Dear Admitted Students,
We’re so excited for you! We know you can’t wait to be here, and we can’t wait to
induct you into our secret society welcome you. It may seem like college is too far away. In the meantime here are some tips to feel like a Columbia student regardless of where you will go to school.
2. Bitch about something called UWriting and Frontiers. A lot.
3. Find a middle school cafeteria’s max occupancy level, put twice that many kids in there, and call it “Ferris.”
6. Tell people you go to Williamsburg often.
7. Work out twice per semester. When you do, text everyone you know and say “Sorry I missed you, I was working out.”
8. Whine quietly when you have to walk to somewhere 100 yards away (Butler) and whine really loudly to people you don’t know when you have to walk somewhere 400+ yards away (“Why did they have to build Pupin there? Really?”).
11. Mention in casual conversation that the chandelier on the Vampire Weekend debut album is from St. A’s. Like that society at your school. Basically your school is just really important in all facets of life.
13. Have dinner at seven and then buy yourself chicken wings and Jamba Juice at ten-thirty.
Enjoy the rest of your year. Succumb to senioritis. YOLO.
LOOSE SEAL!!! via Shutterstock.