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Nov

17

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Every year, Columbia College honors one of its most prominent alums with its most notable award through the Alexander Hamilton Dinner, an event in Low Library featuring President Bollinger, Dean Valentini, the entire Board of Trustees, a three-course meal, and various speeches. Tickets range from $425 for a “Young Friend Seat” to $100,000 for “Platinum Crown” sponsors, and the dinner is extremely well attended, reaching capacity days in advance. This year’s dinner raised around $1.25 million for Columbia College, which breaks down to an astounding $45,000 per table.

Lisa L. Carnoy CC’89, this year’s honoree, spent 23 years at Merrill Lynch/Bank of America and currently serves as the Chief Financial Officer for AlixPartners, a global consulting firm. When she started at Columbia in 1985, Lisa was a member of the third class of women to be admitted to the College, a Carman resident, and a member of the track team. As a graduate, she spearheaded diversity efforts, acting as a co-founder of the Women’s Leadership Council at Bank of America Merrill Lynch and the Columbia Women’s Leadership Council for Athletics. Now, her significant contributions lead the College toward further progress; as the first woman to receive the Alexander Hamilton Award, Columbia College’s highest honor, Lisa paves a path for recognition of future female alumni.

Lisa opened her speech by describing the love letter she penned to admissions as a prospective student, asserting that her love for the college has never faltered, whether it be as a student, an alum, or, as of this past year, co-chair of Columbia University’s Board of Trustees. Communicating that the women who first attended Columbia College “kicked some serious you know what,” Lisa then asked all of the females in the room to stand and be recognized. Applause resonated throughout Low Library as half of the room rose, further highlighting the College’s progress throughout the last thirty years in relation to gender diversity and equality.

As Dean Valentini conveyed in his speech, Lisa is “always pushing the College to do more and more,” and there is “truly no one more representative of the greatest College in the greatest University in the greatest city in the world.” Congratulations, Lisa!

 

Photo via Danielle

Oct

2

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Ridwan appearing as character Dave Kim on “The Goldbergs.”

Staff Writer Danielle Mikaelian recently sat down with Kenny Ridwan, CC ’21, an actor from Los Angeles who currently appears on ABC’s hit series “The Goldbergs.” Throughout the years, Kenny has also acted in various shows like “House of Lies,” “Perception,” “Bones,” “Modern Family,” “The Middle,” and “The Thundermans.”

Fun Fact: Danielle and Kenny met at the Los Angeles sendoff, proving that Columbia sponsored events can lead to future interactions.

Name/Year/Hometown/Major?

Kenny Ridwan, 2021, Los Angeles, Creative Writing/History

Most famous actor/actress that you’ve met?

Charlie Sheen

Role model?

Again, Charlie Sheen…just kidding. Actually, it’s Abe Lincoln. I think it’s pretty cool how he didn’t even go to college and became president.

Why those majors?

Just ended up that way! Both majors are great for anyone wanting to go to law school. I’m hoping to go to law school in LA so I can pursue entertainment law and continue acting.

more about his acting career after the jump

Sep

27

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Tried to use Tinder for investigative journalism…guess *that* was a bad idea! (shoutout to my former LitHum classmate)

While Bumble is boppin’ (shoutout to the campus Bumble ambassadors and their free Mel’s drink tickets), Tinder still remains ever-present at Columbia. Because, as Pitbull sings in the song “Timber” (which Bwog thinks should be called Tinder), who wouldn’t want to make a night you don’t remember with a person you don’t forget (but want to forget)?!

As we all know, our college population (especially undergrad) isn’t the largest, which increases the probability that you’ll physically run into any person you match with on a dating app. In fact, Tinder’s new “Tinder U” feature is only available to college students, decreasing your chances of making it through college unscathed. As such, Bwog decided to ask Columbia students about their cringiest Tinder run-in’s to determine what scenario was the cringiest of them all! Here are their responses:

  • “My alumni interviewer and I had matched on Tinder the day before and he began the interview by asking me if he knew me from somewhere while I proceeded to run to the bathroom and unmatch him.”
  • “In the first week of freshman year I matched with unnamed Beta guy on Tinder and he asked me to their party so I went but he was being boring so I asked another Tinder match to come…TURNS OUT THEY WERE SUITEMATES! The other guy came and introduced me to the first Tinder match and I was like yes…I know him.”
  • “I have three matches in my CC class…talk about constant cringe.”
  • “Last Saturday night, I saw a Tinder match from freshman year on a random roof in Chinatown.”
  • “Matched with a girl on Tinder the first night I arrived…guess who turned out to be my RA?”
  • “A guy on my floor and I had matched and we both didn’t acknowledge it until he started drunk calling me, drunk Tinder messaging me, and knocking on my door within the span of an hour.”
  • “In Butler after studying next to each other for three hours…he tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if I was his Tinder match…now I’m scared every time I go to Butler.”
  • “I matched with one guy and we were talking a lot but I stopped replying. I went to see a play last semester, sat in the first row, and he was the main character. A few weeks ago, I auditioned for a play and he was in my scene NOT ONLY during auditions but also during callbacks.”
  • “Matched with one of the main meme posters on columbia buy sell memes…now I cringe every time I see his memes (do Internet interactions count?)”
  • “He was my RA’s best friend and was visiting him….I was later sent a Snapchat video of him asking why his Tinder match had to be his friend’s resident.”
  • “Last year, the John Jay elevators kept breaking down, and we were trapped together for over an hour…I just kept trying to not make eye contact.”
  • “Turned out that he was the president of a club I was interviewing for…I now have to go to weekly meetings and pretend nothing ever happened.”
  • Him: “where do u go to school?”
    Me: “I go to Columbia”
    Him: “I’m Cuban ;)”
    Me: “haha cool”
    Him: “but I asked where you go to school…”

Think you have a story that’s more cringeworthy than the ones above? Feel free to comment or email tips@bwog.com about it!

Sep

10

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Need some party hats to go along with that beer? In that case, you may end up here…

About to throw a rager? Passionate about viewing merchandise with no labeled prices? Investigating how party supply stores can have a mere two-star rating? If any of these are the case, you may end up at Columbia’s oddly expensive party store, Party and More!

While the shop’s storefront promotes gifts, toys, cards, and wireless accessories, Bwog knows the wild, shocking truth. In fact, we’re going to pull a TMZ, so here’s the tea: Party and More is much “more” than a party store…IT’S SECRETLY HAUNTED!

Before you deny our claims, hear us out. First of all, half of the items in the store are too high up for any normal sized human to reach. Even a superhuman like Spider-Man wouldn’t be able to reach the supplies, as there isn’t enough free wall space for him to cling to. As such, the highest supplies could only be reached by something that could fly…like ghosts!

Next, the cashier’s pedestal is so high up that he towers over any human in sight. It’s almost as if he needs to assert dominance over something above him. Perhaps he feels frightened by the spirits lurking above his head?

Additionally, multiple items in the store are missing prices. While others may attribute this to carelessness, Bwog believes that these items are either being reserved for some spiritual shindig or are being sold to those who do not adhere to America’s monetary system. As Columbia Econ majors can tell you, it’s all about supplying to meet demand…

To conclude, this proves that while you should never judge a book by its cover, you should judge a store by its name. Who knows what you’ll find!

party and what’s more? via Zack Abrams

Sep

6

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Nuss is now a walking shadow, a poor player that strutted and fretted its years upon Broadway and then is heard no more…

As Nussbaum & Wu’s official funeral will be held today, Bwog is honoring the tragedy of its untimely demise with a dramatic Shakespearean death poem.

They say a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet (Romeo and Juliet)
But Nuss, the dorm, without its bagel shop, is incomplete
Health Department, hide your fires (Macbeth)
Let not bad reviews ruin my breakfast desires

To die, to sleep, perchance to dream (Hamlet)
Of French Toast, pancakes, and whipped cream
What’s past is prologue, and we promise to not forget (The Tempest)
When Nuss plunged us into further debt

In time we hate that we often fear // and make death proud to take us (Antony and Cleopatra)
Nuss, your memory will have to placate us
So our virtues lie in the interpretation of time (Coriolanus)
We choose to mourn through gatherings and Shakespearean rhyme

A violent delight has a violent end (Romeo and Juliet)
With a Facebook event, we celebrate the travesty we cannot mend
The weight of this sad time we must obey (King Lear)
As such, Columbians will unite on September’s sixth day

May the winds blow till they have wakened death (Othello)
If it is possible Nuss has not taken its final breath
However, thou know’st ’tis common; all that lives must die (Hamlet)
As such, 2897 Broadway is where we will say a final, tearful goodbye

Image via Bwog Archives.

Sep

2

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What freshmen look like walking into International to buy Smirnoff.

NSOP is over, which means a lot of upperclassmen have seen freshmen do very ridiculous things! Bwog asked around and compiled a list, so here you go:

  • Throwing a shoe into an EC door to keep it open and check if there was a party (FYI, just ended up being four seniors sitting in their dorm)
  • Saying no one has to go outside in the winter because of the tunnels
  • Openly drinking wine in a floor lounge and then being caught by the RA on duty
  • Hiding in Carman closets while the RA tries to shut down a floor party
  • Walking into the John Jay lounge and asking if the piano is fake

nsop tomfoolery after the jump

Aug

31

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Bwog is back and determined to turn all of your pregame situations into lituations. No matter how cheap your alcohol is, you’ll feel rich while listening to these tracks.

We even offer comments on a few of the songs!

  • Shots by LMFAO: This is a pregame playlist…need I say more?
  • Upgrade U by Beyoncé: Let college life “flip a new page/introduce you to some new things/and upgrade you.”
  • Whenever, Wherever by Shakira: As Columbia Housing puts it, make it your home! No matter where you end up after your pregame, and no matter when you end up there, know that you and Columbia are meant to be together. Just a gentle reminder to make it back to your dorm in one piece…without being CAVA’d, of course!
  • Busy Earnin’ by Jungle: As the year starts, you’ll be busy earning your street cred on campus. Remember to keep your tolerance level in check and not black out in a random Carman bathroom!
  • Pursuit of Happiness by Kid Cudi: “Everything that shine ain’t always gonna be gold,” but as long as you’re with your friends and having a good time, remember that the night is gold. Every moment is a treasure!
  • Green Light by Lorde: Consent is key, so make sure to get that green light, no matter how much you want “it.”
  • Happier by Marshmello: When the morning comes and you see what you’ve become, put the mistakes of last night behind you. It’s only NSOP, and there are more of those to come. Best of luck!

 

Aug

31

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Get outside today before the thunderstorm starts

It’s day six of NSOP, which means the wildest week of freshman year (for some of you) is winding down to a close. You’ve made new friends, have already switched majors (?), and are now almost ready to make the transition from prefrosh to official Columbia freshman. Congrats! Shockingly enough, you’ll actually be in classes soon! And while you might have made it through the majority of NSOP events, there’s still a few more…

Today’s Highlights:

  • Columbia Makerspace Tour (9-11AM): The Makerspace is a great resource, complete with fun gadgets like 3D printers and laser cutters. Its location? The 12th floor of Mudd. Its hours? They depend on when office hours are being held by superusers (students who volunteer their time to promote safe use of the space) and the lab manager. However, if you want 24/7 access, you can apply to be a superuser yourself!
  • Registration Help Session (9:30AM-2:30PM): Registration can be a confusing process (especially when you’re eyeing classes with 100+ person waitlists). Current students will be available to answer any questions (well, any questions regarding registration) from 9:30AM-2:30PM on the fifth floor of Lerner Hall.
  • Center for Career Education Info Session (10-11AM): Hoping to snag an internship? Interested in discovering career options for your major? Hoping to be employed after graduation? If any of these are true, the Center for Career Education (CCE) is for you. Career counselors will be giving a brief intro to the CCE in 309 Havemeyer from 10-11AM.
  • Study Abroad and Fellowships Information Session (11AM-12PM): Want to explore a new place, gain knowledge of other cultures, and study somewhere other than Butler? This is your chance! Columbia offers a variety of study abroad options in places like France, Italy, England, China, and Singapore. Take advantage! The event is in 555 Lerner Hall.
  • Financial Aid 101 (4-5PM): No one enjoys debt! Before you end up having to sell miscellaneous items to repay the bank, meet with the Office of Financial Aid & Educational Financing from 4-5PM in Havemeyer Hall.

One Thing To Do Before Graduating: Go to a Columbia football game! Our team has been making a great comeback. Last year, the Homecoming game involved Columbia beating UPenn in overtime, a hundred students rushing the field, and Frank Sinatra’s “New York, New York” being blasted on repeat. While we finished second in the league (and were tied with Dartmouth), Columbia is always a winner in my heart, as it should be in yours.

Aug

24

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Want to get an inside look into athentic Greek life? Our next Houses and Homes post comes to you from Athens, where Bwogger Danielle Mikaelian vacationed with some of her future floormates. If you want to join in on the scenery-sharing action, send your five senses and a photo (or two) to tips@bwog.com.

Where: A second floor apartment in Athens (specifically Neos Kosmos) that my friend is renting for the summer!

Sight:

A view straight out of a Percy Jackson book

Smell: Sweat (from the never-ending humidity) and faint traces of cigarette smoke.

Taste: The Armenian food I’ve grown up with…plus lots of feta cheese, olives, Souvlaki, Mousakka, and Butterbeer (there’s a Harry Potter cafe in Athens).

Sound: A car being washed by someone throwing water from their balcony. Strange bugs that you always hear…but never see, which create an endless cacophony of cricket-like sounds. Arctic Monkeys and Lorde being played on repeat. Laughter between friends.

Photo via Danielle

Aug

21

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According to an email sent to General Studies students this afternoon, Tom Harford, the GS Dean of Students, has been removed from his position.

Dean of General Studies Lisa Rosen-Metsch emailed students today to inform them of the sudden change. According to her statement, the decision to remove Harford was due to “unacceptable conduct” within the context of his role. No further reasons were given, although Rosen-Metsch wrote that Advising Deans would be available to address any questions or concerns.

Harford had occupied the role since 2012. His responsibilities included overseeing operations within the Dean of Students Office and working closely with the GS advisory team. Prior to his appointment, Harford occupied administrative positions at Columbia’s School of Continuing Education.

Former Senior Associate Dean of Students, Ivonne Rojas, GSAS ‘12, has been chosen as Acting Dean of Students in Harford’s absence.

Rosen-Metsch closed the email by reaffirming that General Studies holds “the intellectual accomplishment and personal fulfillment of [its] students [as its] foremost priority.”

Read Dean Rosen-Metsch’s full statement below

May

1

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Yes, we gave him the ‘fuck Spec’ sticker in exchange for this interview

The Core Scholars program is an annual competition that invites students to submit a reflection on the Core. If selected as a winner, you get fame, glory, and your work featured on Columbia’s website. The university will give you two hundred dollars and a close-up picture of your face will be awkwardly placed in Hamilton Hall. Basically, all your hopes and dreams will come true.

To give our readership an inside look into the process, staff writer Danielle Mikaelian sat down with Gabriel Agostini, SEAS ‘21, who won for his satirical version of Cards Against Humanity, “Cards Against Sappho.” Gabriel, an Applied Math major, defied STEM stereotypes through being chosen as a Core Scholar. He hopes to show the world that one does not have to be in CC to know how to read.

Bwog: How did you come up with the idea for Cards Against Sappho?

Gabriel: So, last semester my LitHum instructor (shoutout to Sarah) gave us the option of doing a “final creative project” instead of a final paper. As you probably presumed given that I am in SEAS, I can’t write – so I went for the former. Unfortunately, I can’t draw either, so art was out of the question. I realized that the only thing I’m good at is making terrible jokes. At least, I hope that’s true. The Core Office apparently thinks so.

Like anyone who reads Sappho (Because there’s no Sparknotes version), I was aggravated when the most prevalent word in the poem was not even a word…but just empty brackets. Who is she longing for? Why does she simply want to be dead? A lot of blanks were in my mind as I read it, so I thought I ought to fill them. Luckily, there’s a game that does exactly that, and you probably played it while plastered, gentlemen.

Bwog: Can you tell us some rules of the game?

Gabriel: It’s played almost like the original game, with a Sapphic twist. The player who has had the most recent breakup begins as Zeus and is the first judge (so unfortunately one person will probably start the game for a long time in your friend group). Just print the cards, read the instructions, and invite your friends for a Symposium.

What are some of the cards?

Apr

24

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Obama understands how awkward you feel.

Is your ability to get internships better than your ability to get a girlfriend/boyfriend?

Did cuffing season come and go, with you still being single?

Did your two best friends start dating, making you an awkward third wheel?

If so, you aren’t alone! Columbia is known for its hookups, and not everyone can be in a secure relationship. While it is important to be supportive of your friends’ relationships, not everyone is prepared to do this, especially if your cuffing season went from a hopeful start to a disgraceful end. To ensure that you’re prepared for your new role, I asked Columbia students for opinions on how to properly third wheel. Here are their responses!

  • Be well trained in how to take photos so you can take cute candids of them
  • Take advantage of them being distracted with each other and “steal some shit”
  • Talk to the person you know least thereby making yourself a fixture in the conversation
  • Drag a random chair in Butler over to a two person desk to be with them
  • Be happy for the couple!!!
  • Always have your phone around so you can scroll through Instagram while they’re making out next to you
  • Use the fact that they’re third wheeling you as an excuse for them to do nice things for you
  • Be proactive in planning their dates
  • Use it as an excuse to spend more time off campus (and escape the Columbia bubble!)
  • Stare at them until they feel uncomfortable
  • Tweet about their relationship
  • Act like a tricycle and not a spare tire
  • Stop being friends with them…it’s not worth it
  • Pretend the other two aren’t dating
  • Just cut your losses and have a threeway

If all else fails…you have a few other options. Why not break them up, so being a third wheel isn’t an option? Or, you can always find a significant other of your own…and make it payback time.

(Quick shoutout to two of my best friends, who inspired this post. If I have to be a third wheel to anyone, I’m glad it’s you.)

 

Apr

19

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This is the campus we want always

Once in a rare while, the sun decides to visit Columbia’s campus. This sends students into a frenzy; the lawns become packed, and most people (emphasis on most) leave Butler to partake in yard games and tan. The weather, while temporary, transforms campus into a much happier, vibrant place…but this version of Columbia only lasts for a few hours.

As a native Californian, I was expecting brutal winters, but I was also excited to spend a few sunny days with friends. My Days on Campus experience was filled with sun, Spikeball, and smiles (what the engineering prospies experienced last weekend). My Columbia experience, on the other hand, has been filled with snow, snowball fights, and accidentally slipping on ice. While this may be typical for the East Coast, I think that it is an injustice that the sun refuses to stay.

To fix this, I decided to ask my peers how they would convince the sun to come out. Here are their responses!

  • Sun dance (instead of rain dance)
  • Turn your GPA into a sacrificial offering and hope it’s high enough for redemption
  • Convince Prezbo that he is the sun god and that his Audi is actually the sun chariot
  • Have the SEAS kids make a device that sucks up the clouds like in Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
  • Darty (day party) in the rain until Mother Nature takes pity on you
  • Build a massive fan to blow the clouds away
  • Dress for sunny weather, as if challenging the sky
  • Stop smoking (it’s definitely causing all these clouds)
  • Bring an umbrella everywhere until you forget that it’s raining
  • Use a magical spell
  • If you’re a restaurant, set up your whole outdoor seating area (we’re looking at you, Community, Tom’s, and Le Monde)
  • Plant a plethora of plants and flowers (like the new tulips in front of Low, or the shrubbery outside of Barnard’s new library)

Alternatively, enjoy the few more days you get to wear your winter wardrobe! Sticky summer’s just around the corner, and who has time for Canada Goose in June?

Feb

18

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Winter has come to John Jay

Something’s up with the plumbing in John Jay. Staff writer Danielle Mikaelian opened her Rolodex of anonymous sources and did some good old-fashioned investigative reporting.

John Jay showers are hot and they’re cold
They’re yes and they’re no
They’re in and they’re out
Their temps up and down
They’re wrong, it isn’t right
It’s cold, no end in sight
We fight, we break up
Still haven’t made up
Your temp won’t stay stable, no
I really don’t want to go in, oh

John Jay residents have been warring with the elements for weeks, in a fierce struggle not unlike those seen on Avatar: The Last Airbender. Instead of having hot water in dorm showers, freshmen living in the dorm have found themselves in theoretical hot water as they’re lacking the real thing. As stated by a source,

“So on floor 14 of John Jay especially (but other floors have agreed w this sentiment) all of the showers are either locked (meaning the temp. key can’t get farther than midway) or the hottest setting gets lukewarm. It’s cold in the buildings and having cold/lukewarm water makes it difficult to get over colds.”

Personally, I believe this devastating change results from a bad breakup. Sick of having clumps of hair left in their drains, the building’s showers chose to dump residents…into water colder than the hearts of Econ majors. It is unclear when this disservice to personal health will be remedied. Despite shutting off the building’s water two weeks ago, facilities has failed to persuade the showers to abandon their emotional issues.

Feel like your advice can warm the cold hearts of the John Jay showers? Call Hospitality at 212-854-2779 to save the building’s residents from freezing before midterms…because we all want that.

Read resident testimonials below

Jan

25

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Imagine this but dark

Guest Bwogger Danielle Mikaelian brings a more-terrifying-than-usual tale of EC elevators after they were plunged into sudden darkness over the weekend. Because everyone knows, the rules of human decency don’t apply anymore once the lights go out.

Sometimes you need to party your worries (and the concept of a GPA) away. If the brownstones on Frat Row aren’t enough to satisfy your wild college fantasies, you may find yourself at our beloved East Campus Residence Hall. Hoping to have fun, you follow the sound of blaring electronic music (and sometimes remixes of High School musical songs) and struggle to find a party that still has alc. Despite your plans, who knows what could happen? What happens in EC late at night is hardly predictable, as seen through sporadic JJ’s runs, students accidentally falling through multiple stories of EC, and running into that random person you hooked up with last weekend.

Our story begins at 3 am Saturday morning after I made the mistake of entering an EC elevator that was pitch black. The structure, devoid of light, created a haunting, strange environment akin to that of a prison cell. As the doors closed, I found myself with about ten other students…and eighteen floors to go. My blood ran cold as I contemplated the reasons behind this dark, twisted, enigmatic episode. What if this was an elaborate conspiracy to trap the future leaders of tomorrow? What if someone was trying to sabotage another student to take their Goldman internship? Who knew if the sudden darkness was masking the elevator being transported not to the EC lobby, but to Mars? I attempted to look around for clues, but the darkness concealed my surroundings, my fellow trapped inhabitants, and any panties possibly lying around. Escape seemed as impossible as getting PrezBo to be your sugar daddy.

Will she ever be free?

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