We’ve seen you “going out” at night, freshpeople. Don’t worry, we were all awkward like you at some point: handing a bouncer some poorly-made fake and praying you remembered your zip code. The Bwog staff empathizes with you as we share some stories and nuggets of information about the one thing in your wallet you can’t live without…

• If the guy you’re buying from only sells IDs in sets of two, that’s a bad sign. If you (gangly, skinny, not threatening) and your equally unintimidating friends are buying IDs from a guy in a midtown Starbucks and, sweating nervously, the first thing he asks you is if you’re cops, that’s also a bad sign.
• When I got mine it was with a certain teammate downtown in the back of a sketchy unnamed shop. It was in November and eventually it started sleeting and we were all so stressed/tired/hungry from this guy being like “ARE YOU A COP? YA SURE?” and handing over mad cash money to someone we were sure would disappear with it. So much so that we rushed into the first restaurant we found while we were waiting for him to make good on his promise—it was a terrible vegan restaurant. I ate soy cheese dumplings and cried about my life. Literally worst day ever. But now I’m 23 in Delaware and can drink anywhere I want!
• Got my ID from a guy in a frat. The thing is not great; the edges are clearly X-Acto knife work, and the laminate is clearly laminate. But it was only $60, and has never failed me in Morningside. It’s even performed at NYU and beyond. And fraternity customer service is much better than some of the questionable characters students leave Morningside for; when he wasn’t sure which hologram looked better, he just surprised me with two for the price of one!
• I’ve had a slew of IDs that have been lost, taken, or retained and best advice is this: The only ID that will actually work is an older person’s REAL one that looks enough like you and isn’t expired.

More stories after the jump!

This is where the magic happens...

In case you forgot already, here is what student government is supposed to do. We asked the newly-elected president of each of the three councils to introduce themselves, and list the five most important things that they actually achieved last year. You too can be Barack Obama!

Greetings from Jessica Blank, President of SGA

Welcome to Barnard! I hope you had a great summer and are excited for an amazing year!  Although campus may seem overwhelming at first, you’ll quickly learn about Barnard traditions like Midnight Breakfast, Greek Games and Spirit Day, what all those acronyms stand for and to read Bwog and Spec to stay updated on campus happenings.

You will also soon discover all the incredible opportunities Barnard offers, both on campus and around NYC, one of which is SGA, Barnard’s Student Government Association. There are so many ways to get involved, from first year class council (elections will take place in the first two weeks of school) to the many SGA committees (check out the SGA website for openings!)

If you have any questions about Barnard, SGA or just want to have coffee and chat, feel free to email me at jab2262@barnard.edu

So enjoy NSOP, take full advantage of the seemingly awkward events because the people sitting next to you may be your closest friends for the next four years, and I can’t wait to see all of you on campus!

SGA Accomplishments 2010-11

• Greek Life Recognition- After holding a campus wide survey, SGA voted to recognize and fund Greek life on campus.
• Campus Wide Smoking Ban- working with the administration and with the support of students on campus, SGA instituted a campus wide smoking ban.
• Consitutional Review- Every three years, an SGA committee is formed to review the current SGA constitution and make any necessary changes. This year’s committee established several new SGA committees including the SGA Programming Committee and Student Art Committee and instituted several policy changes.
• Thanksgiving with Alumni- In an effort to connect current Barnard students with Alumnae, SGA established the “Thanksgiving with Alumni” program which paired Barnard students with alumnae living in the New York area to spend Thanksgiving with.
• Return of the Greek Games- SGA, in collaboration with McAC and with the full support of the college offices, organized the return of the Greek Games, one of Barnard’s most beloved traditions. Check out pictures from the event.

Greetings from Nate Levick, President of ESC

Class of 2015, welcome to your new home! Welcome to New York City, welcome to Morningside Heights, and most importantly, welcome to Columbia! We all may be from different backgrounds, but as Columbians, we all share a home here on our lovely campus. The Engineering Student Council welcomes you and wishes you the best of luck in embarking on this exciting new journey in your life. You will experience so many thrilling opportunities and meet so many great people here at Columbia, especially during your first few weeks! Know that there will always be a huge network of support for you along this journey, including the Engineering Student Council. We will be here to represent our students, listen to your voices, and work to provide you with the best experience possible. So, welcome to your new home. Welcome to your new best friends. Welcome to new opportunities around every turn. And again, most importantly, welcome to Columbia!

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2012 Update: Columbia has finally made it easy! Just go the forwarding page and put in your gmail address.

Freshpeople (and regularpeople just a little behind the times), pay attention! Being a Columbia student means dealing with email. Craploads of it. If you haven’t switched from Cubmail to Gmail yet, something is terribly wrong. In case you haven’t realized yet, Cubmail is a dinosaur in today’s technology landscape, and you’d do yourself a huge favor by getting a colorful Gmail account from our friends at Google. Why? “Infinite” storage space, rapid-fire messages that don’t clutter your inbox, the best spam filter available, a constantly updated library of experimental new features… and of course, Gchat. For the past few years to the benefit of freshpeople everywhere, Bwog has been posting adapted versions of Mark Holden’s September 2006 guide for how to forward your Cubmail to Gmail, and we’ve brought it up to date again for your sanity’s sake.

Step 1: Join the club

First, you need to get a Gmail account if you don’t have one already, and shame on you if you don’t. To sign up for an account, simply visit http://gmail.com and click the large “Create an account” button in the bottom-right corner. We’ll wait while you sign up and read the all-important Terms of Service; this one is super-long.

…Done? Good! Next, we need to forward all your Columbia mail to Gmail. To do that, log in with your UNI and password to INGO, a way to manage your Columbia email account. Once logged in, at the top of the page, click the “Forward” button. In the big box shown, enter your Gmail address. Since we don’t want your Cubmail quota to be filling up, uncheck “Keep a copy of messages in this account.”

See how difficult it is dealing with Columbia’s mail interface? Luckily, this is the last time you’ll ever do so. Say your bitter goodbyes; if you feel any sort of nostalgia, slap yourself in the face right now.

Learn about sending emails from your Columbia address after the jump.

Top of the morning to you freshpeople! So much to see, so much to learn!

The wise John Jay once said:

“Hold fast to the spirit of youth, let the years to come do what they may”

The wise Wayne Campbell once said:

“I once thought I had mono for an entire year. It turned out I was just really bored.”

The wise Sarah Sechan, GS/JTS ’11 once said:

“Visit all 5 boroughs. Know how to spell “borough.” Make friends with the security guards. They’re going to be dealing with your drunk asses for 4 years and if you get on their bad side, you’ll regret it. Find meaningful volunteer work off-campus. Join the marching band. Don’t drink vodkawine.”

Bwog heartily seconds the greeting to your security guard. Yesterday morning, in a brief chat with the chap on duty about the lameness of the swipe-in/sign-in system,  he quoted Ron Paul, Ben Franklin, and Aldous Huxley in solidarity and then we talked politics a bit and parted ways.

Over on Low Plaza, and for the last half hour or so, a crowd has gathered, sending out rainbow rays and good-time tunes into the night. Weighed down with glow-rings, the masses cover the steps and jam to “Chicken Fried,” the “Cupid Shuffle,” and “Jai-Ho” remixes.

The event is CUgLow. A tight core of dedicated dancers drift awkwardly among a dispersed crowd of freshmen and OLs. In the background a projector displays basketball stills, pictures of campus, and Bacchanal shots. Bereft of alcohol, first-years are getting drunk on Columbia.

One senior passerby, asked whether the event was sad or nice, pronounced it, “Sad.” Another bemoaned the pain Mother Gaia has suffered for all the glow-rings littering the Plaza. Still more sat together pouring drinks in highball glasses, musing, “We just like observing the freshmen.”

So do we.

Update, 11:20pm: A tipster spotted a gaggle of freshpeople with glow-rings all the way in midtown—bless their brave souls.

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Alexander Hamilton, an alum, founded SGA.

Bright young things: in the next few weeks you will be introduced to a dizzying array of organizations, acronyms, slang, and food trucks. Bwog knows it can be difficult to keep track, so to ease your bureaucracy-induced agitation is Bwog’s CCSC correspondent Brian Wagner, here to untangle the web that is Columbia’s undergraduate student government.

The Senate and The Councils

Columbia University Senate

The Senate is Columbia’s überlegislature, and a testament to the fact that we were the first University with a formal bureaucracy. The unwieldy body represents “faculty, students, and other constituencies.” The plenary meetings of the Senate take place roughly once per month throughout the academic year.

Hyperbole aside, here are the cold hard facts: The Senate has 108 voting seats, with 63 reserved for faculty, 24 for students, 6 for officers of research, 2 each for administrative staff, librarians, and alumni, and 9 for senior administrators including the president, who chairs monthly plenaries.

Action on the Senate floor may not seem as immediate as that in meetings of your Student Council (or Government Association—hey Barnard!), but these heirs of Webster and Calhoun get to weigh in on some of the Columbia community’s most pressing issues: from the lively and sometimes rowdy return of ROTC to the much-discussed-outside-Butler smoking ban, the budget-monitoring resolution on fringe benefits for university officers, and “rules governing political demonstrations.”

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Twenty-fifteen, we know you think you know a lot. That is why campus is filled with conversation like this:

[Group of COOP freshpeople walking up Broadway]
Freshgirl: “I am like in love with Banksy.”
Freshboy: “Yeah he’s like a big deal.”

But there’s so much left to learn. Bwog rounded up some of the things that now seem so commonplace it’s almost silly. But we were in your shoes once, and we’re here to help. The trick to this guide is to read Urban Dictionary when no one is looking:

• American cheese isn’t real cheese
• Blacking out
• Brostep
• Candyflipping
• Chipotle
• Disco naps
• Drunch
• Dubstep
• Ekphrasis
• Fixed gear bikes
• Fruit Ninja
• Four Loko
• Heteronormativity
• Natty Ice
• Pregaming
• Re-gaming
• Shotski
• Telos
• Tofucken
• Tapas
• Weezy

Yesterday, Harrison David began serving his prison sentence at Rikers. The other defendants in the case have yet another hearing in Manhattan Criminal Court on September 23rd. It looks like the long saga of Operation Ivy League may be drawing to a close. Upperclassmen may be relieved it’s finally over, but members of the Class of 2015 probably have no idea what happened on campus while they were still finishing up their applications. And they thought Moodygate was a big deal! As a public service, Bwog presents this primer on Operation Ivy League.

What does “Operation Ivy League” mean?

Operation Ivy League was the name of a months-long NYPD investigation into drug-dealing that resulted in the arrests of five Columbia students last year. The students were Harrison David (SEAS ’12 and a member of the fraternity AEPi), Adam Klein (CC ’12 and Psi U) Chris Coles (SEAS ’11 and Intercultural House, or ICH), Michael Wymbs (CC ’12 and unaffiliated, living in East Campus), and Joseph Stephen Perez, better known as Stephan Vincenzo (CC ’12 and Pike). They were arrested early on the morning of December 7, 2010 when NYPD officers with guns drawn raided the students’ frat houses and dorm rooms.

What were the students accused of?

The students were accused of dealing a variety of drugs, and early reports stated that each student “specialized” in a different kind of drug, though this conspiracy argument was eventually dropped. Coles was accused of selling a pound and a half of marijuana; Wymbs of LSD and MDMA (ecstasy); Perez of Adderall and amphetamines; Klein of marijuana, MDMA, and LSD; and David of marijuana and cocaine.

And what happened to them?

After they were arrested, the students were taken to prison on Rikers Island. Within days, most of the students had been bailed out, and their families had hired high-flying defense attorneys. The exception was Harrison David, who remained at Rikers for nearly two weeks before his father, Dr. David David, bailed him out and sent him to live with a family friend and former corrections officer in Florida.

Did they go to trial?

Not yet. Instead of a trial, the students faced a series of hearings at Manhattan Criminal Court (down by Chinatown) in the months following the arrests. The defendants were charged with a variety of felonies (including “criminal sale of a controlled substance” and “criminal sale of marijuana”) in different degrees. If convicted, they would had had to face years of jail time. All students initially pled “not guilty” to the charges, and were later offered plea deals.

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Bwog wonders whether Bloom prefers the Lattimore translation to the Fitzgerald

Alison Herman, CC’15, was dutifully in attendance yesterday afternoon. She keeps it short and sweet below. N.B. Christia Mercer is a Bright Eyes fan.

At 2:30 sharp on Tuesday, over a thousand Columbia College freshpeople and one intrepid reporter packed themselves into Roone Arledge Auditorium for their first-ever college lecture. With the help of a nifty slideshow, Christia Mercer spent the next hour and a half holding forth on the Iliad—the book we spent our summers SparkNoting, avoiding, and occasionally reading. Proving that she knew her audience, Mercer began by steering students towards the Internet, specifically the Lit Hum website, which promises to augment the Lit Hum experience with shiny pictures and “luscious” quotes. There’s even a section for students to submit pieces of art inspired by the Lit Hum syllabus. Soon, however, it was time for the students to take out their books. Touching on glory, honor, and other lofty principles, Mercer nonetheless kept the mood light, casually dropping references to Lady Gaga, Havana Central, and even a nearly naked Orlando Bloom.

At the lecture’s conclusion, Mercer called upon the audience to literally answer the big questions, including “What does it mean to live a good life?” and “What is a good life good for?” Praising the answers of the brave souls who volunteered to represent their discussion groups, Mercer at last pronounced the freshmen free and ready to begin their first year of college.

Unfortunately clothed via the Orlando Bloom Files message board

"They are pulling on the gates at 7:30 when we open at 8. They ask, ‘What am I going to do without my cah-fee?’ I say, ‘What am I going to do without my wine?’”

It’s another beautiful day. Be fruitful and multiply your knowledge with Bwog.

First, a warm cup ‘o senior wisdom, courtesy of Ian Kwok, CC’11:

Columbia is a university where it’s really up to you to make what you want of it. So have some fun with it! Sure, grades are important, but in the end, that last 2% isn’t going to change how successful you’ll be in the long run. I mean, studies show that it’s just as important to be good-looking, so if success is what’s important to you, why not switch some of that tuition money over to get some quality plastic surgery?

Anyways, I kid, but seriously, enjoy yourself! Seriously enjoy yourself. Enjoy your serious self. You’ve got the rest of your lives to worry about your career. As a pre-med, I can assure you that you can have fun and still get into a good med school (I’ve only been to Butler a handful of times, and usually to rent a movie or play Sardines). And if you feel like you’ve got too much on your plate, just give some to me. I’ll take your leftovers, any day. So take it easy, eh? All you need is love!

Get to know Columbia’s unsung heroes, the friendly faces you’ll see everyday:

• Kia of Café 212
• Raj of Butler Café
• Renate the Stenographer
• Bob of University Hardware
• Wilma, Omelette Queen
• Pascale, John Jay security guard
• Charlie of JJ’s Place
• Sir Mike of Carman
• Steve of Brownie’s Café

Bwogline of the day:

Earlier this summer, the New Yorker published a meaty profile of Facebook COO and Barnard graduation speaker Sheryl Sandberg  Former SGA president Lara Avsar was even quoted. A memorable excerpt:

Of all the seniors who paused onstage, the one Sandberg recalled most vividly was the graduate who said, “You’re the baddest bitch.” Sandberg added, “I hope she meant it as a compliment. She gave me a big hug.”

CU pride

Despite delays, NSOP is now well on its way. Bwog has been out and about, mingling and picking up free shit. Here are the highlights we’ve observed thus far:

• The most commonly asked question at the information desk was when and where Convocation would be.
• The record number of blue bins one freshman required to shlep all her stuff was a shocking seven.
• At family check in, you can scoop up free totes and badges displaying Columbia family pride.
• RA have been issued two t-shirts, one with a superman symbol and one with their area name. Although many were originally told to display their area pride, it was soon realized that this was very confusing for the freshlings (and frankly us) who don’t know what “The Block” means.
• Green OLs are busy fetching the Give and Go Green loot from storage Brooklyn. They are also handing out waterbottles and getting people to sign up for their e-mails for the third year in a row.
• The 14 NSOP committee members have super fancy head gear to communicate with each other using secret codewords. One calls in with the name “Red Leader 1.” Bwog will award a prize to anyone who can reveal their codewords.
• There’s a new Res Life initiative (i.e. more bureaucracy!) in town. They’re calling it RHLO (“Rollo”), for Residential Hall Leadership Organization. Apparently, it’s “for the overacheivers,” and basically vindicates that one kid who always wants to take over the RAs duties. Currently only for first years, if all goes well the program will be extended to upperclasspeople’s residence halls.
• RA skits were most warmly receieved in the Furnald lounge with shouts of “Frisky Furnald!”
• A sheepish freshperson lingering outside Student Advising asked where 403 is. Her correspondent asked her if she was looking for advising, and then pointed to the sign in front of them.
• A page in the NSOP guide asks you to “Rate Your OL.” Student Affairs is watching you.

Relive the day through this sample playlist (you’ll have to imagine this part, but it was frequently punctuated with variations on “But how will he find food?!” – Mom):

• I’d Rather – Three 6 Mafia
• Paparazzi – Lady Gaga
• Blow – Ke$ha
• At Last – Beyoncé’s version (omgomg she’s pregnant)
• S & M – Rihanna
• Defying Gravity – Wicked
• Since U Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson

Taking root, branching out, blossoming

Bwog’s freshest freshperson correspondent Marcus Levine reports from last night’s annual NSOP event. Relive the naive skepticism below.

The Class of 2015 has not had a smooth ride into college. From harrowing lines for bagged lunch in John Jay, to a canceled Convocation, practically every member of our incoming class has been affected by the fallout of “Hurricane” Irene. As such, going in to Class Act 2011 I could only expect to be disappointed.

It began with some traditional trivia on CU history, an unfortunately weak rendition of “Roar, Lion, Roar,” and attempts at a class-wide wave. Class Act eventually began with the first bout of the now-expected cheers from the crowd of OL’s (and a few freshmen) as Dean Shollenberger took the stage. Welcoming the Class of 2015 to the energy and vivacity of New York City, Shollenberger assured the incoming freshman that they could find inspiration at Columbia everywhere from the classroom to the “lavatory.”

Following the classic Alma Mater skit, the NSOP 2011 coordinators were introduced with a clever video parodying Dora the Explorer, replete with sly (and not so sly) digs at Brown, Harvard, and NYU, literal ice breaking, and a trip to Governor’s Island.

This year’s NSOP theme of “Taking Root, Branching Out” seemed to work its way into every aspect of Class Act in without much subtlety. Each speaker, including Head Volleyball Coach Jon Wilson, Jonathan Lung, President of the Columbia Engineering Young Alumni, and Dean Terry Martinez, incorporated the idea of the Class “spreading roots” in the community around campus and “branching out” to our greater home of New York City. [Eds: Aw!]

The focal point of the night’s shenanigans, the Varsity Show preview, was the first act that actually seemed to get the message of the evening across to a sleep deprived audience: be excited. Despite the urging of the deans and the endless cheering of the OL’s, neither I, nor my fellow audience members, actually felt the power of the evening until the Varsity Show preview, as it impressed on us (or me, at least) the enormity of tradition that went in to that night’s presentation.

If the Varsity Show did not engage the entire audience, the final event of the evening was undeniably rallying for the Class of 2015: the procession up Broadway and through the 116^th street gates. Walking along Broadway between shrieking Orientation Leaders, smiling administrators, and absolutely dumbfounded bystanders impelled every member of the class in attendance to recognize that they are actually here and it actually does matter. Despite any earlier failings, mishaps, and unforeseen events, Class Act 2011 finally brought the Class of 2015 together in an undeniable aura of pride in being who we are.

Friends!!! via Wikimedia

The learning starts today. Gather with philosopher queen Christia Mercer (substitute for Lit Hum legend Gareth Williams in the graph)  to pore over the Iliad that you’ve all finished weeks ago! Head over to Lerner, the big glass thing, at 2:30.

Graphic by Jon Hill

Don't be afraid to be yourself

Rise and shine freshpeople! Every day we’ll be checking in with you as you greet your first Columbia mornings. To aid us in this quest, we’ve dug up some of our most valuable archival treasure, Senior Wisdom, from throughout the ages. Have something to contribute? Try us (including you ’15ers!) at tips@bwog.com.

Cynthia Jennings, Director of NSOP, had this to report:

“As of 5 PM yesterday, we had 1168 first years who had moved into housing. We are waiting for 234 more to arrive.

Today is the move in day for our Transfer, Visiting, and Combined Plan students. We had a handful of those students who moved in yesterday, but we expect most of them will still be arriving today since this was their originally scheduled move in day.”

Wise words of the day, courtesy of Justin Grace, CC’09

Most of the lessons you’ll learn in life have already been summed up better by rappers your friends only like ironically. So don’t do that. Also, it is going to hurt a whole bunch to learn how uncool and unspecial and completely and totally dumb you are. It’s worth it. (Plus I think it never stops?)

Favorite NSOP memory, from George Olive, CC’08

I unwittingly participated in an attempt to burn down Hogan my first week of college. During NSOP, my RA recruited a group of us to help retrieve and carry a stolen fridge back from Hogan. When the negotiations soured, a hot-blooded member of the retrieval party set the offending suite’s name-placard on fire, unbeknownst to me (seriously). When the fire alarm went off and we realized what had happened, my RA freaked out and instructed us to leave immediately without telling the security guard, which we did. This, specifically, is what I got in trouble for. The RA and the excitable student were suspended and kicked out of housing, and I ended up with a year of disciplinary probation. At the time, I thought I was going to get kicked out. In my sentencing hearing, I remember feeling both genuinely terrified about this prospect and curious to know whether Kevin Shollenberger was sitting on a booster seat.

Bwog circa 2009 via Wikimedia

For some, the first night of college can get a little too cray. Don’t hesitate to call CAVA, Columbia’s trusty EMS service, if your new friend falls ill. There’s a Good Samaritan policy, so no one will get in trouble. Your health is first priority. 212-854-5555. Program it in your phone. Better yet, memorize the thing.

Another pro-tip: while lots of upperclassman may joke about that awkward NSOP hook-up, others genuinely regret their one night stands. It’s easy to tell yourself you’ll be cautious when you’re chuckling at a “consent is sexy” lecture, but things get more slippery with alcohol. You may have just met that girl (or dude!) down the hall. Still, it’s better to risk coming off as unnecessarily paranoid and check with her before she heads off with some rando, than leave her alone.

Also, it’s completely acceptable to just chill with your floormate in your new digs. One bwogger fondly remembers spending the whole first night of college talking to a girl down the hall. Some other people wandered in and out, and invited them to nearby parties, but the pair declined their offers. They became fast friends and roomed together for the next 3 years.

That said, the night is young and you live in New York City. Bwog wishes y’all a splendiferous evening! L’Chaim!