Author Archive

Nov

13

Written by

img November 13, 20174:17 pmimg 1 Comments

Hello Pret! We look forward to welcoming you soon too!

Rumors about Pret opening near campus have been floating around for weeks, but it’s finally official now. A Pret sign was hung up on the empty store window next to Shake Shack, confirming their arrival in the near future. This would be the newest in a series of similar made-to-order fast food restaurant chains that have been coming to MoHi recently, including Shake Shack and Panda Express (opening soon!).

Hopefully, this trend of new eateries coming near campus will continue. There are a lot of empty storefronts in MoHi (like Spirit Halloween’s empty space and the pile of trash in front of it) and it’s quite depressing, not to mention more new food options would be welcome additions to the Ferris-halal-Digg Inn-HamDel routine. We’re certainly looking forward to skipping the Sweetgreens line to get a sandwich from Pret.

Pret is here via Amara Banks

Nov

10

Written by

img November 10, 20176:07 pmimg 0 Comments

This picture has nothing to do with the post. It’s just a picture of Finn’s roommate’s beautiful cat to make your day brighter.

Deputy Editor Youngweon Lee pens an ode to the Columbia Sadgirl.

This post is for you, you Birkenstock-and-vintage-mom-jeans-wearing, sleep-deprived, disillusioned, Sappho-loving, probably-pseudo-literary Columbia Sadgirl.

It’s a shoutout to every girl at Columbia who is Sad, with a capital S. Who identifies herself as a Sadgirl in whatever shape or form.

It doesn’t matter how Sad you are, whether you are Sad for the few seconds it takes you to read this shitpost or chronically Sad, or how superficially or deeply Sad you are. No matter how violently Sad or serenely Sad. It’s an all-inclusive lifestyle.

You might even be Sad for the aesthetic. It’s okay. Bwog loves you. Relish the melancholy. Make art out of it or something, if you want. Drink a cup of tea with lots of milk and sugar. Take a Polaroid selfie.

Take a trip downtown tonight, and listen to New York by St. Vincent on 1st Avenue. Kiss a stranger at a bar. That’s Sadgirl Culture. Or don’t, if you don’t want. Stay in bed, if you prefer. Have some brie and crackers with a bottle of Stella cider. That’s also Sadgirl Culture. It’s Friday night. Take a break, inhale, exhale. Be Sad, but not like bad Sad. Just a lil blue. Blue is a good color to be.

And remember: you are beautiful, you are loved.

Here is a Sappho fragment for you:

οὐ γὰρ θέμις ἐν μοισοπόλων δόμωι
θρῆνον ἔμμεν᾽ <…> οὔ κ’ ἄμμι πρέποι τάδε

(translation by Anne Carson):

For it is not fitting in a house of the muses that there be lament

this would not become us

kitty kitty via Finn Klauber

Nov

3

Written by

img November 03, 20173:58 pmimg 0 Comments

Oh, the humanity!

This is a guide on how to not be an asshole in Ferris, because too many people simply don’t know how to carry themselves in a way that isn’t a giant inconvenience to everyone around them.

Apologies if this post comes off as patronizing. If this is advice you need to heed, you can’t complain. If you’re not a Ferris asshole, this post isn’t meant for you, and you can whine with us about people who need this advice in the comments. If you are physically or otherwise unable to do some things listed below (like walking quickly), this doesn’t apply to you. We are specifically talking about people who don’t have proper etiquette out of ignorance or selfishness.

How to not be an asshole after the jump

Nov

3

Written by

img November 03, 201712:10 pmimg 2 Comments

Let the kids study!!

A new phenomenon has been occurring since approximately last April; late-night studiers are being kicked out of the stacks after 11pm. It’s true that the stacks technically close at that time, but before we posted the article about what to do if someone is having sex in the stacks on the book you need at 3am, people who were in there studying before the doors locked could usually stay in there for as long as they wished. Public safety didn’t patrol the stacks, kicking people out, but that’s what’s been happening recently.

The previous salutary neglect in the late-night stacks should make a comeback. It’s one thing if people are hiding out in the stacks vandalizing books or doing whatever other bad things you could possibly do in Butler stacks, but the late-night stack dwellers are just miserable students overloaded with work, trying to avoid human contact and sunlight. Depending on one’s study habits, the stacks, as depressing as it is as a space, can be an ideal study location if one intends to stay there for a long time.

When one goes to Butler in the afternoon, with the sun shining high and bright, rooms like 209, Ref, the 4th and 6th floors, etc. show the progression of the sun setting and, depending on how bad your night is, rising. This explicit demonstration of the passage of time is too reminiscent of how our lives are wasting away with essays and problem sets and finance sell-out jobs that will mean nothing when we all die and our bodies and souls eventually disintegrate. In the stacks, however, where the sun don’t shine, the atmosphere might be depressing, musty, even a bit sterile (of happiness, not germs), but at least one is not constantly reminded of passing time and the ephemeral nature of our lives and the fact that none of this really matters.

I kid. (Not really.) But seriously, if students are peacefully studying in the stacks past 11pm, not burning down the place or something, I don’t see why they should be kicked out. Bring back salutary neglect, I say! The only good reason to kick people out of the stacks at night is if they are having sex on the book I need. I still maintain that stacks sex is sacrilegious.

Stacks via Bwog Archives

Oct

29

Written by

img October 29, 201712:52 pmimg 0 Comments

Was your last lox spread bagel garnished with fly poop? Do you really care?

Absolute Bagels was shut down by the Department of Health this past Thursday for an array of sanitary violations, according to West Side Rag. A worker said that they are planning to reopen on Tuesday and that the exterminator is there, but the Department of Health will ultimately decide. Here is the list of violations:

  1. Hot food item not held at or above 140º F.
  2. Evidence of mice or live mice present in facility’s food and/or non-food areas.
  3. Filth flies or food/refuse/sewage-associated (FRSA) flies present in facility’s food and/or non-food areas. Filth flies include house flies, little house flies, blow flies, bottle flies and flesh flies. Food/refuse/sewage-associated flies include fruit flies, drain flies and Phorid flies.
  4. Food not protected from potential source of contamination during storage, preparation, transportation, display or service.
  5. Facility not vermin proof. Harborage or conditions conducive to attracting vermin to the premises and/or allowing vermin to exist.

Absolute Bagels was previously shut down for a few days in 2013 for a longer list of sanitary violations.

Absolute Bagels via Bwog Archives

Oct

29

Written by

img October 29, 20172:00 amimg 0 Comments

Commas and periods always go inside double quotation marks in American English except in the case of a parenthetical citation. Columbia University is in the United States of America. But what is this? A comma outside of a quotation mark?

Shall we take another look? 

You can find this here. Even though I linked four different sources saying that commas and periods always go inside quotation marks, I’m doubting myself more and more as I keep looking at this. Am I just wrong? Is this post complete bogus? Is this more fake news by Bwog? Is this because we don’t have copy editors?

Here’s a more zoomed-out view of the page. Am I just sleep-deprived? Do I even know how punctuation works? After all, I’m just a foreigner. An international student. I’m from from Seoul, South Korea. English isn’t even my first language. What do I know?

Columbia Core via Youngweon Lee

Oct

27

Written by

img October 27, 20171:42 pmimg 0 Comments

lettuce what?

If you are standing by the blackboard, you’re drunk.

Disclaimer: this is completely made up. It probably makes no sense.

  1. Front table: You enjoy watching darts. You like breathing space. Maybe you want to look out the window. You don’t want to swim through 200 people for a smoking break outside.
  2. Booths: You have about four friends. These four friends bring their friends and surprise now there are fifteen people in a booth meant for four people. Some people are sitting on the table. Some people are hiding under the table. There is beer everywhere. It is a disaster.
  3. Bar: You like to order drinks. You might be an Old Person. You’re here alone, or maybe with one more person. You might have been here since happy hour. What are you doing? It’s okay. That’s life. Order another beer, it’s okay.
  4. Inner corner of the bar by the pool table: You’re definitely older than 90% of the people in this bar.
  5. Pool table: You couldn’t find seats. You don’t like being constrained in a booth, because if you sit in a booth, eight people will pile on top of you. You might be in line for the bathroom. You might have already pissed your pants. Who cares? It’s 1020. No one’s judging you. If you pee on the pool table, everyone will just think it’s beer. It’s okay.
  6. Little bench by the pool table: You couldn’t find seats. This isn’t a permanent seat. Maybe you are feeling a little emotionally unstable and need a hug.
  7. Back couch table: You always wanted to sit in the back seat of the school bus with the cool kids but couldn’t and now you’re making up for it by sitting at the back table at 1020. Or you just like to be comfortable when you drink your $4 PBR.
  8. Standing around: You couldn’t find seats. You’re probably not staying too long. You’re dipping in and dipping out. Or you’re just on the prowl for seats. This doesn’t say much about you. I don’t know why I included this.

1020 blackboard via Bwog Archives

Oct

23

Written by

img October 23, 20174:07 pmimg 0 Comments

These sweaters are warm and fuzzy, unlike flakes. (It’s the Facebook group’s cover photo.)

Everyone at this school is busy. Everyone’s time is valuable. Some people, however, seem to think their time is more valuable than others’. There is a specific group of people who seem to tend to do this a lot; people who flake on purchases on Buy Sell Trade at Barnard.

Picture this: you’re selling a pair of jeans. The thing about jeans is that their fits are often tricky, and you can’t just go by the size; you often have to try them on before you buy them. Which means you have to meet up with the buyer in a private place like your room, or someplace that has a restroom. It’s an entire process. You have to set up a time, and if you need to sign the buyer into your dorm, you have to come all the way to the lobby of your building, etc. And since everyone at this school is busy, setting up a good time to meet is often difficult.

So then somehow, you manage to find a half-hour pocket of time during which both you and the buyer are free. The buyer agrees to meet you in your dorm at 6pm. Perfect, because you have a meeting at 7pm. Even if she is 10-15 minutes late (which in my opinion is the maximum amount of socially acceptable tardiness) you will have ample time. She tells you at 5:55pm that her astronomy lab finishes at 6pm in Pupin, and you live in 110. Great, so it’s going to take her like 20 minutes to get here. She could have just asked to meet at 6:30pm, but that’s fine, you suppose, slightly cranky now.

What next?

Oct

18

Written by

img October 18, 20173:34 pmimg 2 Comments

Grass rolls!

Rolls of what seems to be grass were spotted outside of the patch of dirt that we once called South Lawn. The project is projected to be completed today. A special shoutout to Facilities for reaching out to us; we love you! The students shan’t revolt.

*soft, sustained, stressed, depressed, mildly excited screams*

MoHi farmscape via Youngweon Lee

Oct

12

Written by

img October 12, 20173:14 pmimg 2 Comments

Ricky Wolff CC ’17 (i.e. he graduated last spring), last seen in front of Carman Hall. He was meant to spend 12 hours at Hungarian Pastry Shop and write a Bwog article about it but never did.

We’ve all seen those alums who hang around campus despite the fact that they literally fucking graduated. We’ve had those semi-awkward conversations: “Hey! Good to see you! Didn’t you graduate, though…?” “Yeah! I’m still here though! Haha!” Bwog investigated: why do alums hang around after literally graduating? 

One might be inclined to think that once we graduate and escape the stressful gaze of beloved Alma Mater, we would never want to come back to this little stressful nook in Morningside Heights. Apparently, that is not the case. Every alum standing in line at 1020 after they receive their $280k diploma, eating yet another Hungarian pastry, or smoking the millionth cigarette in front of Butler has a different reason for sticking around, and we gathered a few of these stories by awkwardly confronting alumni that we thought we’d never see again. (People who decided to go to more school at Columbia in the form of grad school of some sort don’t count. They’re obviously still here because they’re too smart and too crazy.)

So literally why the fuck are these people still here?

Oct

9

Written by

img October 09, 20171:57 pmimg 6 Comments

ugly!

We were sad enough with the grass. Now that there is this big ugly patch of dirt in the middle of campus, we are even sadder. Facilities, we love you, but please give us grass.

Ugly via Youngweon Lee

Oct

4

Written by

img October 04, 20174:05 pmimg 0 Comments

Warning: this post includes uncensored pictures of actual real-life disgusting communal bathrooms, including unflushed toilets and lots of hair. Do not scroll down or click on the jump if you’re eating or something, or just don’t want to see them.

Communal bathrooms are disgusting, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Theoretically, if every person who used a toilet and a sink just did what they’re supposed to do and flush and not make an entire mess, communal bathrooms would not be disgusting. And yet, here we are, at this Ivy League institution, Columbia University in the City of New York, founded in the year of 1754, in the current year of 2017, still not knowing how to flush a goddamn toilet, or how to pick up our own hair after a shower. Here is a guide on how to use a bathroom correctly.

Toilet:

*Please do not leave toilet paper on the floor. The floor tends to get wet from showers, which makes the toilet paper wet and gross. Why do people do this? 

  1. Pee or poo, do your thing, just try not to splash fecal matter on the seat (the part that touches other people’s butts). If you do, wipe it down. Also wipe your butt as necessary.
  2. Flush. Some toilets are automatic, but most are not. If a toilet is not automatic, there is a button or a lever you press that makes your fecal matter disappear into the pipes and into the New York City sewer system.
  3. Wipe whatever water drops or fecal matter you got on the seat (the part that touches other people’s butts).
  4. Wash your hands in the sink. With soap. Please.

More guides and pictures after the jump

Sep

20

Written by

img September 20, 201712:20 amimg 8 Comments

Most bagels, when they turn twenty years old, grow stale and moldy, but not this one. Our own bagel is twenty years old and beautiful and thriving. She is a beautiful bagel and a perfect bagel in chief. Here is photographic evidence of her thriving. I found every single picture on my phone and computer that I could in my exhausted state. This is my favorite bagel and also my favorite titty. By my, I mean Bwog’s. Please wish her a happy birthday by texting her, messaging her, commenting, emailing tips@bwog.com, amara@bwog.com, editor@bwog.com, etc. Happy birthday, Amara! We Love You!!!

 

Sep

14

Written by

img September 14, 20173:33 pmimg 1 Comments

Do you want to be Instagram famous? I know I do

If you’re anything like me, your life dream is to be Instagram famous. I’m not actually Instagram famous, but I spend enough time on Instagram to know how to Instagram successfully. Here is a list of things you have to have on your Instagram to be successful at Instagram at Columbia.

  • Aesthetic pictures of Low and Butler, bonus points if it’s at sunset or sunrise
  • A picture of you and/or your friends sitting on a windowsill, bonus points if the view behind you is of the New York skyline
  • Actual pictures of the New York skyline
  • Views from your dorm room window (if you aren’t shafted somewhere)
  • Pictures from a frat party that everyone knows turned messy as hell, but don’t actually post messy pictures; post the ones in which you look good and like you’re having fun
  • If you are in a sorority, pictures with balloons in the shape of your letters and hand signs in the shape of your letters and pictures with a cardboard sign of your letters, etc.
  • A picture with you and that igloo outside of Butler in the winter
  • A picture of Ref Room, whether that be a picture of you in Ref or a picture of the Ref ceiling
  • Pictures of you and all your Columbia friends on Low steps having a great time being Columbia students

More tips after the jump

Sep

6

Written by

img September 06, 201711:24 amimg 2 Comments

I’m sorry I’m really bad at making starter packs

We might all think we’re special and unique, but the fact of the matter is that we Columbia students are all sort of similar. If you feel attacked by this post, or don’t, let us know why in the comments below.

A typical Columbia student on any given day is wearing Stan Smiths (dirty) or Timbs (clean). The jeans (mom or dad, either variety) are cuffed and paired with an obscure vintage t-shirt or a crop top. A thrifted neon (pink or yellow) windbreaker hangs over the shoulders, laden with the weight of the world and the sorrows of humankind. A rolled cigarette (filter optional) is in one hand, and a volume of Kerouac or Plato in the other.

Contrary to this alternative look, this student is majoring in something mainstream that Wall Street likes: financial economics, political science, or economics. However, as a high school senior, eager to fulfill a dream of Ivy League elitism in any way possible, they applied as a South Asian Comparative Literature major with a concentration in Slavic Studies. They will tell you they love Tolstoy, but Sparknoted Crime and Punishment in Lit Hum. Perhaps they consider themselves above Dostoevsky’s brand of Russian angst. It’s a well-known fact that red meat increases the chances of getting cancer, so this student is vegan, but you can catch them on a Saturday night downing shots of cheap tequila infused with ecstasy or cocaine (disclaimer: Bwog does not condone the use of illegal drugs or underage drinking).

Despite a Twitter full of anti-capitalist memes and communist article retweets, there is a Morgan Stanley or Goldman Sachs entrance test prep book hidden away in this student’s bookshelf in Wien, Ruggles, or EC. Or alternatively, they live in Greenborough but never recycle or compost back home. They will tell you that the trolley lever definitely should be pulled, but will demonstrate immense outrage at the immorality of Omelas.

Columbia Student starter pack via Youngweon Lee

© 2006-2015 Blue and White Publishing Inc.