Let's show our appreciation---it might not always be here.

Let’s show our appreciation—it might not always be here.

Bwog knows you’re bored and trying to procrastinate, so we’ve gathered some of our staff’s favorite Wikipedia pages to pass your time. Feel free to add more in the comments!

The darkest day of our procrastination via Dusit / Shutterstock.com

Enlightenment in 140 Characters

Still need more ways to procrastinate for your midterms? Bwog has you covered! When you’re spending all that time on Twitter to avoid your calculus textbook, your tweets can start to feel a little dry. But not anymore, with our new favorite website that proclaims “Yes, that CAN be my next tweet!” This text generator creates an amalgamation of words and phrases used in your tweets to give you something brand-new. The best part? You can put in anyone else’s Twitter handle and get new tweets for them, too. So obviously, after hitting refresh on our own fake tweets about eighty times, we had to share some of the best suggestions for other people from Fake Prezbo to the librarians.

The Extremely Official Columbia Twitter (@Columbia): Tomorrow Night Free Speech in Shangri La

Delta Gamma (@DGzetatheta): We’ll call me! Free rides anywhere in her rightful coast to our favorite 209 study break tonight people!

The Library (@columbialib): The bagels are pleased to be tonight for help? Work! At the libraries will be served tonight!

Spec (@CUSpectrum): Maybe reschedule that $30 million in speedos! Haters gon’ hate.

Ivy League Bitch (@IvyLeagueBitch): Don’t worry, I’m at Brown. You are going to hear about fasting before I put that embarrassing tattoo.

Prezbo (@LEE_BOLLINGER): Lolz, smoking ban argument emails for Bernanke. Have been drunk or something?

MLIB (@MyLifeIsBarnard): UGH last day I THOUGHT I would be receiving so everyone you can stay in Carman after hooking up?

And, of course, yours truly (@Bwog): Don’t start living in the Way Back from space. It’s on its 123rd Birthday Dancing Bear Suit today.

Speechless via Shutterstock.

Tired of Studying? Take a Break and Join Bwog!

Began his career as a daily editor

Bwog literally runs on the human spirit. If you have lots of human spirit that you’d like to earmark for Bwog’s consumption, you should be a Daily Editor.

Dailies get to ask people probing questions, get into events for free, have their words on the Internet, and consume lots of Westside cookies at meetings!*

If this appeals to you, type up a response to the form below and send it to editors@bwog.com. You don’t need to include a headshot, but are welcome to if you’re into that sort of thing. Apply by 11:59 pm tonight! Yes, it’s finals. You’re on Bwog, aren’t you?

Ready to apply? Click here for the app!

The Bwog Finals Fortune Teller

Sure, it’s Saturday night, but it’s also finals week, meaning that your closest encounter with anyone “dressed to impress” will likely be with this girl. Regardless, that urge to pack up and hit The Heights is probably pretty strong about now. To aid in your decision, we happily present a favorite from the archives, the Bwog Finals Fortune Teller:

It’s always times like these when we feel like giving up and leaving our finals fates to the gods. Fortunately for everyone, Bwog has a serious god complex, and we’re prepared to dole out our predictions for your final exams with extreme authority. 

So if you trust Bwog with the weaving of your academic fate (and you totally should), check out our fortune teller. We promise it’ll make way better use of your print quota than that anthro reading you skipped. 

Instructions and cutout (PDF)

Big version (PDF))


Overseen: How You’re Probably Spending Friday Night

Night number two of this year’s Halloweekend—that’s a thing, we swear… use it—brings with it the longest line Morningside Heights has seen since Campo Mike first introduced “Cloud Nine Saturdays” (may they rest in peace). And fear not, freshpeople, you don’t even need a fake ID once you reach the front!

A tipster reports a line of extraordinary (but not completely unprecedented) proportions outside our very own Ricky’s location. Looks like we’ll be sticking with last year’s FourLoko stained bunny ears…

Word to the wise: order online next year.

Update: Word on the street (literally…) is that Possibilities@Columbia, at Broadway and 111th Street has its own share of costumes and no line. And if you do make it off of said street(s), don’t forget to enter your costume via tips to our fifth annual contest.

You’re Not Really Studying Anyways

It's staring back.

Maybe you’re reading this because you’re done with midterms.  More likely, you’re reading this because you’re trying to avoid eye contact with all that reading that you told yourself you were going to get caught up on weeks ago.  Either way, there’s no better way to escape their disapproving gaze than heading to this week’s Bwog meeting. Yes, there will be free food, so come to the Lerner SGO at 7 pm and finally give yourself a legitimate excuse for failing to rectify your procrastinating ways.

Victims of neglect via Wikimedia Commons

Anti-Distraction Tools

With reading week here, the urge to procrastinate is strong. Here are a couple tools that might keep you off Facebook and on the books.

  • Nicholas Murray Butler may not have had lolcats back in his day, but he still managed to distract himself

    Both StayFocusd for Chrome and LeechBlock for Firefox allow users to block or limit access to specific, time-wasting websites. Users must manually enter every website they wish to block for both of the sites, but StayFocusd comes with a suggested list. Lifehacker offers this guide for getting LeechBlock set up.

  • While those two work in some browsers, Concentrate is a Mac program that allows you to prevent your computer from establishing connections with entire websites, and it stops you from launching certain applications. It also lets you create a to-do list, set it to a timer, and set that timer to loom in the upper corner of your computer screen to mock your inactivity. Concentrate normally costs $29 but there a 60-hour free trial is available on the website. Enough to hammer out a paper.
  • SelfControl is like a bare-bones version of Concentrate, but with a twist: Once you start blocking certain websites, you can’t unblock them—even if you uninstall the application. You’ll just have to wait.
  • Write or Die is definitely the most sadistic tool in Bwog’s chest. After setting your wordcount goals, the program tracks your productivity. If your mind starts wandering and you fingers stop typing, the program punishes you. In the most extreme mode, it will begin deleting what you’ve already written. The site offers a free browser-based version and a desktop copy for $10.
  • RescueTime, which is compatible with almost all browsers, tracks the amount of time you spend online on different sites, calculates the percentage of that time spent “distracted browsing,” and compares that number to other users to come up with a “you’re more productive than __% of people” statistic. While the site automatically marks procrastination favorites like YouTube and Facebook, it’s up to you to tweak the settings to catch more obscure sites. It also assumes time spent on Gmail is time spent productively. Tsk, tsk RescueTime.

All of this software is highly customizable, which creates the risk of  metaprocrastinating by experimenting with these porgrams’ many bells and whistles. Ultimately, the power is yours; you can turn off all of these programs just as easily as you can install them. Good luck and remember––no app can substitute for the caustic pressuring glare of an angry stranger.

Old-fangled distraction via Wikimedia Commons

Latino Block Party and BBQ

The fun doesn't have to stop at Bacchanal

What’s that? “There’s no better way to spend a stressful pre-exam-week Sunday than with a block party,” you say?

You’re in luck.

Chicano Caucus and Grupo Quisqueyano will be holding a Latino Block Party on Lehman Lawn from 2 to 7 pm. There will be free food and performances all day–featuring Mariachi performers, Ballet Folklorico dancers, CU Raas, CU Bellydance, C.U.S.H., Sabor, and more!

Not enough to satisfy your procrastination needs?

The Columbia University College Republicans will also be having a party: free BBQ for the campus community starting at 2 pm in Revson Plaza (the law school bridge over Amsterdam).

Go crazy.

The kind of party you’ll get today only in this picture via Wikimedia

Bwog’s Brotastic Midterm Brocrastination

Things to Avoid: Party Fouls

It’s time for midterms, Columbia, and if you haven’t already, pretty soon you will need to study. And if you will need to study, obviously, you will need to procrastinate. And if you need to procrastinate, who better to ask than a bro? This is Bwog’s official guide to online brocrastination:

BroBible: Every bro has a story

  • Sample Headline: The 50 Hottest Colombian Women
  • Sample Content: “At some point in his life, every man dreams of owning a beautiful, expensive sports car. They’re fast, flashy, and drop panties like its their job.”

Bros Like This Site: Bros like all this shit

  • Sample Headline: #89 Hating Hipsters
  • Sample Content: “Much like girls in America go down on pretty much anything with a European accent, you better believe that shit works the other way around when bros go abroad. If you can get past the whole armpit hair bullshit, then you should be ready for a nice foreign pounding.”

On The Bro’d: Every Sentence Of Jack Kerouac’s On The Road, Retold For Bros.

  • Sample Headline: 62 – Car Surfing And Shotgunning
  • Sample Content: “How that RV flew through the Nebraska chode—the chode that sticks out over Colorado! And soon I realized I was for real over Colorado, though not for real in it, but looking southwest toward Denver itself a few hundred miles away. I got stoked as fuck. We shotgunned some Natties.”

Barstool U: By the C- Student for the C- Student

MyLifeIsBro: Life is pretty chill today, bro.

suburban basement via Wikimedia Commons

The Finals Weekend Showdown: Finals vs. Papers

bring it, bitch.

Another vintage post from our archives for you to contemplate while holed up in the library…

With classes completed and a weekend now free to bemoan our misery, Bwoggers weigh in from Butler Cafe/salon: what’s worse, studying for finals or writing papers?


Remember: every essay is an open book test. With class notes, a few highlighted passages, and the wisdom of Wikipedia, writing the final paper for that morning lecture you haven’t graced with your presence since October becomes a manageable feat. For the overachiever, a few days of advance planning gives plenty of time to skim a book or two on an exhaustive syllabus.  After a night’s work, you’re an experton Early Modern thought – or, at very least, you’re an expert on Descartes, whose Meditations on First Philosophy clocks in at around 70 pages– and your professor will be awed at your profound insights.Whereas the finals studier, settling down to confront that stack of unread books the morning before the test begins, will probably forget everything he wished he knew about Hobbes as soon as the clock starts ticking.

That’s another thing – essays are free of the stomach-churning anxiety that reminds you of the night before the SATs.  And that nervousness doesn’t make you work faster, it only makes you stall.  It’s not high school anymore, and we’re out of testing practice. Remember how you used to fire out short answers about the Monroe Doctrine?  Remember how you used to diagram the stages of anaerobic respiration?  Remember how you used to make flashcards?  Just look at you now: struggling to make a simple comparison between Aristotle and Aquinas.  Pathetic.  Don’t mourn your lost youth and do what we came here to do: argue, debate, and use enough pretty language to hide what you don’t know.


Finals are the godsend of the procrastinating humanities student. You read, er… skimmed, er… sparknoted all those books, but more importantly you sat through class and based your bullshit comments on the synopsis there given by the one person who read all of The Republic. They say you’ll remember an idea if you really engage with it – well, you have! You sat at that seminar table, didn’t you? Now all that’s left to do is to review, and you’ve got plenty of time, the test is tomorrow. It’s past midnight? Ok, technically it’s today. The test is in two hours. One hour. Not ready? Too bad, you can’t make up an excuse to turn this paper in late, even if it has the potential to be a masterpiece (once you start it). You have to show up to that test. And chances are you’ll do fine. And even if you don’t, 2 hours of studying will probably get you a passing grade, while two hours of writing a paper will probably only get you half a paper. This is about time management, Butler zombies.

Ok, so the more technically or linguistically minded among us might not get many organic compounds or Italian verbs memorized in 2 hours. But think of your theoretical other option – in an alternate universe, you’d be writing a paper about the development of that Italian verb (or worse, writing a paper in Italian) or a research paper on the use of Vomitoxin, Uranocene, or Fukalite (yeah, those are real organic compounds). But if you have a final, you’ll probably be asked at most to identify what type of compound Dinocap (also real) is in. And even if you don’t prepare in advance, you know you can – exams that test you on the whole of a psychology text book, for example, are easy to read ahead on. No “here’s you paper topic, due in 72 hours.” No one will argue that computer science concepts are easy, but would you really rather be writing a paper about them?

The Bwog Finals Fortune Teller

We’re stuck in Butler too, wishing we were back in elementary school when all we had to do was color in the circles and not calculate their velocities relative to the Sun as they hurtle through space.

Holding fast to the spirit of youth, we’ve created a cootie catcher. Now this toy you once used to judge your friends will help you ace your finals. Well, kinda. Click the flyer below for instructions on how to make your very own Bwog Fortune Teller or click the fortune teller to see a larger version!

Instructions and cutout (PDF)

Big version (PDF)

Bucket List: The “Dangerous Decade,” the Devil and Lotsa Dancin’

One of the greatest perks of an Ivy League education is having all sorts of guest lecturers and talks hosted right on campus. Yet many of these great talks are not publicized enough. Enter Bucket List, a weekly feature that aggregates these events in a single location that will hopefully make you realize, like Bwog has, how special our campus is. Our recommendations for this week are below; the full list is after the jump. Have a gander, who knows what you’ll find! Plus, it’s performance time!  So, we’ve compiled a separate list of upcoming artistic achievements and fall festivities.


Mon, Nov 8

  • “The Upside of Accents: Language, Skin Tone, and Attitudes Toward Immigration” 707 IAB, 4:10 pm – 5:30 pm, Daniel Hopkins
  • “Food on the Go” Broadway Room, Lerner Hall, 7:30 pm – 8:30 pm, Thomas Yang, Jerome Change, and Kenny Lao
  • “Prayer: Daily Remembrance” 214 Milbank Hall, 8:00 pm – 9:30 pm, Sohaib Sultan

Tues, Nov 9

  • “The Arts of Healing: The Work of Quilts in Grief” 101 Barnard Hall, 12:00 pm – 2:00 pm, Lisa Collins
  • “Crisis on Campus: Refiguring Teaching and Writing” 555 Lerner Hall, 12:30 pm – 2:30 pm, Mark Taylor
  • “The Changing Media Landscape 2010” World Room, Third Floor Journalism Building, 6:30 pm – 9:00 pm, Hilda Garcia, David Karp, Mark Luckie, Adam Ostrow, Betty Wong, and Sree Sreenivasan

Wed, Nov 10

  • “Pakistan: The Most Dangerous Decade Begins” 1501 IAB, 9:00 am – 5:00 pm, Christophe Jaffrelot and Others
  • “The New Atheism and the War on Terror” 1501 IAB, 6:15 pm – 8:00 pm, Terry Eagleton
  • “Conversations with Composers: Roy Nathanson” 301 Philosophy Hall, 7:30 pm – 9:00 pm

Thurs, Nov 11

  • “When a Billion Chinese Jump: Why the World’s Worst Environmental Crisis is Forcing Beijing onto a New Path of Development” 918 IAB, 12:00 pm – 1:30 pm, Jonathan Watts

Fri, Nov 12

  • “African Diplomatic Forum” 1501 IAB, 12:00 pm – 6:00 pm, Various African Diplomats
  • “Arab Labor” 501 Schermerhorn Hall, 5:15 pm – 7:00 pm, Film Screening and Conversation with Sayed Kashua
  • “What Happens When Black Holes Collide?: Followed by Stargazing” Pupin Hall, 7:00 pm – 9:00 pm, Taka Tanaka

Sun, Nov 14

  • “Columbia Neuroscience Society Annual Research Symposium” Satow Room, Lerner  Hall, 1:00 pm – 3:30 pm, Various
  • “U.N. Me—Film Screening” 5th Floor Kraft Center, 7:00 pm – 10:00 pm, Ami Horowitz

Arts Addendum:

Thursday, Nov 11

  • “Coriolanus” Austin E. Quigley Black Box Theater, Lerner Hall, 8:00 pm – 11:00 pm, Runs Nov 11-13, King’s Crown Shakespeare Troupe
  • “Black Comedy” Glicker-Milstein Black Box Theater, Diana Center, 10:00 pm – 11:00 pm, Runs Nov 11-13, CU Players
  • ‘Night Mother, Diana Black Box, Nov 11-13, CU Players

Sat, Nov 13

  • “Down by the ShORCHESIS” Roone Arledge Auditorium, Lerner Hall, 2:00 pm – 3:00 pm, Runs Nov 13-14, Orchesis
  • “University Raqs!” Earl Hall Auditorium, Earl Hall, 5:00 pm – 7:30 pm, CU Bellydance


Finals Are Really Stressful!

Does anyone else feel that way?! Go to these study spots with extended hours and compare how many finals you have with the person sitting next to you as the sun rises.

As always, Lerner is open 24 hours during reading week and exams.  Mudd is open for everyone with swipe access: SEAS students or anyone who sneaks in the still-broken sliding doors.

Libraries on campus have extended hours and all the Milstein Reading Rooms are “23/7″ (one hour to hide your stuff and awaken nappers).  The full details are on the official libraries’ blog (who knew?!)

Lastly, Hillel is open until 2 and 3 a.m. this week and will have a 6 a.m. breakfast for you night owls on Sunday.

If you’re still lost, there’s always the standard list of University-sanctioned study spaces.  Happy studying and lay off the Monster.

Guide to Another Gloriously Unproductive Weekend

If the only outing you’ve had this week is to pit stop at Pink Berry on your way to Riverside, it’s time to get your act in gear.  As always, you can count on Bwog’s compadres at Inside New York for help.

Forget the cute floral mini.  Indulge freely at “Cupcake Camp.”

Free adorably iced cakes and open bar if you just pretend you’re there for the book signing. Register here, and email  cupcakecampnyc@gmail.com for an official baker registration form if you plan on playing potluck and bringing your own delights. 21+

WHEN: Friday, April 9th @ 7pm

WHERE: Happy Ending, 302 Broome St (between Eldridge and Forsyth Sts)


“Letters by J.D. Salinger.” Buzz kill.

The Morgan Library is presenting 10 letters by the recently deceased J.D. Salinger to unveil “a period of Salinger’s life that has remained obscure and …the daily habits and thoughts of this legendary author.”  The perfect guise for productivity.

WHERE: The Morgan Library & Museum, 225 Madison Avenue

WHEN: Thurs, April 7th @ 10:30am–5pm; Fri 10:30am–9pm; Sat 10am–6pm; Sun 11am–6pm

PRICE: $8/students, $12/adults


Jammin’ with JJ

Bwog’s Late Night Dining/Procrastinating Correspondent Carolyn Ruvkun asked the staff of JJ’s Place to compile “celebrity playlists.”  As follows is what they returned with great excitement; Bwog proudly presents you with enough conversation starters to last you through the semester. Procrastinate on, friends.


  • Clear Touch, “Freestyle”
  • Noel, “Silent Morning”
  • Michael Jackson, “Beat it”
  • Cynthia, “Endless Nights”
  • Lil Wayne, “Got Money”
  • Beyonce, “If I Were a Boy”
  • Jay-Z,  “Jockin”
  • Judy Torres, “No Reason to Cry”
  • Lil Wayne, “Mrs. Officer”
  • Coro, “Where are you tonight?”
  • Giggles, “Love Letter”