Written by Zack Abrams
December 10, 20186:52 pm 2 Comments
Not sure if you noticed, but it’s cold and dark and it will never be warm again. Managing Editor Zack Abrams has more.
The sun has forsaken us. Her light and her heat have departed this earth. I’m not sure what did it; maybe it was the Cardi/Offset breakup that led the sun to declare “y’all won” and skrrt off to a different galaxy. Maybe it realized that humans are never going to ever do anything about climate change, so it decided to eliminate global warming by eliminating anything warm altogether.
Whatever sins have brought this cold spell upon us, it’s clear that any preparation is futile. Layer up all you want; no number of scarves and beanies will save you when the arctic wolves descend on Manhattan and loot Junzi for scraps. Trying to get out of the city? The MTA is literally frozen. The trains cannot run. There are currently indefinite delays on every subway line. (Not that that’s new, of course). Your breath will freeze in your mouth. Your tears will harden on your cheeks. Your shower will be cold, and you’ll be colder still getting out of it. Despair. Despair. Despair.
we live in a cold society; bottom temp via Dark Sky
Tags: bring me hot chocolate please, carbon tax now, it will never be warm, it's so cold, let's start a gofundme for the sun to come back, my heart is frozen
December 03, 20184:11 pm 0 Comments
Something’s crooked in the Lerner Satow room…
Overheard on last night’s CCSC livestream: “So why didn’t Bwog decide to show up today?” Because of the magic of technology! Nadra is out this week, so Social Media Editor Zack Abrams brings you this CCSC update from his bed.
Last night’s CCSC meeting began with the usual updates, quickly led into a discussion over co-sponsorship bylaws, and ended with a few updates on upcoming events and partnerships.
The Co-Sponsorship Debate
Ramsay Eyre, Class of 2021 Representative, introduced an amendment that would have discussions of non-monetary co-sponsorships of events (basically CCSC just giving an event a Facebook post shout-out instead of money or help in organizing the event) happen at comms meetings in order to increase the efficiency of CCSC meetings.
To read the full minutes of the debate, check out the master minutes document from CCSC, but in summary: some members were concerned that the entire CCSC body should have knowledge of all events, while Ramsay and his supporters were concerned that it would take too much time out of meetings for something that didn’t amount to much CCSC support. In the end, the amendment was introduced but not seconded, so futher discussion of the amendment was tabled for a later date.
FLIP and updates after the jump
Tags: ccsc misses nadra too but they could've been nicer about it, i miss nadra, is it too much to ask for a properly aligned livestream camera, nadra what would we do without you, stan nadra
November 30, 20181:07 pm 1 Comments
In a sequel to last year’s post, the Bwog Staff discusses the albums that defined their semester. For some of us, it was our first semester on campus adjusting to the frantic pace of city life. For others, they were celebrating some of their last time on campus. We hope you enjoy our selections.
Talking with the Taxman About Poetry by Billy Bragg
Bragg is perhaps best known for “Saturday Boy” (which is an amazing song but not on this album). But most of his songs are left-wing protest music, and in the age of Trump that’s something that always makes me feel better about the political situation. “There Is Power in a Union” will make your heart bleed for the grad workers, and “Help Save the Youth of America” needs no explanation.
Queen by Nicki Minaj
Cardi B’s Invasion of Privacy defined the end of last spring semester for me, so this semester I had to latch onto another set of super-quotable and generally powerful songs. The album shows a huge range in Nicki’s music: “Good Form” is the epitome of bad bitch vibes, while “Come See About Me” is surprisingly vulnerable. Also, I refuse to choose between Cardi and Nicki. They (sort of) made up, which is good enough for me.
More of our diverse musical taste after the jump!
Tags: albums that defined semester, be like bwog, bwog listens to cool music, kero kero bonito - time 'n' place is my runner-up, that new solange album better come out soon because i need it in my life
November 26, 20186:15 pm 0 Comments
The only Bwog comment that has ever been 100% objectively true.
Ah, Bwog comments. The noble conduit between us, the holy Content Creators, and you, the lowly Reader, allowing for instant feedback. Ever since the first Bwog post to have a comment (which was somehow submitted in the year -0001 and which I’m pretty sure is racist, though it’s too unintelligible to be sure) things have only gone downhill. Social Media Editor (and data enthusiast) Zack Abrams recently scraped all 200,000+ comments on the site to see what he could learn from the data, which you can download here.
213,414 comments. That’s according to WordPress, anyway: my scraped count is slightly different which is probably the fault of my flimsy code, but I learned Python just to write this article so cut me some Slack. That’s also a lot of comments for just 12 years of daily posting, which I believe means we’re doing a great job here! Please don’t tell me otherwise, as an uncomfortable amount of my time is devoted to this site! Let’s just get on with the numbers! Help! I mean, yay!
Tidbit 1: Only around 20% of comments kept their names anonymous
And that’s counting the 100 clever people who put their name as Anonymouse, and not counting the one brave soul who bucked the trend and forged a brave new path:
Tidbit 2: There are nearly 5,000 (4,887) Bwog articles without any comments
Here’s one. Here’s one about herbs. Here’s one that’s one sentence! If you’re feeling giving this holiday season, give these forgotten articles your time and attention and, most importantly, your sweet sweet comments.
Tidbit 3: So far, there have been only 1,131 comments in 2018. That’s .5% of the total.
So, uh, where did you all go? If “CUCK!” has the time to comment, I’m sure you can make time. Give us some feedback, tell us that pimple is definitely as noticeable as we think it is, anything to let us know we’re not shouting into the void, only in its general direction.
Tidbit 4: Only 7,682 of our comments give a fuck
Or, rather, give a “fuck;” only 7,682 comments contain the f-word, not counting its variations. Comparatively, 6,403 give a “shit” and 1,962 give a “damn.” Relatively few dirty mouths, given the massive quantity of comments. Though, as shown by the featured image on this post, sometimes the profanity is more cleverly done.
The top comments and articles of all time are after the jump
Tags: #bringcommentcultureback, 200000 comments? are you kidding me? like actually?, data whiz, didn't put as much effort into this one as last year but that's getting older I guess, i blame the death of b@b, the goat
October 13, 20187:04 pm 1 Comments
An example of a Coke Freestyle machine, clearly the superlative way to obtain beverages of the better brand.
Social Media Editor Zack Abrams recently realized the inherent tension between Columbia meal halls, which have Coca-Cola products, and Barnard meal halls, which have Pepsi Products. That’s wack, right?
This isn’t going to be a very long post, I’ve just been recently thinking about how it’s weird that Columbia and Barnard, these terrific twins who flank Broadway, these premier institutions of Manhattan, each represent a different side of that everlasting soda war.
No matter whether you think Coke products are generally better or if you’re wrong, I think we can all agree that Barnard students will never feel welcome at Columbia, and vice versa, unless we can all drink the same drinks in solidarity. If that means Columbia has to give up those shiny Freestyle machines of the future in favor of the outdated, dirty fountains that Barnard enjoys, so be it. It’s worth the price to pay to bring these two communities together.
Diana pizza. JJ’s fries. Hewitt pasta. (Allegedly it’s good, I wouldn’t know, I don’t eat at Hewitt) Each campus has so much to offer in the food arena. But it would help if it didn’t feel like crossing no-man’s-land every time I filled up my Diana cup with that godawful chemical concoction masquerading itself as “Cherry Pepsi.” It’s worth it for the pizza, but, c’mon.
Barnard students: lay down your fountains, join the future. Or, like, you don’t have to casually worship a capitalist behemoth you can just ask the dining halls nicely to change to Coke products. Can we have a referendum on that? I’m down for a referendum.
Coca-Cola Curves via Flickr
Tags: aramark wya, diana would slap so much harder with a freestyle machine, every time i try to get lemonade from the diana fountain it's just iced tea instead what's with that, my friend likes pepsi better because "coke is spicier" yes she's white, this is just to say
October 10, 20185:00 pm 0 Comments
Does UPS ship to wormholes? Do I have to pay extra?
One common trend is writing a letter to your future self to be opened at a later date, serving as a time capsule of thoughts and expressions. Social Media Editor Zack Abrams thinks that’s a garbage idea; instead, he wrote a letter to the one person he knows has his ish together; his tenth grade, straight-A self.
Dear Tenth-Grade Self,
You’ve gotta tell me how to do it. Last week I had one day where I was busy from 10am to 6pm with only an hour for lunch. I had three whole classes, a volunteer mentorship meeting lasting two hours, and only an hour for lunch. By the end of the day I was drained, hungry, cranky, and I just wanted to lie in my bed and sleep for a week. That’s when I realized; seven hours of classes and work isn’t extraordinary. You do it every single day.
HOW? How do you go to high school every day without imploding? I was exhausted after one busy day; you do the same routine Monday through Friday, week after week, with no hope on the horizon. You don’t even know if you’ll get into college yet (good news on that front) or what you want to do with your life (sorry, still no help here). You’re an insecure mess, and yet somehow you’re thriving. Thriving!
I know you’re in my mind somewhere. I figured you’d be able to help me unlock my previous capabilities. Was there a pill I used to take that magically gave me time-management skills and that I’ve forgotten about? Or has the election of [REDACTED] really affected my day-to-day life to such a degree? Am I just getting old? It’s only been a few years, though that can be a long time. Just look at Obama. (Sigh. Obama. Treasure him while you can.)
I know you probably expect that a message from the future would come with Powerball numbers or a dire warning about the state of affairs, but I’m worried about messing with the timeline because that would mean an end to me. I just need your help, tenth-grade self. You’re my only hope. That, or buying a calendar. I’m gonna buy a calendar too, just to cover my bases.
My (our?) regards,
Your College Sophomore Self.
Post-Atmospheric Postal Service via Flickr
Tags: epic photoshop skillz, i didn't have the heart to tell myself bowie's dead, I still took the bus then *shudders*, seriously how was high school only a few years ago it feels like a different lifetime, the goat
September 27, 20188:35 pm 0 Comments
Elsie Fisher and Emily Robinson (right) in Eighth Grade.
Social Media Editor Zack Abrams recently sat down for a conversation with Emily Robinson, CC ’21, who recently starred in the A24 film Eighth Grade. Her current film out is Private Life. Read on to find out what it’s like working with literal middle schoolers and whether or not Bo Burnham ever helped her grab something from a high shelf.
Emily Robinson, Sophomore in CC, Hopefully Creative Writing, and New York City
Why creative writing?
I love stories, I’ve always loved reading, and I just wanted to take college as a chance to allow myself to explore different forms of writing.
How did you get into acting?
When I was younger we had a neighbor who was a model and she had two kids and she was taking their pictures at her modeling agency and said “Oh, Emily should do this too!” and I was like “Sure!” so I started modeling and then realized acting was a thing, so I told my parents I wanted to try it and they said “Sure, fine.”
I was eight when I started acting and I started doing commercial work and some theatre and then slowly became more serious and it was only when I worked on Transparent that I realized that I wanted to do it forever.
Read on to find out why Emily had to bite 45 hot dogs
September 15, 201812:18 pm 0 Comments
The Kingsmen want you to know that they’re good guys. In fact, they desperately need you to know that. Their performances and song choices, from 50’s doo-wop to modern pop, all scream one line, in a sandpapered-smooth voice: “LOVE ME.” They want you to know they’re not like the other guys; sure, Notes and Keys were invited to Lin-Manuel Miranda’s house, but have you seen the new baby blue blazers?
And there’s not much to hate in this concise, twenty-six minute project. With five studio tracks and four recorded live, it’s not so long that you might overdose on saccharine sentiments and dulcet de leche tones. However, it’s also far too long; not since Ed Sheeran has a group said so little in so much time. Beige paint. A gray, overcast sky. A plain Ritz cracker. Wouldn’t It Be Nice.
The album opens with “Sh-Boom (Life Could Be A Dream),” a serenade from a lonely middle-schooler to his dance partner, a mop. Or maybe it’s a human woman. The same emotional depth is displayed in both cases. The Kingsmen croon “Life could be a dream/If I could take you up in paradise up above/If you would tell me I’m the only one that you love” with zero self-awareness. Just love me, and everything will be alright. Never mind your hopes, dreams, or individual agency. Hey, can I borrow your juul?
What other songs are on the album?
Tags: enjoy the ten cents of revenue you got from me listening to this album in order to review it, jk but like not really, kingsmen, literally a shitpost of a cover, music criticism, this is for the stolen craft beer, what is that album art
September 15, 20189:54 am 0 Comments
Happening in the world: Amidst inner turmoil, Britain and the European Union are reportedly ‘closing in’ on a Brexit deal over two years after the initial referendum. (Reuters)
Happening in the US: Paul Manafort, Trump’s campaign chairman who was recently found guilty of several financial crimes, has agreed to coöperate with Special Counsel Robert Mueller in his investigation into election misconduct by the Trump campaign. (Vox)
Happening in NYC: After legislation was passed by the City Council on Wednesday, gender non-conforming people born in NYC will have the option to change the gender marker on their birth certificate to ‘X,’ and change it without a doctor’s note. (ABC7NY)
Happening on campus: Check out some free music at Barnard’s Welcome Concert, featuring the “distinguished concert organist” Jan Michalko. Tonight, James Chapel, 8 pm.
Bop of the day:
Photo via Wikimedia Commons
Tags: also kavanaugh just had a list of 65 women he didn't rape on container huh, bwoglines, get it? flipped?, it's been a minute, the goat, why don't we just not brexit
May 09, 201810:33 am 0 Comments
Did I mention Blankenship was prosecuted for a 2010 mine explosion that killed 29 men?
Bwogline: In a loss that reassured both Democrats and Republicans that we haven’t gone totally insane as a country, populist and “Trumpier Than Trump” Senate candidate Don Blankenship lost the Republican primary in West Virginia.
Ok, I’m supposed to end the Bwogline there, but you have to see this. In the final days of the campaign, Blankenship turned his fire on Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, claiming that Mitch’s father-in-law smuggled 90 pounds of cocaine into the country, even calling him
“Cocaine Mitch.” In response to his defeat, the McConnell team posted this on Twitter yesterday, a reference to the show Narcos. 2018 has gone too far, and it’s only May. (NYT/Twitter)
Thanks for playing, @DonBlankenship. #WVSen pic.twitter.com/TV1ETgQdmu
— Team Mitch (@Team_Mitch) May 9, 2018
Thanks for playing, @DonBlankenship. #WVSen pic.twitter.com/TV1ETgQdmu
— Team Mitch (@Team_Mitch) May 9, 2018
Study Tip: The Pomodoro Method is a good way to stay motivated if you have a large gap of time to fill with studying: work for 25 minutes and then take a break for 5, and every 4 breaks take a half hour. Only check your phone or Twitter during those 5 minutes: it helps to stay focused on the task at hand.
Music: “Somebody get the tacos, somebody spark the blunt / Let’s start the Narcos off at episode one”
Procrastination Tip: Pick a random Wikipedia page and see how fast you can get to “Philosophy” by only clicking hyperlinks. It’s usually possible, given enough jumps.
Overheard: “It’s not about ice cream, it’s not about sunset. It’s about the people.”
hottie via Wikipedia Commons
Tags: breaking the bwogline rules to trigger the libs, i haven't forgotten how badly sza was snubbed at the grammys, mitch mcconnell can meme apparently, the blankenship has blankensunk
May 06, 20184:00 pm 0 Comments
“I am a God” – both.
It’s been an eventful few weeks ever since Kanye returned to Twitter. Can you distinguish his outlandish statements from classic Columbia Fuckboy quotes? Play and find out!
Tags: columbia fuckboy, kanye west, slavery was a choice: both, we go through too much bullshit just to mess with these drunk and hot girls: both
April 14, 201812:00 pm 0 Comments
You see, the thing about the John Jay elevator is…
You may have heard of the recent trend of hiring conservative commentators for the Op-Ed Board of several different publications. Since there’s been literally no pushback over this idea, we at Bwog have decided to give it a try and hire a writer from the finest publication on campus, the Columbia Daily Spectator. Deputy Editor Zack Abrams explains further.
Keivn Williamson at The Atlantic. Quinn Norton at the New York Times. While they may not be the best examples of conservative writers as they were both fired shortly after hiring, we at Bwog are very committed to intellectual diversity. At least we thought we were, until we realized we needed to find some intellectuals (we’re pretty set on diversity.)
Therefore, the Editors of Bwog who definitely edit all the posts you see before publication have decided to hire a writer from the Columbia Daily Spectator in order to better present a more refined, sophisticated counterpoint to our usual nonsense.
For example, many of our more conservative readers were clamoring for a response to my very own slice of coastal chair-elitism, All The Chairs Are Wrong, which they called “basically Chair-Marxism.” In response to In Defense Of The Civil Rights Of Laboratory Yeast Cells, one reader commented that the yeast “ought to pull themselves up by their mitochondria” if they want to “earn their place in society.”
We’re very excited about the slate of Spectator columns that will be featured on the site in the coming days, including “Fuck Spec and the Divisive Nature of College Publication Discourse” and “Discourse and Debate: Does Anyone Actually Read Bwoglines?” and even “Discourse Discourse Discourse. Discourse or Datcourse?”
We hope you’re excited for the big changes coming to Bwog, and remember to keep an eye on our Twitter account in a few hours when the Internet unveils some racist tweets that Spectator twote back in the day and forces us to rescind our offer.
Tags: april fools whoops am i late, biting satire, but actually stop doing this, read my thinkpiece about the media then tweet me nice things
April 10, 20185:35 pm 1 Comments
It’s coming! (Hopefully)
Every Tuesday, Bwog brings you a recap of the previous night’s Engineering Student Council (ESC) meeting. This week brought updates to everyone’s favorite defunct Bwog sister website, WikiCU, as well as a vote on carbon neutrality and an exciting new cross-Ivy initiative. Luckily, SEAS-adjacent Deputy Editor Zack Abrams stepped in to cover it.
Carbon Neutrality Resolution
After a short friendly amendment period to clarify a few phrases, ESC passed a resolution encouraging Columbia to commit to 100% carbon neutrality by the year 2030, noting Columbia’s previous commitments to divest from thermal coal and its strong earth science research. The resolution passed by a large margin, with no votes against and only two abstentions. Jokes about the writing ability of SEAS students were made.
Inter-Ivy International Student Council
One idea proposed to the Council was an Ivy League International Student Council which would better tackle issues that international students face at the eight Ivy League institutions. While not specifically related to Engineering, board members were encouraged to reach out to contacts at Dartmouth and UPenn who may be interested in representing the international students of their school. No word on whether this would be done through in-person meetings or meme battles, though.
Alumni Association Dinner
The last Alumni Association Dinner of this year will take place at fancy UWS restaurant Café Luxembourg on April 26th. The Alumna has been involved in blockchain and cryptocurrency, which will be the theme of the dinner, though one excited ESC member said “I would go just for the restaurant.”
From the President
ESC interim president Ben Barton (’18) discussed some ongoing issues, including a problem in the mailroom that led to certain students not getting notifications for packages. He also floated an idea to implement package delivery service directly to dorms on campus for qualifying students with disabilities. Finally, Barton mentioned that CUIT is updating the UI for course evaluations and hopefully including a progress bar, though ESC may send out a survey in order to gain more of an idea of how the UI can be improved from the students themselves.
Richa Gode (’19), interim VP Student Life, talked about upcoming events including the activities fair for Days on Campus this Friday from 12:30-3:30pm. Gode also mentioned the possibility of late night activities for days on campus: a mini version of “escape the room” is one possibility. Finally, Gode mentioned setting up a meeting with the Food Bank next week to organize a food drive before finals, when food insecurity can affect many students.
Finance (including WikiCU updates)
Ria Garg (’20), interim VP Finance, mentioned needing to decide internal spending for next year along with transitioning control of the finance website to someone new before the person in control of it now graduates.
As far as WikiCU, everyone on ESC is on board with managing WikiCU and transitions are set up; now there are 4 admin accounts for each of the student councils. However, due to security issues (including captchas that don’t display text or stop the user from advancing) the site is not ready for business just yet. However, ESC will publicize the generation of new accounts when they’re ready. Right now, the only way to create an account is to score an invite.
The 2020 apparel is on its way after a short delay.
The recent mental health town hall produced great student input, as the students felt they could speak their mind without administrators present. Most students feel that the Jed committee is too opaque and have felt discouraged after being turned away from joining steering committees. A meeting has been set up with Scott Wright for April 17th to debrief these matters of the mental health coalition.
KCLEA awards were given out.
That’s it for ESC coverage this week, see you next Monday!
Tags: any inquiries can be directed to my roommate who is in SEAS as i am not, does anyone read these, i said it! i'm sorry!, maybe i should air my deepest darkest secrets, no... i shouldnt... fine! inglorious basterds is so much better than pulp fiction, this was my first time so be nice
April 05, 20187:23 pm 3 Comments
The Glorious Lounge
Got a quiver in your liver? Read all about River Hall, a housing hall that I had no idea existed until I was assigned this story a few days ago.
Location: 628 West 114th Street between Broadway and Riverside Drive.
Nearby dorms: Shapiro, Broadway, Hogan, St. A’s, those Barnard 116 dorms.
Stores and restaurants: Best halal cart, Starbucks, Morton Williams, Sweetgreen, University Stationary.
Cost: Standardized to $9,292/year
Read about the room variety and see pics after the jump!
Tags: housing2018, literal river, river
March 28, 20187:52 pm 4 Comments
Ann Coulter last night called President Trump an “Ignoramus” and considered primarying him in favor of someone more supportive of the “MAGA agenda.”
Deputy Editor Zack Abrams was present last night at CUCR’s latest speaker event, a debate between conservative pundit Ann Coulter and political blogger Mickey Kaus, moderated by TV showrunner Rob Long.
The Columbia University College Republicans had promised an exciting debate between Ann Coulter and blogger Mickey Kaus. What we got, however, was two friends debating not whether immigration is a net good in America, but how much to restrict it. Those who were hoping that Coulter’s conservative views would be challenged by a representative of the typical American liberal will be disappointed to hear that Kaus mostly espoused conservative views towards immigration, though he supported some liberal policies like Medicare-for-all.
Coulter’s policy toward immigration is twofold: firstly, a moratorium towards any legal or illegal immigration for “a few years” in order for recent immigrates to more clearly assimilate to American life; she supports building a wall on the southern border in order to achieve this goal. Secondly, she supports merit-based immigration so that the new immigrants will be “better than us” and wants to deport illegal immigrants currently within the United States while cracking down on businesses who employ them.
What else did she talk about?
Tags: ann coulter, cucr, debate, politics, the goat
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