Author Archive

Mar

29

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With regular decision results for the class of 2021 being released very soon, we made a bingo board for the things that these prospective students will do and say in the class Facebook group or group chat. Enjoy! 

bingo board image via https://www.flickr.com/photos/cheryl0920/6015159494

Mar

20

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What’s YOUR housing lottery number?

The day has arrived: housing lottery numbers are out. Whether you’ve been counting down to this day or utterly dreading its arrival, there’s no denying that Lottery Day will change your life forever. Or, for the next year, at least. So to make this day a little bit better, we’ve written up a handy dandy guide of how to identify kids in your seminar based on their housing numbers. Enjoy. 

So, you finally have your housing number. Are you in the top chosen 100? Somewhere in the middle? The dreaded number 3000?! We know you’re out there somewhere. We also know that as soon as everyone gets their lottery number, they immediately let it go to their head. Sometimes so much that they even become a part of you… a part of your deepest personality. So much so that suddenly you can automatically assume the housing number of every kid in your 18th century literature seminar just by the look in their eye. Here is comprehensive guide to help you verify your guess.

1-100:

Alright, we get it. You went to Exeter. You spent spring break at your grandmother’s chateau in southern France. And, by the looks of it, your housing selection for this year may be just as nice. Every time you raise your hand to sprew off some vague, faux-Enlightenment answer, I am now going to resent you even more. Something I never thought was possible.

101-750: 

Wow, don’t you look so pretty today. Your hair is just perfect. Oh, is that a new sweater? Of course it is. This brunette bombshell has perfected the art of looking like she Woke Up Like This, and her housing number shows it. She’s just shuffled enough to not be too flawless, but damn is she still lucky. Every time she speaks up in class, her words are eloquent and kind. Her voice sounds like a princess deepthroated some daisies. Have fun in Sulz Tower, bitch.

751-1500:

Could be better. Could be worse. He’s wearing a Neutral Milk Hotel t-shirt under his unwashed flannel and his hair is falling in his eyes. He’s by no means a poster child for excellence, but there’s still something about him that’s undeniably curious. When he raises his hand, he speaks with a smoker’s voice about how capitalism is crushing everything and nothing is actually “real.” He’ll probably end up on the top floor of EC with a suite he’ll hotbox every night.

1501-2000: 

Ahhh, the averageness is just palpable. Refreshing, almost. You know you don’t have much to compete with. You can tell they haven’t read the book, but that’s okay, because you haven’t either. When the teacher goes off on an unnecessary tangent, you often make eye contact from across the room and share a collective sigh. They’re quiet, but you can also tell that they’re anything but dumb. They’ll end up with a calm single somewhere with a nice view that they’ll decorate with lots of copper string lights bought on sale at Marshall’s.

2001-3000: 

Late to class. Again. He makes no effort to hide the fact that he hasn’t read the book. Claims he read it in high school, but honestly, even if that were true, it wouldn’t make a difference. If he’s not on his phone under his desk then he’s asleep in the back row. But as much as you try to be annoyed by him, you can’t help but relate… just a little. We’ve all been there. Maybe it’s not his fault he got stuck in his class. Maybe he just needed one more global core. Nevertheless, catch him in Plimpton. He had no other choice.

Image via Columbia Housing

Mar

6

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Make Bwog Great Again. lmao jk we’ve always been great.

One! More! Week! One more week until you’re off to Cabo or Amsterdam or New Jersey. You can do it. Just a few more midterms to go. Godspeed, my friend.

Happening in the nation: President Trump is once again off his knocker. This weekend, he tweeted an unfounded accusation at President Obama—that he “wiretapped” Trump Tower during the 2016 election cycle.

Happening in NYC: Over the weekend, hundreds gathered outside Trump Tower for a “March 4 Trump” in support of the President. Wow, what a creative and nuanced pun.

Happening on campus: Tonight from 5 to 7 pm the Columbia Mental Health Task Force will be in the Jerome Green Annex (located adjacent to Wien) to talk about University policy changes regarding how Columbia deals with mental health. Any and all are welcome to come, and dinner will be served.

Overheard: “…I can’t tell if this is pizza sauce or blood.”

We are all Max. 

 

Photo of MAGA hell via Reddit (because where else would it be from). 

Feb

23

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The poster for the event

Bwog sent staff writer Sarah Kinney and Events Editor Lexie Lehmann to Miller Theater Wednesday night to sit in on a panel discussion about race relations in Trump’s America. Stocked with intellectual powerhouses, the discussion was anything but dry. We laughed, we cried, we scribbled letters to our senators frantically in our notebooks. Read on to get the deets on this incredibly moving talk. 

On Wednesday evening, a sold out crowd shuffled into Miller Theater for a panel discussion presented by the Columbia Institute for Research in African American Studies (IRAAS) as part of their Climate of Inclusiveness discussion series. This discussion, Moving Forward: A Discussion of the 2016 Election and What’s Next, featured four speakers: award-winning author and journalist Ta-Nehisi Coates, Columbia Professor of Journalism and writer for the New Yorker Jelani Cobb, award-winning investigative journalist for the New York Times Nikole Jones, and James L. Dohr Professor of Law here at Columbia Patricia Williams. As if the panel wasn’t stacked enough, the discussion was moderated by professor, lawyer, and IRAAS Director Samuel Roberts. Before beginning, Roberts explained that this panel discussion had been in the works since November 9, a day that will live in infamy. However, these four scholars have been digesting and developing their ideas on race relations in Trump’s America for more than just a few months. All four are prolific and widely-respected intellectuals whose investigative work dates back for decades.

What Happened at the Event?

Feb

20

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Low Beach or South Beach?

Spring has sprung, Columbia! We hope you were able to spend some much-needed time outside this weekend enjoying the beautiful weather. But, if you weren’t, you were probably getting drunk and finding yourself in weird situations. Maybe all of the above. Here are this weekend’s field notes

Spring Break?:

  • Went to a beach back home and got caught trespassing. The cop gave me a $75 parking ticket.
  • Got day drunk on Saturday and blacked out between 6 and 7 pm, apparently took a shower with my friend, then made my way (alone) from NYU to 72nd street and Broadway, somehow transferring from the NQR to the 123 but I have no recollection.
  • Went gallery hopping on Thursday. Got pretty drunk on the free wine. Ran into girl who’s friends with my old roommate, had awkward conversation in which I think she implied my roommate really disliked me but can’t be sure because was drunk.
  • Went to Long Island for the tail end of President’s weekend where I got wine drunk and passed out with Montaigne and my anxiety meds in the sun room.
  • Visited DUMBO, Brooklyn with my best friends!
  • Saw a pug in DUMBO and screamed “DUMBO PUGGO!”
  • Went to Massachusetts, where there’s still so much snow on the ground! Neat.

There is literally no unifying theme here (except maybe alcohol):

  • Bought my friend drinks and she accidentally venmo’d me $300 instead of $30 to pay me back.
  • Played four square. But not middle school four square – adult four square. The kind of four square that can leave the floor of an EC suite absolutely soaked in alcohol.
  • Got a Tinder after a long period of wishing I met more people but not doing anything about it. Already hate it and have received a number of vulgar comments.
  • Got really high and watched Psycho. 11/10 would recommend.
  • A mouse died in my room, took us almost 24 hours to figure out the source of the smell (RIP).
  • Took a shit in a West Elm bathroom.
  • Ate at another college’s dining hall, and they were just serving mac and cheese. Nothing else.
  • Forced 90+ fraternity guys to sit and listen to talks about queering Greek life and trans inclusivity.
  • Went to a glow stick and then toga party in EC wearing a lax pinnie which got me into yet another confrontation in Mel’s.
  • Got an email from my French professor asking why I half-ass my online homework.

Feb

13

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If you live in McBain… I’m so sorry.

Good morning, Columbia! It’s mid February, which means the semester is really kicking it into gear. How many tests do you have this week? How many essays? Yeah, me too. And we can’t forget that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Welcome to Hell.

Happening in the nation: In case you live under a rock, the Grammys were last night! Adele brought home the gold with both album of the year and record of the year —which reminds me… There’s a distinction? I thought those were the same thing. Anyway, a lot of people are upset that Beyonce didn’t win for her album Lemonade. Bwog has no official stance on this matter.

Happening in NYC: Sunday morning, hundreds of Jewish New Yorkers (and their allies) gathered in the freezing rain to show their support for refugees. The rally, which took place in Battery Park, was both a sentiment of support and a protest against President Trump’s recent executive orders regarding immigration.

Happening on campus: Somebody call Oprah! Dr. Oz is on campus today! Dr. Oz will be speaking from 10:00-11:00 am in the Myrna Daniels Auditorium. He’ll be discussing health, wellness, diet secrets, boob jobs, and all that other stuff I assume Dr. Oz talks about.

Overseen/Overheard: So, apparently there are mice in McBain. Like, a lot of mice. Here’s one that didn’t make it out alive. Sleep well, ratto.

If you live in McBain… I’m so sorry.

 

Taylor ain’t the only snake around here:

 

Photo via Bwogger Leo Bevilacqua, who promptly left McBain to spend the night at a friend’s apartment. 

Feb

6

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Dr. Neil Warren, the founder of eHarmony. Also goes by "daddy."

Dr. Neil Warren, the founder of eHarmony. Also goes by “daddy.”

It’s almost that time of the year, Bwoggers! Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and you know what that means… It’s time for Bwog’s annual call for personals. Get ready to shamelessly and unironically advertise yourself via Columbia’s most professional platform.

In the mood for love? Tinder got you down? No plans for next Tuesday? Well, you’ve come to the right place! If you answered yes to any of the previous questions, we encourage you to submit a personal. All you have to do is email tips@bwog.com with your answers to the questions below (and don’t forget to attach a steamy, flashy pic of yourself! …as long as it’s not a nude) and we’ll post your homemade profile. If you find yourself smitten by any of the personals we publish, hit us up via email and we’ll set you up with the lucky individual. Or maybe one of us staff writers here at Bwog will find ourselves falling for you… if you’re lucky.

The Questions:

Name, Year, School, Major (grad students encouraged)
Preference (girl for girl, etc)
Hometown
Your nightmare date in seven words or fewer
What redeems you as a human being?
Library room of choice
Beverage of choice
Which dating apps have you been active on? (be honest)
Where can you usually be found on a Saturday night?
Historical Hottie

Personals are due this Friday, February 10, at 11:59 pm.

Daddy headshot via a damning article from Pathos. Sorry, Neil. It was just a really nice hi-res pic. 

Feb

3

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Brendan Moore, Roosevelt's Center Director for Economic Development, introducing Joseph Stiglitz.

Brendan Moore, Roosevelt’s Center Director for Economic Development, introducing Joseph Stiglitz.

Last night, the Roosevelt Institute here at Columbia sponsored a talk by world-renowned economist Joseph Stiglitz. Bwog sent first-year Sarah Kinney to cover the event. After getting lost in the wrong Warren building—and convincing the hosts to let her into the jam packed lecture room—she finally settled in to hear what Stiglitz had to say. Keep on reading for some deliciously woke and nerdy insight. 

On Thursday evening, well over a hundred students flooded the second floor of Warren Hall in anticipation of The Roosevelt Institute’s premier speaker: Nobel Prize winning economist Joseph Stiglitz. The Roosevelt Institute is “a progressive, nonpartisan, student-run think tank” with a firm presence on Columbia’s campus, hosting weekly discussions on prominent issues such as school choice, immigration, and income inequality. Stiglitz was their first guest-speaker of the semester, and his resume isn’t half bad. Aside from being a professor here at Columbia, Stiglitz was Chairman of the Council of Economic Affairs under President Clinton, Chief Economist of the World Bank from 1997 to 2000, and recipient of the Nobel Prize in Economic Sciences in 2001. After a brief introduction by Roosevelt President Adem Sengal and Roosevelt Center Director for Economic Development Brendan Moore, Stiglitz kicked off his talk.

Keep on reading after the jump.

Jan

30

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What did you put in YOUR mouth this weekend?

What did you put in YOUR mouth this weekend?

Well friends, it’s that time of the week again. Another Monday spent wishing you didn’t spend all day yesterday in bed sleeping off a wicked hangover instead of working in Butler. Oh, wait—that’s just me? Well, I’ll be damned. In that case, here’s what everyone else did this weekend.

What did you put in your mouth this weekend?

  • Shoved a soup dumpling in my mouth and burned my entire tongue.
  • Had home-cooked food for the first time since the semester began.
  • Baked blueberry muffins but didn’t get to eat any of them because gastritis/not home.
  • Went to Chinatown and took wine shots which still, sadly, fucked me up.
  • Convinced some friends to go all the way to Flushing to get hot pot with me as a birthday lunch. (The combined subway time was longer than the combined eating time.)
  • Ate a gyro in Hungarian on Saturday night with surprisingly little judgement.
  • Had amazing escargot.

So much more after the jump!

Jan

23

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Same, sign. Same.

Same, sign. Same.

Well, Columbia, we’ve made it through the first weekend with all of us back in town. Did you spend your weekend raging at Beta? Marching through the streets? We’ve got all that and everything in between in today’s field notes. It’s good to be back in New York.

March First:

  • Met Vermin Supreme in a crowd of nasty women.
  • Ran into friends I hadn’t seen in years at the march.
  • Marched like I was born to march.
  • Witnessed physical fight between bikers for Trump and women’s marchers in Washington D.C. on Saturday.
  • Showed all of midtown my titties.
  • Saw a two year old boy holding up a sign that said “don’t be mean.” Cried.

But wait! There’s more!

Jan

23

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Please come home safe, JJ.

Please come home safe, JJ.

STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING!

JJ’S IS DEAD!

Well, for now. This morning, the Columbia Dining Facebook page posted a sad sad photo of a sad sad tomato telling us that JJ’s Place is temporarily closed.


While Dining never said anything official about the reason behind this horrible disaster, rUm0rS are that the drains in the ground (ya know, for when they mop and shit), have backed up. Which means that who-knows-what has flooded our beloved JJ’s. Again—these are rumors.

Although it’s little consolation, John Jay Dining Hall will now stay open until 1 am until JJ’s is back on it’s feet, with “a modified JJ’s menu.” But we all know it won’t be the same. And so soon after the grand opening of JJ’s Cool Zone…

Check back in for updates regarding this urgent pressing matter. For now, we mourn.

UPDATE, 1/27/17 at 5 pm: This afternoon, Columbia students received an email from Columbia Dining about our beloved late night dining hall. The email confirmed that the closing is due to the collapse of a pipe beneath JJ’s on Sunday night/Monday morning. Crews are currently working to repair the pipe, and aim to have the project finished (and JJ’s reopened!) by the end of spring break in March. Meanwhile, John Jay will continue its expanded schedule: it’s open continuously from 9:30 to 1:00 am, with JJ’s food served from 2 to 5 pm and from 9 pm to 1 am. And quesadillas might be coming to John Jay soon!

(more…)

Jan

23

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Fleetwood Mac is here to wake you up this Monday Morning.

Fleetwood Mac is here to wake you up this Monday Morning.

Happy first Monday of the semester, Columbia! It’s time to rise and shine! As I’m sure you all know by know, Bwog has revamped our Bwoglines. They’re, like, super freaking cool now. Check ’em out.

Happening in the World: Building off of yesterday’s Bwoglines… According to White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer, President Trump’s inauguration had the largest crowds of any inauguration ever. Sound a little sketch? Not if you’re Kellyanne Conway, counselor to President Trump. To her, that’s just an “alternative fact.” Alternative fact? Are you fucking kidding me? As much as that’s a load of bullshit, I’m not going to lie… next time one of my professors says I have the wrong answer, I have my retort. “My answer wasn’t wrong, Professor. It was just an alternative fact.”

Get your dose of daily news!

Jan

22

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Did YOU make it to Sig Nu last night? ...We sure didn't.

Did YOU make it to Sig Nu last night? …We sure didn’t.

If you’re anything like first year Bwogger Sarah Kinney, then you spent your Saturday night in bed feeling less than fantastic. But if there’s one thing worse than being sick, it’s watching everyone else be not-sick. Browsing through your friends’ Snapchat stories brings feelings of “dammit that looks fun;” “oh, they’re just as boring as me;” and everything in between. Here’s a definitive guide to the kinds of snapchat stories you’ll see while spending your Saturday night in bed.

The Frat Party-goers
These snap stories are nearly always videos (and usually start with a good ole’ Carman pregame). Flashing lights, loud music, red solo cups, and endless dancing. Peep the crime watch poster in the Beta basement, the neon ΔΣ letters on the wall. Everyone is drunk. Everyone is screaming. It looks #lit, but also, you couldn’t be more thankful that you’re not there. But wait, who’s that in the background of that video? Your RA? Well, you’ll be damned. Maybe it would have been fun to be there. Nevertheless, you take another sip of tea, grateful you’ll be waking up without a hangover.

CLick to see the rest…

Jan

17

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Did you spend NYE in Times Square? We sure the hell didn't.

Did you spend NYE in Times Square? We sure as hell didn’t.

Welcome to a new spring semester, Columbia! Although we’re already a few weeks into the new year, Bwog thought we’d do a comprehensive review of what Columbia will be leaving behind in 2016— as well as what we’re hoping to jump into in 2017. New year, new Columbia.

What we did leave behind in 2016:

  • Orgo Night.
  • DSpar.
  • Maggie.
  • Political integrity?
  • Our mental health.
  • Those big plush chairs outside of Ferris.
  • A Columbia grad in the White House.
  • Undeveloped Manhattanville wasteland.
  • Jamba Juice in JJ’s.

See the full list here!

Dec

16

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how many derivatives of the sadboi can there be? many

how many derivatives of the sadboi can there be? many

Bwog is back with its newest series: Tinder Archetypes. Today, learn how to spot that shady dude who messages you three months after you match from Bwog Staffer Sarah Kinney. Ugh. 

Your phone lights up with a notification. Tinder: Marc has sent you a new message.

Marc? Who the fuck is Marc? It’s finals season; you haven’t been on Tinder in weeks. You open your phone to check the message.

“Hey there. Long time no talk.” Long time no talk? What the hell? You’ve never talked to Marc before in your life.

What does Marc want?

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