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Semester In Review: From Deans to 2016s

It has been a big year, both at home and abroad. We appreciate your sticking with us during this era of crumbling regimes. Bwog, we can assure you, shall continue to flourish in the exceedingly capable hands of Ella Quittner, who will serve as Bwog Editor for the coming year. Alex Jones, Conor Skelding, and Brian Wagner will aid her with vim and vigor accompanied by faux-corporate titles that can in no way encapsulate the depth of their dedication and dexterity. Expect plenty of innuendo, brazen commentary, and inimitable news coverage.

Bwog is the collective voice of all of us; of our professors (whether they like it or not), of the squirrels, of the cheerless emails, and most importantly of our readers. Editing Bwog has been remarkable, and challenging, but I am most grateful for the amount I have learned from the incredible talent and creative spirit that pervades everything going on around me, not least of all through your eternal commentary. And nothing at all would have been possible without the immense talents and wonderful spirits of Carolyn Ruvkun and David Hu. Thank you for all of it!

Love always,

This year’s excitement began long before the glowstick-wielding 2015ers took campus by storm—weeks earlier, former Dean Michele Moody-Adams “unexpectedly” announced her 2012 resignation plan via email to trustees. Reactions to MoodyGate were complicated, and we got to use another “BREAKING” headline only days later when PrezBo ruled that her resignation would become effective immediately. Meanwhile, the East Coast was rocked by an actual earthquake, and before we knew it Convocation was cancelled, Operation Ivy League had a fictionalized debut, and Lerner’s ATMs emerged from their cocoons to be brighter and more weirdly laid out than ever before. No sooner than Deantini became CC’s interim dean were we forced to wave goodbye to NSOP 2011 and our best friend/campus tormentor Hawkma.

A bout of laptop theft hit Columbia, starting at 114th street, moving slightly north, and then making its way back down to the brownstones before Public Safety caught the bad guys in a joint operation with the 26th Precinct. Amidst a horde of celebrity sightingsfreshpeople took the time to learn new things about one another and we continued our time-honored tradition of making questionable puns. At some point, our “balls” puns gained focus as we implemented some long-overdue sports coverageDADT came to an end, beckoning plans for the reinstatement of ROTC to commence.  In what was perhaps the most groundbreaking and controversial post in Bwog history, we elucidated some long-standing mysteries regarding one integral Columbia institution. Despite CIRCA’s absence at the dinner table, Ahmadinejad once again came and went (much faster than September, it’d seem).

October began with a little less chaos, granting our weary fingers a rest from frantic Bwogging—we used the time off to join Steve Brill for an edible adventure in Central Park. That is, until Morningside Heights’ “annual autumn incident” reared its head, Occupy Wall Street made its way uptown to Columbia, and Steve Jobs passed away. Barnard made major changes to its tuition policies, “coningbecame the new “planking,” senators and spectators gathered to discuss the proposed smoking ban, and meanwhile, we were probably the only ones laughing as we made lots of dirty jokes. In an aggressive act of defiance, 1020 did absolutely nothing to celebrate 10/20. Just days before Halloween, Columbians awoke to the season’s first snowfall and the most harrowing snow penis South Lawn has ever seen.

On a serious note, October was also visited by tragedy, and we’d like to take a moment to reflect on the loss felt by the Columbia community.

Our Hallowinners got some much-deserved attention in early November—but certainly not as much as Jersey Shore cast-member Vinny, who stopped by to speak on behalf of an anti-bullying campaign. We unleashed our army of Butler Archetypes, International unleashed Chocolate-flavored wine, and HamDel unleashed two sexy and elusive signature scents. Columbia got excited about a homecoming, for once—that of Cornel West. The safety of our very own stretch of 114th was once again threatened, but we still managed to find a few things for which to give thanks.

We returned from Thanksgiving “vacation” to break the news that Amy had left HamDel, and finals were fast-approaching. Luckily, we had Hardcore, Actual Wisdom, and a snow-drawing generator to help smooth the transition. And, we were proud to see that our newest community members learned about time management on their own. SEAS Dean Peña-Mora didn’t have it so easy—the NYT brought his leadership under scrutiny in an investigative piece, citing low faculty morale and letters of no-confidence. In more SEAS-onal news, we made the final four in a competition for a new applied-science campus, but didn’t beat out Cornell. And speaking of competitions, Peter K. Manguarian was announced as Columbia’s new football coach.

As the semester came to a close, so too did our collective sense of joy and ability to shower—but the endless stream of dark nights and even darker days in Butler was alleviated by a reminder that tons of soon-to-be Columbians can’t wait to be in our shoes a year from now.

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  • Should says:

    @Should …auld acquaintance be forgot,
    and never brought to mind?
    Should auld acquaintance be forgot
    and auld lang syne?

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I’M DRUNK!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I’M HIGH

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous AND I THINK I’M GONNA… HURL

    1. woo says:

      @woo cross-faded!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Very thorough roundup, and I look forward to reading more of your posts in the coming year. Signed, PrezBo

  • Lafcadio Hearn says:

    @Lafcadio Hearn I look forward to more Meat Roundups. Also, any stories about meat whatsoever.
    Anonymous Vegan

  • Lawrence says:

    @Lawrence Dear Sirs:

    I was surprised to see that your “round up” included nothing re: the Labor Day Halal Meat Cart Incident at 52nd and Sixth. I consider this oversight to be inexcusable and, if not for your otherwise excellent reports, would question this lapse of judgment. Please consider yourselves warned.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Yo Larry, why don’t you just tell us what happened?

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