It has been a big year, both at home and abroad. We appreciate your sticking with us during this era of crumbling regimes. Bwog, we can assure you, shall continue to flourish in the exceedingly capable hands of Ella Quittner, who will serve as Bwog Editor for the coming year. Alex Jones, Conor Skelding, and Brian Wagner will aid her with vim and vigor accompanied by faux-corporate titles that can in no way encapsulate the depth of their dedication and dexterity. Expect plenty of innuendo, brazen commentary, and inimitable news coverage.

Bwog is the collective voice of all of us; of our professors (whether they like it or not), of the squirrels, of the cheerless emails, and most importantly of our readers. Editing Bwog has been remarkable, and challenging, but I am most grateful for the amount I have learned from the incredible talent and creative spirit that pervades everything going on around me, not least of all through your eternal commentary. And nothing at all would have been possible without the immense talents and wonderful spirits of Carolyn Ruvkun and David Hu. Thank you for all of it!

Love always,
Claire

This year’s excitement began long before the glowstick-wielding 2015ers took campus by storm—weeks earlier, former Dean Michele Moody-Adams “unexpectedly“ announced her 2012 resignation plan via email to trustees. Reactions to MoodyGate were complicated, and we got to use another “BREAKING” headline only days later when PrezBo ruled that her resignation would become effective immediately. Meanwhile, the East Coast was rocked by an actual earthquake, and before we knew it Convocation was cancelled, Operation Ivy League had a fictionalized debut, and Lerner’s ATMs emerged from their cocoons to be brighter and more weirdly laid out than ever before. No sooner than Deantini became CC’s interim dean were we forced to wave goodbye to NSOP 2011 and our best friend/campus tormentor Hawkma.

A bout of laptop theft hit Columbia, starting at 114th street, moving slightly north, and then making its way back down to the brownstones before Public Safety caught the bad guys in a joint operation with the 26th Precinct. Amidst a horde of celebrity sightings, freshpeople took the time to learn new things about one another and we continued our time-honored tradition of making questionable puns. At some point, our “balls” puns gained focus as we implemented some long-overdue sports coverage. DADT came to an end, beckoning plans for the reinstatement of ROTC to commence. In what was perhaps the most groundbreaking and controversial post in Bwog history, we elucidated some long-standing mysteries regarding one integral Columbia institution. Despite CIRCA’s absence at the dinner table, Ahmadinejad once again came and went (much faster than September, it’d seem).

October began with a little less chaos, granting our weary fingers a rest from frantic Bwogging—we used the time off to join Steve Brill for an edible adventure in Central Park. That is, until Morningside Heights’ “annual autumn incident” reared its head, Occupy Wall Street made its way uptown to Columbia, and Steve Jobs passed away. Barnard made major changes to its tuition policies, “coning” became the new “planking,” senators and spectators gathered to discuss the proposed smoking ban, and meanwhile, we were probably the only ones laughing as we made lots of dirty jokes. In an aggressive act of defiance, 1020 did absolutely nothing to celebrate 10/20. Just days before Halloween, Columbians awoke to the season’s first snowfall and the most harrowing snow penis South Lawn has ever seen.

On a serious note, October was also visited by tragedy, and we’d like to take a moment to reflect on the loss felt by the Columbia community.

Our Hallowinners got some much-deserved attention in early November—but certainly not as much as Jersey Shore cast-member Vinny, who stopped by to speak on behalf of an anti-bullying campaign. We unleashed our army of Butler Archetypes, International unleashed Chocolate-flavored wine, and HamDel unleashed two sexy and elusive signature scents. Columbia got excited about a homecoming, for once—that of Cornel West. The safety of our very own stretch of 114th was once again threatened, but we still managed to find a few things for which to give thanks.

We returned from Thanksgiving “vacation” to break the news that Amy had left HamDel, and finals were fast-approaching. Luckily, we had Hardcore, Actual Wisdom, and a snow-drawing generator to help smooth the transition. And, we were proud to see that our newest community members learned about time management on their own. SEAS Dean Peña-Mora didn’t have it so easy—the NYT brought his leadership under scrutiny in an investigative piece, citing low faculty morale and letters of no-confidence. In more SEAS-onal news, we made the final four in a competition for a new applied-science campus, but didn’t beat out Cornell. And speaking of competitions, Peter K. Manguarian was announced as Columbia’s new football coach.

As the semester came to a close, so too did our collective sense of joy and ability to shower—but the endless stream of dark nights and even darker days in Butler was alleviated by a reminder that tons of soon-to-be Columbians can’t wait to be in our shoes a year from now.

A few days ago the History Department emailed about a new class, “Occupy the Field.” That’s “a field-based course about Occupy Wall Street and the Occupy Movement more broadly,” which, you will recall, began last semester. The Anthropology Department is responsible.

Apparently, the class will be split between seminar and field work at OWS. Accordingly, the reading is admittedly “lighter than many other classes.” Score! Attendance is also a big part of the grade.

For their field work, students can “get involved in one of the many working groups that run day to day operations in the Occupy Movement.” Doubters of the movement need not worry, however—Occupy the Field is nonetheless “about rigorous and creative intellectual inquiry, not movement-building.” Pinkie-promise.

Our favorite instructor quote from the syllabus (though in that respect, our cup runneth over):

As a regular participant in the Occupy movement, however, I can say with absolute certainty that there is no foreseeable risk in teaching this as a field-based class. On the contrary, the risks of disengaged scholarship seem more profound.

Here’s the syllabus. If anybody ends up taking this, please, for the love of God, send us overheards. Full email after the jump.

In case you haven’t noticed, Bwog unabashedly adores Beyoncé, so we were zomg-falling-on-the-floor when we learned that the real Destiny’s Child will be born at none other than St. Luke’s across Amsterdam. Slate reports Beyoncé and Jay-Z rented out their swanky Labor and Delivery Suite for the Bay-B’s delivery. The Birthing Center is complete with hardwood floors and a “spa-sized jacuzzi,” which is funny because we have, like, the least glamorous associations with St. Lukes since that CAVA episode that one time.

But then we realized it’s all happening at St. Luke’s-Roosevelt by Columbus Circle, not Columbia. Womp. Prezbo’s twitter had even gotten its hopes up. Whatever, we’re still excited.

In honor of this momentous occasion, Bwog plans to listen to all of Jay-Z and Queen Bey’s collaborations and dream up other fake names for their superhuman child (Bey-Z, Jayonce, Jay-Zus…). Below, we take you back to that stunning VMA performance when Sasha Fierce announced to the crowd “I want you to feel the love that’s growing inside me” before unfastening the buttons of her sequined blazer and rubbing her baby bump. We’re counting down!

Several professors have confirmed to Bwog that PrezBo was conspicuously absent at the fall Faculty of Arts and Sciences (FAS) meeting. While PrezBo has admittedly had a very long semester, so too have his FAS, who’ve spent much of the past year fighting cuts to faculty benefits.

PrezBo’s office has no comment about why he didn’t attend the fall meeting, or whether he’ll make it to the next one. Several sources have confirmed that he will take a break from wining and dining the global intelligentsia at the BoMansion to wine and dine with the global intelligentsia at this year’s World Economic Forum in Davos.

We wish you a ludachristmas! So does this guy, spotted sprinting down College Walk. He sounds eerily like the gingerbread man from Shrek, right?
Grab your coziest Cosby sweater and peppermint tea, and join us, vicariously, as we watch Christmas specials under heaps of blankets. It’s been some year.

As per (sort of) tradition, we asked a select few of our favorite people what tops their holiday wish lists. Read on to find out how you can regift that bunny your mom got you again even though you already have like SIX…

• Deantini wants a 1963 Ferrari 250 GTO, which he says has been what he’s wanted every year since he got his driver’s license. “But, more seriously,” he adds, “For my son, Corporal Colin Valentini, USMC, to return from Afghanistan unharmed.”
• Spec wants a bunny, citing that bunnies are an essential component to any newsroom.
• KevSho wants to thank his amazing students for making Columbia an incredible place, and “may the puppies return next semester!” He also hopes to get some more “likes” to the new Columbia Student Affairs Facebook page, too…
• For HANUKKAH (emphasis hers), Eliza Shapiro would like a sophisticated frame for her academic probation letter, and a reservation at Noma.
• Bwog Tech wanted Claire to help Bwog Tech with its Econ final, since Bwog Tech knew Claire did it already, and Bwog Tech really didn’t want to fail that class.
• Columbia’s resident Coner wants “These doods to play at Bacchanal” and the Nat King Cone Christmas album.
• Pat of Hardcore fame wants this and for everyone at Columbia to know that every time he says he loves them he truly means it.

First everyone’s favorite sandwich shop is closed for remodeling, and now everyone’s favorite dining hall the place you thought would be like Hogwarts until you tried the food is getting a makeover too. We saw some improvements on John Jay at the beginning of last semester, but it would appear that big changes are still to come. Maybe a sick hardwood floor? New tables, maybe with inset chessboards? Arcade systems? Fondue fountains?

We’ll let you know more as we find out, but if you’re on campus and happen to notice an earth-mover or army of construction workers, send us a picture. Happy Holidays!

Cleared out.

Lost: Black GAP Jacket w. zipper. Last seen in Butler reading room next to 209. Worried about possible pocket contents. Please return if found.

Contact: sja2124.

Deantini shmoozes with the band

The adorable back and forth between Deantini and Prof Mercer on set:

Deantini: She’s my favorite philosophy professor!
Professor Mercer: He only knows one.

Professor Mercer: I asked Jim if there was any chance he had ten minutes on a Friday morning—
Deantini: I had to clear my schedule, my meeting with the President, the Provost, the trustees. Angelina Jolie wanted to meet with me…

Professor Mercer: When I have a beer or get nervous my Texan comes out.

First Amy leaves, and now it appears that HamDel is undergoing unexplained cosmetic surgery. What will be next? Limited hours with a breathalyzer test at the door? A man can only handle so much change.

We agree buddy. What the hell is going on here?

A tipster spotted the follow desperate measure during one of the last days of finals hell. So many questions—is this printing limit evasion? How can one textbook have so many pages? Dare we ask, are these single-sided? Also, just throwing it out there, the environment…? We’ll file this under “people we don’t want to stand behind in the Butler printer line,” and let you tackle the rest on your own.

Material manifestation of our worst textbook fever dreams (minus the part where rabid hydrocarbon chains spring to life from the page and menace our loved ones/cats)

Be on the lookout for the November and December issues of The Blue & White, on campus this week everywhere you look in Butler. As we always have done, Bwog will honor our heritage/amorous affair with our mother magazine by posting features from the upcoming issue. Below, Tom Humphreys asks a very important question: who chooses the movies at 1020?

Illustration by Louise McCune

A man walks into a bar in which a bad movie plays on several TV screens. Thirty minutes later, he freezes. “Wait…why are they playing Donnie Darko? Wait, wait, wait, that’s not Donnie Darko…why are they playing…the sequel to Donnie Darko?” This man is at 1020, where taste is relative and, perhaps, ultimately irrelevant.

The second favorite Morningside dive bar of the staff of The Blue & White (Tap-a-Keg takes the cake), 1020 has a tradition of favoring, shall we say, unorthodox cinema. Except for special occasions, the bar shuns traditional options such as Top Gun or baseball. Whether screening the atypically cerebral (Mulholland Drive), the disturbingly grim (Monster), the grotesquely violent (District 9), or the shockingly insignificant (Cuba Gooding Jr.’s direct-to-DVD works), patrons have come to expect, and even revere, the not-quite-irony of the screenings and their environs.

The reason turns out not to be as sinister as might be feared. Friday night bartender Thalia Dergham, CC ’12, explains, “Nobody ‘picks’ the movies at 1020. We simply pick a channel at the beginning of the night and usually leave it on unless something particularly disturbing comes on, even though usually when that happens we leave it on anyways.” She recalls Silence of the Lambs and The Lovely Bones as two—ahem—favorites. “The bartenders usually don’t know what is play- ing, because their backs are turned to the screens, so it’s a bit useless to ask them,” Dergham explains with a laugh. It appears that the randomness of 1020’s lineup is, indeed, random.

Just because the selection is governed by serendipity doesn’t mean that there is no accountability. 1020 lore has it that one Wednesday this semester, an uncensored porn movie ran for almost ten minutes. Eventually a middle-aged woman inquired at the bar. “I just wanted to see how long it would last,” the bartender replied.

Editors note: Last night Bwog was intrigued and disturbed by the insane samurai movie playing at 1020. If you have any information about this film, please email tips@bwog.com

Well, easy come easy go. With just one day left before the end of the semester, the tarp-less streak has come to an end as the South Lawn waved the white flag of surrender. Before we could get a response from Facilities regarding their absence, several tipsters informed us that the tarps were brought out this morning.

While a bleak sight, perhaps it is simply part of Facilities’ scheme to make it snow in time for a white Christmas. With one day of finals left, never forget the power of positive thinking.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Even if your plan to stay on campus over break was to live the life of a Real New Yorker (suggestions: every morning walk an imaginary dog with the Times under your arm, reenact the top ten Seinfeld moments of all time, playing all parts), you might want to know about a few events coordinated by Residential Programs, masterminded by CA-extraordinaire, Samara Bliss, CC ’13:

Stay put together!

What: “Who’s Gonna Be Here?”
When: Friday, December 23rd at 9 pm
Where: Carman Basement Lounge (anyone here on-campus is invited)

Are you going to be here over break? Wondering who else will be here as well? Come to the Carman basement for holiday treats, a holiday movie and see who’s staying on campus during break! We can exchange an e-mail list and plan other opportunities to get together if there is interest.

What: “Strolling Through Central Park…and Bagels (on us)”
When: Saturday, December 24th- depart from the Carman entrance at 10 am
Where: Leave campus, stroll thru Central Park, head to Times Square Bagels

Get your walking shoes on! This adventure is just over 4 miles. Join us for a walk through Central Park, window shopping, people watching, and coffee, tea, hot chocolate, or bagels from Times Square Bagels.

What: “Game Night”
When: Sunday, January 1st at 9 pm
Where: John Jay Lounge

Please join us for an evening of games, relaxation, and community. Snacks will be provided!

Seasonal festivities via Wikimedia

You'll be on the highway headed home before you know it

The end is almost in sight. As our neighbors take off for home left and right, we bid you good luck heading into those last couple finals. It’s only a few more hours of misery and procrastination until freedom, but that doesn’t mean it was easy for Bwog to get out of bed this morning. We invite you to hop in with us once again as we dream about heading home and returning to some semblance of a well-rounded diet.

Bwogline: As part of a city-wide trend, the number of declared computer science majors at Columbia rose by 12% this year. Why would anybody want to do this? It looks like a growing startup culture in New York and a shift away from financial careers are to blame.

Finals tip: Don’t want to be distracted by Butler Goggles? “Forget” your contact lenses at home. Vision is overrated. #FinalsTips

In need of more help? Visit our Twitter.

Stressbustyourself: Laugh! Laughter increases endorphin levels and strengthens your immune system, while reducing the levels of stress hormones. It can even ease pain!

Overheard: An uncharacteristically buff lad in the mechanical engineering lab:

I’m gonna finish this and go pick up my mommy (squeal) from JFK. You know, she doesn’t know how to get here. So I’m gonna go pick her up!

Little motorcycle that could via Wikimedia