Furnald: Not zoned for intercourse.

Think your first round of midterms is stressful? At least your parents aren’t in town—note the following exchange between a macho-looking father and his Furnaldian son. The dialogue took place in a Furnald hallway, whilst the father pointed toward the dorm’s notorious resident condom bag.

Father: So, have you been utilizing these condominiums?

Son: Uhh, yeah. Sure.

One kind of “high-rise” via Wikimedia Commons.

• Some New Yawkas are learning to tawk with a less distinctive regional accent. (NY Times)
• The Pope says condoms are OK for male prostitutes. (NPR)
• Luckily, the Post has the “inside story of the turkeys set to be pardoned by the president.” Two of the Ben-Franklin-promoted birds “will live the life of luxury” while their brethren are mercilessly stuffed and eaten.
• The Feds are preparing insider trading charges against bankers, consultants, traders, and analysts in the wake of a three year investigation. (WSJ)
• Thanks to union financial troubles, the children of more than 30,000 home attendants will no longer have health insurance. (Metropolis)

Image via Wikimedia Commons

Use condoms. Have a good year! Guide by Stephen Davan. Click to enlarge in a pop-up window.

RAs and other Good Samaritans, you can download a PDF version of this map for printing in color or greyscale.

Columbia Condoms: Gotta Catch ‘em All!

Guy to girl, in conversation:

“Ok good. Because nothing happened…”

[Pause]

“But we did use a condom.”

Image via Flickr/victoriapeckham

Bacchanal has come and gone, and the sun has risen on an amazingly immaculate Low Plaza once again. But while you were getting your drink on, your smoke on, and your face rocked by Wiz Khalifa, Ghostface Killah, and Of Montreal—and probably the shoe of a crowd-surfer or two—Bwog was in and around the concert venue doing some serious investigative journalism one-on-one with the artists. Here, the inside scoop and some things you might not have noticed or known:

• First, Wiz Khalifa asked Bacchanal for a box of condoms for his waiting room in Kent. These were observed in the room after the artist had left, primarily extra-large and entirely unused.
• Ghostface’s crew—not Ghost himself—requested several bottles of Hennessey and Grey Goose along with a six-pack of Blue Moon for backstage refreshments, but had to settle for twelve Blue Moons. Ghostface likes Blue Moon.
• Of Montreal, among other things, required four bottles of white facepaint, two bottles of red facepaint, four pairs of white pantyhose, gauze, and diapers.
• Bacchanal was “sponsored” by Sin energy drink. This sponsorship consisted of a single case of Sin being given to the concert.
• Free stuff given out included T-shirts, plastic aviators, glowsticks, and… rape whistles?
• Of Montreal loves Asian snacks. On a trip to M2M with Bwog, guitarist Bryan picked up several goodies without apparent English writing on them, two number-five sushi combos, and a bag of Tate’s cookies. He also knocked over the tips jar, but then helped pick it back up.
• The Spectator’s first question to Of Montreal’s bassist Davey: “So why do a show at Columbia?” Bwog’s not sure if they were in disbelief or if they haven’t heard of this thing called being paid.
• Wiz Khalifa to crowd: “Who untied my shoe?” Answer: probably the drunk kid in the front row.
• Bwog: “What are you doing tonight?” Wiz Khalifa: “Tell them I’m studying plants.”
• Wiz Khalifa likes Ghostface, but doesn’t listen to Of Montreal. Of Montreal (the members Bwog talked to) listens to both and especially likes Wu Tang, but feel that “hip hop is stagnant right now.” Ghostface Killah: “Wiz what? I never heard of that.” Ghostface Killah [looking at a picture of Of Montreal]: “Who is this [guy] in the fishnets?”
• Almost all the onstage performers for Of Montreal were more than just bizarre backup dancers. That dude who put pajamas onstage? Their manager. The Chewbacca that wrestled the guy in the body suit? Their video producer.
• The diaper- and bra-clad girls who danced (seductively?) during Of Montreal’s set were all Columbia students, and were all found for the part after 5:00. They are Sari [last name redacted] ’10, Ruthie King ’11, and Brook(e)…, who escaped before Bwog could get her full/proper name.
• Of Montreal sold exactly one T-shirt during the course of the concert. Bwog suspects this was due to placement (the left-back side of the stage) and people not realizing T-shirts were available for purchase.

Photo via Wikimedia Commons

Entrenched in finals, begging for mercy.  Outside the reading rooms, the real world keeps working.

Sex

Starting with the good stuff:  CollegeOTR may have been correct in saying Columbians are “oversexed“:  A Columbia sex ed professor (oh yes, we have those) is worried about the rise of what a popular television show termed “What What in the Butt” among teens.  Yikes.  But another Columbia professor has shown that using protection is actually sexy.  Alice! is pleased, since hookups are totally replacing dates.

Conflict

The best way to communicate with extremists is to do it in their own language.  And hope that they read what you give them.  Unfortunately, some of them will still hate PrezBo.

The Internet

Columbians in charge of the Pulitzer in journalism have decided that the Internet is real.  And an exciting proposition: the music industry is considering blanket licensing for universities, and Columbia witnessed the presentation.

Thirteen Alert!

Two of the winners of the Siemens Competition in Math, Science and Technology have applied early decision to Columbia, but Bwog can’t ascertain whether they got in.  One has a perfect GPA, a perfect SAT score, and seven AP classes under her belt.  Under the gaze of Alma Mater, however, everyone slides down the totem pole a little bit.

Last night, tipster Ryan Withall recommended checking out 317 Hamilton, where, he wrote, students had gone a bit crazy on the blackboard during what must have been an intense study session.

Curious, Bwog took a break from work and headed over, to find a creepy crop circle of chairs, arranged in the shape of a heart. On the board, someone had scrawled some puzzling aphorisms:

“Taste love right now because
forever eats at the Olive Garden”

“Bravery thinks for no one, love the face you share with friends”

“Treat yourself, you never know when the ones you love will move to the center of the solar system”

“The Bouncing Baby drowns my sorrow”

“Safety approaches those who full heartedly bathe in sweet cookie batter, for thine is the Sophomoric help”

Also, Bwog heard that some charitable sophomores were wandering through Butler several hours ago, getting rid of their stash of 500 condoms by strewing them across desks ringed by toiling students, as if to say, study break! 

Bwog has no words.

In other potty gossip:

Guy #1 – So, I almost crapped myself during the exam because the professor wouldn’t let me leave.

Guy #2 (after pausing pensively) – I think if a professor doesn’t let you take a dump during the exam, it should be considered fair game to just drop your pants and lay one right on their desk.

Guy #1 – I totally agree.

Guy #2 – It’s like telling them, “Ok, you wouldn’t let me handle my problem alone, so now it’s your problem.”

Thanks to Steven Thomas for easvesdropping in Hamilton elevators. 

Two guys walking out of McBain…

Guy 1: So wait bro, what if a girl had a sex change like her second

year at Barnard, would she still be allowed graduate?

Guy 2: Or if a Columbia guy had one and then wanted to transfer to Barnard?

Outside of Tom’s. A group of 4 boys…

Boy 1: No, I’LL put the condom on MY head, and YOU’LL take the picture

with your camera-phone.

Boy 2: Fine. We’re goin’ to Duane Reade.

Heard something absurd? Send it in: bwgossip@columbia.edu

An eagle-eyed Bwog correspondent observes that this condom has been sitting outside St. A’s for three days now.

At least when these frat boys are screwing the poor, they use protection…