Though protestors repeatedly tried to teach Columbia a lesson about worker’s rights, Prezbo has been notably absent from the conversation. Part of this is due to the fact that he is not on campus. Where did this enigmatic dictator go? Staff writer Megan Wylie has some thoughts. 

Found him!

The past week has included a lot of protestors, the President of Ireland, a gaggle of Councilpeople, various Assemblymen, notable SDS alums and Cynthia Nixon. Amongst all of these famous faces, however, one has been missing: our dear President, Lee Bollinger. You’d think he’d make an appearance in the midst of campus upheaval but alas, his house remains empty. While picket line chants ruminate across campus, PrezBo has deemed this the opportune time for a little Spring getaway. Where is he, you ask? Well, I have some theories:

• He’s on a beach and is leaving a voicemail for the Provost saying, “you guys have fun! I’ll be back Wednesday”
• Planning his run for governor against Cynthia Nixon
• Playing golf at the Mar a Lago and laughing about union destruction with Trump’s entourage
• Jumping into a pool filled with his $5 million dollar salary
• Sunbathing on some autocratic leader’s yacht, negotiating an invite to the World Leaders Forum
• Writing his commencement address centered on free speech and liberal ideals (while conveniently ignoring labor rights)
• Discussing another book deal that’ll add to his aforementioned pool of money
• He tried going to the stacks and got lost on level two. Look out for him this week
• Hiding under a pile of free shirts and discarded pro-union signs
• He’s actually just been waiting in line at the 114th street Starbucks this whole time and has yet to get his skim cappuccino
• Persuading New York billionaires to fund another gentrifying STEM center uptown
• He’s with DSpar and they’re currently jetskiing around Richard Branson’s private island
• Alternatively, he’s interviewing for DSpar’s role as president of Lincoln Center
• Plotting his revenge against the grad students by banning all relationships between faculty and students

Photo courtesy of  Martin Hanford (Edit courtesy of my procrastination)

Gurnoor is oozing with confidence and wisdom.

Here are a few things Gurnoor Tucker, star of WBAR and CU Dems, has learned through his time here at Columbia.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Gurnoor Tucker, Columbia College, History and Financial Economics, Edison NJ

Claim to Fame: Bhangra, Sewa, Dems, Studying for the Midterms w/ Ben and Gurnoor (s/o WBAR), my dog Georgie, and submitting papers late w/out getting penalized.

Where are you going: Staying in the city to work in infrastructure investing, but not sure what I’ll do after that! Let me know if you have any tips.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2022?

1. Surround yourself with people who lift you up– no time for #FakeLove real ones only. You’re gonna meet a lot of people at this university and it’s really easy to get lost among multiple social circles. Make sure that you give enough time to people who are there for you– those are the ones who you’ll be able to call lifelong friends.

We’re not done yet

My friend who took this photo: “She’s a big one.”

To the Diana 5 Gender-Neutral Single Stall Bathroom,

It was love at first sight. At the beginning of second semester, I was still learning my way around the top floors of Diana – I hadn’t had a class there until then, and so only had reason to go the third floor and below. But I walked in, and the moment I saw you, I knew: I was looking at my one true love.

First of all, you’re gender-neutral – immediately making you superior to most other bathrooms. Making it accessible to more people? That was a great move. Second, you’re HUGE. The size of the bedroom section of my tiny Brooks quad, if not larger – the size of a Sulz double, even. If I ever had the urge to a cartwheel in a bathroom, you’d be the first place I would go. I’m even pretty sure you have two sinks (though I could be making that up in the finals-induced haze I’m currently in).  Third, you’re in what’s objectively one of the best floors of one of the best buildings on campus. Diana has almost everything I could ever want, and that includes you, next to the sunny nook full of chairs by the big glass wall and pizza and smoothies right downstairs. I won’t lie: I’ve taken the elevator just to get to you before. You’re worth it.

Diana 5 single stall: you’re the one. You’re always clean, your mirrors are always clear, and never once have I gone in and seen your toilet paper or paper towels or soap unstocked. I’ll miss you over the summer, but you’ll be the first bathroom I visit when I get back to campus. Thank you for existing.

Love,
Bwog Staffer

Image via Bwog Staff.

You may not have found the owl, but you found some good lighting.

There are some things that you just can’t learn inside the classroom. Senior Justice Betty has a couple of things that you can learn before your brain turns to mush over the summer.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Justice Betty, GS (Dual BA with Sciences Po), Political Science, Toronto

Claim to fame: I forgot to look for Alma’s owl, but I guess everything worked out.

Where are you going? This summer, I am going back to my roots in the Caribbean. Followed by a return to my home and native land, and hopefully through work I’ll be going around the world Monday-Thursday.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2022? Go outside your comfort zone whenever you can with the intention of expanding your comfort zone over the next four years. Celebrate your wins as much as you mourn your losses. Be inspired by your peers, not intimidated. You’re here for a reason and bound to accomplish great things at Columbia and long after you leave Morningside Heights. Although things can get hectic, it is vitally important that you define success on your own terms. Take the time to figure out who you are and what you need to be more of your true self.

Be enlightened after the jump

yummy AND vegan!

Crisp on the outside and fluffy on the inside, falafel is arguably one of the best vegan meals. Though it is oftentimes served in a pita wrap or atop a bed of greens, these falafel balls are light enough that they can be eaten completely on their own, making for the perfect midnight snack.

Chickpea Falafel, adapted from Epicurious

INGREDIENTS

15 oz cans chickpeas
1/4 red onion
1 handful fresh parsley
1 handful fresh cilantro
4 cloves garlic
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cayenne
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup flour
1/4 cup vegetable oil for frying

INSTRUCTIONS

Rinse and drain canned chickpeas.

Place the drained, uncooked chickpeas along with onions, parsley, cilantro, salt, cayenne, garlic, and cumin in a blender. Process until you have a chunky paste. Chunks add great texture but too many will keep the mixture from holding its shape!

Place the mixture in a bowl and sprinkle in the baking powder. Begin to add the flour, 2 Tbsp at a time, until the dough is cohesive enough to form a small ball.

Form the chickpea mixture into balls about the size of walnuts.

Heat oil in a deep pot and fry 1 ball to test. If it falls apart, add a little flour. Then fry about 6 balls at once for a few minutes on each side, or until golden brown.

Stuff half a pita with falafel balls, chopped tomatoes, onion, green pepper, and pickled turnips. Serve with hummus, tahini, or yoghurt sauce on the side.

Image via Bwog Staff

Go Terps!

Today’s first senior wisdom is from Ben Hord, toilet seat maestro, who spent a lot of time on the Pupin roof and lowered a lot of curves.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Ben Hord, CC, Astrophysics/History, Dobbs Ferry, NY

Claim to fame: Almost crushing someone with a radio telescope falling from Pupin roof, the Starbites podcast, former CUMB Spirit Manager, answering angry research emails at 3am so I can get my name as the last author on science papers, playing a toilet seat.

Where are you going? I’ll be pursuing a Ph.D. in Astronomy at the University of Maryland in the fall (if Emlyn Hughes will please just give me at least a C in Quantum Mechanics).

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2022? If you don’t enjoy it, don’t do it. If you’re not doing well, don’t worry. If you don’t succeed, don’t give up.

“Back in my day…” If you didn’t almost die on the Ferris staircase, were you even a Columbia student? Ollie’s was not on fire. They kicked your drunk ass out of JJs at 1am.

How does one justify their experience?

Whether it’s Coney Island or Low Beach, take some time in the sun.

Bwogline: Ukraine has halted its cooperation with Robert Mueller’s investigation. The investigation in Ukraine focused on Paul Manafort’s financial fraud; Ukraine is dependent on the U.S. for military aid, aka big anti-tank missiles, and is scared of upsetting the Trump administration by cooperating. (New York Times)

Study Tip: Self-care, y’all! Which doesn’t mean just doing a face mask or watching Grey’s Anatomy. Actual productive self-care means eating three healthy meals a day and getting enough sleep that you’re not a zombie. Take some time for yourself everyday and your studying will be more productive.

Procrastination Tip: Instead of studying for your LitHum exam, read about what should be in the LitHum syllabus instead.

Music:  Cute, upbeat bop!

Overheard: “I’m taking a mental health trip to the beach. Well, I’m still bringing my homework. So not really a mental health trip.”

Image via Pixabay.

Slice of heaven

It’s been weeks – maybe even months.

I still remember the first time I saw you.

It was in early fall. I hadn’t eaten at Hewitt since NSOP (I, a bright-eyed young first-year, was still exploring everything Columbia Dining has to offer) and I didn’t miss it. It was still warm out; I was sitting on Diana roof with two friends – then one of them opened up her Hewitt lunch takeout container. She went along and ate her pizza, but my eye was caught on you.

I couldn’t wait to have you for myself. You were beautiful, glowing in the afternoon sixth floor sunlight. A perfect balance of everything. Layers of fluffy cake and powdered sugar icing, all topped with a perfect layer of coconut flakes.

I began going to Hewitt more often just for you, coconut cake. It became a routine: whatever BS Hewitt was serving that day, followed by a slice. It continued into second semester, warming me up when the weather was cold.

But all of a sudden, you were gone.

The chocolate cake was still there, and the other one filled with strawberries. Sometimes even a pie. But the coconut cake has disappeared from the often-empty dessert area. I didn’t mind at first, thinking it was just an off day. But it’s been over a month – I stopped keeping track – and I still haven’t seen you.

I miss you, coconut cake. Hewitt lunch isn’t the same without you. The other cakes don’t measure up. I go to class with a full stomach, but an empty heart. Please, come back; I’ll do anything. I don’t know what I did to deserve you in the first place, and I don’t know what I did to make you leave. You’re the one for me. I’ll be waiting with extra swipes ready for whenever you decide to return.

With love,

Lucy

:'( via Toby Oxborrow // Wikimedia Commons