Hunched back, clacking keyboard, staring into the abyss; these are the required parts to writing that one detailed and much needed 500 word email to your professor about the most important thing you could ever imagine.

I just wanted a milkshake.

Is black mold exposure sufficient grounds for an extension?

The printers can sense fear…

I don’t even drink coffee.

For a true joke too late for April Fools and a horror story too early for Halloween, read below.

Please put me out of my misery.

All this could be solved if the gates were re-opened…

Why can't we just call them something else if they are not in the MIDDLE of the semester???

Why would a man be there?

Is it wrong to wish my English professors would teach ’til death do us part?

Undeniably the worst elevator on campus…

Staff Writer Caylie is fed up with Columbia’s Security Awareness emails. Or so they thought.

Someone living in River Hall this year doesn’t seem to understand that taking people’s kitchenware and not giving it back is THEFT.

Coil stovetops are ugly. They are dirty and they just suck.