Don't hop on one of these just yet!

With December right around the corner (seriously, it’s like, what, an hour away?), it means one thing: winter isfinals are coming. As such, we figured it’s a good time to remind everyone of a couple things you might want to do as you’re straightening out your travel plans and working out your schedule for next semester.

Rescheduling your final:

Few things in life are more painful than taking a final right before or (perhaps, if you planned exceptionally poorly) on the same day as your flight home. Thankfully, if you have a final scheduled for December 23rd, you can reschedule the exam for an earlier date. To do so, you just have to fill out this form hidden deep within the Columbia College website. A word of warning; as far as we can tell, only CC students are eligible to reschedule their 12/23 exams.

Additional Registration Dates:

In case you want to distract yourself from stressing over finals, you can always stress over getting into classes next semester. The Registrar sent out an email alerting students to additional registration dates for adding and dropping classes for Spring semester.

I write now to let you know that we will once again be offering you additional registration opportunities prior to the start of the spring 2012 term. These additional registration windows again follow the work and recommendations of the Classroom Committee, chaired by Professor Jean Howard. You will be able to add and drop classes, online through SSOL, during the following days and times:

Monday, December 5th, through Friday, December 9th

Monday, January 9th, through Friday, January 13th

Note that these registration periods will be open to all continuing students and there will be no registration priority on the basis of class standing. The intent of the upcoming registration windows is to ensure that course enrollments are as accurate as possible prior to the start of the spring semester, thus enhancing classroom allocation and TA assignments as well as assisting you in refining your program of study much earlier in the course enrollment process.

They’re here! But what shall we call them? Bwog has learned some things during our time at Columbia, namely that all the things you thought you knew are probably wrong and everything you hold dear is probably the cause of some deep-rooted societal problem. We figure our readers are pretty smart, and could help us figure out how to avoid continuing this centuries-old tradition of political incorrectness. Find us a suitable replacement for the “Christmas tree” by voting in our poll. Here are your options, ordered to reflect the current standings:

• Dank Pine
• Presents’ Umbrella
• Holiday Bush
• Communitree
• Capitalist Conifer

Maybe we should just ask them

With less than two weeks of classes left, chances are you’ve found yourself Butler-bound, day after day. And that elite species of Blue Java-loving Stacks inhabitants—known to the more general public as the Butler Archetypes—are by your side the whole time. Rest your head on Conor Skelding’s very soft shoulder as he reminds you why that’s a bad thing…

Flip-phone selfie taken by Louise McCune

While more practical students use cNet terminals for a quick print, these patrons of the library have a loftier goal—populist film criticism.

Writing under pen names such as “nycQT2015″ and “butlerbabe69,” they craft sharp invective, intended to cut down those presumptuous enough to upload sub-par content to Youtube. Such apt critiques take minutes of painfully complex consideration—should they begin with the more straightforward, “You obviously know nothing about Return of the King,” or prove their superiority with a pithy line such as, “You’re just a dick, like Saruman”?

Whether ensconced in the computer lab, 209, or the Ref Room, these arbiters of Internet fodder impress everybody waiting patiently to print. Before the day is done, they will even showcase their abilities to enjoy the ultimate no-brow entertainment: drooling, gaping infants. And what do they have to say for themselves?

“OMG CUTEG4SM.”

“Accepting the absurdity of everything around us is one step, a necessary experience: it should not become a dead end. It arouses a revolt that can become fruitful.”

- Albert Camus

Spotted in Fayerweather

Can I has winter break yet?

As the end approaches and final papers and exams slowly (or quickly) begin to take over our lives, Bwog’s Wednesday Feature Where Art Thou? invites you to indulge in some of the fantastic arts events happening on and off campus! If you would like your event listed here, email events@bwog.com.

Wednesday

• Autumn Songs: A Musical, 8 pm and Friday at 8 pm in Roone. CMTS presents Autumn Songs, an exciting, original student-developed show. Told entirely through song and drawing on contemporary musicals including Side Show, Floyd Collins, Violet, Grey Gardens, and The Spitfire Grill, the show explores the complicated relationship between young people and their hometowns, marked by both emotional attachment and a desire to escape. $5 with CUID, $10 without.

Thursday

• The Barnard Project at New York Live Arts, 7:30 pm and Saturday at 2 pm at New York Live Arts. Come see Barnard and Columbia dancers perform at New York Live Arts this weekend! The show features new works of four acclaimed choreographers: David Parker, Susan Rethorst, Ivy Baldwin, and Sidra Bell. $12 with CUID, $20 without. 
  
• S&M: Quarto wants you to Submit & Mingle, 9 pm – 11 pm in 501 Dodge. At Quarto’s fourth annual S&M event, we invite writers to read aloud any creative work under five minutes. At the end of the night, audience members vote for their favorite piece. The winner is automatically published in Quarto! All are welcome to listen and vote. To sign up to submit and read, go to www.quartomag.com. Free.

Friday

• Art and Activism, 6 pm – 8 pm in the IRC. The IRC and Artist Society are collaborating for Art and Activism. Anyone with a CUID is welcomed to stop by the IRC for figure sketching and/or art viewing. There will be live figure models, food, art supplies to use, and live musical performance by harpist Maia Darme. Free.
• Fucking A, 8 pm on Friday, 2 pm on Saturday, and 8 pm on Saturday in Lerner Black Box. The Black Theatre Ensemble Presents: Fucking A by Pulitzer Prize Winning Author Suzan Lori Parks.$5 with CUID, $6 without.
• Jamnesty, 8 pm – 10:30 pm in Earle Hall Auditorium. This concert will raise awareness on the issue of child slavery, and it will fundraise for Polaris Project, which is a human trafficking hotline. Featuring Ace of Cake, String Theory, Jake Snider, and more. Suggested donation of $3.

No explosions necessary

What is it that makes Columbia students so obsessed with printing? Maybe it’s the excessively long lines right before class, those excruciating warm-up times, the thrill of guessing between printer A or printer B (only to discover that the one you chose has a printer jam)—or maybe it’s just the fact that printing at Columbia is simply not an enjoyable experience.

When you’re printing, you just want no nonsense, straight to the point: enough sheets of warm ink-laden paper to deforest the Amazon. What more could you ask for in a web tool than a single screen, intuitive interface that allows you to print from any Internet device to any NINJa printer? Print@CU is your remedy: It doesn’t do much more, but it does do that singular task exceedingly well.

The simple interface allows you to select the building and printer number to which you desire your magnum opus ferried, then all you have to do is trample on over to that printer, enter your UNI, and then, right before your eyes, the magic of modern technology will transform your painstakingly composed characters into a crisp collection of freshly printed sheets. We recommend using it in conjunction with OwlPrinters for maximum efficiency. The site even offers options to collate, double-side, and print multiple copies of your document. As an added bonus, when Print@CU files your print request to NINJa, it does so under a random celebrity pseudonym like Larry the Cable Guy or Kristen Stewart.

Print@CU is the brainchild of Sam Aarons (SEAS ’14). Sam wrote the entire site in just 16 hours (!!!) to alleviate the printing perils of the NINJa system. He developed the site using documentation available for free on the Internet from CUIT, which just goes to show: RTFM, kids!

Contact Sam at sia2111@columbia.edu with comments, feedback, or eternal gratitude for Print@CU.

QuickTix returns to give you all the tools you need to take full advantage of your CUID. It runs every other Wednesday.

Most popular events at the TIC this week and last week:

• Barnard Theater — Ubu the King
• A Conversation with Steve Israel
• Big Apple Dancesport Challenge
• Black Theatre Ensemble’s Fundraising Talent Show
• CMTS presents Autumn Songs
• CoLab Fall Showcase
• Diwali
• Improvavopalooza
• The Lonely Plays, NOMADS
• metamORCHESIS

Campus Events on sale now:

• CMTS presents Autumn Songs: Nov 30th and Dec 2nd, 8 pm, Roone Arledge Auditorium, $5-75 w/ CUID
• Black Theatre Ensemble presents Fucking A: Dec 2nd at 8 pm, Dec 3rd at 2 pm and 8 pm, Lerner Black Box, $5 w/ CUID
• Barnard College Department of Theatre presents — Ubu the King: Dec 8-9 at 8pm, Dec 10th at 3 pm and 8 pm, Glicker-Milstein Theatre, $5-10 w/ CUID
• CMTS presents Zombie Prom: Dec 8-9 at 8 pm, Dec 10th at 3 pm, 8 pm, Lerner Black Box, $5 w/ CUID

Off Campus Events on sale now:

• Merce Cunningham at BAM: Dec 9th at 7:30 pm, $18
• Met Opera: Tosca: Jan 24th at 7:30 pm, Lincoln Center, $26
• Met Opera: Enchanted Island: Jan 25th at 7:30 pm, Lincoln Center, $28.50
• Met Opera: Gotterdammerrung: Jan 31st at 6 pm, Lincoln Center, $28.50
• Collegetix: Rent: Ongoing, $30

College Walk’s annual tree lighting ceremony may be this Thursday, but it’s already been five days since Thanksgiving goddamnit, and we just couldn’t wait. Decidedly non-denominational holiday cheer abounds in these Boringside Heights, and we want you to revel in it. Seen any other festive frivolities lurking around the neighborhood? Spot the occasional “Dank Pine” or “Capitalist Conifer?” Send ‘em to tips@bwog.com, and we’ll add ‘em to our collection. 

If you’re hungry and/or looking for some quality music to listen to, look no further. Today, the final Live at Lerner performance of the semester brings us Lisa Jaeggi and a free lunch at noon in the Lerner Piano Lounge. The event page describes her as “Both distinctive in talent and character, Jaeggi blends folk, pop, and hip-hop into her role as a singer-songwriter.”

Your free lunch, courtesy of Live at Lerner:

• Chicken/Vegetable Quesadillas
• Nachos (with options of refried beans, guacamole, salsa, shredded cheddar cheese, sliced jalapenos, and sour cream
• Churros
• Arnold Palmer (the self-proclaimed lovechild of iced tea and lemonade)

So that's why it's called NINJA...

The LAPD raided OccupyLA yesterday, arresting 200 and dispersing protesters without much conflict or violence. (WSJ)

Dershowitz believes the key to peace in Israel is Palestinian Chicken — he recommends Prime Minister Netanyahu watch the hilarious Curb Your Enthusiasm episode with Palestinian President Abbas in an interview with the Current. (Tablet, Current)

Columbia researchers believes America is vulnerable to crippling cyber-attacks and exploding printers. HP disagrees. (MSNBC, LA Times)

Transit officials believe haikus are the key to preventing road rage and violent collisions in New York’s most dangerous intersections. (MSNBC)

Unassuming instrument of war via Wikimedia Commons

Bwog’s love for HamDel is no secret, but our long-term relationship with Amy the HamDel Lady certainly surpasses any fling we’ve had with a specially sauced Lewinsky. For that reason, it is with great sorrow that we now report to you that our darling Amy has left HamDel for good. For the past week, we’d been missing Amy’s judge-free service during our 2 am sandwich runs, so this morning, we called the deli to find out where Amy had disappeared to. We’re told that Amy left HamDel a week ago after securing a “better job,” i.e. one that didn’t require her to stay up all night catering to the cravings of drunken college students.

While we can’t say we blame Amy for her choice, HamDel just won’t be the same without her. Join us in our celebration of this most lovely of neighborhood fixtures, and leave your favorite Amy memories in the comments!

The Blue & White wants YOU

We’d like to think you’re all familiar with The Blue & White, Bwog’s ink-based mother of sorts. The magazine is currently seeking applicants interested in serving as the Blue & White‘s publisher for the year of 2012. If you’re interested in the production side of print media, have a business mindset, and boast strong interpersonal skills, please contact the current publisher, Elaine Baynham. She will detail the process more once the candidate has expressed interest in the position.

THE JOB DESCRIPTION

• As publisher of The Blue & White, you are the face of the magazine. Importantly, the publisher works closely with the editor-in-chief and managing editor to keep tabs on the magazine’s production. The publisher handles the interfaces between Columbia University, Morningside Heights, and the staff. Additionally, the publisher is responsible for the magazine’s printing, advertising, and treasury.
• With a keen eye for business matters, the publisher is expected to have a positive and professional demeanor to work with the Activities Board, to get approvals from our faculty advisor, and to attract local business for advertising. This position does require very strong organizational and marketing skills. While the publisher takes care of the practical side of producing the Blue & White, he or she is strongly encouraged to remain invested in the creative direction of the magazine and participate in meetings. As publisher, one certainly is not excluded from contributing to the content as well.
• The term for this position is one year—all of 2012—so please consider your commitments.

Patriotic appeal via Wikimedia

The Internet—it's here

There was once a time when finding free food just meant following your nose. Not so, in this Internet age. We at Bwog make it our mission to post every free food offer that comes our way, and this event is no exception. If you’ve got a craving for unidentified “refreshments,” hop on over to Held Auditorium (304 Barnard) at 7:30 pm to check out ”On the Trail of Dictators: Watchdog Journalism in the Internet Age,” hosted by the Philolexian Society. They’ll be chatting about all the ways investigative reporters, bloggers, plane spotters, WikiLeakers, and citizen journalists promote free food government accountability through the media.

Homemade street sign via Wikimedia Commons

He's wearing a purple tie today, too!

Well, this is uncomfortable.

About fifteen minutes ago, NYPD Police Commissioner Ray Kelly was answering questions in former NYC Mayor/Columbia Professor David Dinkins’ SIPA class about urban public policy when a student pulled out a projector and began to screen images of police officers beating civilians on the wall behind Kelly. “We’d like to offer an alternative version,” one slide read.

People started shifting awkwardly in their chairs, then shifting much more awkwardly when the student turned the projector around so that the film was facing Kelly as he continued to speak. Kelly ignored the film, finished answering his question and called on another student, who was interrupted by a young man reading a textbook about military history.

This student stood up and called for Kelly’s resignation. “Are you serious, Kelly?” he asked. “Resign now.” Professor Dinkins sprung up from his chair and instructed the young man to “take it easy.” Several students asked if he was even registered for the course. “No, I go to NYU,” he said. A groan went up and students began asking him to leave.

“Well, this is very intimidating,” Kelly said, grinning.

The NYU student stood up, got his coat and textbook, told the class he’d been arrested three times for “freedom of speech on this land,” and walked out the door.

A few minutes later, another student asked Kelly why most people who are arrested are incarcerated for “drug crimes.” Dinkins said he didn’t understand the question, and things got confrontational between the student, Kelly, and Dinkins pretty quickly. The student’s SIPA colleagues were not pleased—a few students and a TA asked if she was registered for the class. “No,” she said, “but I do have a question.”

Commissioner Kelly, still grinning, leaned over to another guest for today’s class, New York District Attorney Cy Vance, and loudly whispered, “Says something about the security of this school, doesn’t it?”

Kelly got a round of applause as he left the class a half-hour before it ended.

A teach-in with Kyung Ji Rhee, from the Institute of Justice Reform and Alternatives, is planned in the SIPA 4th floor lounge at 6 PM.

Things have been getting pretty (albeit understandably) crazy around here, but McAC Multicultural is ready to help stave off the stress nightmares. In an event that’s really too adorable for words, they invite you to make your own dreamcatcher from 5 to 6:30 pm in Sulzberger Lobby. As the possibility of a good night’s sleep only augments the wonders of this evening of free crafts and snacks, we suggest you check it out.

Woven catcher of dreams via Wikimedia Commons