It takes boldness to be a Barnard woman. It takes fearlessness. It takes an unlimited data plan, and still having a Blackberry. Only the bold get coffee. Only the bold get knowledge.

Barnard women: if you can’t read the text below, text your boldest moment to 330c5890 or 330c5af by Thursday at 5 pm to win fame, fortune, and a $10 gift card to either Starbucks or Barnes and Noble: only the boldest of destinations.

I like my coffee like I like my women...bold

Last week, we posted some salacious screenshots of the Columbia Class of 2016 Facebook page. This morning we received the following in an email tip from a prefroshbear reader (props!):

So I saw the post about the Columbia Class of 2016 facebook page. It was pretty funny, but those posts have nothing on the stuff people have been posting on the Barnard Class of 2016 page.

She was right.

House of Lies premiered last Sunday night, and nestled in between raunchy lesbian bathroom sex and unbridled elitism was this little gem of an exchange. You might think it sounds familiar, and you’d be right—the ‘ole “is Barnard part of Columbia?” debate has found its way onto a national stage.

Skip ahead to 24:00.

Bwog is confused. Is Jeannie a Barnard Alum diligently reinforcing the position that Barnard is rightfully included under the Columbia umbrella, or is she a College (Business Psych major, so not SEAS) alum offended by the association? Perhaps more importantly, how does she feel not being able to use Flex/Dining Dollars anymore…?

Ever wonder the critical reasoning process of certain Barnard students? Fret no more! Bwog’s resident cartoonist Julia Stern can take you on her comic tour of a stream of consciousness fueled by gender equality, sex seminars, and Margaret Mead. In Julia’s “Grin and Bear It” cartoon series— based on the MyLifeIsBarnard Twitter feed, watch how a pair of leftover panties can inspire philosophical crisis.

What would Margaret Mead say?

Think your life is Barnard? Well, there’s no knowing for sure until you cross reference it against the itemized guide below, inspired by the Twitter account and brought to life by Cartoon Architect and Sensational Satirist Julia Stern:

The REAL eight ways of knowing.

We have a new concept space on campus, hot on the heels of the Zen Garden. A recent email from DSpar on Barnard’s renovations included the following message:

“Thanks to the faculty and students in the Architecture Department, Altschul Atrium is newly reconfigured as The Hive. It’s an innovative space divided into lounge, meeting, and gallery areas with modular furniture that can be arranged in a multitude of ways.”

This has literally been realized in a series of bee-related installations, and was officially opened on Tuesday. Behold:

Our very own Barnard went viral this week when a student got particularly expressive via a laundry room note to a strong, beautiful peer who stole a pair of SPANX. For those of you who are male or have naturally flat stomachs—note to the latter: we hate you—SPANX are spandex that one may wear underneath clothing to give the appearance of a smooth, firm stomach and/or butt. The following image is the original note (it’s pretty gross), which was later posted to Reddit and Jezebel:

Speaking of going viral, how 'bout those certain contagious skin diseases?

Lerner just upped its rating from R (for ramp-filled) to NC-17. Or something racier.

As Confucius once said, “Well behaved women rarely make history… or orgasms!”

Except Confucius didn’t actually ever say that. But the Well Women did! Tonight they’re hosting an event in honor of Women’s History Month called Naughty Girls’ Night In, featuring open discussion about female sexual pleasure, sex toy presentations, and more.

To stay in with the naughty girls, head over to the Anna Quindlen Room (101 Diana) from 8 to 10 pm.

Greta Gerwig: twenty-something, outta college, and with a damn good job

The Athena Film Festival took place at Barnard this weekend, and when Bwog heard that Greta Gerwig, BC ’06, of Greenberg fame, was going to be there, we just had to stop by. Lily Icangelo reports from “A Hollywood Conversation With Greta Gerwig.”

Greta Gerwig is a lovely human being and I want her to be my best friend. Having only graduated from Barnard a mere five years ago, she’s already acting in big budget movies alongside Ben Stiller, Natalie Portman, and Helen Miren. She first became known for her involvement in “Mumblecore,” the independent film movement that didn’t really become known as a movement until after it was over.

This “Hollywood conversation” was held between Gerwig and Vanity Fair Contributing Editor, Leslie Bennetts. They discussed everything from how Gerwig became interested in acting, to her time at Barnard, and her opinion of how women are treated and represented in Hollywood. Gerwig talked about wanting to make movies about female friendship – and not the kind of female friendship movie that revolves around finding the perfect man. She likes movies that represent life as it really is. The mumblecore genre represented the reality of being twenty-something, fresh out of college, and jobless. Luckily for Gerwig, she has managed to become a successful twenty-something with a job. When asked how she handles herself financially, she answered “I treat myself like a non-profit organization; I just have to have enough money to keep the organization alive.”

Read more…

Feel like celebrating something this weekend? Is that thing women? And also leadership?

Conveniently for you, then, Barnard is hosting its inaugural “Athena Film Festival: A Celebration of Women and Leadership” today through Sunday. Although the film screenings aren’t free, they’re cheap (most tickets are $5). Plus, after it’s over, you’ll get to tell people you went to an inauguration and if you’re vague enough they might think you’re politically active.

Check out the line-up here.

Lily Icangelo satirically explains why horror, bemusement, and brunchfoods go hand in hand at Barnard’s traditional last-night-before-finals feast.

Midnight Breakfast is as absolutely terrifying as it is incredibly awesome. Walking into a crowded gym of highly stressed out, type-A personality, sleep-deprived girls? So, SO scary. The nervous energy that fills LeFrak Gym during Midnight Breakfast is enough to induce multiple panic attacks—as if you hadn’t already had enough of those in the past week.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am a very proud “strong, beautiful Barnard woman” who loves traditions almost as much as I love unhealthy breakfast food, but Midnight Breakfast fills me with fear and anxiety every semester. Think about it, it’s the night before finals start and you have been awake for the past 48 hours writing that 15 page paper that was due five minutes ago. By the time you get to the gym it is hard to tell whether or not that creepy dancing bear is real or just a hallucination. (If you see more than one dancing bear next to Beyonce riding a unicorn, you are definitely hallucinating).

Before attending the breakfast last night, I prepared to steel myself against the “cheering” that I expected to have hurled at me upon entering LeFrak. Normally, you are immediately attacked by 20+ overly excited, happily cheering ladies who you must pass in order to get to the food. It is absolutely horrifying. But this year I was surprised to find myself welcomed in by just a few girls who gave me and my friends a couple of unenthused cheers. Fraught by exhaustion and paranoia I became fixated on figuring out what I had done wrong to upset these girls. Why weren’t they cheering for me? Did I give them a mean look? Is my cynicism really that unattractive? I’m just tired! Was I better-looking last year?

It is difficult to be a socially awkward, sleep-deprived person in a very crowded, very loud gym full of food, music, and every single one of your peers. Midnight Breakfast is basically estrogen on speed. But no matter how strange the experience is or how afraid (or terrified) you are of Millie the dancing bear, it is still one of the best experiences that Barnard has to offer and gives us a sense of community that we sometimes wish we had more of. So thanks Midnight Breakfast, even though you make us feel sick from strange combinations of ice cream, gummy bears, and tater tots, you are still one of the best traditions/nightmares that this school has to offer.

Photo via Wikimedia

The Strong Beautiful Barnard Woman is questioned and found wanting.

Real college life ≠ TV “college life”. Shocker.

Filth in the kitchen is bad. Bureaucracy is worse.

No, we do not need a travel guide to find our way out of Morningside.

Maybe you can win the Marshall, too!

The indiscernible likelihood that Barnard women will stay strong, connected, beautiful, bold while waiting for the Nexus

It isn’t easy being green

Laughing as a evolutionary relic. LOL

On the defense, for Israel

Bonus: Video on gentrification (yes, a video)

While browsing the Barnard Res Life policies, Bwog came across a section that seemed particularly amusing:

What Cannot Be Said On My Posting? Any postings that have inappropriate and/or derogatory information directed to one specific member of the Barnard community will not be tolerated and will be immediately removed. The approved posting areas that we have provided are not personal message boards. They are solely for information that is intended to benefit the campus community as a whole. In addition, the following words cannot appear on any posted information at Barnard – shit, piss, suck, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, cocksucker and tits. Any flyers containing any of these words will be immediately removed and the responsible parties referred to Dean’s Discipline.

Bwog challenges Barnard women to fight the Man.

Scene: a bar on the Upper East Side.

A curly-haired man in his mid-20s approaches a Barnard senior and asks if she’s heard of David Blaine. “David and I, we’re kind of friends,” the man says. He then reveals that he’s a magician, and offers to show her a trick. “Sure,” she says, at which point the man reaches into his pocket and produces a dark blue velvet pouch.

Realizing that he’s for real, the Barnard student brings over her friends to see the spectacle. He places three coins in her hand and closes her fingers over the coins. When she opens her hand, the original coins have transformed into … different coins. The girls applaud and disperse.

He then asks if the girl wants to go out with him sometime and “see the real magic.”

Also! Learn why “God is just an overhyped David Blaine.”