Drink like you have something to drink to

It’s midterm season. The jolly japes of February have come to an end. There’s no leap day to cheer, no Olympics for another year. The craziness of the Oscars has finished, and the madness of March has yet to come. Long story short, there’s close no reason to drink – and what better reason to do so? Stick it to the doldrums with mature whiskey and the clink of crystal glasses, or more likely Crack-Del-Four-Loko and the crinkle of a red Solo Cup. Either way, put a spring back in your step with these out-of-vogue libations.

If you’re really feeling weird about this shortened month and the fact that the universe gave us an extra quarter of a day that we won’t get to trade in for a while, try the Leap Year:

• 1.5 shots gin
• 1/3 shot sweet vermouth
• 1/3 shot orange liqeur
• Squeeze of lemon juice

When all your friends are locked up in Butler and you’re super bored and want everyone to just shut up and take a night off, make them a Fireball shot…kind of as a form of punishment, but also ‘cuz it’s delicious:

• 1/2 shot white rum
• 1/2 shot cinnamon schnapps
• Tabasco to taste (though 2 dashes is recommended)

(more…)

Only place we’d pour that is down your throat.

Classes are finally over this Monday–isn’t that swell?  Well, we s’pose it would be if there weren’t no pesky finals and papers to finish off.  But don’t worry, baby, your folks at Drinking with Bwog, New York’s hottest speakeasy, are here to make sure everything’s fine and ducky.  Don’t let prohibition reading week stop you from having a whoopee time.

We here at Drinking with Bwog want to ensure that all’s copacetic–we don’t discourage you from following the laws of Reading Week, we just want to let you know about this week’s drink specials:

Appetizers:

• LitRum: Bacardi 151 with just a hint of cream soda (can exchange for ArtRum–with grenadine for color–or MusicRum–with ice to clink)
• Frontiers of Sake: Spice up your beer with a shot of sake
• University Whiskey: Two fingers and ice. Don’t forget to listen to Papa!
• Contemporary Cosmopolitans: Forget about past civilizations, we’re cosmopolitan
• GinChem: Gin and tonic, with lemon swirl

Main Courses:

• Modern English (English): Smooth and autumnal, perfect for a night of reading
• Churchill (Political Science): Let Churchill’s wit perk you up
• Bloody Mary (Religion): Heaven isn’t hard to reach; all it takes is tomato juice and a stick of celery
• Flaming Doctor Pepper (Chem E): Study these reactions
• Caipirinha (Anthropology): Perfect for primary source ethnography of Brazil
• White Russian (Film Studies): What?  Did you think we were going to say Slavic Languages?
• Tequila Sunrise (Latin American and Iberian Studies): Que bueno!
• Staten Island Ferry (Mechanical Engineering): Would you rather be designing a bridge?
• Chicago Cocktail (Urban Studies): Learn the history of this great American city
• Hurricane (Earth & Environmental Sciences): Take the sadness out of natural disasters, add grenadine
• Cape Codder (American Studies): Reminisce on summers spent at the Cape
• Seven and Seven (Applied Math): A lot easier than your problem sets, we’re guessing
• Four Horseman (Economics): Well, it’s all going to shit anyways

Just Desserts:

• Death in the Afternoon (Creative Writing): Like you weren’t already planning on it.

True War on Fun via Wikimedia Commons

Cheers

As intensely dedicated journalists, Bwog has tried hard to avoid bias and hearsay in the months leading up to the election. Finally though, the tough times of campaigning are over, so we can let our hair down and have a drink or two with the knowledge that our incumbent will continue to cumb for four more years. Here’s our guide to having a post-presidential pint.

Take a shot:

• Every time you hear Mitt Romney’s name again.
• Any time you need serious medical treatment that might not have been covered by your insurance had Obama not been elected.
• Whenever you’re trying to get crossfaded in a state that just legalized marijuana.

Drink a beer:

• For every bizarre online rant that you see from someone you used to know in high school that has, apparently, turned into a complete asshole.
• With the guy person you’d most like to see in the White House after Obama. Make sure it’s domestic.
• When you’re at home, unemployed, living off the government.

Drink a finger of whiskey:

• For every “like” your friends’ inspirational voting stories receive on Facebook.
• When you laugh with friends about how you committed massive voter fraud to benefit the Democratic Party.
• After you finally treat your stress-induced, finger-swelling issue that flared up on Election Night.

President Obama via Shutterstock

Stormy weather

So, if you’ve been outside in the past week (and if you haven’t, Bwog salutes you) you’ve probably noticed that the weather has taken a turn for the dismal. Every day brings a fresh struggle over which accessories to wear – umbrella, sweater, rain boots, sunglasses, mink stole… The soul grows fatigued. Tonight however, shitty October weather will prove itself good for something other than making your hair frizz out to the size of a small dog. Bwog has harnessed the power of precipitation so that you and your friends can responsibly enjoy a rainy night of drinking.

Obtain:

• A plentiful quantity of your favourite mixed drink, clear glasses, a ruler, and a deck of cards
• Access to a source of data on average rainfalls in cities (http://average-rainfall-cities.findthedata.org/)
• A handy bathroom, because when played right this game involves lots of drinking

The Rules:

1. Draw a card.
2. Pour the corresponding inches of drink into your glass.
3. Drink it.

The Key:

2 and 4 – Drink the average inches of rainfall for October for your hometown.

3 and 6 – Drink the average inches of rainfall for October for the hometown of the person across from you.

5 – Welcome to the coniferous forest. Drink 1.2 inches.

7 – Trapped in the desert! Do not drink.

8 – Enjoy your visit to the shrubland. Drink 1 inch.

9 – Brrr, the tundra. Drink .4 inches.

Jack  – You have been saved by a kindly umbrella. No need to drink. Unless you want to.

Queen – Marine environment. Everybody else drinks.

King – Drink the average inches of rainfall in October for the biome of your favorite Planet Earth episode.

ACE – AMAZON RAINFOREST IN OCTOBER. DRAIN YOUR GLASS!

If it’s only the third week of classes and you’re already dreading the biweekly torture that is Literature Humanities (or as it’s called by those in the know, Masterpieces of Western Literature and Philosophy in the City of New York), Bwog is here to help. You’re already showing up to your classes hung over, so why not take it to the logical next step and use Lit Hum as the perfect opportunity for a two-hour pregame? For those who need a little help, we’ve created a Lit Hum-themed drinking game to get you started. We suggest that you bring your drink of choice to class in a coffee mug, thermos, Nalgene, or that free NSOP water bottle that you have no other use for.

The Pregame:

Before you get to class, take a shot if…

• …you’re drinking something that’s mentioned in the book you’re reading.
• …you actually did the reading.
• …your professor already hates you.
• …your section meets in Carman.

Things your professor does:

Take a sip every time your professor…

• …says a Greek word.
• …asks a question that nobody answers.
• …mysteriously references a book in the syllabus you weren’t supposed to have read yet.
• …interrupts a student.

Take a gulp every time your professor…

• …says a Greek word other than kleos, menis, or aresteia.
• …asks a question that nobody answers because they don’t realize it’s a question.
• …nods vaguely although they clearly don’t understand what a student is talking about.
• …trips over someone’s bag.

Chug the rest of your drink if your professor…

• …responds to a student’s comment, “No, that’s completely wrong.”
• …breaks into song.
• …throws something at a student.
• …reveals an embarrassing fetish.

Things your classmates do:

Take a sip every time someone…

• …pretends to be raising their hand, and when called on says they were just stretching.
• …compares whatever you’re reading to a book in the syllabus your class has already read.
• …dozes off.
• …says, “I think the question was…” and repeats the professor’s question before answering.

Take a gulp every time someone…

• …asks if they’re pronouncing something correctly even though they clearly think they are.
• … compares whatever you’re reading to a book in the syllabus your class hasn’t gotten to yet.
• …shares an irrelevant personal anecdote.
• …leaves class to go to the bathroom and comes back with coffee.

Chug the rest of your drink if someone…

• …breaks their laptop.
• …gets the same haircut as someone else in your class.
• …hits on the professor.
• …has an existential moment and spontaneously yells, “What are we all doing here?!”

Bonus Round:

Chug your drink if…

• …something in the classroom breaks for no apparent reason.
• …someone outside the window climbs in and joins your class.
• …50 minutes in, you realize you’ve been sitting in an Econ class the entire time.

You too can be this classy

Bwog reported about a policy change for alcohol in freshman residence halls: there are no (officially) dry dorms on campus anymore, as far as we can surmise, although you must be 21 to drink. “But who could this apply to?” we hear a skeptic enquire. (“Did you mean ‘To whom could this apply?’?”) Most obviously this change would impact students who are relatively old for their class. However, another drastically underserved demographic also exists: seniors who want to get trashed in freshman residence halls. Here are some guidelines for any alcohol tourists looking to visit the stomping ground of their youth.

Preparation for the game*:

1. Enter your dorm of choice, laden with at least one six pack, one bottle of wine, and a bottle of the second cheapest whiskey sold at international. Optional: three mini bottles of Ketel One.
2. Slide two IDs slowly across the security desk. Wink and nod just enough times to ensure that the guard cannot help but notice. If possible, change your CUID photo in advance so an image of you wearing a party hat with a “21″ badge on your chest comes up on his/her screen.
3. Find a location. Preferably a wild looking “private residence hall room of another contractually assigned occupant who is also 21 years of age or older,” where you know some crazy freshman year-style shit might go down.

*In accordance with Columbia policy, this is not a competitive drinking “game,” but rather a freethinking exchange of ideas about alcohol.

Chug a beer when:

• The door hits the bed, or another piece of furniture.
• Someone says “weird,” “nostalgia” or “why are you here?”
• You see a Breakfast at Tiffany’s poster.

Drink a glass of wine when:

• You’re invited to a wine and cheese party.
• You’re invited to a Platonic Symposium.
• You realize you actually bought 5% abv “wine product” from Morton Williams.
• You want to look like an asshole. You’re in a freshman dorm for God’s sake.

Take a shot of whiskey when:

• There is totally the smell of pot coming from that door, but the RA isn’t doing anything!
• Someone has sex four feet away from you.

Bonus Round: Visit your freshman year room.  Drink one mini bottle if you:

• Knock on the door.
• See your freshman year girlfriend/boyfriend in bed with the current occupant.
• Break down crying wondering what you’ve accomplished in the past three years.

When the inevitable happens, and you vomit all over a communal bathroom, leave it there for at least two days and then down a shot of Febreeze.

The original hip party-cat

Despite always playing second fiddle to Carman’s “fun” dorm reputation, the denizens of John Jay are hip party-cats in their own right, and as such, have created numerous nicknames for the single-ridden dorm. As an homage to this spirit of creativity, and in anticipation of your first official Thursday night out, here are 7 drinks based on the many John Jay personas. The only question left is if the man himself would have been a ‘Jay drinking bro or a Jameson-sipping hipster.

John Jizzle: One part Patron, one part Cristál, splash of cherry coke. Served in a goblet.

’Jay: Muscle Milk with a shot of Bacardi.

John McJay: Scotch. Served over Haggis.

Juan Jé: Margarita from The Heights and a shot of Cuervo – to be replenished until able to converse in 300-level spanish.

The Single: A 30 rack of Natty Lite, drunk with abandon as you argue that it’s totally as sociable as Carman, just for like, artists and stuff. Slowly fall down the stairs to Health Services to complete the experience.

The JJ’s Place: One part Bailey’s, two parts Kahlua, three parts whole milk, and curly fries. Bonus if you can drink it before entering into a diabetic coma.

The J: Jameson on the rocks. Use the extra ice to cool your overheated body that’s sweating out of places you didn’t even know existed.

Your drinking inspiration via Wikimedia 

METAphor for you, icebreaking your way through NSOP

Yes, of course, your NSOP OLs know all the nice and effective icebreakers that can be played out on the sunny lawns, but what about when the sun goes down and everyone moves inside?  Bwog is here for you to bond with your new classmates and let your inner party animal out at the zoo tonight.  Please celebrate responsibly!

Bwog sleeps soundly knowing that somewhere a group of strangers is getting to know each other via a revealing game of Never Have I Ever.  But what happens when you’re going into your eighteenth round in four days and you’re totally bored of it?  That’s where we’ve got you covered.  Don’t give in to your animal instincts, just play Meta Have I Ever:

The trick to this game is secrecy.  No one is to know that you are actually playing it–unless you and a friend or two are secretly competing.  Throughout a game of Never Have I Ever, give yourself 1 point each time you note one of the following happening:

• Someone looks around to see what everyone else is doing before putting down a finger* [or not putting one down]
• Only one person drinks at a particularly embarrassing turn, making everyone (including his/herself) uncomfortable
• Player says a never have I ever but quickly stops–”woops, JK, I’ve totally done that”
• Same as above but person pretends to be embarrassed while secretly proud
• Same as above but person shamelessly did it to brag
• On a turn, player calls out a specific person in the circle
• Player sets out highly specific situation to insinuate that they’ve done it (i.e. never have I ever been arrested for indecent exposure…before noon on a weekday)
• With lack of imagination and all bases already used, player resorts to geographic never have I ever (i.e. been to Antarctica, lived in Carman)
• “Never have I ever wanted to hook up with someone in this room” followed by uncomfortable shifting [extra point if anyone actually puts down a finger]
• “Never have I ever hooked up with someone in this room” [extra point if an even amount of people puts down a finger; extra 2 points if an odd amount of people puts down a finger]
• Player says never have I ever been kissed and naively looks to see if anyone will kiss her/him right then
• Nerdy player clearly just took that drink to keep up with everyone else in the circle
• Player claims they can’t think of anything they haven’t done
• “Friend” balks and starts screaming “I KNOW YOU DID THAT PUT YOUR FINGER DOWN RIGHT NOW, BITCH!”
• Someone tries to discreetly put a finger back up between turns
• Someone tries to discreetly put a finger down between turns
• Player starts crying

*Note: we acknowledge that, depending on your game, this could be putting down a finger or taking a drink

Freedom from Finals

For our final Thursday of the semester, Bwog is once again here for you.  Please drink with us in this final installation of this year’s drinking with Bwog.  Pour a little out for Spring 2012.

Maybe this weather is throwing you off, maybe you’re still in a daze from finals, so let’s make this clear: IT’S SUMMER!  (Unless you’re one of the unfortunates with a final tomorrow, in which case we apologize.  Read this again tomorrow.)  Now it’s time to kick back, relax, and forget about all those tests and papers.  Preferably, you want to get into summer celebration mode as quickly as possible.  We get ya.

You’re Tired: You’re probably exhausted from the last two weeks.  With this in mind, we advise caffeinated mixed drinks to really hype you up.  Try an Absolut Monster with a mixture of (you guessed it) Absolut and Monster.  Make it vanilla Absolut to really add to the taste.  If you’re truly stuck on a caffeine addiction from finals, get a cup of Joe and simply toss in some whiskey and brown sugar.  Recitations of Joyce are expected but unappreciated.

You’re Poor: Remember that ridiculous Four Loko fixation last year?  Wanna relive the glory days?  Four Lokos are still available at CrackDel, if in their less exciting, modified form—and they’re hella cheap!  Class it up by making sangria.  Take a grape Four Loko and add chopped fruit and pineapple and nectarine juice.  Tell your friends it’s been brewing for a while and cackle in delight when they drink it.  But honestly: this drink actually tastes good.

You’re Huddled Masses Yearning to Breathe Free: This is not for the weak of heart but is definitely the fastest way to get your spirits high up after this week.  In honor of Mariano Rivera, a man who can truly take a hit, envision yourself as a star pitcher and strikeout your opponent.  All it takes is one beer, one shot of your choice, and a little help from your friends.

Lady Liberty via Wikimedia Commons

Happy studying

So it’s finals times and you say you won’t be drinking? Yeah, we totally believe you. Just in case you want to—you know—live vicariously through our staggering prose, we bequeath unto you Drinking with Bwog: Finals Edition. Read responsibly!

If you’ve somehow managed to score a seat in the ref room, Bwog would shake your hand.  No matter which room in what library you’re in, though, please feel free to play along:

Dark Night of the Ref Room: The Drinking Game

Take a sip when…

• A manic-eyed classmate storms through trying to find a seat
• You see someone sleeping
• You see someone on Facebook
• You see someone watching Netflix
• You encounter a TP’d toilet
• Music is blasting out of someone’s headphone (two sips if it’s “Call Me Maybe”)
• There are double the amount of beverages on the table as there are people
• Girl in heels walks by
• Your document doesn’t get sent to the printer
• Cell phone buzz is heard

Take two sips when…

• Someone starts crying
• A pill and money change hands
• Tablemate’s friends decide to stop by and chat
• Math stops making sense
• Your philosophy reading becomes heartbreakingly profound
• A couple walks out of the stacks with mussed hair
• Deantini gives you a snack

Plato sends his love

So it’s finals times and you say you won’t be drinking?  Yeah, we totally believe you.  Just in case you want to—you know—live vicariously through our brilliant prose, we bequeath unto you Drinking with Bwog: Finals Edition.  Read responsibly!

There’s nothing like a good group study session to prepare for LitHum and CC.  Get your minds and notes together and go over each of the texts before the exams tomorrow (!).  Seriously, this is a real study tip.  But when it starts getting a little dull, why not try out these study party spaces:

Butler Group Study Rooms
This is an obvious one.  Finding an empty one is harder than finding Rue in a tree (too soon?) so if you see one, take it and never look back.  Invite your friends over and keep the door securely closed.  Cover the window to keep out onlookers and open a bottle of $12 wine to see what the Symposium was really about.

Joe After Hours
Joe—that 15-story coffee shop in NoCo—may close far too early, but the tables are still there.  Snatch one, look out over the beautiful expanse of the Broadway and 120th intersection, and analyze texts with your loved one.  You may want to use a to-go coffee cup.

Lerner Ramp Rooms
Lerner is staying up with us late into the night, so take advantage of it.  The ramp rooms are spacious with comfy chairs–though beware of a lack of outlets.  That said, who needs computers when you’ve got Marx, Hegel, and a flask of whiskey?

Hamilton
Some of the most coveted rooms are in Hamilton, with good reason.  Loads of desk space, chalk boards, room for everyone.  You’ll even feel like you’re in the core class you’re studying for.  The windows are opaque, but people will be popping in to see if the room’s vacant, so be sure to leave a kind “ROOM’S TAKEN, ASSHOLE” note on the door.  Up your game by heading to the 6th floor rooms facing John Jay.  From there, you can open the window for tiny weird balcony access.  It’s the perfect place for tequila-induced primal screams.

Roof of Mudd
With some of the most sprawling, striking views of campus available, this is the perfect place for contemplating philosophies–if you can find your way up.  Bring a plastic Nikolai, climbing leads to clanging.

1020
Everyone knows the best way to really learn is to discuss ideologies with a drunk 20-something intellectual.  Get a booth, get a round of $3 Yuenglings, and wait for a grad student to walk by.

Ancient drunks via Wikimedia Commons

Nothing to see here, officer.

If there’s one thing we’ve learned at Columbia, it’s how to make the most out of the least—as PrezBo himself once never said, “When life gives you lemons, make a weird gin cocktail in an empty lemonade bottle and bring it to South Lawn.” So in the spirit of efficiency and maximizing resources and cutting off this rambling intro and stuff, we bring you a guide to drinks that, well, look like other drinks. Go forth and reuse your empty bev vessels!

The Peach Snapple 

• 1 part Firefly Vodka
• 1 part unsweetened iced tea
• 1 part lemonade

The Martinelli’s

• 2 parts Laird’s Applejack
• 1 part sparkling water
• Lime juice

The OJ

• 2 parts Orange Peach Mango Tropicana juice
• 1 part gin
• Garnish with a crazy straw—you earned it

The Coke

• 1 part rum
• 2 parts Coke

The Diet Coke

• 1 part Franzia
• 1 part beer

The Tabb

• Wine spritzers

The Iced Coffee

• 2 parts Patron XO Cafe
• 1 parts milk

The Blue Nalgene

• 1 part vodka
• 1 part Sprite
• Splash of blue curacao

The Hot Coffee

• Literally anything you want, in a to-go coffee cup

Sloppy snapple via Wikimedia Commons

Just melt this down and drink it

Once again Bwog is here to help you begin your weekend celebrations.  We have a feeling some of you seniors might have some leftover beer from certain festivities last night, so here are some very simple options of what to do with it:

Brass Monkey:
1 part orange juice
2 parts malt liquor

The Monkey Remix:
1/2 part orange juice
1/2 part ginger ale
2 parts malt liquor

The Irregular Heartbeat
1 part Red Bull
2 parts malt liquor

Please remember to drink responsibly! Every 15 minutes, ask yourself if you’re going to vomit everywhere. If the answer is yes, stop drinking with Bwog.

Brass monkey via Wikimedia Commons

Even the flowers are coming out!

Bwog wants you to soak in the warm weather, appreciate the fact you don’t live in a post-apocalyptic America, and enjoy the sun as long as possible before it’s July and you’re passing out every 10 minutes because it’s a million degrees.  With this in mind, take the rest of your day off and stay hydrated.

Low Steps Beach: The Drinking Game

Obtain a 40 and conceal it in a brown paper bag.  No one will know what’s inside, promise.  Once this step is complete, follow the rules below:

Take a Sip When…

• A dude takes off his shirt
• Someone smoking a cigarette complains about the people sitting outside
• You spot a CC or LitHum text being read
• Somebody is eating Ferris pasta
• A boy tries to play sports and fails (i.e. misses the frisbee, chucks the football badly, etc.)
• You are handed a flyer
• A group of freshmen sits down with John Jay froyo
• A child slides down the ramps
• Someone goes through College Walk on a bike/skateboard/rollerblades/scooter
• A freshman realizes he/she is missing a class, jumps up, and starts running
• You overhear a thinly veiled references to drugs and/or alcohol
• A person dodges a pigeon

Best place for a screaming orgasm

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching but don’t fret: the lovely people over at Columbia Bartending Agency are here to make you come…to the bar.  Experience something special – you can do it yourself or find someone to do it for you.  Here we have a drink to make you blush while ordering, and leave your bystanders wanting what you’re having, as explained by Lauren Alpert.

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, the CBA is pleased to offer you a little something extra with this week’s drink. Not only is it a fantastic flirting strategy to ask a hot bartender for one of these, its coffee, almond, and chocolate flavors combine exquisitely to provide a sensation that lives up to its name.

Screaming Orgasm

1 oz Bailey’s
1 oz Kahlua
1 oz amaretto
1 oz cream, milk, or non-dairy substitute

Add all ingredients to a shaker filled 2/3 with ice and shake (what yo’ mama gave you) well. Strain into a fresh glass, either neat or over ice. Scream to your heart’s content – just don’t blame me when you get awkward looks in the morning from the neighbors on the other side of your thin-walled dorm room.

Sally’s fav place via Wikimedia Commons