this caterpillar is hairy like SSOL

Just passing on word that tomorrow, August 1st, will mark the beginning of the second summer registration period. According to an email from Barry the registration wizard Kane, registration will “open on Monday morning, August 1st, at 9:30 a.m.” (Wait what? It’s August!) You can add and drop courses till Friday, August 12th. We noticed a couple of newbies sprinkled in there. Feast.

On the fiscal side, tipsters report that financial aid letters are out, but maybe not for all. Air grievances below.

Read more…

Like the magnificent phoenix, Hawkmadinejad has risen from the ashes and returned to Columbia. While Bwog’s crack team of orithonologists cannot confirm whether these two photos are of the same hawk, both birds sport a large white patch on the upper chest. Hawkma is probably just back to scope out the incoming crop of freshpeople.

Two days ago Sharon Tobias wrote:

Fire escape above Duane Reade on 108 & Amsterdam

Yesterday a tipster reported:

Two Hawks were flying around campus today, about 9 AM right on college walk

Set of keys with keychain in the shape of a flattened globe.
If found please contact ngb2117@columbia.edu.

Love is in the air today, the first day that gay and lesbian couples can legally wed in the state of New York. In the city alone, 823 couples—including two of Mayor Bloomberg’s aides—are scheduled to be married. It’s all thanks to the Marriage Equality Act, which passed late last month. In honor of this historic victory for civil rights and love, Bwog reached out to pertinent campus groups to get their take on the passage of the Act. Also be sure to check out Cityroom’s piece on how young New Yorkers—that’s sort of us!—feel about marriage equality in New York.

Check out the statements after the jump!

Manhattanville’s first installment, the Mind, Brain and Behavior Initiative, is rolling full steam ahead, and they’ve put together this new and exciting video to tell you about it. The building itself will be called the Jerome L. Greene Science Center, and it’s supposed to be done by 2015, by which time there should also be a new Business School and School of the Arts, and a new building for the Columbia Secondary School, a public high school for math, science and engineering. All 6.8 million shiny square feet of the Manhattanville campus should be completed by 2030.

Blame Canada

Almost as famous for the epic proportions of his beard as for his pedagogy, the chair of the Astronomy department and Frontiers of Science mastermind Professor David Helfand will be relocating to Canada. It was reported Monday in a local newspaper in a remarkably hand-wavey way that “Helfand is now on a long term leave of absence from Columbia, with zero responsibilities for the foreseeable future.” He’s given up the Big Apple for the town of Squamish, just north of Vancouver, home of the newly-founded Quest University. Helfand was one of the University’s Founding Tutors and has been acting as interim president since 2008.

Helfand will now be acting as the full-time head of Quest, which graduated its first class this April. According to The Chief, Squamish’s news website, Helfand feels more at home there then he ever did during his 33 years at Columbia. “I have been lecturing at Columbia for a third of a century,” said Helfand. “But I feel I only began truly teaching when I came to Quest.”

We’ll especially miss his killer moves.

Homecoming via Quest

This morning, Harrison David pleaded guilty to a felony charge in New York City Supreme Court. He will be sentenced on August 31st to 6 months of jail time (reduced to 4 for good behavior) at Rikers Island and 5 years of probation. Since he already served 2 weeks in Rikers Island before being released on bail, he only has 3.5 months of jail time left. His lawyer, Matthew Myers, told Bwog after the hearing that he expects David will be officially expelled from Columbia later today, now that he has been convicted of a felony.

David is currently living in Florida with a relative Myers describes as a “strict disciplinarian.” “New York is not a good environment for [David] anymore,” Myers said. He hopes his client can get a “fresh start” in Florida, where David will serve his 5 years of probation. Myers seemed reasonably happy with the plea deal. The prosecution had asked for a year upstate, but Myers convinced them to go with only four months at Rikers. When Bwog asked whether there was any way David could have avoided pleading guilty to a felony, Myers laughed and said he obviously could have gone to trial, but Special Narcotics would probably win. The fact one of the undercover officers involved in two of the sales to David was arrested for running an illegal gambling ring, Myers explained, probably made the district attorney more generous with the plea, but didn’t guarantee that David could win a trial.

It is unclear exactly what David will do now. Myers, perhaps unsurprisingly, praised his client, describing him as a “respectful, brilliant kid” with a “bright future ahead of him” who has “huge regrets he blew an Ivy League education,” but has still “handled the situation in a very mature fashion.” It is unclear when or where he’ll be able to go back to college, however. “Even state schools,” Myers lamented, are reluctant to accept students with criminal records. He went on to explain that he planned to apply in a few years for a “certificate of relief” signed by a judge that would give David back some legal rights (like voting and serving on jury duty) and hopefully make him more attractive to potential employers.

Meanwhile, the other four defendants continue to plead not guilty. Their lawyers will stick to the same argument from last month’s hearing: their clients are good kids who were addicted to drugs, and should be “diverted to treatment” rather than convicted of felonies and put on probation. Thanks to the repeal of New York’s extremely harsh “Rockefeller Drug Laws” two years ago, defendants charged with drug dealing who can show that they only dealt to fund their own addiction (as opposed to making money) are eligible for a diversion to treatment.

Update, 3:49 PM: The University has no comment on whether Harrison David will be, as his lawyer predicted, expelled today. We’ll keep you posted.

We’ve got some (potentially) sad news, folks. Hawkma’s reign over freshmen, upperclassmen, and faculty alike may have come to an end in the wee hours of the night. Though we can’t say for sure whether this is merely a Hawkmimposter, the slain bird does seem to resemble our robust, bloodthirsty friend.

Tipster Ze’ev Gebler sent in the following photo, and it doesn’t look good:

Rage—Goddess, sing the rage of Bwog’s son Hawkma...

Rest in peace, sweet prince.

An anonymous tipster just let the more fortunate and securely-housed-since-April Bwog know that summer transfer assignments have been released. Go forth and find your fate.

Update as of 07/18: Several commenters have replied that they have not yet received their new and improved homes. We can confirm that some have indeed already been released, so the only thing to do is wait. And listen to LCD.

The summer has been anything but dull in Morningside Heights. Perhaps the biggest news of all was the closing of H&H bagels, just downriver at 80th St. H&H was frequently cited as the top rival to our clearly superior Absolute for the best bagels on the Upper West Side, if not the entire city. Perhaps as a sign of victory, Absolute has invested in a much-needed revamp. But they’re hardly the only ones stepping up their game. Please enjoy a “meanwhile, back at the ranch” moment from the badlands of Broadway.

Freshpeople hankerin' for a little fraternité

In an apparent effort to jade our incoming 2015 prefrosh before, rather than after, NSOP, Housing has already let down our youngsters. Last year, 14ers got their assignments on July 2nd. This year, Housing only finally released a few today—and then stopped. Predictably, a shitstorm ensued on the 2015 Facebook page.

One student posted, “Housing is up already?!? I’m serious!” Some students disbelieved her, others demanded screenshots, still more condemned her as a troll. But it was true: some freshlings have received their housing assignments and others have not. Freshpeople, after your heart rate falls, check out our first-year housing reviews so you can agonize more. We’re sorry: Wallach doubles are just the worst.

Here are some flavorful highlights from the thread. At the time of posting it was at 291 comments and still growing. This manic activity would suggest that there are bitches going crazy way before they even arrive at Columbia, which could shed new light on the debate over whether Columbia destroys our souls. Just kidding ’15ers! Correlation does not imply causation.

Chill, Bro

• “SUCK MY DICK COLUMBIA”
• “how hard can it be?”
• “GOD I’M FUCKING PISSED”
• “if ur trolling i will b very mad”
• “well, if other people actually get it, start a doc” [As in, have a Google Facebook document into which every freshling would enter their Housing data, presumably so they can then rate every first year floor by attractiveness and depth of literary pursuits.]

So Much To Learn (They Will Never Email You)

• “I haven’t heard too much about Wallach aside for it being the LLC. Do you know if it’s fairly social and what not? I never really looked into it a wallach double wasn’t in my first eight choices…”
• “i don’t think these are real. columbia wouldn’t give you something that’s not in your top 8 choices and they would have e-mailed us.”
• “I keep refreshing cubmail because we’re supposed to get emails with all this stuff.”
• “NOT OKAY. I’m supposed to be at work.. But I just keep refreshing my Housing App…….”
• “sooo I got a Wallach double… anyone know what this meansss?”

Getting It Already

Kids, we’re reaching out to our friends at Housing for an explanation assure us that all freshmen assignments will be completed by the end of the week. No word on why there was such a holdup. You should check back with the StarRez on Friday for your assignments.

UPDATE: Housing assignments have been released. Any estimations on the cumulative volume of tears of joy/relief/anguish being shed right now?

Historic moment via Wikimedia

Melissa Smey

It was announced today that Melissa Smey, Director of Miller Theatre, will be taking over leadership of Columbia’s Arts Initiative. In his university-wide e-mail, PrezBo praised Smey’s work in revamping Miller’s agenda — remember Sonic Youth? — which we chronicled in our profile of her in the November issue of The Blue & White. Bollinger, with generic dry enthusiasm, was pleased that the appointment “brings together Columbia’s principle resources for innovative cultural programming and those for engagement with the arts.”

We hope that Smey will breathe new life into the CUArts program, which was significantly lacklustre during 2010-11. The weekly e-mails, despite their piquant subject lines (“Get Your Sexypants On”), were woefully low on either good programming or value for money. Smey has improved both of these things during her leadership of Miller, where inspiring more student engagement with the University’s arts program was one of her main priorities. This student-oriented attitude could be just the ticket to ameliorate the common complaint that making the most of NYC’s cultural offerings is often too difficult or expensive.

Read the full press release here

In 1951, Columbia teamed up with Harvey Comics to produce an anti-drug comic book called “Trapped.” And now it’s on eBay. You have just 2 hours and 36 minutes left to bid on what the seller promises is a “fine condition copy of this scarce early anti-drug effort with light cover wear!”

the internet: the land of opportunity

1020 groupies rejoice! That booth where you had one too many tinis is now famous. The latest prep school misfits movie, The Art of Getting By, stars Emma Roberts (the one from Aquamarine—which maybe made you tear up that one time) and the Wes Anderson look-alike from the trippy version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Isn’t it terrifying when kids in children’s movies get old?

Anywho, The Art of Getting By looks kinda sucky. But fast forward the trailer to 1:47 and check out where the happy couple is spinning?! Our very own 1020. Fact: this could not happen in real life because Emma Roberts’ pretty little head would be impaled by a dart.

And you may recall that Will Ferrell once freeze-frame peed in our favorite haunt. Basically 1020 is universally acknowledged as a dive bar. We’re weirdly proud.

We were going to launch a campaign to round up all you summer readers and bring this urgent question to the President’s attention. Then the heat got the better of us or something, but it’s the thought that counts right?