumpkin Sugar Cookie (Starbucks): Does not taste pumpkiny

9.   Pumpkin Spice Bubble Tea (Tea Magic):  Mildly ok. Tastes like milk with a few grains of cinnamon. Rule #1 of Pumpkin Spice: Don’t call it pumpkin spice if it doesn’t taste like pumpkin spice.

8.   Pumpkin Spice Granola (Trader Joe’s): Put that shit in some yogurt.

7.   Pumpkin Bread (Broadway Farmers Market): Tastes like home. Can’t go wrong with classic

6.   Pumpkin Spice Biscotti (Trader Joe’s): Can we say classy? Perfect with your pumpkin spice latte, see below.

5.   Pumpkin Spice Latte (Starbucks, Oren’s: off menu): Heaven in a drink. The magnacarta-holygrail-jay-z-beyonce-blueivy of drinks.

4.   Pumpkin Spice Froyo (John Jay Dining Hall): Dayummmm. Low-cal option of pumpkin spice ice cream. Well worth the calories.

3.   Pumpkin Joe-Joes (Trader Joe’s): Not quite as good as the oreos but does the job.

2.   Pumpkin Spice Oreos (Morton Williams): Pull on your stretchiest victoria’s secret yoga pants and DIG IN.

1.   Pumpkin Pie Mochi (Trader Joe’s): Mouth-gasm.

We are sure none of these could really compare though to the ultimate pumpkin spice experience, the pumpkin spice flavoured condoms.

Autumn pumpkin latte with milk and cream via Shutterstock

Sep

19

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Effects Of Razor Scootering Down All 10 Ramps Of Lerner On A Tuesday
By Maia Berlow and Christina Clark

lerner-hall-scooter

ABSTRACT
Bwog heard a rumor that Lerner Hall was ranked one of the best buildings for scootering in the country. We couldn’t unearth any US News and World Report rankings, Buzzfeed posts, or College Prowler comments to back up our claims. But no matter! This is a research university! We decided to test it out ourselves.

HYPOTHESIS
If Bwog razor scooters down the ramps of Lerner, then Bwog will know it is the best building to scooter in in the world.

MATERIALS

  • Deviant students
  • Razor Scooters (or anything with wheels, really)

METHOD
We picked up some scooters and casually carried them into Lerner. We scoped out the racetrack as we headed to the top, noting areas that might trip us up and people who might yell at us (potentially the person that sits at the mail kiosk station?). And off we went.

Trial 1: We started off slowly from the 4th floor, because we were worried about attracting too much attention and getting stopped before we made it to the bottom. It took about 30 seconds to realize that literally no one cared. A couple girls even cheered us on. We picked up speed, made like a Tom, and cruised.

Trial 2: No experiment is legitimate without multiple trials, so for the sake of the scientific method we decided we had to do a second run. This time we went all the way to the top. As we flew down the levels we heard a few shouts, but they were mostly drowned out by the sound of wind rushing through our ears. As we rounded the last corner we saw a short man in a Columbia suit, power walking towards us. We quickly made our escape through the Broadway exit uncaught and unscathed.

CONCLUSIONS
Black Ramps: Smooth sailing. Enjoy the feeling of your hair flowing majestically behind you.

Blueish/Greenish Diamond Ramps: Silver ridges make for a bumpy ride, but the turbulence should not be enough to throw off a skilled rider. The wheels also make loud noises as they hit the ridges so be aware of this if you’re trying to stay incognito. (Note: the hair flow is not quite as majestic as on the black ramps).

Potential Hazards: Professionally clad adults conferencing on floor 5, a package center line close to riot on floor 4, hangry students entering Ferris on floor 2, the front security desk on floor 1, the rugs on short parts of the track.

Reactions from the crowd: some cheering, a thumbs up, some staring, but mostly no one cared.

Fun Score: Guaranteed to liven up anyone’s Tuesday! A+

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