#squirrels
Bwog And Squirrels: A Retrospective

So this happened in Time Magazine. Welcome to the party, Time. You’re a little late. However belated, the homage to squirrels on undergrad campuses brought fond memories of Bwog’s own joyous, complicated relationship with the omnivorous rodents. Love them, hate them, or don’t particularly care at all, here’s a brief history of Columbia, the Sciuridae, Bwog, and you.

From our early days in 2007, Bwog has had a dramatic fascination with the trials and tragedies of squirrels, documenting some overseen struggles of baby squirrels.

Yet after our early sympathy, the Columbia squirrel gained strength and ferocity, eliminating any cute and fuzzy feelings fast. We began to watch from a distance — by taking lots of pictures of squirrels. We also started creatively writing about squirrels. The phrase “a squirrel, squirreling” became a thing. The fear builds.

2012-2013, however, was the true rise of the power-hungry, crazy-ass squirrel. They started getting sassy, eating people food. A squirrel took some innocent student’s piece of pizza and ate it. It then took that piece of pizza up a tree and ate it there. Cue our sudden rise to fame as some other people picked up on the situation at Columbia. A name was born: Mozzerodent. We tried to warn the public, and Columbia just made dumb jokes about it.

And that’s where the issue stands at the moment. We look forward to continuing our duty in bringing you pointless squirrel pictures, overly dramatic anecdotes, and generally making a big fuss over rats with furry tails just trying to live their lives. It’s been a privilege.

Update, 12:24 p.m.: Mere seconds after publishing this post, we were tipped the following picture. Never say die.

squirrelly

Bwog’s mascot, the eternal, the everlasting legacy

Senior Wisdom: Meriam Raouf

Meriam Raouf

For the second Senior Wisdom of the day we present Meriam Raouf, who takes “30 words or fewer” literally and “one thing to do” less so.

Name, Hometown, School: Meriam Raouf – Flakes, New Jersey – CC

Claim to fame? I half-heartedly interned for KCR like 1 semester a year, and never took the test, so there’s that. I think I got nominated because I may or may not have pooped in the pool during my swim test.  I lived in the Writer’s House in Harmony, I usually have tequila with me at Quarto readings.

Where are you going? You’re not the boss of me.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

  1. The only thing dumber than wearing a bikini on campus on a brisk day in May, is discussing it. In fact, the only thing dumber than doing any dumb thing, is discussing it. It’s like you didn’t even see Mean Girls.
  2. If food, mice. Every damn time.
  3. If you make a joke, and it is too much for your friends, and this happens a lot, and you feel weird about it, make new friends, not new jokes. Your second joke will be worse and your second friend will be better.

Back in my day… Well first of all, John Jay had Hogwarts lighting. The turnstile at Lerner was fucked up so that if you swiped your ID without paying attention to the click, it would clothesline you right in the crotch. It was funny to watch people do–I’m pretty sad they fixed that. 1020 didn’t dare have a LINE, let alone a ROPE for that line, the nerve. The artist formally known as Campo was just Campo, a place where freshmen could get drunk in the morning, and a half-decent second base at night. Women were not allowed to go to Columbia, Four-Loko was not Three-Loko, and not a single igloo was left un-hotboxed.

(more…)

PSA: Bloodthirsty Monsters
they can unzip bags!

they can unzip bags!

As spring fully emerges, a new mutant breed of squirrels—created by ingesting the fertilizer in front of Butler—takes over campus as the first step in its quest for world domination. These squirrels have heightened mental and physical capacities, and have been terrorizing unsuspecting undergraduates. A few tipsters risked looking into the squirrels’ fatal beady eyes to take pictures and document the takeover. And so it begins.

Dear Bwog,
Today, a squirrel unzipped my backpack and attempted to retrieve a cookie from my bag. Though the squirrel was ultimately unsuccessful, I thought you should know they’re developing new skills.
Best,
[name removed to ensure protection from the squirrels]

Scampering away from the body of a teacher who gave him a C

scampering away from the body of a teacher who gave him a C

And another:

This guy has been spotted around campus over the past few days, stealing acorns, nibbling on grass, and shitting on people’s heads. He was last seen by Butler, just after hiding his latest murder victim in the trash can.

And a final one:
I personally spotted this thief beat up an entire CC class on the Hamilton lawn for this circular shaped nut thing. Caught red-handed, he tried to run into Hamilton to blend in with other students after, but I have documented it in picture form and suggest we post fliers up around campus warning of this threat to campus security.

The Varsity Show may have trivialized the importance of squirrel coverage on Bwog, but we want to remind you that squirrels aren’t always eating pizza—sometimes they’re eating brains, and you need those for finals. Stay safe and protect each other.

stealing Columbia's nuts!

stealing Columbia’s nuts!

its eyes are safe if you look through a camera lens

its eyes are safe if you look through a camera lens

getting bolder

getting bolder

"make haste, make haste!"

“make haste, make haste!”

And Now For Something Completely Different

Spotted: another squirrel eating people food. There were ten other people taking this picture.

Snacking on a popchip, getting bikini-ready for June

Overseen: The New Squirrel Paradigm

We know the whole squirrel thing is getting a little old, but a tipster couldn’t help but notice this poster with a cut-out piece of pizza attached to it. Is the pizza-eating squirrel becoming a new species or have Bwog readers taken the Geology library in Schermerhorn by storm? We’ll never know the answer to that, but here’s a funny picture anyway.

Squirrels Develop A New Taste For Power

A recent pizza theft by a renegade, power hungry squirrel was first thought to be an isolated and somewhat magical occurrence. However, a new trend is developing as our favorite photo subjects get more ambitious in their dietary choices. A hapless student eating lunch outside turned away for a moment only to discover her pizza slice being squirreled away—perhaps by that same conniving rodent, newly dubbed Mozzerodent by our resident mammal aficionados.

The victim reported that she, “sensed a squirrel right behind,” her, and watched sadly as the theft was carried out. We await the next inevitable attack with a mix of horror and fascination.

The latest incident of repossession

Photo credit Dana Neugut, CC’14

Bwoglines: College Problems Edition

He's got your back.

It’s another scandalous day in the Ivy League. Patrick Witt, the Yale quarterback who was lauded as a sports hero after he opted to play in the Harvard-Yale game rather than sit for his Rhodes Scholarship interview, has been accused of sexual assault. Turns out the Rhodes committee found out about the (unofficial) accusation and suspended Witt’s candidacy before the interview. (IvyGate, NYT)

Perhaps having heard recent student complaints, Obama has promised to work on bringing the cost of college down. No word yet on his plans for the Hamilton elevator. (NYMag)

If this doesn’t seem like an exciting occasion for political action to you, you’re not alone. According to a new study, college students these days are more liberal but less politically active. (HuffPo)

No matter how traumatized you were by your freshman roommate, these stories will remind you that it’s all relative. A warning to the brave souls who read them: graphic squirrel violence awaits. (Gawker)

POTUS via Wikimedia Commons

While We Were Out

Bwog’s first class today was at 4:10 pm! Imagine that. Naturally, this meant 7 am brunch (incl. bottomless mimosas). What can we say? Blame our frugal nature. Blame Canada. Whatever. We blacked out, on a Tuesday Wednesday afternoon.

Dazed and confused, we decided to stick to what we know best.